Original subtitles

an invitation to a 40?

No, it's an invitation for you to pay your half of the electric bill this

Oh, well, I'm gonna have to send my regrets.

Oh!

Well, if you don't pay it, you're gonna regret the day you were born.

Hey, everybody.

Hey. This has got to be the greatest day of my life.

What'd you do?

Push up our wedding date?

I spoke too soon.

What's up, Professor?

Well, I've been summoned For jury duty.

And you're happy about that?

Yeah, well, I've always wanted to perform my civic duty.

And besides, any time spent away from you, Miss Parker, is time well spent.

Well, how long will we be apart, boo?

Well, hopefully long enough for you to find someone else to stalk.

I've been dodging this jury duty crap for ten years. This? This sucks.

You can't call yourself an American.

Please rise.

The court is now in session.

The Honorable Judge Howard Lee Prasadi.

I regret to inform you, juror number ten has taken ill. Last night she had open

heart surgery.

Some people will do anything to get out of their civic booty.

Bayless, please bring in the alternate.

Excuse me, baby. I'm sorry.

Thank you, girl. Miss Parker, what are you doing here? Have you no respect for

the law?

I've rescheduled march over duty.

So we can be together. Isn't that great?

Your Honor, I object.

Sidebar.

Move to strike. Help me.

Is there a problem?

Yes, Your Honor, there is. I need to be excused from this trial.

Why?

Why?

Because I only have a month to live.

You're in luck. We should be done by then.

It might help out if you turn the book right side up.

Thanks, T. For a minute there, I thought I needed glasses.

Well, you don't need glasses to see how cute Professor Ogilvie's new sub is.

What did you think of him, Kim?

We had a sub today?

He is such an Adonis. The way his sinewy muscles rippled when he took his shirt

off. He didn't take his shirt off.

Oh, in my mind, he did.

Professor Dawson, I really enjoyed your class this morning. Thanks, Stevie, but

I'm not a professor yet. Please, call me Regis. Oh, good, I can call you?

Hey, yo, Regis, man, your lecture on Tupacology was dope, man. Thanks,

What'd you think, Kim?

Oh, I thought you were Professor Ogilvie.

Professor Dawson, move over. Um, I mean, Regis, I don't think I... quite

understood the assignment you gave out. I could use a little help. Maybe I could

drop by your office later. Actually, I don't have an office.

Oh, well, great. I'll just come by your place. I'll bring a nice little bottle

of Merlot. How about we meet in the library at 3 .30?

Okay. What should I wear? Forgive her, man. She hasn't gotten any since we

up.

So, I hear you're over at USC doing the grad thing.

Yeah, I'm finishing up my PhD.

Oh, is that anything like a GED?

Kim, that's really not funny.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, I mean, it is, but it's just not funny, you know? It's

hysterical.

All right, Charles.

You know, Kim, I was going over some of your previous test scores, and I found

them to be quite remarkable.

The professor always said we can't believe my grade.

Neither can I. I mean, they were consistently unbelievable.

How do you do it?

Well, I exercise and I eat right.

Ah, I've never thought about it that way. Uh -huh.

Well, look, I gotta get going, but Kim, I hope we get the chance to talk some

more. I'm really intrigued.

Intrigued? I thought you said your name was Regis.

Uh, that's a good one, Kim.

Oh.

I'll see y 'all later. Okay.

evidence you will find that my client Paris Walker has committed no crime

man that woman is too fine

question of my client's innocence.

That heifer is guilty as dead.

I'm with you, girlfriend. I say we send her skinny butt to the chair.

Harry, your remarks.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Don't let Mrs.

Walker's demure facade fool you.

Believe me, this voluptuous sexy

Beautiful woman.

It is a cold -blooded murderer, as the state will prove beyond any reasonable

doubt.

Mr. Kelly, call your next witness.

I know she didn't just wink at you.

Is a murder trial going on here?

And if she don't stop flirting with my man, there's going to be another murder

trial real soon.

Rachel, what are you doing here? Stanley mentioned that you lived here, so I

thought I'd stop by and see if you had any questions about tomorrow's exam.

Oh, no, no, no. I plan on being absent.

So what else can I find out about you?

Well, I'm a designer, if you like.

You look fly.

Thank you.

And I was thinking a group.

Really?

You've got a lot of layers.

Oh, no, no, no. It's just this sweater makes me look bigger than what I am.

So you want to grab a bite to eat?

Okay, but it'll have to be your treat.

I spent all the money I had on my mama's electric bill.

Aren't you the good daughter?

No, mama's just bigger than me.

We come here every day.

I don't see why we can't carpool. We can save gas and make our direct life.

I can't wait till this day is over so I can go home and have some peace and

quiet away from you.

And don't bother coming over.

New dead bones.

How much longer is this trial going to take?

Could be a long time. Took old Jay months to get away with murder.

All rise.

You may be seated.

Mr. Kelly, you can call your next witness.

I'd like to call Paris Walker to the witness stand.

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the

truth, so help you?

I always do.

May I say, that dress looks great on you.

You may be seated.

And, Bailiff, you may keep your mouth shut.

Mrs. Walker, let's just cut to the chase.

Did you kill your husband?

No.

I love Charles very much.

Were you aware that he had 600 milligrams of Viagra in his system at

his death?

I had no idea that he was even taking Viagra. Now, you expect people to

that a 96 -year -old man could still be sexually active without medication.

Of course. I mean...

damn good women.

Mrs. Walker, your husband had a bad heart. Is that correct?

Well, he was 96 years old.

And yet, you forced him to make love to you over and over until he had a massive

coronary. Lucky bastard.

I object, Your Honor. My client would never have to force any red -blooded man

to make love.

Sustained. Your Honor, People's Exhibit A.

Your husband had a million -dollar life insurance policy.

Who is the sole beneficiary?

I am. I know it. I know you're guilty. You're trash.

Sure can control yourself.

Charles just wanted to make sure that I was well taken care of.

I don't know why.

Everyone is saying these horrible things about me.

I loved him and he loved me.

I am the victim here. It is me that is left all alone with an empty house and

empty heart.

With only memories of my sweet, dear, darling Charles.

Are you okay? I just need a minute.

I was talking to the defendant.

Ogilvy is pathetic.

Poor Mrs.

Walker.

All alone with nothing but a million dollars.

Oh, give me a break.

How far do you think a million dollars is gonna get me?

This dress alone costs $3 ,000.

$3 ,000 for a dress?

She ought to be pleading insanity.

That'll be all, Mrs. Walker.

Oh, one more thing, Mrs. Walker.

Does the name Frank McNeil mean anything to you?

And what about Gary Goodrich and Bill Boulware?

I find your silence puzzling.

I would think you could remember the names of your previous husbands, all of

whom died under mysterious circumstances.

I object.

Sustained. The jury will disregard the prosecutor's statement.

And what a coincidence.

They, too, all had million -dollar life insurance.

That's your honor.

Wait, that's our case. All the policies, right? There's three of them. You could

kill them.

The first thing we need to do is select a foreman. Yeah, well, I was thinking

that I could be the foreman. After all, I am a professor.

Well, I think Nikki should be the foreman. After all, she has the biggest

I agree.

Yeah, but I got a speech prepared and everything.

Well, you can read it to me tonight in bed.

Okay, we'll make this easy.

Now, who actually thinks that murderer is innocent? Raise your hands.

Hey.

Hey.

What have you two been up to?

Oh, Ray just took me to the spaghetti museum.

Uh, she means the Getty Museum.

But Kim's been showing me a lot of stuff, too.

Really? And how is Legoland this time of year?

Closed until June.

Oh, I got a class.

Kim, I'll call you later. Okay.

Okay, Kim, what's up with you and Regis?

Nothing. We're just friends.

Mm -hmm. As in friend -friends or friend -friends.

Yeah. Are y 'all kicking it or are y 'all kicking it?

Why are you two talking like Dr.

Seuss?

Fess up. Are you sleeping with Simpson? No.

We're just friends.

Okay, well, then I don't get it.

He'd like to talk to me. Is that so hard to believe?

Yeah, actually, I...

fingerprints were on the Viagra bottle. She thought she was giving him his heart

medication. It was an innocent mistake. That's right.

Okay. Why did she wait two hours before calling 911?

Look, given the Kama Sutra position that they were in,

you know, it's quite believable that she wasn't aware that he was dead.

Now, if we were making love, I'd know if you were dead.

Yeah, if we were making love, I would have to be dead.

what you said when we got our freak on.

You don't understand. I was drunk.

Don't you think it's a bit of a coincidence that she had three rich

all died and left her insurance money? Wait a minute.

The judge had to strike that from the record. That's right. That's what he

You men are hopeless.

You're just hating because she's beautiful.

You got that right. First of all, she ain't all that.

All that's no reason to find her innocent.

Now, Mitch, you're married, right?

Yeah. Don't remind me.

Suppose your wife took out a big insurance policy on you, then made love

until you had a heart attack.

What would you think?

I'd be suspicious.

Exactly. You haven't had sex in eight years.

What if she did?

She'd be trying to kill me for the money. That dirtbag!

Well, if your wife would do it, what makes you think Paris wouldn't?

You have a point there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't listen to her. For God's sakes. She's a stalker.

Come on, boo.

Now suppose there were me up there on that stand. You'd be walking the green

mile.

My point exactly.

All right. Now let's take another vote.

All those who think Paris is guilty.

Yeah, well, you're not Paris.

You're more like Memphis.

C -O -N -V -E -R -S -A -T -E.

Conversate. Booyah!

Conversate? That isn't even a word.

Yes, it is. Me and Stevie conversate on the phone every day.

Okay, I'll give you that one.

Only because you're so cute.

You think I'm cute? Don't play with me.

I'm not playing.

Oh, I get it.

You don't like me in that way.

I didn't say that.

Well, then what's the problem?

Face it, Regis.

I'm not your type. Well, why do you say that?

Well, I'm not exactly a bookworm.

I'm more of like a social butterfly.

I like supporting.

So we're different.

That just makes it interesting.

Don't we have a good time when we hang out?

As long as you don't give me homework.

Bottom line, Kim.

I like you.

I like you, too.

So where do we go from here?

How about Red Lobster's? I'm a little hungry.

I have a better idea.

Madam Foreman, have you reached a verdict?

Well, yeah.

And no.

This isn't multiple choice.

Is your verdict guilty or not guilty?

Well, Your Honor, we have 11 guilty votes.

And one dumbass not guilty vote.

If you had more time to deliberate, would that help? Yes.

Because it's just a lover spat between me and my boo. But I'm sure if you

sequestered the both of us, he'd come around.

No, no.

Me and this numbnut are not lovers.

And I don't need any more time to deliberate.

My vote is now and always will be absolutely positively not guilty.

Then I have no choice but to declare this case a mistrial.

The defendant is free to go. The jury is dismissed.

Excuse

me.

Excuse me. Mrs.

Walker?

I'm Stanley Ogilvie, juror number three.

I just wanted you to know that I never doubted your innocence for a minute.

Here's my card.

Perhaps we could go to lunch.