Original subtitles

The head of the psych department loved my thesis.

Why would I be angry?

Well, you know that he used you as a guinea pig for his thesis.

Kim.

I want him back.

Then go after him. I love you, Mama. I love you too, baby.

My baby's going to Harvard.

That's right.

Absolutely positively.

Not guilty. I have no choice but to declare this case a mistrial.

He just left me $10 million.

Professor Ogilvy.

Harris?

Harris Walker?

But you're not going to get away with it because I'm going to stop you if it's

the last thing I do. I have buried four husbands and collected their insurance

and have gotten away with it. I want to introduce you to my new wife.

Mrs. Stanley Ogilvie.

No!

Hey, y 'all. Say. Look, I am really worried. The professor is missing and I

no idea where he is.

When's the last time you saw him? Um, about an hour ago.

I lost him on the freeway after I accidentally clipped that police car.

go. The professor is married. Let him have his happiness.

What did you say?

Oh, you know, I was only repeating something T said.

Oh, honey, I almost forgot. I need money to get my rose voice washed. It's

filthy. Oh, baby, no wife of mine should be seen at a car wash.

Here, buy a new one.

Things will get better.

Not any time soon, but one day.

What's the point?

My boo married.

I came away at Harvard.

I'm sorry. That just still makes me laugh.

It's not funny, Stevie.

I mean, I'm all alone.

Well, how about me and T drop by to see you tonight?

It'd be even nicer if you fried some chicken.

Okay, we can each bring a dish.

Does something have to be in it?

Kim's favorite, Dumb and Dumber.

Yeah, well, thanks, Nikki, but I sort of got to get going. Yeah, actually, me

too, but maybe another time. Yeah, another time. Oh,

oh, okay.

Well, it's just as well.

You know, I have to get used to being absolutely...

I'm a dumber as a comedy.

But it reminds me of my camera.

Well,

we need to get on the road.

All righty. All righty.

It's midnight, Nikki. Yeah.

You're right, baby. It is late. It's late.

It's way too late for you guys to be on the road. You can stay here tonight.

Pull out cows, right?

Yo, I'm starting to get a little creeped out. You?

I have to sleep in these damn things.

I think she's losing it. We need to get out of here.

Um, Nikki, I couldn't find any extra toothbrushes. Do you have any?

Um, I think so. Let me take a look. Okay. Hey.

All right.

Okay, now it's our chance. Go.

Run.

Oh, sorry.

Run, Auntie. Run while you still can.

I'm not sure, but I think they were that blur that just flew by me.

Girl,

I thought they never leave.

Why are you up here so early? Oh, I thought you could use some company.

Thanks. You know I'm going crazy without my pudding and my boo around.

Oh, it's not so bad. I live alone and I love it.

You don't have a choice.

don't you have something more important to do?

Like what?

Uh, like, like finding out where the professor went.

What are you talking about?

Well, someone is stubborn for him, and they say he's taking two weeks off.

Paris.

She's making a move.

Well, they're married. I would say she's made her move.

Where are they talking? I don't know, I swear.

Uh, Mickey, they probably just went on their honeymoon.

Honeymoon?

What else do you know?

Look me in the eye, Stevie. Oh, not that.

Look. Looking.

I don't know.

Someone around here must know where the professor is.

I already told you. I don't know anything.

I swear.

I see.

Then maybe we'll just watch Glitter again.

Please don't make me look at Mariah's big old forehead again. Please.

Talk.

All right, all right.

They rented a yacht to go on their honeymoon.

When are they leaving?

Tonight. From the marina.

Name of the boat is...

110 and out.

So that's her plan?

To get rid of the professor at sea?

Uh -uh. Now she's not going to make a widow out of me.

Hey, girl.

What are you doing?

Torture him, Woody.

Oh, hey, Woody.

And now, I'm going to need you to drive me to the marina. What's the matter with

your car?

The trunk won't close.

It broke when I tried to open it to get Woody out.

Now, come on. This is a matter of life and death. We gotta save the professor.

Hey,

what about me?

Oh, I almost forgot, Woody. I'm sorry.

That's for not talking sooner. Enjoy.

Okay, okay, this is it. One turn or not.

Now look, here's the plan.

We're gonna stow away and wait for Paris to make a move, then we'll catch her in

the act.

No, there's one thing wrong with that plan.

What? It includes me.

How can you go when my boo's life is at stake? Quit it. No, no, no, no.

I got your car key.

Get in that bed.

Don't want us for my book.

Don't want us for my book.

Don't want us for my book.

Now be careful, Lendell, because your head is big.

Great idea.

Oh, I want it somewhere isolated and romantic.

Someplace with no interruptions, no phone calls, no witnesses.

Witnesses? Oh, Jehovah's Witnesses. It can be really irritating.

Fortunately, there's nothing to do out here but to make love over and over

again. Oh, yes.

Probably just a whale.

Why are you so jumpy?

Is it a honeymoon?

Yeah, two words.

Mickey Parker.

You have no idea what a psycho she is. And she has this habit of popping up at

the most unexpected times.

Say, what's in here?

I don't know. I think that's just where Fredo keeps the fresh fish.

Yeah, you know, yeah.

Speaking of Fredo, I...

I don't care if he is the captain. I don't like the way he looks at you.

Oh, Stanley, please.

He probably just has his eye on my wardrobe.

He's gay.

Oh, well, that explains why he gave me the eye, too.

Dinner is served.

Good.

I'm starved.

Me, too.

You don't think that Miss Parker really could swim out this far, do you?

Oh, darling, I don't think you have to worry about Miss Parker or anything else

ever again.

champagne. Yeah.

Here you go.

To the most Wonderful, most beautiful wife a man could ever have.

That whale's getting closer.

Don't worry about it. Did you drink up?

at the time.

Yeah.

It does seem good.

Are you all right, sweetheart?

Yeah, I don't know. All of a sudden, I feel a little woozy.

Well, maybe you have a touch of motion sickness.

You know, why don't you lay down? Come on.

It's weird. It just came over me all of a sudden.

I'll go see if Fredo has some Some medicine.

So how was my gay act?

A little too convincing.

Is there something you want to tell me?

Yes.

Look, this is the last time I'm tired of sharing you. Don't worry, baby.

After this, you'll never have to worry about money again.

All right.

Let's dump them over there.

Give the sedative a little longer to set in.

But I have an idea.

It is my honeymoon night.

Go to my cabin.

Yes.

Boo!

Boo! Boo! Come on. Come on.

Wake up. We gotta get out of here.

Not to my wife. He gives me a little kissy.

What the hell?

You smell like sea bass.

Miss Parker?

Oh, I'm having a nightmare.

Come on, Professor. Please, baby. You have got to wake up. Come on. We've got

get out of here.

Okay, okay, okay. Come on, baby. Come on.

Come on, Sparky, please.

Get out of my dreams.

Okay, look, come on.

Okay, boo, boo, listen to me. Listen to me.

Parrot is trying to kill you.

Now, I saw a little motorboat that we could use to get out of here.

That's nice.

Boo, please.

I saw your position.

I'll be right back.

I whiffed.

Fredo, get in here.

What's up? When I left, he was on the bed.

Now he's on the couch.

Something's fishy.

It smells like sea bass.

Suit tight. Thank you.

Hey, Purse. Hey, y 'all.

Hey.

You.

Yeah, uh, small world, isn't it?

dead woman.

You want to be with your boo?

No problem.

Fredo can throw you overboard with her.

Okay, but I might need some help.

Take care of her.

Okay, okay.

Wait a minute, Fredo. Okay, listen, listen, listen.

Listen to me, Claire.

I liked it better when you was gay. You had to do this.

It's just you and me.

One man up to one man up.

Bring it on.

Girl, I'm going to kick your skinny evil ass all up and down this boat.

Finish her off.

Well, I tried to tell you she was just after your money.

But I have so much to offer.

I know. And I wish you offered to me more often.

If it hadn't been for you, I would have ended up at the bottom of the ocean.

Well, if it wasn't for you, Paris would have chopped me up into tiny pieces and

sent me to the sharks.

Well,

the only problem we have now is how do we get this boat back?

Well, um, you steer it like a car.

Now, how hard could that be?

But no.

I need to get some money because my road voice is dirty, filthy, whatever it is.

We'll be right out here.