Original subtitles

Check you out.

Good luck on your interview, Mama.

Oh, thanks, baby. Now, I got to get this internship.

Now, Professor Adams said if I do it, I'll get an A, and that'll put me on the

top of the dean's list.

How do I look?

Nervous.

Oh, but really cute.

Just relax, Nikki.

All you got to do is let them know that they can't intimidate you. You're in

control. Just look them dead in the eye like this.

Boy, I want to get employed, not committed.

Are you transferring?

No. What would you do without me?

Celebrate. You're so crazy. Now, I'm on my way to interview for my business

internship with Alto Waste Management.

Bruno Alto's company?

Yeah. You know him? Well, we're in the same softball league.

Oh, well, maybe you can put in a good word for me.

I can't.

Conflict of interest.

You see, we're in the middle of negotiating a sanitation contract with

SMC.

Oh, okay.

Wait a minute. What does that have to do with my internship?

Nothing.

Wait, Professor?

All right, well, for what it's worth, Bruno Alto is a pretty tough cookie. I

mean, I heard he got into a shouting match with the last two students he

interviewed. Don't worry.

Now, I'm not going to blow it. I need this internship.

I'm going to remain cool, calm, and collected.

about it.

Not bad.

But you gotta use your hands.

Forget about it.

Forget about it.

You're high.

People from True Life are looking for someone to do their next show.

True Life?

Oh, I love True Life. It's a nice change from those reality shows.

I can't believe they turned me and Stevie down. You said we were too

I could have told y 'all that.

They want people with interesting stories. You can't go over there and be

yourself. You gotta give them a little extra.

Okay, so, uh, I suppose you can do better. Oh, I know I can.

Just like that girl, the stripper cheerleader with a 4 .0 grade average.

on a talk show, you know.

And MTV is going to make me a star.

Hi.

I'm Kimberly Ann Parker, and I should be on True Life because I'm cute, turkey,

and petite.

So is a hamster. Next.

Jill, you have a seat. All right, all right.

She's sitting down.

You don't think they could possibly be interested in her?

She's just as boring as we are.

Right? Right, right.

Okay, yeah, see, they're kicking her to the curb. Yeah, good.

Okay, now remember, be gentle.

Welcome to the Losers Club.

Oh, I'm sorry, I can't join you because I'm going to be on True Life.

What? How'd you pull that off? I told you you can't. be yourself, I just went

over there and became a whole bunch of people.

Of course, multiple personalities.

No, just a whole bunch of people.

Hey, Nick, you send a bit off about the garbage contract to that idiot in the

mayor's office?

Sure did.

Good, good.

Hey, want to go to Carmine's for lunch?

Their steaks are, uh, how you say, the bomb.

Well, check you out, homie. Next thing, you'll be doing the seawall.

Yeah, right.

Oh, I'm sorry, Bruno.

I forgot about your leg.

It's nothing.

How'd you hurt it anyway?

Let's just say I, uh, hurt it on the job.

Call Carmise. Tell him to hold the table for two.

Oh, I forgot.

My friend in Dallas is coming by today to take me out to lunch.

Is she cute?

She's single. Bring her along.

Alto Waste Management.

It's Benny.

I'll take you to my office.

Hang on, Benny.

Oh, so this is Alto Waste Management.

I never been to a real mob hangout.

Don't start with that working with the mob talk again, Andal.

All I'm saying is Bruno's Italian.

He's in waste management just like Tony Soprano.

Soprano, Alto, anything ring a bell?

Yeah, the loose screws in your head.

Hey, Nikki, how you doing? Hey, big kitty, how you doing?

Same old, same old. Go on there.

Yeah, go on there.

Thanks, Nikki. By the way, I brought you some of the biscottis you like.

And I suppose they fell off a truck.

Could be they did, could be they didn't.

What's it to you?

Did I say something?

Explain him.

What? My Uncle Jay wears dress shoes with his warm -up suits, too.

Hey, Nick, something suddenly came up. I can't make lunch today.

Oh, well, no problem. I'll just take a rain check.

Good. Hey, why don't you take the rest of the day off?

You sure?

Yeah. Do me a favor.

Draw the blinds on your way out. Okay.

I don't care what Nicky says.

You are cute.

is about to go down.

I'm getting rid of my fingerprints.

Uh -uh, those coppers ain't throwing me in the slammer. I know what they do to

pretty girls in prison.

Please, you'd be safe in a men's prison.

my mouth shut, then I should be all right.

That might work. I saw a guy on The Sopranos do that, and he got away with

Good, see? Right. For two days.

Then they ran him through a meat grinder and sold him for $3 .95 a pound.

Try the veal.

We got veal?

No, but we got a big ham.

If you'll excuse me, I have autographs to sign.

Look at her.

This should have been us.

You know something? Tell me. How does it feel to be best friends with a wacko?

Oh, please. You should try being the daughter of two wackos. See, my

Look, it works out fine.

We have this band, Freestyle Unity, and we don't need no background singers

because she sings all the ports.

Lala? Yes, it's Miss Leo, the Jamaican.

for Missionaire Redeeming Souls Church.

Where the Reverend Dr.

Bishop Pastor L .L. Perkins Jr.

presides.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have souls to save.

Girl, have you lost your mind?

Yes, and isn't it great?

Who are you?

I'm Cory from MTV.

MTV? Is that called for Mob TV?

Mob? We're here to shoot Kim.

this thing done. We need him to play ball with us. You take care of this, and

you don't take no for an answer. You got me?

I'm on it. What about the intern?

Hey, boss, you want me to take care of the intern?

No.

You busy tomorrow afternoon?

Who? Me?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I got so much to do. You know, I got to go do the laundry and go grocery

shopping and, um, a wedding.

Yeah, yeah.

My big, mean, surly brother's wedding. You know, the one who's a cop who just

took a job with the feds.

Well, uh, after that, I'll swing by and pick you up.

I'll take you for a little ride.

I got a little surprise for you. Thank you.

Excuse me, I have things to do.

We into this. Look, now we have to find evidence to put these mobsters behind

bars so me and the professor can go ahead with our wedding plans.

I've seen this before on The Sopranos. It'll probably be a long trial, and

have to assume new identities.

Oh, no problem. I got a bunch of them. I can be a dancer named Shantae.

Kim. Huh?

Why don't you go sit in the car, and if you see anyone coming, flash the

headlights so we'll know.

Just get in the damn car.

Yep, there it is.

See ya. No!

Go check it out.

No, you check it out. You check it out. Okay, let's both check it out. Okay, on

three.

One, two, three. No!

Open it, you're already there.

Okay.

Get back to the headlights, somebody must be coming.

must be going for help.

Guy!

Come on in.

Oh, the closet!

Have a seat.

Thanks.

How'd you enjoy dinner?

Boy, that car mine can sure cook a mean steak, eh? Yeah, it was delicious.

Um, Bruno, what's this all about?

We need your help.

We want you on our team.

So you thought I'd sell out for a couple of steaks?

That's what we were hoping.

So what do you think?

You can't be serious.

I'll show you how serious we are.

He's getting a gun.

Then you better put your hands over your ears.

What?

Miss Parker, what's the matter with you?

Danny, don't stop that.

I'm on it, boss.

I'll go call 911.

Danny! Yeah, boss, I'll go help him.

Miss Parker, what do you think you're doing?

Is this the body you're referring to? Those are my legs. My prosthetic legs.

But they look so real. Get off me!

Bruno, I'm sorry.

I think she cracked the rib.

Allow me to call the police, Bruno.

The police?

But I didn't do anything. Oh, let's start with breaking and entering.

Slander.

Assault with a deadly weapon.

Nikki, I was being fitted for a new leg.

These are samples.

But you were trying to get SMC's business by threatening a professor.

What? I was trying to get him on our softball team.

He's a hell of a pitcher, and we suck.

But you said you were going to take me for a ride.

Yeah, because I had to cancel a lunch.

I was going to take you out for a nice dinner and welcome you to the company.

So that wasn't a gun you was reaching for?

Isn't that illegal?

We're reaching for this.

We thought this would impress him.

Well, I hope you're happy, Miss Parker.

We are going to have so much to laugh about tomorrow at the water cooler.

No, we won't.

Because you're fired.

But then I won't make the Dean's list.

Well, you should have thought of that before.

And where'd you get such a harebrained idea?

I'm gonna kill Andel.

Can I borrow your bat?

Andel!

Was that your car?

Hey. Hey.

How's it going, Ms. TV Star? Great.

Those people at True Life... for anything.

I have them wrapped around my finger.

And you really think you're going to get away with this? Oh, it's done. We

finished yesterday.

As they say, it's a wrap.

Oh. Why is, uh, Cory on his way over here?

Oh, he's probably trying to get some more footage.

Who's trying to... Hello,

my little babushka. Come give me booksy hug.

Kim.

These two men right here are from the Sleepy Shade Psychiatric Facility.

They're going to make sure that you get all the help that you need.

But, but... Don't even worry about it. MTV is going to pay for everything.

But I was just pretending.

Tell him, Stevie T.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you speaking as Kim or as one of those other people?

Take her away.

No, no, no.

Stevie T.

Better sedated? Good idea.

Do you want to move?

Should we tell him? No.