Original subtitles

Looks like Pinky and the brain finally rolled in.

I'll see you tonight.

Mm -hmm. I can't wait.

Bye, baby.

Hiya. Hey.

You look familiar. Do I know you?

Mama, I'm sorry I haven't been spending time at home.

Don't apologize, baby.

You know, I'm thinking about renting out your room. Huh?

Hey, yo, Nick. Just so he'll... I'm looking for a roll of rent. Really?

Yeah. Keep looking.

Oh, no.

A special delivery.

You weren't home, so I signed for it. Yeah, well, then keep it.

Better open it. Now, it's been my experience that these things usually

somebody about to turn something off.

I wish somebody would turn you off.

Oh, my God.

My Uncle George died.

Oh, I'm sorry, boo.

Yes!

Wow.

Guess he wasn't your favorite uncle, huh?

He is now. He just left me $10 million.

Oh, my God!

Do you know what this means?

I can finally afford a hitman.

of psychology.

Harvard?

The head of the psych department loved my thesis.

Oh, you're so smart.

Oh, man, I got so much to do before I leave.

Leaving as in going away?

Well, yeah.

It's either move to Harvard or have one hell of a commute.

Well, then it's settled. You'll commute.

Come on, Kim.

Look, we'll still see each other during our break.

Long, romantic weekend.

And there's always the internet.

No, thanks. I don't like cyber sex.

I once caught a virus.

All right, Kim, look, I gotta go to class. Why don't we talk about this

huh? Okay.

Kim?

What's wrong?

It's Regis.

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry.

These things happen, you know?

To be honest... was just a matter of time. We all knew it. Well, how come no

told me?

To tell you the truth, Kim, I'm sort of surprised you didn't see it coming.

How was I supposed to know he was going to go teach at Harvard?

Harvard? Kidding.

He didn't dump you?

Why would he dump me?

No reason.

Kim, if you love him, you should be happy for him.

He's worked really hard for this.

Look, if you two really care about each other, then you will find a way to work

it out. It's not like Harvard's out of the country.

You mean it's not in England?

No, Kim, it's in New England.

Well, New England, old England is still out the country.

Hey, y 'all.

Hey. The professor's picture's in the paper.

Talks about him and Harry and their $10 million.

You think all that money will change him? Nah, not Fred.

Here you go. Here you go, take it.

Don't mention it.

Here's $200 to keep an eye on my car.

It'll be the shiny Bentley outside.

Dang, you got a Bentley?

Well, you know I didn't want the Mercedes to be lonely.

Make sure no one drools on it.

and there'll be another hundred in it for you.

You know what they say, money talks.

My boy, it not only talks, it roars.

You got anything for us, Professor?

Yeah, here's a tip.

Stay away from my cars.

Professor Ogilvy.

Harris?

Harris Walker?

am so glad I found you. I wanted to apologize for the way I behaved after my

trial. I was overwhelmed with emotion.

I'm just glad I was there to see that justice was served.

Thank you for being there for me.

Well, have a good life.

No, no, no.

Please allow me to take you to lunch.

Tell me, you know, what you've been doing since the trial.

Oh, no.

I couldn't do that. I'm sure you're busy. Oh, no, no, no, no. And besides,

not like my students are learning anything.

Let me just grab my briefcase and I'll be right with you.

I was on the jury that let you and your fake boobs get away with murder.

And if it weren't for one confused male juror, you'd be one dead hoe walking.

Paris, is this woman bothering you?

Woman?

What woman?

Shall we go?

It's no good.

Oh, you say that about every woman that's interested in a professor.

But this one's a murderer.

Oh, Nikki, you're getting carried away as usual. You don't even know if he's

seen her again.

Okay. Uh -huh. Let me just show you. Mm -hmm.

Tuesday, lunch at Gladstone's in Malibu.

Tuesday night, dinner in Brentwood.

Wednesday, shopping on Rodeo Drive.

Thursday, they hiked up to Santa Monica Bluff for a picnic lunch.

At least that's what I think they did, because I couldn't make it up the hill.

I'll be right down.

Oh, girl, forget everything I just said. My boo has given me the key to his

apartment.

Oh, it

made

me so happy.

Good.

Now here's the key.

And here's a little something to cover the wardrobe boxes.

Wardrobe boxes?

Oh, for me to move my stuff in.

No, to move my stuff out.

Where you going?

To a new gated community in the Palisades. And don't even try to come

there. They have electric fences, vicious attack dogs, and armed guards

orders to shoot on sight.

And you want me to help you move?

Well, actually, it was Paris' idea. She thought you could use the extra money.

Jesus. Thoughtful like that.

Well, what are you doing?

Don't you think it's more than a coincidence that you inherit $10 million

that gold digger shows up?

Yeah. It's more than a coincidence.

It's fate.

Destiny.

It's your ass is what it is.

Stanley, dear.

I didn't know we had company.

She's leaving.

You heard him, Tramp. Now go pack your stuff. Get out, Miss Parker.

Stanley, I'll just go warm the bed for us.

And, Miss Parker, if we get a little loud, give us a call. I so do want to be

good neighbor.

Next time.

Beat it.

Talk about this.

Okay.

I'll call you.

Thanks for throwing me a going -away party, sweetie.

You know you didn't have to.

I know.

I just want to apologize for the way I behave.

I'm really proud of you.

There sure are a lot of fine women up in here.

Fine and smart.

You don't have a shot.

Ah, but I do.

But your own research implicitly contradicts you.

You prove the direct correlation between IQ and social status.

I could go to a basketball game and prove NBA players are tall.

That's not the same as saying that if you're tall, you're destined to play in

the NBA.

Well, let's ask someone who's familiar with your research.

Oh, Kim, what do you think?

What impact do genes have on your life choices?

Well, if your genes are too tight, it's hard to sit down.

I'll give you some fun.

So what I'm saying is Hemingway is no more a reflection of his time than

is today.

Wow. You really know a lot about literature. Are you a professor?

I would have been if I hadn't dropped out of high school.

You're a dropout?

Yeah, but I'm making sure my five kids all go to college.

I told all three of their moms that I'm starting a college fund.

You know, just as soon as I get a job.

You're kidding, right?

No, it's tough being an ex -con. Oh, God.

So, um, can I have your phone number?

Well, sure. It's, uh, it's 293.

Don't ever call me.

Kim.

Yes.

I want to apologize.

I didn't mean to embarrass you. After you were such a good sport to throw this

party, most people would have been angry.

Why would I be angry?

Well, you know that he used you as a guinea pig for his thesis.

Hey, I might have put on a couple of pounds, but I'm no pea.

So, I meant that he was studying you.

Why? For his work on people with extremely low IQs who still manage to

Here you go, sweetie.

Hope you like it.

Here, baby.

How do you like it?

What did I do?

You used me. I thought she knew about your facing. Kim, it's not what you

I can explain. Don't explain. I'm not smart enough to understand.

Kim!

I can't believe the police won't arrest Paris unless she actually harms the

professor. Well, that saved you many a time.

I've got to do something.

Look, what's the worst thing that can happen? Say Paris does kill the

and takes his money.

You'll be in exactly the same position you are now, broke and by yourself.

Ever think about being a motivational speaker?

Well, why don't you just go down there and beat a confession out of her? Girl,

now you're talking. Oh, hold up. I'm not serious.

Besides, what good would it do? It would just be your word against hers.

Unless I had it on tape.

Come on.

I'm so sorry. I don't need you to feel sorry for me. It's over. But I need you,

Kim. If you expect me to be that, you must really think I'm dumb. Look, Kim, I

know you don't trust me.

Okay, maybe I did use you at first.

But then I got to know you.

And I fell in love with you.

Is that some more of your little thesis talk?

All I know is that I miss you when we're apart.

And I feel so good when we're together.

Come with me.

To Harvard?

Yes.

What would I do at Harvard?

Be with me.

Build a life together.

Finish your education.

At Harvard?

Well, there must be a junior college there somewhere.

It would never work. I'm through with you. But, Kim, I... Uh -uh.

Goodbye, Regis.

Bye.

Kim.

No, most people don't buy their high -tech items at the 99th Inn store.

Say something.

Hey, put those things somewhere else.

Like you would know.

Your job is to get the professor out of there. How? He sounds pretty busy.

Go make something up.

Hello? Hello?

Professor Stanley Ogilvie? This is SMC Security.

Don't be alarmed, but your office is in flames.

He's getting his freak on. He's not going to get out of bed for something

like... All

right.

Now I'm a little nervous.

Don't be. You can do this because you're cool like James Bond.

Then why am I sweating like James Bond?

you want?

Um, can I come in for a minute?

Make it quick.

Okay. Hey, girl. Uh,

uh, how you doing?

Okay, time's up. Wait, wait. Um, I just wanted to tell you, you win. I give up.

That's no shock.

I'm actually in awe of you.

Really? Tell me more. The way you manipulate men, escape the law, a girl

can learn a lot from you. How do you do it? Oh, Save it.

What kind of fool do you think I am? You're not going to get anything from

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to balance Stanley's checkbook.

Fine. But you're not going to get away with it because I'm going to stop you if

it's the last thing I do.

You? Please.

I have buried four husbands and collected their insurance and have

with it.

I am not worried about an overweight, overbearing, underachiever like you.

Could you repeat that without the overweight?

Get out!

No, really, I have bad hearing in one ear.

Out! Can you hear that?

Put your damn head before me.

I got it. She's going deaf.

Let's hear it.

What's wrong with your thing?

Let me see it.

Ooh, why is it so damp?

I told you I was nervous.

Real smooth.

Oh, the time's up.

Wait. I just wanted to tell you.

What happened?

I don't know. It just stopped.

Okay, well, fast forward it. Let me see what's on there.

Nothing. It must have stopped recording.

Your sweat probably caused it to short circuit.

Well, now what am I going to do?

Well, you can start by changing your deodorant.

I haven't seen him since Friday.

Yeah, me either. Yeah, and his class was canceled today.

Oh, she probably drowned him.

Or maybe she cut him up into tiny little pieces and dumped him in a garbage bin.

Or he might be buried alive.

Calling my name right now.

Nicky.

He's fine.

Something did happen. I knew it. That murderer tried to kill you.

Darling, you left your briefcase in my new Rolls Royce.

You still around?

Yes, she sure is.

And she's going to be around for a long time.

Everyone, I want to introduce you to my new wife.

Mrs. Stanley Ogilvie.

Do you know where they're registered?

In hell.

Is that it at all?

Kim, baby, I know you're miserable.

Why don't you give Regis a call?

I can't. He left yesterday.

I'm sorry, Puddin'. Mama, I made a terrible mistake.

I want him back.

Then go after him.

If you think there's any chance at all that this could be the right person for

you, you gotta try.

But, Mama... No, Kim.

And don't second -guess yourself.

If you don't go now, you'll always wonder, what if?

Mama, I was just asking for airfare.

Take the bus.

There's no rush.

You know what? I love you, Mama.

I love you too, baby.

My baby's going to Harvard.

That's right.

I never thought I'd be saying that.

Now go on. You better start packing. Okay.

Now, Mama, don't you worry about the professor.

I mean, he may be married, but he's still my boo.

Woman?

What woman?

Shall we go?