Original subtitles

Your check is out.

Are you a typical college student who's broke and tired of wasting your hard

-earned cash on gas -guzzling vehicles?

I would be if I had one.

I'll mind away.

A smart car for a smart person.

Don't worry, Kim. There's a car out there for you.

Somewhere.

Whoever scores the highest on the IQ test wins a brand -new, fuel -efficient

electric car.

Hey.

Hey, I finally have my own rock.

Hey, I'm telling you, it's not cool rolling in Mama's purple pimp mobile.

Oh, you can always roll on the bus.

A lot of me to brag, but the word genius was thrown around quite a bit when I

was a child.

Then why are you at a junior college?

Hey, boo.

You want to test your IQ?

No need.

I'm smart enough to know you're not the woman for me.

Well, let's do this.

What took you so long, genius?

I wanted to recheck my genius answers. What's your excuse?

Well, I finished so early, I took a cat nap and plucked my eyebrows.

What's that on your answer sheet?

Oh, this is hot sauce red nail polish.

I even painted my nails, too.

All done?

What the hell? Neither one of them looks too bright anyway.

She's short, she's beautiful, and she's right here.

Stevie girl, where you at?

Oh, it's me.

It's right here in this letter. Let me see it.

Yes, it's Kim Parker.

Uh, hand me that phone.

Not that I doubt you, baby.

Kim Parker, and I will call in to double -check the results of my IQ test.

Uh -huh.

No, seriously, check again.

Uh -huh.

You're positive?

Just once more, please.

Okay.

It's true.

Kim had the highest IQ.

See, I knew it was a hoax.

What did you say?

It's true. It's really true.

Kim, you scored higher than anyone else.

Baby, do you know what this means? I can rip up my bus pass.

That and you're a genius.

A genius?

I always knew I was different.

I've been saying that all your life.

Kim hasn't been properly challenged.

All these years, she's been bored in school.

That's what I've been trying to tell you. No one has challenged my mind.

Tickle Me Elmo.

You know, it's so clear now.

The L .A. school system failed you, baby.

Instead of pushing you forward, they were holding you back. Back.

What I need to do is get my man J .C. on the phone.

Uh, Nikki, who's J .C.? Johnny Cochran.

Damn, man, the school system failed you, too.

Apple red IQ.

It matches my fingernail.

What? You won the car? I don't know.

How did you pull that off? With a score above 150, I'm brilliant.

I always knew there was something deep, deep down in those unexplored readers of

your mind.

So how did you non -genius of do?

They told me don't be no fool, stay in school.

How did you do, Stevie?

Everybody knows the IQ test is racist and culturally biased.

How bad was it? Let's just say I have no IQ.

Hey, y 'all.

I'm sure Kim told you guys the good news.

My baby's a genius.

Love me.

Stop hating.

Kim, can I have a word with you?

I heard about your test score, and I was wondering how is it that you are able

to score higher than me?

Excuse me, Professor, but it's higher than I.

Uh, you took the test?

Doesn't hurt to have a second car.

What can I say except I'm a genius and you're not?

Yeah, but you've never gotten higher than a D on any of my exams.

I guess you don't stimulate my intellect.

I've got your stimulation.

Oh, Professor, can I have it?

Get away, you schizo.

Well, we'll see how smart Kim really is after she takes one of the most

difficult midterms I ever devised.

Hello, your role professor.

Remember, I'm a new genius.

Get in.

Hello?

I'm sorry.

I can't party with you tonight.

I have to study.

See, I'm a genius.

And geniuses only kick it with other geniuses.

So long, doofus.

Who was that?

Tea.

Yes, it was. Yes, it was.

Hey, baby. Hi.

Love the new look?

Yeah, I'm rocking genius.

Kim, I have to go to the bookstore. I forgot to get you Einstein's dreams.

Who cares about his dreams?

He's dead.

All right, are you ready to do this? Because I am ready to do this. I need to

this. That low IQ score has got to be wrong. I have to ace the professor's

Stevie, breathe.

Exhale.

Humidify your mind.

Okay, let's begin.

Stevie, we've studied that already.

How many more times do you want to keep going over this stuff?

Until I'm smart.

We don't have that kind of time. The test is tomorrow.

Look, why don't I take it for you? I can't do that. You just don't get it.

No, I do get it. I'm the one with the 150 IQ.

You're right.

I'm wrong, as usual.

Look, I'm going to bed.

My brain cells need their rest. I thought they were going to be bubbly in

morning. Night, Stevie.

Night.

Stevie, have you been up all night?

Oh, is it morning already?

I haven't finished studying. I need at least 18 more hours.

Stevie, Stevie.

I hate to say it, but if you don't know it by now... I do know it. I must know

it.

Okay, calm down.

Now let us make haste.

Jesse, I actually have a meeting with my man, Jay Pete.

I hope it's the suit of a professor for that hard -ass test.

Hey,

you two.

How'd you do on your midterm?

Let's just say I may never leave this place.

Well,

I know my baby aced it. That's right. I'm the genius formerly known as Kim.

Stevie Van Lowe.

How could you have failed my midterm?

She's dumb.

Yeah, because only a... dummy would fall asleep on a midterm.

Yeah, well, I guess that explains the drool on your paper.

I was exhausted. I pulled an all -nighter.

See, the excuses are like hemorrhoids.

Nobody wants one.

Well, I finally got my baby to apply herself, and it paid off.

So, Professor, you didn't think I could pass your midterm, and I aced it.

Yeah. Yes, Kim, you did.

So I guess this proves that you are.

That you are... What rhymes with heart?

Smart, there I say.

You're damn right she's smart.

But Kim needs to be around people who she can relate to.

I do?

Yeah. It's not easy being a part of the upper 2 % of the population.

That's why I recommended you for Mensa. Men who?

It's a club for really smart people.

And you were accepted, baby.

Who'd you ladies get in free before 10?

I didn't ask.

But there's going to be a mental induction ceremony for you at the

union. Oh, mama, it's all coming together.

That's right. I have UPN, BET.

You're the genius, so it must be brilliant.

You know, you should win a Nobel Prize.

Or at least a Golden Globe.

Are you okay, Stevie?

How can I be okay?

I'm a dummy.

I have the IQ of a chimpanzee. I couldn't even pass my eye exam.

Don't worry, Stevie.

You can always be a professional shampooer.

You think?

If you study real hard.

Aw, thanks, Kim.

You're so amazing.

And don't forget smart.

I remember what that looked like.

Ah, ah, ah, one who looks back bumps into a wall.

Hey, y 'all. Hey.

Hey, baby.

You have your big speech ready?

Oh, I can't wait.

Oh, I helped. I put little smiley faces all over her paper.

Well, gotta go pick up tea.

How you dealing with this whole IQ thing?

Oh, I've accepted it. I've been partying, bought a whole new wardrobe,

all my classes.

Being dumb is fun.

Don't worry, Mama. She'll make a fine shampooer.

Well, gotta go.

Adieu.

Adieu? She do what?

Oh, don't strain your brain.

That's genius talk.

Hi, I'm looking for Kim Parker.

Why? I've certified mail for her.

Oh, sure. Oh, just take it.

Oh, it's not a bill.

It's also not another cleverly disguised restraining order from the professor.

We regret to inform you that your test results were accidentally switched with

the Miss Stevie Van Lowe's.

They were, however, still remarkable in that they were way below the population

average.

Our sincerest apologies to Acme IQ Testing Company.

Yes, I told you that girl was dumb.

My daughter is not dumb.

Well, we'll see what those Mensa folks have to say.

Oh, no.

This is all my fault.

I can't let her make a fool of herself.

Maybe I can catch her on her cell.

Hello?

Hello?

Come on.

We gotta stop her.

Why you hang up on me?

Take it easy on the horn. We're not going anywhere.

Move it!

I don't know why they call it rush hour when nobody flush it.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to get the honey in the Honda's attention.

Will you stop it? You freak.

Well, I'm bored.

Besides, there's nothing else we can do.

Yes, there is.

I have to save my baby.

does it feel to be a genius?

A little tingly.

Tingly? Your brain?

No, my hair. Stevie forgot to wash all the shampoo out.

Damn, I even suck at shampooing.

Please come forward.

Wait! Wait!

I don't... I love you, too.

I gotta go.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I would like to thank the Men's Society for recognizing and welcoming a true

genius. Me.

And as a new member, I'd like to offer Kim's theory of relativity.

Have you ever wondered why Jennifer Lopez now goes by J -Lo?

Or why Oprah Winfrey is just so?

Put on me this.

If Kentucky Fried Chicken is simply KFC, why isn't Jack in the Box J &B?

Man, she's deep.

My point is, you can be who you are in the simplest way.

Kinetic inertia.

being squared. That doesn't make any sense.

This means keep it simple, stupid.

We can be who we are as we are.

A test score should not determine your worth.

It's about believing in yourself.

And once you do that, you can achieve anything, even if your score is lower

Bubba's achievement.

for this opportunity.

I look forward to participating in your events.

You do party, don't you?

Kim, I am so proud of you, baby.

Yeah, me too.

Thanks for making me not feel like an idiot.

Hey, that's what friends are for.

Hey, man, at first you had a brother tripping, but...

I see now you're just on another level. I gotta say, Kim, you're full of

surprises.

I see you in a whole new light.

Am I in that light, too?

No.

Uh, Kim, baby, I need to tell you something. I know. I was great.

You were.

But, uh, unfortunately, baby, the people from the IQ test, they sent a letter

saying they accidentally switched your score with Stevie's.

They did what?

They switched your scores.

You didn't get the letter they sent today?

No, the last letter I opened said I was dumb.

So this whole thing was a big mistake?

So, I'm not an idiot. I'm still really smart.

And I'm not a genius.

I'm still really challenged.

Oh, it's okay.

Can you help me?

I get it.

Hi, are you Kim Parker?

Yeah, why?

Well, I'm from the Acme IQ testing company. You know, the people who gave

the car before we realized we made a terrible, terrible mistake.

Uh -uh, no back at this.

Kim, who was at the door?

Uh, wrong address.

please? Are you a bill collector?

No, I'm here to pick up the car.

Mama, no.

I'm sure you're aware of the horrible, horrible mix -up and we need the car

back. I lost it.

Really? Well, I found it downstairs parked in front of your building.

You're mean.

Kim, give the man the keys.

I hope you washed it.

You okay,

Puddin'? Yeah.

Actually, I'm glad I'm not a genius.

It was way too hard being smart.

All the formulas and theories.

I never had time to think about the important things in life, like clothes,

shoes, fine guys.

Then that's my Puddin'. I just hope you don't love me any less.

I know how happy you were when you found out I was a genius.

Baby, it doesn't matter if you're smart, challenged, blonde, or brunette, as

long as you apply yourself.

I agree, Mama.

So, I'm going to go apply some makeup.

I got some partying to catch up on.

I love you, Mama.

I love you, too, Puddin'. That's my girl.

Hello, J .C.

Hey, Nikki Parker.

Yeah, uh, about that lawsuit with the school district.

Mm -hmm. You may want to disassemble the dream team.

Yeah. See, a funny thing happened.

Uh -huh.

And square the top.

And square times the square.

times the square root of the smaller face times twinkle, twinkle little star

times equals.

Let me do this.