Original subtitles

This place is a disaster.

It looks like there was a food fight in here.

Yeah, and the food won.

Woody, what's going on?

Yeah, T, it looks like you moved in.

I asked Mavis to marry me.

She turned me down.

Oh, Woody, I'm so sorry.

Woody, did you give her a ring?

No. Well, that worked out. At least she didn't have to come out the pocket.

A ring shows commitment.

Yeah, we've been shagging up for three years. Isn't that commitment enough?

No, that only means you're getting free milk.

Hey, hey!

What the hell happened to this place?

Woody's having a problem. Mavis turned down his marriage proposal.

So we all have to suffer?

Go ahead, Professor.

Report me to the dean. Who cares?

Maybe I'll just quit.

Oh, Woody.

Before you quicken, you make me some chili cheese fries.

Maybe Mavis just needs a little more time.

Well, she can take all the time she wants, because I moved out.

All right.

To where?

Well, Professor, I was hoping.

Oh, hell no.

Come on, Professor.

I just need a place to stay until Mavis comes to her senses.

Look, Woody, don't you have a brother somewhere?

All my people are in Chicago.

Well, there you go.

It's all right.

It's always the streets.

Oh, come on, man. There's no room.

All I have is a couch. I'll take it.

All right.

But just for a few days.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Can you take this with you?

We don't have to talk about. Well, he wanted to know what I was wearing.

Well, I hope you had on something sexy.

Well, he thinks so. He didn't need to know I had on a Fat Albert T -shirt and

tube socks.

I think tonight's the night.

Girl, you think Lester's going to propose?

Girl, nah.

We're going to get our freak on.

And now you're just fat.

That took me almost two and a half years before I got with the professor.

Yeah, you should have got him drunk soon.

Listen, I'm going to invite Lester over to my place after dinner.

And then it's on.

Hey,

baby. Hey, baby.

Hey, Lester. Hey, Nick.

Mama, I have to cancel our plans to go to the mall. I forgot I have rehearsal.

Maybe tomorrow?

Okay.

See you later, Kim. Be careful, sweetie.

All right.

There goes my plans for the evening.

Okay, come on.

Nikki, won't you just come with us? We just want to get a bite to eat.

Oh, that's not what I heard.

I'm sure Nikki would rather stay here and watch a little TV.

Can't. TV broke.

Well, you love to read.

I just wish I had a book, I don't know.

We'll drop you off at the bookstore.

That would be silly. Nikki, I insist.

And now?

Sure, just grab your jacket. You better eat fast.

I'll be in and out before you know it.

Oh, dinner was great. And that movie was hysterical. Yeah, that movie was a good

idea, nigga.

Yeah, all three hours and 30 minutes of it.

Well, thanks for a great evening, guys.

What do you say we stop by my place for a night guest?

Oh, I'm sorry, baby, but tonight went later than I thought.

I'm beat.

you learn how to play the harmonica?

When a man scrapes rock bottom, he reaches for his harmonica.

Man, you need to snap out of it.

You start by eating something.

Here.

You can have some of my Chinese food.

I don't want to eat nothing.

Are those egg rolls?

You drank my...

Vintage 1982 Chateau Latour?

1982.

The water in that stuff tastes so bad.

Look, if you need anything or

if you decide to leave, I'll be in my room.

I remember about you last night. Really? What happened?

We were at my place, and we talked a little.

Mm -hmm.

And we slow danced a little.

I went down.

Mm -hmm.

And we kissed a little.

Yeah. Then we... Hello?

Nikki, I'm busy.

So call a cab.

Okay. Okay, we'll come get you.

You're going to need to make a left.

Baby. Are you sure she's all right back there?

I mean, she looks cold. Maybe you should offer her your coat or something.

where's this jacket go?

Sweetness, at least open the window and see if she's okay.

She's fine.

Flex!

Do you have any gloves?

Well, since we're together, why don't we go down to the pier for some hot dogs?

Actually, we're going to that new restaurant on Jefferson.

Drake, you know, I've been wanting to go there.

I hear the food is the bump of this world.

So Woody doesn't get fired.

He's too depressed to come in.

Oh, I get like that about school.

Poor Woody. He does not sound good at all. Poor Woody. Poor me.

I can't take it.

He keeps playing that harmonica.

I feel like I'm trapped in an Alabama juke joint.

Is he suicidal?

I don't think so.

I opened up all the windows and he's still in there.

to Mavis.

Hey, that's a good idea. What if we got him to propose again?

I'm just going to make Mavis say yes this time. How about a makeover?

It'll be like a new Woody album.

Great, great.

Anything to stop him from playing that damn harmonica.

Hey! You guys doing a school project?

Yeah, Woody.

That's right. Kim told me y 'all were giving him a makeover.

Mama, do you have any

I'm in charge of his feet.

Well, baby, I think it's best if Mavis don't see his feet.

Where were you last night?

Out with Andel and Lester.

Again? The three of you.

Yeah, what's wrong with that?

Andel doesn't mind.

Andel and I are like sisters.

Besides, she invited me.

See? Y 'all don't know nothing about friendship.

Nothing. What's wrong about that?

Why else would we be spending an evening giving Woody a funky makeover?

Speaking of which, we better be going.

Hey, girl.

Hey. What's up, baby? How are you doing?

Okay,

ready, Nick?

Yep, let me just get this shawl together.

Oh, here.

I brought you my silver earrings that you like so much.

And that is so nice, girl.

So, you gonna come be here?

And, uh, what are you up to?

All right, I'll tell you. A special someone's coming by the club tonight.

Who? Let's just say he's tall and handsome.

My boo?

Okay, you have to spoil the surprise.

It's your boo.

And, uh, you are the bestest friend in the whole world.

It is a damn hard job.

And, uh,

this place is really nice.

really knows how to do it.

But with you around, I'll never find out.

Oh, hey, guys.

Hey, baby, how you doing? Hey, Nikki, this is Johnny.

Johnny, this is Nikki.

Hey, Johnny.

Indel, you said my boo was coming.

Okay, I'm not.

But if everything works out, this will be your new boo.

Wow, what a coincidence.

Did you know Nikki here is a caterer? How would I?

When I didn't even know there was a Nikki. You know, you told me... Ooh,

that's our song. Come on, come on.

Leave this mutually compatible couple here to talk.

Talk? Lester?

Lester?

No offense, Johnny, but I'm engaged,

baby, and I'm...

Had I known this was a blind date, I wouldn't have come.

Well, I'm also engaged.

And trust me, I'm not trying to do anything to jeopardize my relationship

either.

Well, that's a relief.

May I get you all something to drink?

Well, as long as we're here.

Sure, why not?

I'll have a glass of Remy Red.

Grape. Coming right up.

So, how long have you and your fiancé been together?

Five years.

Well, six for me.

Yeah, yeah. I'm just waiting until my poo is ready.

Oh, you call her poo?

Yeah. That is so sweet.

Now, I call my honey boo.

We've been through so much together.

You? I've chased away ex -boyfriends, gone through a mail, hidden garbage

All in the name of love.

Well, who hasn't?

Sometimes I wonder if she really appreciates it.

I think the same thing.

My boy was sick in the hospital, and I gave him my blood to save his life.

You think he'd take me out for a thank you dinner?

You gave blood? Yes.

I gave a kidney. No.

And I didn't even get a peck on the cheek.

It's all worth it and it's all right.

You're so right.

You know what?

It is nice to finally talk to someone who truly understands.

Toast.

To doing whatever it takes to hold on to your relationship.

And loving every damn minute of it.

Okay,

Woody, it's very important that you articulate.

Now repeat after me.

The chef made a fantastic meal for his child's mother.

Okay, okay.

The cook threw down for his baby mother.

First,

we sniff the wine to determine its bouquet.

Full -bodied, robust, overpriced,

bougie.

I have some Cokes in the refrigerator.

KT, get to it. Your department is here.

What if it doesn't have any here?

Just do something.

Well, it looks like we were right, huh?

Yeah, it looks like they hit it off.

Oh, man.

Girl, we have talked about everything under the sun. That's right.

Like what?

Well, I talked about my food, and Johnny talked about his food, Stacy.

Oh, this is crazy.

I don't know why I thought this would work. This whole evening has been a

of time.

Nikki, come on, let's go.

No, well, now that I'm having a good time, you ready to go?

Well, you know, I can take Nikki home and tell me if it's okay with you.

Okay. No, no, I brought her. I'll take her home.

Wait a minute, baby. If he takes her home, then you can take me home.

Sorry,

I was looking for Woody Lindo.

Hello, ladies.

Won't you enter my humble abode?

Baby, is that you?

You must have won the lottery.

The day I met you, I did.

For you, darling.

Tonight we're having a little spinach fromage, chicken cordon bleu, and

salad.

I do hope you'll enjoy the meal.

Mm -hmm, I know I will.

It's all special and stuff.

Well, it's a special evening for a special lady.

Thank you, baby.

Full -bodied robots.

It's my new pusher, Brock.

You know you like her.

Mavis, you're my heart.

You're my soul.

You understand me like no other.

And without you, I'm nothing.

Will you marry me?

Oh, yes, my woodpecker.

Because you know I love the new Woody.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I just can't do this. I can't do this. What's

wrong?

This whole makeover thing, it's just too much work.

Maybe if you can't love me for who I am, well, then I just can't marry you.

Oh, Woody, I do love you for who you are.

But like any woman, I want to be treated special, too.

Well, then you need to know that the Woody that I was is the Woody I'll

be. It's who I am.

I don't have no problem with that. I tell you what. You just give me the

you were tonight once a month, and we'll be the happiest married couple ever.

How about once every six months?

Make it every two months, and you got a deal.

Deal!

But, you know, I feel like I should pay you for your tips on Spongebob. Are you

sure you're not CIA?

Stop it.

If I didn't have my poo, I would definitely be chasing you.

If I didn't have my boo, you wouldn't have to chase me.

Good night.

what came over me.

I really need to go ahead and go.

Okay.

Good night, Nikki Park.

Good night.

He didn't need to know I had on a Fat Albert t -shirt and tube tops.

Tube tops.

Yeah.

Tube socks.

Tube socks.

A Fat Albert t -shirt and tube socks.

Two tube socks.