Original subtitles

♪ green acres is The place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

♪ new york is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Lisa.

Lisa, if you go to drucker's, You'd better get dressed, bec...

Martinis for breakfast?

No, this is coffee.

What are you shaking it for?

So that the water will run down From the top part to the bottom part.

No, that's not the way. What You do is you... You put the water

In the bottom, and The coffee in the top...

And then you shake it.

No, you don't shake it.

What have you got Against shaking?

Nothing. What you...

How is it?

Fine.

We got any instant coffee?

In the cupboard.

Where are the cups?

In the oven.

What are those?

Cupcakes.

Cupcakes? Cake in a cup.

That's not the way you...

Well, they're not Original, genuine cupcakes.

But you didn't like my hotcakes,

So instead of pouring The batter on the girdle,

I poured them in a Cup and made cakes.

So you wouldn't Know the difference.

Unless I made the Mistake of eating one.

That hurt.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Try one.

I'm not that sorry.

Come on, try one.

Your serve.

Oliver!

Where are you going?

You get dressed and you call me.

I'll be out in the Cornfield with eb.

You haven't had much scaring To do this season, have you, carl?

Very few crows Would bother this stuff.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean no Self-respecting crow would...

Oh, it's you, mr. Douglas.

I thought it was carl.

What were you Saying about my corn?

Well, I...

Nothing wrong with this.

There.

I'm gonna enter this In the corn festival.

That ought to get a big laugh.

Eb, this may be funny to you.

It is not funny to me.

This is why I left new york.

To grow small corn?

To become a farmer.

That's why I left new york.

To get away from the Rat race of the city.

To plant seeds.

To watch the tiny stalks Push their little green heads

Up through the brown earth,

Reaching upwards,

Spreading their Leaves toward the sun,

Their branches toward the sky.

No, no, g-get away, get away, Get away, get away. Get away.

Your speeches draw more Crows than the corn does.

I'm gonna get...

Oliver, I'm ready. Come on, dear.

I'll be right there.

Where are you going?

Uh, to drucker's.

Can I go with You? No, no. No, no.

You gotta stay here and Keep an eye on this corn.

I don't want anything To happen to it.

Nothing's gonna happen to it.

I'll guard it with My very life. I'll...

What are you eating, carl?

What's that?

Holy smoke!

Golly!

Mr. Douglas!

Mr. Douglas, mr. Douglas!

How many veterans is Marching in the parade this year?

There ain't gonna be No veterans parade

Because we ain't got no Grand marshal to lead it.

You're supposed to lead it.

Not me.

I ain't walking no 16 miles To crabwell corners.

Why, I didn't walk that Far during the war.

Well, well, then Newt can lead it.

I led it last year.

You did not. I did.

Ask grandpappy.

Grandpappy.

Grandpappy!

Eh?

Who led the parade last year?

I guess so.

You guess what?

That's all right.

Ain't there nobody in Our veteran's group

Who ain't grand-marshaled The parade?

Nope.

Guess we'll have to Call the parade off.

Oh-oh-oh, unless we Can find some veteran

Who ain't a member of our group.

Yeah.

Like who?

Good morning, gentlemen.

Are you a war veteran?

Well, yes, I am.

Raise your right hand.

What should I raise My right hand for?

You solemnly swear To uphold our by...

Howdy, honey.

Good morning, Grandpappy darling.

Oh, it's so nice to see you.

You always make my Blood start to circulate.

Uh, drucker, I...

Keep your hand raised.

Oh, what for? What should I, uh...

Take off your hat.

Do you solemnly swear to uphold Our constitution and our bylaws?

Well, I don't know...

Congratulations, mr. Douglas.

You're now a member of hooterville's Outstanding veteran group,

The 4 fs.

The 4 fs?

The former fighters Of foreign fracases.

Fighters of... You can Put your hand down.

Here's your hat.

Will you stop that?

What is a "Fracases"?

Oh, it's, uh...

Just for the Record, mr. Douglas,

Uh, what war are You a veteran of?

The 2nd world war.

Well, now, I guess We can accept that.

What do you mean you...

Can you twirl a baton?

Can I twirl a baton?

The grand marshal always Twirls in the corn festival parade.

Dah, I don't know Anything about marching.

I was a flyer.

You didn't know anything About flying, either.

I was a very good flyer...

He was shot down.

No, no, I wasn't shot down.

My motor conked out.

Well, whether you Were conked or shot,

Either case, I'm very glad.

Otherwise, I would've Never met you.

Oh, you met him during the war?

Yes, you see, Mr. Douglas was a flyer...

Now, lisa, they're not Interested in how we met.

Yes, we are.

Well, you see, Mr. Douglas was a flyer...

Lisa!

He was flying over enemy Territory when they conked him.

Charlie one to uncle Henry. Come in, uncle henry.

This is uncle henry.

Go ahead, charlie one.

My engine conked Out. I'm hitting the silk.

Happy landing, old boy.

I say, if you do get Picked up by the krauts,

Demand to be taken to stalag 13.

13?

Yes, ask for a chap named hogan.

Hogan. I'll remember.

Charlie one, over and out.

Help, help!

Help!

Help!

Why don't you talk english?

Then we don't have To use subtitles.

The way you talk English, we still might.

Where is the para-shoostiss?

That one could use subtitle.

You're going to get it. That's No way to talk to a sergeant.

I think he came down over there.

Help!

Help, help!

du bist ein deutsches girl?

What he say?

I don't know. He didn't Have any subtitles.

Oh, you speak english?

Yes. What did you speak?

German.

Shoot him.

No, no, hold it, hold it.

I thought you were nazis.

We are with the Hungarian's underground.

Oh, good. Uh, well, cut me down.

Not so fast.

Who are you with?

The united states air force.

Where is your aeroplane?

I jumped out.

You didn't like it?

The motor conked out.

What do you think?

Let's play safe and shoot him.

No, no. Hold it, hold It. I'm an american.

Can you prove it?

How?

Have you got any Nylon stockings?

No. Shoot him.

No, no, wait a Minute, wait a minute.

All american soldiers Have nylon stockings.

If I'd known I was gonna bail out, I'd have brought a pair with me.

Do you have a chocolate bar? No.

Any soap? No.

Any last words?

Look, I'm an american. Cut me Down, I'll show you my identification.

What do you think?

I think I hear a tank.

It's a german tank. Cut me down.

Later, I got to go to work.

What kind of work do you do?

I told you I was in The underground.

The, uh, part that's Aboveground isn't bad, either.

He's pretty fresh. He Must be an american.

Hang around for a while.

Oh, you no good...

was ist denn das, fritz?

Ist das nicht ein booby trap?

Nein, das ist kein booby trap.

Well, I'll be...

And now, what were you saying?

You blew up that tank.

Yep.

That's the 6th one we got today.

Oh, thanks.

Yesterday, we blew up 12. I was wearing a bikini.

But it's too cold today.

Thank you, thank you.

Now,

Would you help me Get back to my base?

Wouldn't you like to Stick around for a while,

And go into the tank Blowing up business with me?

No. I've got to get Back to my base.

Well, that's all right.

We'll have plenty of time together After the war, when we are married.

Yes, as soon as I...

Married?

You fell out of the Sky and I found you.

And we shall live happily ever after, According to the hungarian fairytale.

Uh-huh. Do you have Someplace you could hide me?

Yes, over there In our farmhouse.

You live on a farm?

No, I live in a big House in budapest.

All my life, I wanted To live on a farm.

To get away from the Rat race of the city.

To plant seeds.

To watch the little stalks Push their tiny green heads

Up through the brown earth,

Reaching upward,

To be bathed by the rain And warmed by the sun

Till they grow strong.

Spreading their Leaves toward the sun,

Their branches toward the sky.

Shoot him.

What for?

These are the kind of speeches

Which are going to get us in a lot Of trouble after we are married.

You'll want me to move Out of the penthouse,

And live on a farm.

Married?

What makes you think we're Gonna get... I just met you.

I've only known you long Enough to blow up one tank.

That's not enough... That... That...

Hey, you're pretty.

And your, uh, figure is...

I don't think you're Really an american.

Why not?

You spend more time Talking than smooching.

And as we stood there in the Forest with the guns booming...

Golly, mrs. Douglas, you Sure know how to tell a story.

I can almost hear those guns.

That's my tractor.

Mr. Douglas! Mr. Douglas!

Mr. Douglas. What's The matter, eb?

Well, promise not to cry?

What's the matter?

This.

Something's eating Your corn plants.

What?

After you left, I Heard this chomping.

All of a sudden, there Were holes in all the leaves.

Hmm, let me see that.

Hmm.

That don't look Like a corn borer.

It ain't an earworm.

Maybe mr. Kimball Can identify it.

Well, not identify It, maybe he'd...

No, I don't think he would...

Eb, this is no time to do Imitations of mr. Kimball.

Let's hope he can Tell us what it is.

Quiet, quiet, please, quiet.

As you all know, I'm your County kimball, hank agent.

I don't believe I am.

I'm, uh, hank kimball, Your county agent.

Yes, that sounds better.

Well, not better.

Uh, mr. Kimball, uh, What about the bug?

What bug?

Oh!

As you all know, we have a Serious problem on our hands.

Well, it's not on our Hands, it's on our corn.

Well, now, do you know What kind of a bug it is?

At first, I thought it was A european corn borer.

But I eliminated him.

Well, I didn't eliminate him. There's A lot of 'em still running around.

But I did several hours Of careful research.

Shall I start the slides?

Oh, yes. Lights.

Gentlemen, this is what's been Chewing on the leaves on your corn.

This is the mother.

No, it's the father.

It might be an uncle.

Anyway, this is the bing bug.

The bing bug?

Actually, it has a long latin name Which is very hard to pronounce,

So the chief nicknamed Him the bing bug.

The reason for this is when it Rubs it's antennae together...

Uh, that is the Bug, not the chief.

We hear a tiny "Bing."

Except during the mating season,

When we don't Hear anything at all.

The next slide we'll see will show The bing bug in it's early stages.

No, that's me in My early stages.

Yeah, I was about 2 years old.

I was spending the Summer at my aunt's house.

Well, I guess you all Recognize this fellow.

He's the county agent From dexter county.

That was a costume he wore

When he won first prize At the masquerade party

We had at the state convention.

Yeah, he fooled a lot of people.

Including me.

Sam, will you Turn on the lights?

Mr. Kimball, now, you've Identified the bug for us.

What we want to know Is how to get rid of it.

That's a good question.

Because we all realize That the important...

What was it you asked?

How to get rid of the bug?

Well, there's one simple method.

Everybody go home And burn their crops.

I thank you.

Wait a minute.

That's no solution.

I'm not gonna burn my crops.

Neither is any other farmer. What kind of farmers are you,

Giving up without a fight?

Is there any other way?

No, there's only one way I Know to burn your crops.

You get a match and Some kerosene, and, uh...

I mean, is there any other Way to get rid of the bing bug?

Crop dusting.

Now, why don't we try that?

Because you need a Plane. We don't have one.

I know a couple of fellows Up in pixley that own a plane.

Who? The wright brothers.

The wright brothers?

Yeah, orson and wilfred.

Oh, they ain't flyin' anymore.

We've got a flyer in the 4 fs.

Mr. Douglas.

Oh, no, no, no. Hold on here.

Mr. Douglas,

If you'd just fly that Plane and save our crops...

N-no, I haven't been In a plane since...

Thank you, mr. Douglas.

I didn't say I would.

3 cheers for Mr. Douglas. Hip, hip,

Hooray.

Wait a minute. Hip, hip,

Hooray.

All right, I'll try it.

Hip, hip!

I'm not going to Let you do this.

Oh, come on, now.

Darling, everytime you Go up in an aeroplane,

You jump out with a parashoost,

And... And meet a pretty Girl and marry her.

That only happened once.

What if it happens Again? Where will I be?

It's not going to... Look, come on, come on.

Oh, excuse me, I'd like to see...

Howdy, mr. Douglas.

Mr. Haney.

Well, what are you doing here?

Waiting for your husband.

I came to see the Wright brothers.

You're looking at them.

What?

I just bought 'em out. Lock, stock, and airyplane.

I should've known.

You sure should've.

Anything I can do for you?

Nothing. Uh, mr. Douglas,

You gonna let them little bing Bugs bing the valley to pieces?

Well...

I got a perfect plane For crop-dustin'.

Oliver, I'm not going To let you do this.

Lisa, I promised.

Uh, have you got a Slow-flying, single-engine job?

This is your lucky day.

Have a look.

What is that?

It's the kitty hawk.

The wright brothers Named her after their ma.

Her maiden name was hawk.

Is that the only Plane you've got?

Ah, the only modern one.

You're not going up in that.

It's perfectly safe.

Well then, why don't you fly it?

Well, I would. But I'm only Licensed for dirigibles.

Could you put crop-dusting Equipment on that?

Certainly.

How much would it cost?

Mr. Douglas, the farmers of the Valley are in trouble, ain't they?

Yes, they are.

When my friends are standin' there With their hand out, askin' for help,

I'm there.

With your hand out.

Oh, that stung.

Like a cheap aftershave Lotion on a nicked chin.

Well, if, uh, if That thing flies...

Why don't you take Her up for a test spin?

No charge.

Except for the Goggles and the helmet.

There's a $2 rental fee on them.

$2.

How about a white silk scarf?

Only 50 cents. No.

It was worn by richard arlen During the filmin' of wings.

I don't need a silk scarf.

Well, I know that You will need this.

Oh, a parachute!

Yeah, how much?

$12.

Lessen it don't open.

Darling, please don't do it.

No, I'll be careful.

Oliver, oliver, be careful.

Doggone him. If I knowed He was gonna do stunts,

I never would've let Him take that plane.

Oliver, come down.

Come down!

Don't you worry, mrs. Douglas.

He'll come down all right.

Oliver, stop showing off.

Oliver, get back in.

Help!

Get back in!

He's all right.

Thank goodness.

Oh, when you find your husband,

Tell him he owes me $12 For the opened parachute.

Help, help!

Help, help!

He must be around Here someplace.

Help!

Help!

Well, here we are again.

You're up and me down.

Eb, cut me down.

Should I?

Cut me down!

This is the way I met My first husband.

He looked very much like you.

Lisa.

I was in the Underground those days.

I was single, and I was Blowing up tanks for a living.

And this handsome Flyer fell out of the sky.

Darling, darling, Are you all right?

Yes. Come on, get up.

I think so.

You're a big hero in hooterville For getting rid of the bing bugs.

They're gonna measure You for a statue.

I didn't do anything.

No, but that plane did.

It crashed in your cornfield And burned the whole thing.

It burned all my...

Oh, only 2 acres.

But when the bing Bugs saw the fire,

They turned pale and they Packed up their eggs and left town.

Mr. Kimball said it was the Smoke that got rid of them.

Oh, mr. Haney's looking for you.

You owe him $12 For the parashoost,

And $68,000 for the aeroplane.

What?

Of course, I could hide You in my farmhouse.

You, uh, live in a farmhouse?

Yes.

All my life, I wanted to get Away from racing with the rats,

And plant the little Seeds in the earth,

And watch them Shoosting up into the sky.

You'd rather talk than smooch?

Not really.

What did she say?

Go get your own Hungarian girl and find out.

this has been a filmways Presentation, darling.