Original subtitles

Mama.

Mama, you're going to be so proud of me.

I made the dean's list.

You have to have good grades to make the dean's list, baby.

Oh, here, see for yourself.

Yeah, you made the dean's list all right.

You're on academic probation, Kim.

Oh, I'm an academic pro.

Kim, that means you could be kicked out of school.

That's not so bad. I could use a break.

Oh, I'll give you a break.

If I were you, I'd get a tutor fast.

Stevie, will you tutor me? I'd only end up strangling you.

Tea?

Never mind.

Just check the dean's office.

They have a whole list of tutors.

So I've heard.

I can't afford that.

I'll help you pay for it, baby.

Let's see what you need a tutor in.

Math?

Science?

English?

Humanities? Damn, I'm a...

Here's your lunch, Professor.

Thank you, Woody. Can you believe this? Across -the -board budget cut. Yeah,

tell me about it. They said I had to let maybe some fried cook go.

To tell you the truth, Woody, she's not much of a cook.

Well, she is in the bedroom, living room, on top of this table.

I think I'll skip lunch.

Anyway, the dean wants me to get rid of both of my associate professors.

If they go, my workload is going to be impossible.

Yeah, but what are you going to do? Well, I'm going to give them an

If they go, I go.

You think that'll work?

Please, Woody.

I mean, this place would fall apart without me.

I mean, I run every damn committee here.

All the students love me.

Hi, Professor Ogilvy.

Which doesn't mean I have to love them back.

Like, I don't get it.

Well, why not leave?

Because if I play my cards right, I can get a boyfriend and good grades.

You remember Alan, the one I met at speed dating? The one who kicked you to

curb and said he didn't want anything to do with you? Uh -huh.

I haven't changed my mind since our first date. I'm not interested.

I'm fine, thank you for asking.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Well, I just was a little suspicious when you called and said you needed a

tutor.

Here, look at my grades.

Damn!

Hey, yo, look, Kim, I'm a tutor, not a magician.

I know it's bad, but I really need help. I have an English lit test in a few

days.

Yeah, all right, I'll help you. As long as we keep things strictly on a cash

basis. Alan, I'm not that kind of girl.

When I do it, it's for free.

What I mean is no funny business.

Not even a little?

No.

Ah, okay.

All right, now let's get started, because you're going to need every

can get.

What books have you been reading in English Lit?

None of them. That's the reason why I need a tutor.

Maybe you better pay me up front.

Dean Valentine.

Oh, this is a surprise.

Come on in. I missed you at your office, so I thought I'd drop in. I hope you

don't mind.

Oh, of course not.

So, what's up? Oh, I have good news.

The board of directors has decided to retain the services of your two

professors. Well, that's great.

They're terrific teachers. I couldn't run the department without them. I'm

they appreciate the sentiment, and I know they'll be anxious to keep in touch

with you.

Keep in touch?

Oh, yeah. He beat over the summer.

Summer. I'm sorry, Stanley, but the board has decided to, well, let you go.

Are you crazy?

They can't fire me.

Stanley, I am armed.

Really?

Or a night jacket?

Cashmere?

It's not the end of the world.

With your resume, you're bound to land something in, say, a year.

Or two.

How could you let them do this to me?

We're friends.

We play squash every Sunday.

I had forgotten about that. Yeah, well, do you know anyone else who plays?

Get out.

Oh, how's the tutoring going?

Oh, great.

Ellen's so smart and sweet.

But when we're together, my mind wanders.

How can you tell?

He's so cute.

Alan, your tutor?

Big, big Alan.

I'm really feeling it.

But Kim, he's so... So what?

So conservative.

Yeah. And he's fat.

And you guys think I'm that shallow?

Yeah.

Well, I've matured.

How? Well, if the guys start dumping you and dying on you, you appreciate the

good ones.

And besides, Alan has all the qualities I want in a man.

Yeah, he's got enough for two men.

You don't make fun of my boyfriend.

Oh, come on, Kim. He's not even interested in you.

Not yet.

Hey, y 'all. What's up, man? Y 'all seen the professor?

I haven't seen him.

Well, where could he... Never mind.

He'll be here in five, four, three, two...

How does she do that?

I must know.

I'm leaving SMC.

Harvard calls.

We're moving to Boston.

Now, I hate to tell you, but I'll manage.

I'm not going to Harvard, and we are not going anywhere.

Then what do you mean you're leaving SMC? I won't be teaching here any

Then where will you be teaching?

Miss Parker, would you please?

Oh, I know.

UCLA. No.

You guessed it, okay?

You know you can't keep anything from Nicky Parker. You're right, you're

Now, would you please not say anything to anybody, okay? I just want to leave

here quietly.

You don't have to worry, Professor.

My lips are sealed.

The CIA couldn't get it out of me.

Miss Parker!

No need to thank me, boo.

This is what couples do.

I specifically asked you not to say anything about this.

Oh, you're even cuter when you're humble.

Now go on and mingle.

Hey, congratulations, Professor.

Now that you're leaving, I'm kind of sorry I cut all your classes.

Professor, I hear the CNUSC stands for cheddar.

You're about to be paid.

You tell us, Fred.

Oh, yeah, well... Yeah, it's not like you to be modest. You know, there was a

sudden development and I, you know. You slide, doll.

I thought you were worried about budget cuts. I guess it ought to make it work.

We are really going to miss you, Professor.

He gave it back to me. He didn't laugh this time.

Here, you look.

Well, well, well.

Oh, it's bad.

I'm going to flunk out and have to sell oranges on the freeway off -ramp.

Well, try to crunch your exit. That's where I buy my produce.

It's a C.

Wow, that's a great away from an A.

And I owe it all to my boo -boo, Alan.

Kim, Alan doesn't want you.

That's what he says, but I know better.

You know, you're starting to sound a lot like Nicky. Please.

My mama crazy.

Woody, I don't know why we had to come to Andell's anyway.

Nothing good ever happens to me here.

Come on, Professor.

Andell needs our business.

Yeah, well, from the looks of it, Andell needs a new business.

Hey, Andell.

Hey, Professor.

Hey, Woody. Hey, Andell.

What can I get for you? Well, that depends.

Is Miss Parker around?

No. Well, will she be here any time soon?

No. In that case, I'll have a gin and tonic. All right.

And Woody?

Let me see. What do you have that's free?

Tap water.

In that case, I'll have what the professor's having.

All right. Two gin and tonics coming up. No.

I said I'll have what the professor's having. You just bring two straws.

Look at that.

I count four hunnids.

Must be ladies' night.

Great.

You know, Professor, we're supposed to be celebrating, but you don't seem too

happy about going to USC.

Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, Woody, this whole thing... Here we go,

Two gin and tonics for the new USC professor.

And don't think just because you know me you shouldn't tip big.

Don't worry. That won't be the reason.

To USC.

To you at three.

Now, what do you have, Rebecca?

Uh, forget it, Woody.

And now, another round.

Make mine a double. Ooh, all right. Hey, hey, hey.

Give this man anything he wants and charge him for it.

Oh, hey, Kim. How's it going?

Helen, don't you notice anything?

Yeah. It's kind of dark in here.

I mean what I'm wearing.

Oh, you mean your PJs. I'm sorry. Were you asleep?

Something smells good.

Oh, it's my perfume. It's called Flirt.

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not it.

It's rotisserie.

I know, then again, maybe it's baked.

Ooh, that's some turkey.

I thought dinner would be nice, so I got a turkey and some mashed potatoes.

Nah, no potatoes.

Kind of watching my cards.

Come on, Professor.

Aren't you ready to go? We're going to Miss Nightline. No, no, no, no, man.

We're celebrating.

I'm the new professor at USC.

That's right.

Hey.

Look at that honey.

Okay, okay.

Tie me.

Hey there, beautiful.

Why, thank you.

Nice ta -tas.

Hey, I'll call you.

How long?

Five seconds.

I'm more interested in picking up women and chasing them away.

It's fun.

You should try it.

You look like you'd be a natural.

Is that mine?

No, it's mine.

Not anymore.

You know, Professor, I took you out because I was hoping you could put in a

word for Mavis at USC.

But this ain't worth it. I'm out of here.

Make sure Ann Dale calls you a cab. Oh, go on, then.

Who is you?

I'm the professor at UFC.

Yeah.

Right.

Hey.

Oh.

Hey there, sweet thing.

You want to go back to my place and get naked?

For what? I didn't catch that.

Great, Kim. You don't know what you missed.

Oh, I know. I saw it all go in your mouth.

You must have been hungry.

Well, I eat when I get nervous.

And you?

You make me nervous.

I do?

How?

All right, I don't know, all right? Come on, let's just get back to work.

Me? Little old me make you nervous?

All right, you got anything else to eat?

Well, there's a package of dinner napkins if you want it.

You agreed that we were going to keep this strictly on a Tudor, 2D basis.

Yeah, but this 2D thinks you're a cutie.

Hey, kid, you're trying to scare me.

Come on. You know there's something between us. Yeah, three Ds and two Fs.

Ellen, don't fight this. You know you want me. You're making me get really

hungry here.

How about a yummy kiss?

All right.

Just one kiss.

One kiss.

Let me just go first, you know, and then we can get it on.

Professor, look at you.

You sure look fine.

Oh, girl, I think I can manage. And thanks for calling me. I have to do it

he gets home safely. All right. All right.

Hey, Miss.

Come on, bro.

All right.

Come on. Here we go.

Let's get you home and get you out of these clothes.

And then, uh, never mind.

How could USC fire you before you even start?

There is no USC.

Yeah, it's over there by South Central.

Santa Monica College let me go.

And I didn't say anything because I was

too ashamed.

I'm so sorry. You must feel terrible.

Can't breathe.

We'll get through this. I promise you.

They must be out of their minds to get rid of a great professor like you.

You really think I'm a great professor?

Are you kidding?

If I had three college degrees...

I still want to take a class from you.

Thank you, Ms. Parker.

I'm here for you, boo.

Is this the part when you kick me out?

Not tonight.

You're not going to throw me out the window, are you?

It's too late to study.

I didn't come here to study.

Look, if you're mad at me, I'm sorry.

and go to your place.

Uh -huh.

We can do it. The cops come back.