Original subtitles

T, we need to talk.

Stevie, for the last time, it's not going to work out between us.

Move on.

Forget about me.

Oh, get over yourself.

No, I'm talking about our gig this weekend.

Without Kim, I'll be singing backup and lead. It's way too much, but we can't

afford to blow this.

Yeah, you're right.

What are we going to do? We've got to find another backup singer.

Hey, man, it's all Kim's fault.

I know.

Why don't you pick her boyfriend over us?

Why can't you do single and bitter like you?

Hey, Nick. Hey.

Why are you still down?

Professor threatened you with another restraining order? No need.

The current one is still valid.

What's up?

I miss Kim.

Well, if there's anything I can do... Well, I also miss her chipping in for

rent. She paid rent?

Not by choice.

Every month, I used to go through her purse and take the money out.

That's what mamas do.

You need to be committed for eternity.

Hi. Welcome to the audition.

As you know, we're looking for a backup singer to join our group Freestyle

Unity. Yeah, so, uh, don't be nervous. You can start any time you're ready, uh,

Monica.

in this band.

Why not?

Because you can't sing.

I can't sing. You have no taste and you're just one opinion.

What you think, girl?

Oh,

I'm sorry.

T's right. That was bad.

Okay, so y 'all just two opinions and y 'all don't matter.

Well, yeah, we kind of do since we're the ones doing the hiring.

Yeah, so let's talk and then start walking.

Ms. Reginald, how may I help you? Don't look at me. She's the one dying.

Not to worry. We'll take very good care of you.

Uh, slow your roll, Reg. I'm not dying yet.

I'm just here to take advantage of you two for one special.

Ooh, then we must start by choosing a casket. This is our top of the line.

solid bronze with an ivory pearl finish lined in silk with platinum accents.

It's only $10 ,000.

Oh, you know what? It's beautiful, but that's not quite what I had in mind.

You know, it's too, too, um... Expensive.

I understand.

We also have a lovely emerald green copper casket lined in satin with 14

gold accents for only $6 ,000.

Oh, we getting close, the ranch.

We offer an oak casket with a velvet lining and matching oak handles for a

$3 ,000.

We have a used pine box out in the trash you can have for a hundred bucks.

Really?

Might I suggest we move to a burial plot.

Good idea.

Were you thinking of an ocean or a mountain view?

What? She's going to be six feet under. The only thing she's going to see is

dirt.

Those ocean views sound kind of pricey. How much would a plot cost next to the

freeway?

What about a headstone?

What about it?

Were you planning on having one or shall I write your name? on a piece of

cardboard and attach it to a broom handle.

Well, see, we'd like a fancy funeral, but we can't afford that kind of money.

Yes, you can.

With a small down payment and modest monthly installments, even you can

the most lavish of burials because at Heavenly Hills, we put death within your

reach.

Fred, I'm going to take the bronze caskets, the ocean views, and the marble

headstone. Excellent choice. Let me just run a simple credit check and you'll be

on your way.

May I have your social security number?

Of course. It's 1 -2 -1 -0 -0 -4 -2 -4 -2.

Nicky, you never qualify. You have lovely credit.

I know. That's why I used to profess a social security number.

But I thought he earned his credit.

He did.

But it's still better than mine.

You're approved. Now all I need is your deposit and your signature on the dotted

line. Hold on, Nicky.

Why don't you take that contract home and talk it over with the professor?

You can always come back tomorrow.

Unfortunately, this offer ends today.

There you go, baby. Good. Now, all I need is your husband's signature, too.

Okay.

Professor Stanley Ogilvie, just let the ink dry.

Is that all right? Of course. You're his wife.

Yes, I am.

It's an honor to be here.

I know.

Welcome aboard. Oh, I'm really nervous.

What if I screw up in front of all these people?

Girl, you just chill and sing like you did in rehearsal, all right? Okay. Yo,

yo, yo, yo!

Welcome to Freestyle Friday featuring Freestyle Unity.

Y 'all, show them some love.

All right, y 'all, let's do this.

Okay. Yeah.

Come on.

I'm with my boy G with your girl, so what you want to do? You feeling me? I'm

feeling you, so I'm going to make a move.

Yeah.

Sing it to me, girl. Bye.

I'm feeling sexy, looking good, I got it going on.

Come at me from the beginning, baby, bring it on. Bye, baby.

You know I'm feeling right. Don't be shy, cause it'll be alright.

Ew. Erica, you're killing my heart.

Yeah, you were.

Yeah, that was the lead, and I'm the lead singer.

Sorry to interrupt.

But you have a show here? We're cool, we're cool. Okay.

Excuse us, y 'all. We have some sound problems. What the hell's going on?

Erica, I'm tripping. No, I'm sorry. I was just nervous. I got mixed up.

Okay. All right, no biggie. Yeah, we'll just do it over.

All right, cool.

Yeah.

Sing it, Penny McGraw.

What you want to do?

phone with Heavenly Hills Funeral Home?

Woo, it's showtime.

They wanted to make sure that my wife and I are happy with our new burial plot

and to remind me that the first bill is due next month.

Sorry, I'm out of stamps. Try the post.

Do you know anything about us buying a

burial plot, Ms. Parker?

We bought a burial plot, boo.

I don't need a burial plot, you blockhead.

My family has one for me in Georgia.

Oh, no, you don't want to be buried down there. It's so hot and humid.

Whatever you've done, you better undo it.

And I mean fast.

Okay, well, mail your payments on time, boo, because those late fees can really

add up.

Nikki, he sounds serious.

Girl, he was just playing.

Even you can't be that psycho.

Okay, well, I'll just go down to Heavenly Hills and get out of this whole

How? Well, I'll simply explain what happened, and I'm sure Reg will happily

refund me my money.

It's backstabbing Barbie.

What's your problem?

My problem is that you secretly plotted from the beginning to take over my part

last night. It was sneaky and underhanded.

Yeah, uh, she's right, Erica.

No, you're just jealous because the crowd loves me.

She's got a point, Stevie.

Huh?

Therefore, I have some changes for you, Stevie.

Are you crazy?

Hold on. Let's just hear what she has to say.

Okay.

I'll be the new lead singer, and Stevie...

You'll sing back up.

Over my dead body? You are fired. Oh, easy now, Stevie.

Nobody's getting fired.

Maybe you and Erica can take turns singing lead.

T, she cannot just waltz in here and start changing things around.

Hey, sometimes change is good.

And T, no more rapping.

What? Oh, hell no, girl. You got to go, Miss J -Lo.

She's crazy. We're going to get caught.

Nonsense. Now, all we have to do is find my contract, tear it up, and leave.

Correction. All you have to do is find your contract, tear it up. I'm already

leaving. Come on, Angela.

No contract, no deal.

Then I can be buried next to my boo in Georgia, where I belong.

I belong in prison for breaking and entering.

Come on, girl. Just help me find the contract.

No. I don't want to go to jail.

Prison stripes make me look fat.

I'm going to leave that one alone.

Not here.

Bye.

I failed it.

Let's get it done.

Come on. Quick.

supposed to take in again.

That doesn't matter. It's a closed casket ceremony.

All right, give me a hand with this.

Holy cow!

It's made out of iron?

Okay, hurry up. The coffin's clear. Come on.

It's right in here. Oh, somebody come here. There ain't nobody coming. Oh,

why?

Oh, take me with you.

Oh, there.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Who are you?

I work here, but...

I'd like to open the casket and get the ceremony started.

But I thought it was a closed casket.

Mildred wanted it to be open.

Who's Mildred?

The deceased.

Oh, yeah.

I don't think you want an open casket. Well, why not?

Well, because it was a horrible death, and I did what I could for her with hair

and makeup, but she's all big and bloated, and trust me, you wouldn't

her.

Mildred died of a heart attack.

Shocked the hell out of me, too.

If I can have your attention, please. I'd like to get this memorial service

started.

I remember when my dear sweet friend Mildred and I met over 50 years ago in

college. Oh, wrap it up, lady.

This ain't the only funeral tonight.

Per Mildred's request, everyone is invited to the crematorium where her

will be cremated immediately.

Cremate?

Boss, I'm real sorry.

Come on, Andy. That's enough of that.

I told you it was a record.

That ain't great.

Aha!

There's your funeral crasher.

Thank you for showing me where Ms. Parker lives, Mr. Overby. Oh, it was my

pleasure. And I insist you press charges.

Ms.

Parker, we need to talk.

About what?

I know you snuck into my office and stole your contract.

You can't prove it.

We have you on surveillance tape.

Well, okay, she did it, so what?

I lied. We don't have surveillance cameras.

Bullshit!

You still have no proof I found a contract.

Really, Ms. Parker? Do you think I'm an amateur? I have a copy.

Okay, um, look, I'm sorry, Reg. I just got it over my head.

I just want her out of my contract.

Yeah, I'm sorry. It's too late. There's nothing you can do.

Uh -huh. She could keep crashing your funeral. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

I'll keep jumping out of caskets until you let me out of my contract. That's

what I'm going to do.

You're not serious.

You don't know her very well.

Yeah, I'm crazy. I'm crazy.

Fine.

We never want to see you back at Heavenly Hills again.

Unless... It's your funeral.

Me and my boy are going to be brought together in Georgia where we belong.

We don't need you or heaven to hear.

Come in.

Hey, Nick. Hey.

So, what's the big surprise?

No shame. We already kicked you out of the band.

Yeah, so don't make us kick you out of Nicky's place, too.

What's going on?

I guess they haven't heard.

I live here.