Original subtitles

Groceries? You sent me to the store.

I don't remember putting dog on the list.

Isn't it cute?

It followed me home. Can we keep it, please?

That dog must belong to someone, and I'm sure they're trying to find it. Mom,

there aren't any tags on him. Come on, please, until we find out who it belongs

to.

Okay, but your dog, your responsibility, and it better be housebroken.

Why? We don't live in a house.

a terrier.

What's its name?

I call her Kimmy.

Oh, why am I not surprised?

That's a boy dog.

He doesn't know that.

I know.

Oh, what am I to do? She's my daughter.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, what's up, Professor?

Take a look at this. Bam!

An official autographed Shaquille O 'Neal jersey.

I got it at a silent auction, and it only cost me $500.

You should get a frame to hang it in your office.

That's a good idea, Fred.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go show this off to my colleagues.

Since he's in such a good mood, maybe he can show me something.

Mama, you want a turkey burger?

No, I've got a secret mission to run.

Ooh, what is it?

I am going to surprise the professor and get his jersey framed.

That should push up our wedding date.

You don't think he's going to be mad that you broke into his apartment and

his jersey?

I'm not breaking in.

I'm using my key.

He should be about ready to leave for the gym, at least according to his palm

power.

Good luck, Mama. All right, baby.

Oh, are you home?

Do you want a yummy doggy big kiss?

Yes, I do.

Might as well check his e -mail.

Where's Timmy?

Locked in my room. Mama, how do you discipline a dog?

You say, bad girl, and then you smack her butt with a newspaper.

Only with a newspaper?

Mm -hmm. I wish I could have been a dog.

Can I catch a ride with you? Sure, come on, pumpkin.

Come on.

me, baby.

It wasn't me. It was that savage beast, Kenny.

You better run your mangy mutt before I turn you into some shoes and a...

I just got a call from the original owner of the Shaq jersey.

Evidently, his wife put it up for auction without telling him.

Some women are so sneaky.

Now he wants to buy it back from me for $5 ,000.

But I just have one problem.

Well, we all have problems, boo. But thanks for dropping by. My jersey's

missing.

And somehow, someway, you're responsible.

But listen carefully, you psycho.

If my autographed Shaq jersey doesn't show up within 24 hours, I'm going to

police.

And I will have the signature authenticated.

Yes.

24 hours.

Ooh, Mama, you going to jail?

He should have been here by now.

I know that your non -existent future with the professor is riding on this,

you need to calm down.

Rashawn will be here any minute.

Hey, what's up, you?

Hey, sorry I'm late, but I got detained.

I mean, I mean delayed.

So, what can I do you for?

Look here.

I got some slightly irregular Rolex watches.

I got some Dewey Baton bags.

Some Chanel perfume.

That's Chanel with an S. Only the best, baby.

Oh, it's good. Let me see one of those.

Oh,

sorry. I thought I heard a helicopter.

All right, go ahead.

I'm looking for an autograph.

Shaquille O 'Neal, Laker Jersey.

You came to the right person.

Look at that. There you go. There you

go.

This is such a relief.

I don't know what to say.

I do. How much?

A little hundred.

We're shining.

All right. Give me a little knowledge, girl.

Right there at the bottom.

Mm -hmm.

This says Shaw 34.

Where's the cue?

Let me see that.

You know what he do?

I've been here.

Hey,

fellas.

Zane, you too.

I don't remember seeing you guys around here.

Uh, we the new trainers.

I'm Nick, and that's Andy.

got any ideas for this play?

I'm not sure what to do with the number two position.

Don't just stand there. The man asked you a question.

Uh, the number two position.

I'd like to keep it between the one and the three.

Well, now I see why you guys are trainers.

See you around.

You're feeling a little soft.

Better do some more squats.

He slapped my butt.

Oh, sports guys do that all the time.

He slapped my butt.

Here you go, Tracy Murray.

How you doing?

I'm fine.

You sure are.

Bichon, good game.

asking for a lap dance. Can we just find Shaq?

Hey, can one of you give me a hand?

You go on. I'm going to stay here and wait for Kobe Butt to come by.

You need a rub down?

No, thanks.

I'm about to rub up.

I'm going to go see if you need his back scrubbed.

You new?

Yeah, I'm the new trainer.

I'll twist my ankle. You want to look at it for me?

Yes?

He's a big fan of yours, and I was wondering if you could autograph one of

liquor jerseys for me.

After my massage.

Okay, I'll wait. I mean, I'll wait. I'll wait.

You funny.

Can you look at my shoulders? They're kind of tight from practicing my fritos.

You actually practiced?

Little more pressure, please.

Ah, okay.

Yeah.

Deeper.

Harder.

Slow your roll, Shaq.

Now, this ain't no massage parlor, player.

Don't forget my glutes.

What's wrong with you?

I forgot to brush this morning and my breath is...

He already hates you, and he wasn't going to marry you anyway.

Hey. Hey, baby.

Hey, Andy. Hey, girl.

Kim, where's your dog?

It's so sad.

I took little Kimmy to the doggy park in Culver City, and all I did was turn my

head for a quick hour, and she was gone.

sergeant your butt she uh she was holding my daughter hostage and but

everything's okay now so you can go thanks bye you left your license yeah

me thank you i found the next to your mustache that's mine you also left

your autographed jersey

I figured you had to be a true fan to do what you did, or just crazy.

I vote for crazy.

Say, do you have anything for me?

Yeah, a restraining order from the team.

Sheriff, I don't know how to thank you.

Just stay out of the locker room, and I'll be happy.

No, she didn't.