Original subtitles

Okay, ladies.

AAA's first order of business is the banquet for student of the year. I have

this made up. What do you think?

It's fine for America's most wanted.

I still can't believe she beat me out of student of the year. You should. You

had them recounted 30 times.

Well, when the voting is that close, it's my duty.

Uh, close?

Mickey had 120 votes. You had 14.

So they say.

Okay, look, we are here to discuss the banquet, okay? Now, you two are in

charge, so what's it going to be?

I'm thinking high tea with a string quartet.

I'm thinking chicken wings, two turntables, and a microphone.

How's your speech going? I'm speechless.

Oh, that's a first.

And this just can't be any old speech.

I'm student of the year.

Girl, they chose me out of 30 ,000 students.

Oh, so they pulled your name out of a hat.

I bet you were never student of the year.

Oh, you're right. They don't have that at four -year colleges.

Oh.

Not even when it takes you six years to finish.

Watch yourself.

Yeah. Uh -huh.

And you didn't finish.

Hello?

Oh, hey, Daddy.

Is she okay?

Uh -huh.

No, I understand.

Give Mama a hug for me.

Okay. I love you, too.

Bye, Daddy.

What's wrong?

Mama's sick, so they won't be coming to the award banquet.

Oh, that's too bad.

And Daddy was the one that was supposed to be presenting it to me.

Shoot. What am I going to do now?

Well, since the professor is the emcee, why don't you just have him give it to

you?

That's a great idea.

And it'll be good training for when he gives me my engagement ring.

And your straitjacket.

I don't talk about your mouth.

You wonder why you say it.

Baby, give me a hug.

You know, you Jehovah's Witnesses are getting a little too friendly.

Wait a minute, I'm not a Jehovah's Witness.

Danni, who are you?

I'm your daddy.

So, Aunt Rita never told you about me? The first I heard of you was when she

called me out of the blue a couple weeks ago.

She didn't even tell you she was pregnant?

Well, it was kind of complicated, see? Me and Rita, we used to, you know, we

were... Booty call.

It was nothing like that.

Then what was it?

Well, see, man, we kind of like, you know, we were... Okay, it was a booty

The most important thing is that I'm here now, and I want to make up for the

time that I missed. I want to get to know my little girl.

Little girl?

You have missed a lot.

Hey, Mama. Hey, baby.

Speaking of little girls, that's mine.

Look at you. Come over here and give your grandpa a hug.

Grandpa George?

You look different.

Did you get a weave?

Baby, uh, this is not Grandpa George.

This is my birth father.

Oh, you're the one that knocked up Auntie Rita!

you're finally able to read your Sesame Street watch.

That's how much you know. It's a Rugrats watch.

Shall we begin with our checklist?

I don't have a checklist.

Figures.

But I do.

Okay, music, what about... Done.

Decorations, I was thinking. Done.

Flowers. Done. Menu. Done.

But you've done everything. What am I supposed to do? Go home. Meet Majority.

with Regina?

Kim, everyone has a problem with Regina.

We're both supposed to be planning my mother's banquet, but Regina's doing

everything.

That's a relief.

It's not fair.

Kim, if life was fair, I would have never met your mother.

You gonna stop talking about my mama.

Hey, Kim.

How'd your meeting with Regina go?

Awful. This banquet's gonna suck.

Why, you guys decided to let Woody do the catering?

No, Regina. took over and she won't let me do anything.

Well, you just can't let her get away with that.

You're right.

It's my mama and I'm proud of her. And if anybody's gonna make this banquet

suck, it's gonna be me. That's right.

That was the ugliest baby I ever seen in my life.

I haven't been to Magic Mountain since Kim was a little girl.

That was a lot of fun.

It sure was. I even won you a prize.

And it only cost you $150 worth of basketball shots.

So, uh, what do you want to do next?

Well, before I do anything, I got to watch my show, When Animals Attack.

You watch that? I love that show. Did you see the one where the deer kicked

guy's ass?

This may sound crazy, but I feel like I've been knowing you all my life. Me

It's been a great few days.

And I can't wait till you receive your award this weekend.

You know what would make it even more special?

Is if you presented to me.

And nothing would make me happier.

I was thinking, why stay at a luxury hotel?

When you can stretch out on a five -star couch.

Are you sure?

Of course.

You're my daddy.

I can do them blankets.

Okay.

Could you get that for me quickly? Yeah.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Nicky's daddy. Who the hell are you?

I'm Nicky's daddy.

Daddy? Yes.

Biological daddy, Quincy DeJohn.

Quincy, this is the daddy who raised me, George Anderson.

Oh, so you're the one that knocked up my sister, huh?

Look, I didn't even know Nikki existed until Rita called me a couple of weeks

ago. And that's why I'm here.

I want to get to know my daughter.

Well, you're 40 years too late.

I'm 39.

Daddy, I thought you were taking care of Mama.

Well, she's feeling better.

And besides, I didn't want to miss giving you your award.

You? Uh, let's talk about that in the morning.

Right now, I have to figure out a place for you to sleep.

Why can't I sleep where I always sleep, right here on the couch? Because I

already asked Quincy to stay.

Baby, maybe I should just... No, no. No, we're family, and we'll work it out.

Fine. Why doesn't Mr. Daddy come lately, sleep on the couch, and I'll sleep on

the floor?

No, you take the couch. When I was a Marine in Nam, I slept on the floor all

time. Well, that's okay, Gomer Pop.

I'll sleep on the patio.

When I was with the 82nd Airborne in the Nang, what the action was, we slept on

hard concrete.

When I was out in the jungle protecting the Nang, we slept standing

up, wishing we had some hard concrete to snuggle on.

Well, that's all right.

I'll just stand here and catch up on some reading while I sleep.

When we swept the Mekong Delta, secure in the jungle that you were napping in,

we had to sleep standing up with one eye open like this.

Oh, yeah? When we cleared the Ho Chi Minh Trail to secure your Mekong Delta,

had to whittle tweeds down to the size of toothpicks to pop our eyelids open to

stay awake three days in a row.

I don't know what y 'all gonna do, but I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna sleep

in a bed.

Good night.

when she did it now.

First thing in the morning, have a wake -up belt.

I'm making cake for Nikki's breakfast.

A couple of skinny -ass pancakes soaked in booze. That ain't no breakfast.

Just so you know, there is no booze. The alcohol cooks off.

Leaving the orange.

Well,

where we come from, essence is a magazine and the orange is a fruit.

I know my baby. She's going to start her day with something that's going to

stick to the ribs.

Oh, crepes.

I love crepes.

Baby girl, you okay?

Told you. She's lightheaded from hunger.

I better make you a couple of pork chops so you don't waste the weight.

Morning, Grandpa.

Good morning.

Hey, baby. Oh, Mama, you're not going to believe this, but I need money for

shopping. You're not going to believe this.

But my wallet is empty and my credit cards are full.

I want to look up for your banquet.

Here's a hundred bucks. Angel face, knock yourself out. Thank you, Grandpa.

Daddy. Hey, here's some real money, baby.

Ooh, $200?

What's he?

Girl can't buy herself some new threads with that chump change.

Here, honey.

Bam. Don't leave home without it.

Bam.

And she won't leave home with it either.

See y 'all.

No.

You two have got to stop this competition before I vote you both off

You just cost me $200.

Hey, Professor.

and your future son -in -law look handsome in the morning light.

Great to see you again, son.

Call me Dad.

Why?

How's it going, son?

I'm Quincy Dijon. I'm Nicky's real father.

Real father?

That's right, son.

I'm the real deal.

Will everyone stop calling me son?

Okay, pumpkin.

Look, I just stopped by because I got to take my car to the shop and I misplaced

my keys and I was wondering if Miss Parker would...

Give me her set.

Sure, boo.

If you lose these, I got plenty more.

Hey, son, you got car problems?

Come to me. Any future son -in -law of mine deserves a ride around in luxury

wheels. You like Porsches?

Quincy, what do you think you're doing? Hush, woman.

Can't you see two men are talking?

Boxster or Carrera?

Daddy, do something.

You like Ferraris?

My two dads.

My check, one, two, one, two.

Can't you play that thing any louder?

of this place.

I don't know what she did, but I call mine Afro -Ghetto Fabulous Fusion.

More like Confusion.

Ladies, ladies, listen.

I'm going to come back here after my class, and if you haven't pulled this

together, there will be no banquet.

Which one?

That one. Okay.

So, how are things going with your two dads?

I think maybe they're working it out. They are actually spending the afternoon

together. Oh,

get that for me. Okay.

What happened to y 'all? This old fool tried to kill me.

You know I wanted to play checkers.

This happened playing checkers? Oh, I got to hear this.

We decided to arm wrestle to see who goes first, and I flipped his butt clean

onto the ground. You jumped out of your seat and you fell on me.

If you'd have taken your loss like a man, none of this would have happened.

let's go ahead to the gym.

Now, this will be the most important day of my life, other than my wedding day

to the professor.

I will not have you to embarrass me.

I'm sorry that Quincy's acting like a jackass.

This jackass is about to put his hip up yours.

That's it.

That is it.

And to think I was afraid of hurting your feelings because only one of you

present me with my award.

But this isn't about me anymore.

You know what?

I don't want either one of you there.

Look what you did. Look what you did.

Congratulations,

lady. Triple A really pulled this together.

Yes, it looks terrific.

Reminds me of the time Paul Robeson and I... You see, I had a vision that...

Okay, okay.

Actually, tea and a harpist inspired us.

Oh. When we saw them play together, we figured we could, too.

Whatever.

That's the arms.

Looks good, huh?

Yes, it looks terrific.

Reminds me of the time Paul Robinson... Oh, I gotta go, Doc.

All right, if everyone would please be seated. I would like to welcome our

master of ceremonies for this evening, Professor Stanley Ogles.

And now the reason why we're all here.

I'd like to introduce a woman... A woman...

who has made my life a living professor.

Sorry, I digress.

Please welcome to the stage SMC's Student of the Year, Miss Nikki Clark.

Thank boo.

An English historian once wrote,

Every person who rises above the common level has received two educations.

The first, from his teachers.

The second, from a personal end.

You know what?

I was going to say a lot of things that someone else had already said.

But instead, I'm going to say my own words.

Uh -oh, they're about to be some cousins.

standing here if it were not for my family.

My daughter Kim has always supported me, even when I decided to quit my job and

start my own business baking cookies.

And by the way, I'll be selling them in the back at the end of this fight.

Kim, baby, you are my heart.

Next, I want to speak about two men I'm lucky to call dad.

One who adopted me and took me not only into his home, but also into his heart.

And the other, who recently just learned of my existence, came forward and made

these past few days some of the best days of my life.

They're not here tonight because for a moment I forgot.

I forgot how stubborn and crazy and irritating family can be.

But I also forgot how much love and caring that they bring.

I'm just sorry that I...

They're not here to share this special moment with me.

We're here for you, baby.

Excuse me, Rabbi?

It's us, sweetheart.

Daddy!

Well, what do you know?

Both of my grandpas are Jewish.

We know you said you didn't want us to come, but we couldn't bear to miss this.

And I'm sorry we're out here like a couple of fools.

Especially George. Me.

Ladies and gentlemen,

My two dads, George Anderson and Quincy DeJohn.

Well,

you two do me the honor of presenting me with my award.

Ladies and gentlemen, SMC Student of the Year, and our daughter, Miss Nikki

Parker.

Your mama's so skinny that when she gets in the car, people think she the club.

Okay,

okay, okay, okay.

Your mama's so ugly that when she went in the woods, the trees peed on her.

You're crazy.

Oh, my stomach.

Come on.

What's going on?

What's so funny?

Your mama's so dumb, she went to the movies. The sign said, on the 17 -minute

minute, she came back with 16 of her friends.

My mother has a college education.

Your mama's so fat, she puts on a yellow dress. All the kids in the neighborhood

are like, Taxi!

No, no, no, no, boo.

We're just playing the dozen.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

I got one. Okay, okay, come on.

Your mama's so dumb, she scored 900 on her SATs. Woo -hoo!

I got to go.

Yeah, good night.

See you in the morning.

Aw, sure.

Yeah, what's the matter?

You can't take the heat?