Original subtitles

Oh, no, here comes that pesky Regina again. Hide.

Well, well, well, if it isn't my pips.

The word is peeps.

Whatever. Get up.

Okay,

Regina, what's up? Why have you been hanging around us all week?

As hard as it is to believe, I have trouble making friends.

Get out of here. No.

Yes, it's true. My therapist says I suffer from...

Fool girl, you know they have creams for that.

It may tangle at first, but it'll be gone about three weeks.

SDD, which stands for social disorder dysfunction.

If I don't start making friends fast, I'm going to create imaginary ones.

I wish you would.

Well, luckily, you three were at the bottom of my list.

I mean, that's where the real money is.

Are you going to get that?

No, it's just Regina.

Regina? Why is she calling you?

Apparently she's got some sort of mental disorder that only we can help clear

up.

You know what else she has?

What? A rich mother with lots of rich friends.

Tim was just looking for you. I was?

Yeah.

She wanted to know if you wanted to go to the mall with her and Stevie.

She does?

Yes, she does.

Well, maybe if I had some money.

Oh, Nikki, I'm broke, too.

Good. You can carry the bags.

Now, go on. Get.

Hey, team.

Are you going to enter the Kai Kai Kai chili cook -off? Oh, no, that's kind of

corny. But, uh, I can see you doing it.

Thanks. You know, Fred, my mom makes the bomb chili. If you want, I can hook you

up with the recipe.

You'll be guaranteed to win.

Oh, great, great.

Listen, why don't you come by my place with the recipe before the cook -off?

Who? Oh, Jess.

Boo, you don't need him.

I can help you.

I have every ingredient you need.

But not one I want.

So I told Kim that if she gets in good with Regina, she can introduce me to her

mother and hopefully some other well -to -do women.

Well, maybe some of these well -to -do women have some well -to -do brothers or

husbands they don't want.

Hey!

Hey,

baby. Hey, y 'all.

So where'd you three musketeers go today?

The Salvation Army.

We thought Regina might like it.

I felt like I was picking through somebody's trash.

Well, best friends, I hate to leave you, but I have to go help my mom prepare

for her next book club meeting.

Book club meeting? Yeah.

Oh, they do it every couple of months. All her close girlfriends attend.

Well, that sounds like fun.

You know, I like to read.

You do?

Me too. So do I.

This is a joke.

No, uh, really.

Maybe you could ask your mom if Ann Dallow and I can attend.

Ooh, that's a toughie.

Well, think of it as a favor for your new best friend, Kim.

Well, maybe my new best friend, Kim, can do something for me.

I don't know, Regina. Anything.

Just name it.

I have always wanted to go to a slumber party.

That's a great idea.

all that time.

Hey, girlfriend.

Hey. I got us three tickets to the show.

Oh, that's right. Jay -Z's performing at the House of Blues.

Jay -Z, who's she?

I got us tickets to the L .A. Dog Show.

It's being televised this year.

Hey, Regina.

Oh, hey.

Good news, Nikki.

My mom... said that you can come to her book club meeting.

I even brought you the book they will be discussing.

Infinity?

Is that the page count?

And just a word of advice.

One thing my mother will not tolerate is someone who comes to the meeting who

hasn't read the entire book.

It is the surest way to get kicked out of the club.

Especially since Terry Angelo, the author, will be there.

Well, it's going to take me forever to finish it.

When's the meeting? Tomorrow.

Happy reading.

Regina, what are you doing here?

I'm here for the slumber party.

Sweetie, it's only 2 o 'clock in the afternoon.

Am I too late?

No, slumber parties don't start until nighttime.

Well, since I'm here, can you help me with my stuff?

Stuff?

Are you sleeping over or moving in?

Hey, T.

Lay it on me. I ran into a slight problem.

What? What problem?

My mom's going to give me the recipe.

Why not? Because she said you're going to steal it.

Make men's and not give a one red cent. What is she talking about? Your mom

knows me.

That's why she said no.

Don't trip. I've seen her make it a thousand times.

I can give you a hand.

All right, all right. But before we get started, I want to make sure you know

your way around the kitchen.

From the looks of things, I don't have far to go.

Here, uh, take a quick look in.

Nutmeg and chili?

Man, don't you meet cumin?

Uh, maybe. I just know it was brown.

Now, chili powder.

Uh, uh -huh.

You don't need way more than that. Making kick -ass chili, not wimp -ass

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We don't want to kill the judge.

Fine. I don't want to win.

Uh, Professor, why don't you get a couple of onions from the fridge?

Oh, yeah.

Stern brother?

Yeah.

All right, I guess we should add some brown sugar. Brown sugar, man? We're not

baking cookies.

Every good chili has a little bit of brown sugar in it. My mama's chili. You

don't know what's in your mama's chili.

I know there's no brown sugar.

Fine, fine.

No brown sugar.

Uh, T, can you hand me a skillet under the cabinet, please?

Professor.

Yeah.

I don't see a skillet.

Oh, that's right. I don't have one.

I'll just go next door and borrow one. Hey, before you go, where's the flour so

I can thicken it up? It's in the cabinet.

Right.

Where's the flour?

If this doesn't make it, I'm going to put this up.

That's because we're supposed to be friends.

No, really, what do you think?

Well, you know, it's also pink and furry.

Thank you.

Well, since we're all in our jammies, what do we do now?

Oh, I was thinking we could do hair and makeup.

Good, because you two definitely need a makeover.

How about we give each other facials? Yeah. No way.

You've touched me enough.

Why don't we listen to music?

Oh, good. I brought jam.

Yanni's greatest hits.

Who?

Yanni. He's that hot Greek New Age artist.

You haven't heard of him?

No.

What do you two listen to?

Maybe we should do something else.

You know, on an episode... Episode of the Brady Bunch?

Cindy made prank phone calls at her slumber party.

Oh.

Okay, Cindy was eight.

Come on, it's my slumber party. Oh, damn, all right, give me the phone.

Yes,

hello, is your stove working?

Well, I hope it's getting overtime.

I've been too busy reading this.

Etiquette for dum -dums?

Why are you reading this?

So I know how to act around these bougie women.

Whatever you do, don't get me thrown out.

Welcome. The ladies are in the parlor.

Thank you.

It's really nice.

It's pretty.

Yes.

Hello, I'm Hannah Foster, Regina's mother, and you must be Nicole Parker

friend, Andrell Wilkerson?

Charmed, I'm sure.

She's not the Queen of England.

It's a pleasure meeting you, Miss Foster. Thanks for having us. Don't

it. Regina told me all about you, and I'm always happy to help the less

fortunate.

Well, let me introduce you to the other members.

or Mrs.? Ms.

Oh.

Ladies, please welcome Ms.

Parker and, um... And Dale Wilkerson, her single and available friend. So if

of you know any rich single men... Yes, well, why don't you just mingle? Over

there.

All right.

Here you go, girl.

Here you go. Here you go, sweetheart. Give me a call, here. All right, thank

you. Hey, girl, how you doing? Oh, quite well. I'm Charlotte Seymour.

Are you related to the real estate tycoon, Wellington Seymour?

You could say that.

He's my husband.

Oh.

Well, he got a brother?

Yes, but he's 94.

You got his number?

You'll have to forgive my friend's inappropriate behavior.

So are you rich, huh?

I bet y 'all go parties all the time.

Yes, we hold several game nights throughout the year.

some samples?

Yes, try one.

No, thank you. I'm on a diet. So, girl, aren't we all?

Look,

you better back up off me, girl.

Ladies, ladies, I am honored to introduce to you the best -selling

book, Infinity, A Woman's Journey, Miss Terry...

With a passage from the book.

Page 328.

As Carolyn sat alone on her bed, she felt for the first time in her

life alone.

All alone.

And suddenly, a feeling of freedom swept over her.

She realized that she didn't need a man to be complete.

as she had herself.

She'd never be alone.

I'm glad I didn't read Dead Book.

For that second time.

I can really identify with that passage.

When my husband left me, I knew I'd be okay.

As long as I had my dignity, my self -respect.

And, of course, she's million.

Million? Here, girl, let me give you my card.

Miss Parker.

Miss Wilkerson, you're interrupting Miss Angelou.

Actually, I'd be very interested in hearing what Miss Wilkerson has to say.

I completely agree with Nikki.

Tell them, girl.

Well, I have to be honest. I couldn't relate to the main character.

I mean, she's in denial.

Everybody needs somebody.

I don't know what I would do without my boo.

Ms. Angelou, pay no attention to Ms. Parker.

She's not one of our regular members.

She in no way reflects our opinions.

We were all deeply moved by your book.

Look, all I'm saying is that the woman clearly needed to get her freak on.

thinks because you have lots of money and live in a big house, that puts you

above everybody.

Now, you may live better than me, but it doesn't make you a better person than

me. Oh, come on. Step across the damn table. Do me a favor.

Come on down.

Bye, y 'all.

Ms. Parker, may I speak with you?

Look, sister, I'm sorry I slammed your book.

But I was just being honest.

Oh, I appreciate it.

I can't tell you how many of these things I attend where I've had to suffer

through pretentious women sitting around pontificating about symbolism and

overanalyzing my words.

I just want to tell them it's just a book.

I would love if you would cater one of my book parties.

I would love to.

I don't have to read any more of your books, do I?

You know, T,

despite our arguing, I think we came up with a pretty fine -looking chili.

I'm glad you took the words right out of my mouth.

Good afternoon, Your Lordship.

Good afternoon.

In this chili competition, I look for a smooth spoonful of chili with only the

finest ingredients.

Well, look no further.

There it is.

This chili has a nice aroma.

Good color.

Looks very flavorful. Keep going, keep going.

No bragging, right?

Let's check for text strength.

Check on, check on.

This seems to be incredibly thick.

Give me that.

bit once you get to know her yeah to be honest i can actually see us hanging out

with her again really hey everyone hey regina you want to kick it today oh

i'm seeing this new therapist and he wants me to be in touch with my true

feelings and and my true feelings are i don't really like you two

Regina's mother, and you must be Nicole Parker.