Original subtitles

Mama, what are you doing?

Reading lips. Now, hush.

You're messing up my concentration.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

With my heavy workload, I really need a teacher's assistant.

Well, I could always fire you. That would solve your problem.

Excuse me.

Mama, where are you going?

To talk to the dean.

Oh, could you talk to the dean about me being on his list?

You made the dean's list? Yeah.

I got three more weeks of probation.

department study on various personality types, I've decided to conduct my own

experiment. I need five of you to stay together in one room for 72 hours.

Ew. That's unsanitary.

Just think of it as a big sleepover.

Well, I do have the perfect teddy.

And I ain't talking about Winnie the Pooh.

You can count me out.

after spending 72 hours in that room.

Did I mention you'd split $5 ,000?

Fool me!

Well, Stanley, you wore me down.

I, uh, I found a TA for you. Oh, really?

Who? Hey, Professor Ogilvie!

Oh, no, not her!

I'm afraid you have no choice.

But why?

Well, she's...

She's free.

Look, you don't understand.

She's a stalker.

Well, now she's a stalker TA.

See? This is how it's supposed to be, boo. A woman working side by side with

man. All right. Look, you clown.

This arrangement is strictly professional.

No flirting, no drooling, and absolutely...

Definitely no touching.

Strictly professional.

I ain't gonna be so professional, you're not gonna know how to deal with it.

What are those candles for?

In case we want a class from Quickie.

Okay, okay, okay.

I'm just playing, boo.

You know, I'm really feeling a TA position.

I think I'll make a great teacher someday.

After all, I have you as a role model.

Well...

Thank you, Miss Parker.

And, um, no one's here yet. You want to make out?

Hi, Professor Oliver.

Hey,

Michelle.

Oh, what a beautiful time.

Is it silk? Well, it's imported.

I met with you.

forgot our paper is due today.

I've been too busy taking care of my sick great uncle.

Oh, what a thoughtful niece.

Don't you worry about it. You turn it in when you can.

Oh, thank you, Professor.

Oh, do you work out?

No, but I do.

Now take your seat.

Oh, Professor, I didn't know your mother was visiting.

And she's not my lover. But unfortunately, she is the TA.

Professor, I have to work late tonight.

Do you mind if we change my tutoring session from seven at the library to

at my place?

I'm available at nine. Nine is good for me, baby.

Yes, I'm sure you're always available.

But I would feel more comfortable with the professor.

He's so smart and clear.

Laura Taters.

She does have a point.

I'll see you at nine.

I got my eye on you.

So does the professor.

Miss Parker, you may be the TA, but, baby, I've got the tea in day.

I can't believe it's so tiny.

Ew.

She chose you three?

Yeah, well, she was trying to make up for choosing you.

To avoid any problems, I have taken the liberty of securing my area.

No one is allowed in my space.

You don't own this place.

Early bird catches the worm.

Well, in my case, the bed.

Any worse?

Thank you, Dante.

Bonjour.

Please tell me you're here because you're lost.

Oh, T .T., you made me laugh.

You're so funny.

I see you've made it.

Welcome to the room.

More like the closet.

These T -shirts should be worn while you're here. They describe your

personality.

Stevie, your traditionalist.

He, rationalist.

Regina, idealist.

Freddie, hedonist.

And Kim, here's yours.

Other.

It's the only way to describe you.

And I'll be confiscating all of your luxury items.

You're free to leave whenever you like, but you'd forfeit your portion of the

money.

You've got to be kidding.

Mama just bought me this.

Thank you.

Here's my cell phone.

Mm -mm, not my age to find eye cream.

Oh, yeah. When I smile, I get wrinkles, see?

Oh, don't take that away from all you barbarians.

One word of advice.

Cooperation is key in these types of studies.

Remember, there is no I in team.

There isn't?

I'll see you in three days. And don't forget, the cameras are watching.

What did you say? Cameras?

Oh, cameras and me without my cosmetics.

Don't you look at me.

There you go, Professor.

Graded your papers, advertised them, and wrote you a note with suggestions for

our honeymoon.

Professor.

So much for our tutoring session last night.

You were great.

Well, you were easy.

You made it easy. You're a fast learner.

She's fast, all right.

Miss Parker, I'll be back shortly.

Get them started on the exam.

All right.

Before y 'all get started on your exam, there's a new chef in town.

And her name is Nikki Parker.

And I don't want no mess.

Now begin your exam.

You, you, put those books under your desk.

Are you eyeballing me, boys?

You, stop looking so damned cute.

off of this geek's paper. No, you didn't see me doing anything. No, yes, I did.

See, it's women like you who know. You are nothing but trash. No, I'm not. No,

you didn't. I'm not.

Miss Parker, what are you doing?

I caught her cheating.

Look, you should be ashamed of yourself behaving like a jealous schoolgirl.

Jealous? I don't have to be jealous. You're already mine.

Miss Parker, you owe Michelle an apology.

But she... But nothing.

Apologize.

Michelle?

I'm sorry.

Thank you. I'm sorry you're a no -good lousy cheetah.

Miss Parker, that's it.

You're fired.

I

can't

believe that conniving little honey.

And I know a cheetah when I see one.

Don't I?

What you looking at? I've never cheated.

At least not in school.

She cheated and got away with it, but it cost me my job.

Girl, I like being a TA.

Well, Nikki, if you're that serious, you need to apologize to the girl.

If you do, I'm sure the professor will give you your job back.

You

know

what? This experience... would be more satisfying if we made the best of it.

I know.

Let's play the story game.

Well, we could use something to help us pass the time.

Goody. Okay, let's sit in a circle.

Okay, I'll begin the story, and then when I point to you, you take over.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful and brilliant princess named Regina.

Please point to someone.

Stevie.

Who was lucky enough not to have a philandering father who squandered all

inheritance. Because they spent it when me and Shaquan went to Paris and met

these two fine guys at a party. They had the biggest.

Freddie. Compliments for Friedrich on his knitted poncho ensemble and wanting

him to design it.

The end.

either with you people. You're hopeless, pathetic, beyond help, not to mention

tacky, and I can't believe I had to spend the next 72 hours with you.

She getting on my nerves.

Mine, too.

Hey, you know what? If we got rid of Motormouth, we could split that money

ways instead of five.

Well, that takes care of Stevie, but I thought we were talking about Regina.

Why are y 'all staring at me?

Don't be alarmed, but we saw a roach crawl in your hair.

Well, that was about an hour ago. We're just waiting for it to come out.

It probably did already.

Yeah, we're laying little roach eggs.

Can I name the little roach baby?

Oh, look, they got a whole bunch.

Security checks these classes every hour.

Oh, girl, you don't have to worry about me.

I just came by to apologize for my behavior the other day.

Oh.

Okay. And I talked to the professor, and we worked everything out.

Well, good, because I don't know what you thought you saw, but I don't cheat.

My mistake.

And to help make up for it, I'm going to give you a little heads up. The second

part of that exam is a doozy.

Really? Girl, yes. If I didn't have to answer, she, I probably found myself.

The professor must have been constipated when he made this one up.

Well, gotta get to class. Good luck, girl.

Who needs luck? I got the answer sheet.

Kim, I spoke with you.

Mm -hmm. And we think that $5 ,000 will go a lot further.

If it was let's keep it, let's get rid of it.

Let's get rid of Stevie.

We got rid of Regina.

But Stevie's my best friend.

Well, I wasn't going to say nothing.

But she came to me talking about getting rid of you.

I hate her.

here has made me realize I need you. I can't live without you.

Okay, being cooped up in here has made you crazy. Crazy for you?

Take me back, popsicle toes.

You let him put his nasty mouth on your toes.

What's wrong with you?

Look, we belong together, and I'm going to spend the next two days going over

our relationship, moment by moment, until we figure out where we went wrong.

P, baby.

Leave me alone.

Okay, fine.

Can't touch the booty?

Okay,

that is it. I am out of here. Wait, don't leave. Don't leave me.

So, how'd I do?

Bravo, TT. You a fat boob.

Now that she's gone, us two men can bond.

All right, y 'all. Peace out.

Michelle, your, um, test score surprised me.

I know. Sometimes I surprise myself.

You failed the exam.

What?

But I couldn't have. I pulled an all -nighter. Oh, really?

Uh, Miss Parker, could you come in here, please?

Now, what were you telling me in the hallway?

Oh, that, uh, your booty was looking particularly delicious.

because she cheated from a fake exam.

I don't know what she's talking about.

Oh, well, see, I purposely left behind that phony answer sheet. You... I

don't know what you mean.

Drop the act, Michelle.

Now, letting you slide on an assignment is one thing, but cheating on an exam is

unacceptable.

I just had a strong... Oh, cut the crap.

Well, what if we sleep together?

What if I cut you?

Don't do that.

See you later.

See you later.

See you later. All right.

Friend,

if we split $5 ,000 two ways, what's that?

Let's see, $5 ,000 two ways.

Well, I get $3 ,000 and you get $2 ,000.

Wait a minute, how come you get $3 ,000?

It's just a coincidence.

You have all the luck.

determine which personality type would do anything for money. Oh, I could have

saved you trouble.

When I looked over those tapes, I was shocked and appalled at your tactics,

Freddie. You flatter me.

Well, the great thing is the money's going to charity.

Oh, that's good, because my favorite charity is me.

Did you read the fine print in the contract, Freddie?

The money goes to the charity of my choice, and I choose... Scouts of

T -shirt. Exactly.

Maybe I did beat you once too often.