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Thanks to all of my guests for today's
show. And remember, here at the Zora
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00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,380
Show, if we can't cure your problem, you
don't have one.
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00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:14,460
And now, here are some very special
parting gifts from me to all of you.
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00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:31,898
such a giver.
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00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:36,800
Okay, all you Zara fans, we're on the
hunt for the world's greatest mom. So
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00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,740
in your letters and you might be
selected for our very special episode
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00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:46,460
L .A. entitled Mom, the greatest gift
and the biggest influence in my life.
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to me, of course.
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I'm just kidding. But not really.
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00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:53,280
So, until next time, love your spirit.
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00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:55,380
And more importantly, me.
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Mama, I wonder if we could win that.
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Last year's winner got a new car.
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Here, baby.
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00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,480
Start writing and don't forget all the
good stuff I done for you. Good idea.
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00:01:06,780 --> 00:01:08,120
That'll make it nice and short.
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00:01:53,290 --> 00:01:54,810
show about why my mom's so special.
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Now what else can I say?
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It's true. You can always talk about her
tough love, you know, the constant
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00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:05,290
threats.
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00:02:05,530 --> 00:02:07,670
Intimidation tactics. Adulthood
beatings.
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00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,889
Come on, guys. Mama's never threatened
me.
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Kim, if I catch you wearing my expensive
perfume again, I'm gonna beat it all
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up.
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00:02:16,390 --> 00:02:19,090
I'm sorry, Mama. It smelled like your
cheap perfume to me.
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00:02:20,450 --> 00:02:22,710
Nikki, Kim was just telling us about her
letter.
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What you think?
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Well, besides the spelling errors, bad
punctuation, and chicken grease stains,
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you need to spice it up.
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Spice it up?
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La.
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I did.
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Right here where it says you never gave
me any whoopings.
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Let me see that.
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I'll do it myself. See, I watched enough
of those door shows. I know what
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00:02:45,450 --> 00:02:47,410
they're looking for. Shut up.
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I think I've just seen an angel.
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Oh, thank you. I need that.
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Not you.
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00:03:00,950 --> 00:03:01,950
Her.
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00:03:02,290 --> 00:03:03,990
That's the honey I've been checking for
all week.
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00:03:04,610 --> 00:03:06,430
You guys are looking at the future. Mrs.
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00:03:06,710 --> 00:03:10,750
Radcliffe. Gee, she is way out of your
league. And your age group.
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00:03:11,550 --> 00:03:13,130
Angel ain't nothing but a number.
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All right, then go over there and talk
to her.
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No. I mean, I'm just waiting for the
right time.
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Like now?
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talk to you.
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00:03:26,930 --> 00:03:27,930
Yes?
50
00:03:28,490 --> 00:03:34,050
Is he a foreign student?
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I don't know.
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Never mind. We're sorry to have bothered
you.
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00:03:40,710 --> 00:03:42,750
Man, you sounded like Missy Elliott.
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00:03:44,930 --> 00:03:48,330
Hey, team, maybe Professor Ogilvie can
help you out. He's experienced with
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00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:49,970
mature women. That's because he's old.
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00:03:50,270 --> 00:03:51,270
Good job.
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I don't need any help.
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00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,440
Professor, I've got a question for you.
Hey, T.
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School related.
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What's up?
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I need some advice.
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00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,780
Shoot. How do you approach an older
woman?
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00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:07,260
I don't.
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00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:12,300
Hey.
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00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:22,860
So you still haven't seen your lady
friend?
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00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,800
Been a week, but she finally showed up.
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00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,680
Did you do like I told you to?
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00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,260
Yep. I wrote everything down you said
and put it on her windshield this
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Along with the rose.
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A rose?
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Yep. That was my idea.
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There's hope for you yet.
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Oh, here she comes.
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00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:42,500
That's her?
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00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:44,080
Damn.
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00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,220
Excuse me.
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Someone left me a note and a rose asking
me to meet him here.
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Your name wouldn't happen to be T, would
it?
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00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,720
Yes, but all my friends call me
Thaddeus.
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Aren't you that foreign student?
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00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:05,080
Well, I was born in Compton.
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00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:07,740
Thaddeus, my name is Claire.
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00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:09,780
Thanks so much for the poem.
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It was lovely.
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You have quite a talent.
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00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:13,920
Thank you, thank you.
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00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,400
Why don't we get together for dinner
sometime?
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I dabbled in a little poetry myself.
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Maybe we can share notes.
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00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,400
Excellent idea.
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00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:24,340
Good. Tomorrow night?
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00:05:24,980 --> 00:05:26,580
Stefano? Around eight -ish?
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00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:28,900
Eight -ish? Sounds great -ish.
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00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:30,980
You're supporting me again.
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00:05:31,380 --> 00:05:32,380
Yeah.
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00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:33,980
I'll see you then.
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All right.
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Damn.
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00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,720
How'd it go?
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00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,500
Man, she wants to go to dinner. What am
I going to do?
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00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:45,040
Go to dinner!
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00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,020
talk about? T, T, T, T.
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Don't wimp out on me now, my boy.
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00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,400
Listen, I have an idea.
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00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:56,160
Have you heard of Cyrano de Bergerac?
Yeah, ain't he down with 50 Cent?
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00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:02,700
T, your generation scares me. No, the
story of Cyrano is about a guy... Hey,
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00:06:02,740 --> 00:06:06,560
man, forget that. Look, why don't you
just come to the restaurant and coach me
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00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:07,560
through it?
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00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,880
Why didn't I think of that?
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00:06:10,580 --> 00:06:11,860
Because you're not pimpin'.
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00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:22,450
You're going to pay me back the $50 you
owe me.
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00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:24,190
No. We won.
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We're going to be on the Zora show.
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Oh, great. Well, I hope the topic is,
Kim, you owe me money.
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That's stupid.
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Who would watch that?
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Mama, come on. We got to go.
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Let's go. We're going to be late.
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Where are you going?
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00:06:45,330 --> 00:06:46,330
Isn't it obvious?
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Shoot. I'm going to be there. She might
give free gifts away to the audience.
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00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,420
with martinis with pork rinds.
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00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,240
Well, it didn't bother me last week.
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What a week before that. Oh, my stomach
is tore up.
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00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:28,440
I can't make it, baby.
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But I can't go without a mama, mama.
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And I can't go.
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00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:33,780
Oh!
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00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:40,400
And now, let's welcome to the show the
winners of our special mom episode, Kim
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Parker and her mother...
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00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:11,840
Welcome to the show, ladies.
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Thank you. Thank you.
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00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:18,280
You know, I just have to start off by
saying, Kim, your letter, it was quite
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00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:22,640
moving. I mean, it's hard to believe
that suddenly and without warning, you
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00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:28,160
kicked out of your apartment, forced to
live in the street, in a cardboard box.
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00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,419
Mama fixed it up real pretty.
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00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:34,080
She even cut out a window.
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00:08:35,460 --> 00:08:36,900
You see, that's so special.
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00:08:38,090 --> 00:08:40,150
Nikki, why don't you tell us the rest of
the story?
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00:08:42,190 --> 00:08:43,190
Nikki?
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00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:45,990
Oh, yeah, right, that's me.
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00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:48,630
Well,
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00:08:48,890 --> 00:08:50,430
let's see now.
144
00:08:51,270 --> 00:08:54,150
I really think you should tell the
story. It's your show.
145
00:08:54,810 --> 00:08:57,110
Well, I do tell a good story, don't I?
146
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:10,980
At one point, you found yourself in jail
because you were stealing food from the
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local snack and go just to feed Kim.
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00:09:14,780 --> 00:09:15,780
Wow.
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00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:19,080
I've been through a lot.
150
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:26,160
Yes, you have been through a lot. You
pitiful thing. This is a disaster, TV.
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00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,800
You're telling me. If they give out
gifts to the audience, I'm going to be
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00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,780
really mad that I got stuck here taking
care of you.
153
00:09:36,940 --> 00:09:37,940
They're going to blow it.
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00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,460
Look, I got to get down there.
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00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:41,780
Oh, oh.
156
00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:42,980
Are you okay?
157
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:44,540
Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine.
158
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,380
Look, I just need you to drive me.
159
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:47,800
Okay, but under one condition.
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00:09:48,140 --> 00:09:50,520
What, girl? You go potty one more time
before we go.
161
00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:09,810
What's the plan, Professor?
162
00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:11,150
Okay, here.
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00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:12,870
Put this in your ear.
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00:10:13,470 --> 00:10:14,470
Oh, this is cool.
165
00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:15,709
Where'd you get this equipment?
166
00:10:15,710 --> 00:10:16,609
Hey, hey.
167
00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:19,150
Does James Bond reveal his sources?
168
00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:23,950
You borrowed this from the nerds in the
audiovisual department, didn't you?
169
00:10:25,510 --> 00:10:30,150
They're not nerds. They're just
misunderstood, lonely geniuses.
170
00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:33,590
Bringing back high school memories, huh,
Professor?
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00:10:38,990 --> 00:10:43,590
I'll talk into this tiny microphone, and
whatever I say, you repeat back to
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00:10:43,590 --> 00:10:48,530
Claire. Did you get that? Sure did.
Okay, good. Now you say something, and
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00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:50,630
remember to speak loud and clear.
174
00:10:51,210 --> 00:10:52,210
Okay.
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00:10:52,930 --> 00:10:53,930
Got it.
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00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:59,530
Girl, you must be exhausted, because
you've been running through my mind all
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00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:00,530
long.
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00:11:02,610 --> 00:11:04,170
You're still a virgin, aren't you?
179
00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:11,500
How did Kim manage to take care of
herself while you were in jail?
180
00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:13,620
Jail?
181
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,420
It was so painful, I just blocked it all
out.
182
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:26,060
Well, um, I had to work at this greasy
truck stop flipping burgers.
183
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:31,480
And every week, I sent all my pennies to
Mom in jail, along with a pack of
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00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:32,480
cigarettes.
185
00:11:35,140 --> 00:11:39,650
Amazing. Um, how long ago did this
happen? About 15 years ago.
186
00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:43,510
So you were five years old?
187
00:11:43,850 --> 00:11:45,870
No, she was 15.
188
00:11:46,090 --> 00:11:48,890
Her memory's shot. It was that tragic
grease fire.
189
00:11:49,170 --> 00:11:50,170
What grease fire?
190
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,230
See, maybe we should just move on.
191
00:11:57,830 --> 00:12:02,550
Here she comes. Here she comes.
192
00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:05,050
Good evening, Thaddeus.
193
00:12:05,290 --> 00:12:06,209
Good evening, Claire.
194
00:12:06,210 --> 00:12:07,410
I hope I didn't keep you waiting.
195
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,980
No problem. Although time away from you
is time wasted.
196
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:13,099
That's corny.
197
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,100
What?
198
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:19,940
I mean, any time away from you is time
wasted.
199
00:12:20,580 --> 00:12:22,180
Aren't you the charming one?
200
00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:24,940
So, tell me about yourself.
201
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:26,399
All right.
202
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:32,760
Well, when I'm not on the golf course, I
dabble in political affairs. For
203
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:37,420
instance, I think that the Republican
movement is diverging towards a more...
204
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:43,070
palatable state where the psyche of
social consciousness is involved.
205
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,290
Charming and smart.
206
00:12:47,690 --> 00:12:50,710
That is, it's hard to believe I'm
talking to a 22 -year -old.
207
00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:54,210
Well, I've always been older than my
ears.
208
00:12:54,510 --> 00:12:57,390
Well, I've always been older than my
ears.
209
00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:04,470
Ears? Uh, yes.
210
00:13:04,710 --> 00:13:05,710
Ears to you.
211
00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:14,440
The poetry that you sent me was great. I
love the spoken word. I'm really into
212
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,320
Rita Dove, Roz Baraka, Sonia Sanchez.
Who do you like?
213
00:13:18,620 --> 00:13:24,160
I'm partial to Heinrich Heim, Francisco
Petrach, and William Wordsworth.
214
00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:30,500
Well, I'm partial to Heinrich Heim,
Francisco Petrach, and
215
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:31,920
Willy Wonka.
216
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,400
Wow.
217
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,760
Those are some real heavyweights,
Thaddeus. I'm impressed.
218
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,680
Willy Wonka is in the chocolate factory?
219
00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:47,080
Yeah. He's deep.
220
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,860
Feeling ashamed that I still seem to
pass over your beauty, lady.
221
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:58,880
Feeling ashamed that I still seem to
pass over your beauty, lady.
222
00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:04,760
In a rhyme, I remember when I saw you
for the first time.
223
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,280
That's beautiful.
224
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,680
Is there more?
225
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,820
I don't know. Let me check.
226
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:15,580
I guess not, huh?
227
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:17,660
Oh, wait a minute. There's more.
228
00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:22,720
Saw you made for my love as no one was.
229
00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,060
Needs more pepper.
230
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:26,500
Needs more pepper.
231
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,280
Not you, Beavis.
232
00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:30,539
The food.
233
00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,080
Not you, Beavis. The food.
234
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:35,319
Forget it.
235
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:36,320
Forget it.
236
00:14:37,190 --> 00:14:38,190
Okay.
237
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:44,910
Um, Adia, are you bipolar?
238
00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:51,810
No, but I can be.
239
00:14:55,850 --> 00:15:00,410
And then I was working in a children's
sweatshop, weaving ponchos together with
240
00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:01,950
raw cotton, and...
241
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,160
I can go.
242
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:16,440
Kim, what's going on?
243
00:15:16,940 --> 00:15:19,040
Um, she's my other mom.
244
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,540
Kind of like us. She's like my dad.
She's the mannish one.
245
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,360
Oh, I get it. Yeah.
246
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,140
You two are life partners.
247
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:31,420
Did you see my show on life partners? I
am so in touch.
248
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,200
Audience, it looks like Kimmy has two
monies.
249
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,200
Yeah.
250
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:41,600
So, do you see?
251
00:15:43,850 --> 00:15:44,950
It's out now. It's out.
252
00:15:45,590 --> 00:15:47,250
Let it go. I love you.
253
00:15:48,170 --> 00:15:54,070
You know, here at the Zora Show, we
believe that money and cars and trips
254
00:15:54,070 --> 00:15:55,590
cure everyone's pain.
255
00:15:56,230 --> 00:15:57,830
So I've got some good news.
256
00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:02,010
We're going to help you forget that
difficult past with a first -class trip
257
00:16:02,010 --> 00:16:03,010
Jamaica.
258
00:16:07,670 --> 00:16:13,070
Now it's all expenses paid and $10 ,000
spending money.
259
00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:17,750
into my kindness.
260
00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:26,070
Unfortunately, we can only think him
with one mom.
261
00:16:27,430 --> 00:16:28,430
Well,
262
00:16:29,330 --> 00:16:31,270
I gave birth to her. I'm going to
Jamaica.
263
00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:32,810
What are you talking about?
264
00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:34,370
You're the man, remember?
265
00:16:35,730 --> 00:16:38,570
Ladies and gentlemen, please, don't
argue.
266
00:16:39,410 --> 00:16:40,410
Shut up.
267
00:16:42,050 --> 00:16:44,750
See, that's why I left her. She's
violent.
268
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,640
The Zora Show has been briefly
interrupted.
269
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:09,880
We will resume our regularly scheduled
program momentarily.
270
00:17:11,099 --> 00:17:15,640
Well, Thaddeus, this has been
interesting.
271
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:17,980
I'm glad you thought that.
272
00:17:18,740 --> 00:17:23,540
Listen, I really like you, and I was
hoping we could see more of each other.
273
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:31,440
Look, I think you're a great guy, but to
be honest with you, you're just a
274
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,920
little bit too stuffy for my taste.
275
00:17:33,930 --> 00:17:38,930
A lot like my ex -husband. I thought
since you were young, you would be more
276
00:17:38,930 --> 00:17:40,110
spontaneous.
277
00:17:40,890 --> 00:17:44,890
To tell you the truth, I'm just looking
for someone who's interested in wild
278
00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:45,890
butt -naked sex.
279
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:52,430
Hey, then I'm your man. Let's go. Let's
do it. Stop it. Stop it.
280
00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:57,830
Now, look, you don't have to pretend
with me. I understand you're a mature,
281
00:17:57,990 --> 00:17:59,190
sophisticated man.
282
00:18:00,190 --> 00:18:02,270
You'll make someone a nice...
283
00:18:02,570 --> 00:18:03,810
Respectable husband, doctor.
284
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:06,530
No, I won't. I'm not respectable. I'm a
dog.
285
00:18:06,810 --> 00:18:07,810
I won't.
286
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:11,010
Thanks for a lovely evening.
287
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:13,450
Too bad.
288
00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:15,490
I'm really horny.
289
00:18:17,690 --> 00:18:18,930
Wait, I'm horny, too.
290
00:18:22,150 --> 00:18:23,530
What should I do now, professor?
291
00:18:24,110 --> 00:18:25,110
Professor!
292
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:26,970
Hey there.
293
00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:28,750
Dan Lee is my name.
294
00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:30,210
Butt naked.
295
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:32,280
my game.
296
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:43,620
Right this way.
297
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,600
Welcome back to our show.
298
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:57,260
You know, during our unexpected break,
the producers and I discussed the
299
00:18:57,260 --> 00:18:59,440
situation very, very carefully and...
300
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:00,880
You know what we've decided?
301
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:05,340
That all three of you deserve to go on
this trip. Give Zora some love!
302
00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:29,990
Yeah, your story was very moving.
303
00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:32,390
You know what? Don't tell anyone.
304
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:33,830
We pulled a scam on them.
305
00:19:34,530 --> 00:19:35,550
Scam? Yeah.
306
00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:38,010
We just made stuff up so we could get on
the show.
307
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:39,229
Oh, really?
308
00:19:39,230 --> 00:19:40,169
Mm -hmm.
309
00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:44,090
Mama. Oh, this is a fan of ours. He saw
us on the Zora show.
310
00:19:44,290 --> 00:19:45,970
Oh, hey. Pretty nice to meet you.
311
00:19:46,170 --> 00:19:49,370
Hi, I'm Adam Myers, the producer of the
Zora show.
312
00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:52,890
I stopped by to drop off your prize,
but... Listen.
313
00:19:53,390 --> 00:19:56,590
I'm glad you're here. Look, can we get a
limo ride, too, and from the airport?
314
00:19:56,990 --> 00:19:59,950
Because we poor, and we don't have a
car.
315
00:20:01,090 --> 00:20:05,310
Normally, I'd say yes, but since you
lied to us, you're not getting diddly
316
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:06,830
squat. Have a nice day.
317
00:20:07,530 --> 00:20:08,790
But I... Endo, then.
318
00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:12,910
Cal, I'm a wait -wait.
319
00:20:13,610 --> 00:20:20,210
You are the best mama in the whole wide
world, and I am ready to whoop your ass.
320
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,200
Feeling ashamed that I still think to
pass over your room?
321
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,120
Get away from me.
322
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,400
What a shame that I... Wait a minute,
let me see.
323
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,440
He said, get away from me.
23982
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