Original subtitles

Now, you're telling me that the professor actually proposed?

Yep. What were his exact words?

Will you marry me?

And you were the only woman in the room?

Yeah. See, after he found out I was pregnant, he wanted to do the right

And you know how much my boo loves me.

All right.

Here's your checklist.

First, you need a wedding gown.

Check. Got that three years ago.

See, I knew it was just a matter of time before the professor would pop the

question.

Kim,

get out here.

Kim, what happened to my dress? I'm sorry, Mama, but I figured you were

ever going to use it.

Okay, well, I'm going to use this.

I failed.

Now, you know there's people you could call for this.

You want to fall, too?

Kim, where's the bridesmaid's dress?

Oh, Stevie's in the back trying it on. I'll go check on her. All right, baby.

All this wedding talking made me hungry.

Hey, boo.

Our little boo -boo is craving pig's feet and ice cream again.

be dazzled. Come out, Stevie.

Girl, Wilma Flintstone ain't got nothing on you.

I love it.

Somebody call Insta Magazine.

Okay, personally, I think it's a little bit much.

Who cares about what you think? I'm the designer.

Yeah, and I'm the fool who has to wear it.

Oh, she don't know nothing about fashion, baby. Nothing.

a spinning class together.

Spinning what, yarn?

Hey, Alan. Looking good?

Hey, Nikki. I'm feeling good.

I'll be back. I have to go get my bag. All right, hurry up. We don't want to be

late.

You got to help me, Nikki. I've never taken a spinning class before.

I'm scared.

stationary bike. Then you can do it. You have the power.

Lots and lots of power.

You guys are right. I can do this. Exactly.

Ready to go?

All right, baby.

Now remember, Alan, you can do it.

Now you bringing a fool?

Temperature's normal. Let me see you walk straight line.

And now, it's time for you to go.

My hubby and I need our quality time.

I am not your hubby.

Yet.

Damn.

Well, I'm going to leave you two lovebirds alone.

All right, girls.

I've been thinking about boy names.

Stan Ron, Ogie, Boo Shaw.

What do you think?

Bury me now.

Hey, come on, Boo.

It's not that bad.

We're going to have a little professor.

It's going to be something special. I can feel it.

Maybe even be president.

Could be president, couldn't he?

You're damn straight.

He's just what this crazy world needs.

President Stanley Ogilvie Jr.

I like that. That's right!

And to top it all off, once we're married, we can make love every night.

I left my husband for you, Stanley.

Come again?

I finally realized I don't care about his millions, mansions, or Mercedes.

All I want is you, my sexy junior college professor.

Nothing can stand in the way of our love.

Not even the fact that I'm now the assistant manager at Snack and Go?

Oh.

Well, S &C had budget cuts and...

They let me go.

Don't worry, Stanley.

We can live off of our love and my alimony.

Really? What am I thinking?

Veronica, I can't.

I'm getting married.

To who?

Miss Parker.

Oh, that's hilarious.

No, no, no. I'm serious.

She's having my baby.

You actually slept with her?

She forced me.

You know you're making a huge mistake.

Look, Veronica, my child is not a mistake.

Now, I have to do the right thing.

Then I guess this is goodbye.

So long, Stanley.

Those stairs really kill me. There were only three of them.

You feel thinner already?

Turkey. Can you stop thinking about food for one minute?

No. Look, Kim, this isn't working.

It's not working because you're not pedaling.

I was pedaling as fast as I could.

Look, that's not enough.

You know what? I'm sick of this.

First it's the dieting. Then it's the jogging.

Jogging. Yeah, okay, walking.

I care about your health.

Look, Kim, I've been this size my entire life, so if you can't accept me the way

I am, just leave.

Where are you going? I'm leaving.

Hey, yo, Kim.

Come back.

Come on, I'm stuck. Help.

Oh, for the baby.

So, has Alan called?

Nope, and I haven't seen him at school either.

Wow, it's been over a week. I guess you guys are officially broken up, huh?

It was official when I left him on that bike.

Maybe a big -butted deal there.

Come on, Kim, his butt was big when you met him.

think this is about his weight.

It is. What else could it be about?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe you're scared.

And you know, you've been hurt before.

Tell me about it.

Every time I get close to a man, he either leaves or disappears.

Michael, Aaron, Jarrell, Daddy.

So you dumped Alan before something happened?

Harry, what we have here are abandonment issues. I know I wrote the book on it.

Open up the dictionary to the word abandonment. There I am, staring back at

all alone, empty house.

except, of course, for Consuela, but then even she quit. You know, at least

parents... Uh, David, we were talking about me.

Were we?

Yeah.

Look, all I'm saying is, it seems like you and Alan were really into each

Maybe you should just tell him how you feel.

I can't wait for my honeymoon.

I'm going to light his fire.

Now, first, I'm going to grease him down in some hot oil, you know, the cherry

kind. Then what, you going to pan fry him?

This is Nikki Parker.

Uh -huh.

What?

Uh -huh.

Okay.

Bye.

Girl, are you okay?

That was my doctor.

He said my blood test was negative.

I'm not pregnant.

Nikki, what about the weight gain, the cravings, the gas?

She's been that way since I've known her.

Dr. Perkins said it was a hysterical pregnancy.

Well, it sure made me laugh.

And Dale, can't you see my mother needs our love and support?

Thanks, baby.

What's this?

That's a bill for the bridesmaids' dresses.

Oh, okay.

You know, I put a lot of time and effort into those dresses. The giraffe fabric

is endangered.

And so are you.

Wait a minute. Before you kill Kim, explain all those positive pregnancy

Yeah, how could a dozen tests all be wrong?

I don't know.

Kim, let me see one of those tests.

Okay.

The blood test was wrong, huh?

Well, what about the ultrasound?

Girl, they said it was a hammock.

Expiration date, December 1992.

No wonder it was buy one, get 15 free.

Maybe it's because I don't have any more kids.

You've got to tell the professor.

I will.

On our honeymoon.

Nicky, you can't trap him into marrying you. Why not?

Okay, okay.

I'll tell him.

Now.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, do you mind?

You raised in a barn?

That's the party, not a tea party.

Loosen up, bro. I can't.

My whole life is about to end.

The only thing that's keeping me going is my son.

The president.

Uh -oh.

Oh, it's about to be on.

Right here, please.

You got it, bro.

Have fun.

You know that.

Look, T, I asked you not to do this.

I want you, Stanley.

And I won't stop until you take me back.

Veronica, I can't.

I can't.

And I don't have any baby mama drama.

All right.

Get out.

Well, this party's just getting started. The party's over.

Come on, man.

Let's go, man.

Stanley, can you help me out of here?

Don't you miss all this?

Look, Veronica, sure I miss your silky skin, your full, sweet lip, your

round, firm... Look, I'm committed to Miss Parker.

But you don't love her.

You'll be throwing your life away.

I know.

I know.

Tell you what.

Make mad, passionate love to me tonight.

And if you still feel the same way in the morning, I'll never bother you

What the... No, stop!

Miss Parker!

You better stay away from my husband, honey.

I don't see a ring, Heather.

Oh, but you got to see stars.

Miss Parker. Miss Parker.

Are you all right?

All this excitement is upsetting the baby.

Look,

Veronica,

I can't do this. I can't put my baby's health at risk.

You have to leave.

Fine, Stanley.

But take a good look, because it's the last time you'll ever see it.

RGP before we broke up, and I didn't want my plate to go white.

You look nice in your suit.

You don't think it makes me look fat?

You know what, Alan?

I wasn't being completely honest with you or myself.

What do you mean?

I'm the one with issues.

I broke up with you not because you're big, but because I'm afraid, baby.

Look, Kim, I think we're both afraid of getting hurt.

The important thing is that we're honest with each other.

All I'd like to talk about is... For sure.

Over a plate of ribs.

And some cornbread.

Hey!

Mommy, you look so beautiful.

Thanks, baby.

You look good, Nikki.

You put on a few pounds.

Get away from me.

Uh, where's the professor?

Oh, my guess is he's crossing the Mexican border right about now.

I can't believe that he was willing to go through this after you told him you

weren't pregnant.

You did tell him, didn't you?

I tried to.

But when I got there, that evil skinny Veronica was giving him a lap dance.

Girl, she upset me and the baby.

There is no baby, you wacko.

I can't trick my boo like this.

I'm going to go tell him the truth right now.

Hey, y 'all. Y 'all look so nice. I know it's hot, but I'm going to be back

here. All right.

Be cool. Be cool.

Don't send the guest away. He may still want to go through with this. Okay. Good

luck.

Okay, the wedding's off. Everybody go home.

Hey, boo.

What do you want?

something to tell you.

See, a funny thing happened, but I don't know how to say it. Just

spit it out. I'm not pregnant.

Say what?

The doctor said I'm not pregnant.

But since you realized that we were meant for each other, we can still go on

with the wedding and start making babies right away.

No sense in wasting a perfectly good tux.

Lock up when you leave.

I'm a killing doll.

Hello? Veronica, it's Stanley.

Oh, I'm so glad you called.

You are?

Yes. I wanted to apologize for my shameful behavior.

Actually, I enjoyed it.

When I saw how committed you were to Nikki, it made me realize I need to work

things out with my husband.

Thank you for showing me the light.

You are a pillar of morality, Stanley. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm a heathen.

Let's cheat.

Come back to bed, baby.

The whipped cream is melting.

Gotta go, Stanley.

Send me pictures of the baby.

Good.

Miss Parker?

Hey, boo.

How did you get on my line?

Well, it was supposed to be our line.

Don't you realize tapping into someone's phone line is a federal crime?

Oh, whatever.

Look, I just wanted to call to let you know I'm keeping my down.

Because one day, come hell or high water, I... Nikki Parker will be Mrs.

Ogilvy. Bye boo.

Sweet dreams.

Bite the pillow.