Original subtitles

What's he doing here?

Girl, my dates never hang around till the next day.

That's because they all go home to their wives.

That's Aldo, the building superintendent.

Ooh, he's a little old for me.

But hey, that explains why you get your rent so cheap.

Aldo?

Aldo?

coming to my apartment without my permission.

Well, technically, I can.

What are you doing here?

I was having a naughty dream until you came in.

Now, first of all, that's nasty. And second of all, get your old ass up out

here.

You heard her, Gramps. Grab your walker and get to stepping.

Who's the hottie?

There's nothing wrong with his eyesight.

I'm going to make us some coffee.

Oh, that reminds me, Nicky, you're out of milk.

You drank my milk.

I needed something to wash down your dry apple pie.

This is crazy. Now, you eat my food, you use my phone, and you don't fix a

thing. Hell, if we had sex once a year, you could be my husband.

Nicky, please.

I'm a happily married man.

But we could work something out.

Although, the next time... you come into my apartment, you better have a good

reason. But I came here for a good reason. I have something very important

tell you.

Well?

Hold on. Hold on.

Just hold on.

At my age, I'm lucky if I can remember to fix a leak or take a leak.

I'm not playing with you, Aldo.

Let's see. There was a problem.

And the problem was...

Oh, yeah, don't use your safe.

Out.

No, no, no, no. Uh -uh.

Get, get, get, Joe.

I just came from the mall, and I really need your help. Oh, no, no way. I am not

wearing your new clothes to make Nikki think you borrowed them from me when she

sees them on you. Me neither.

This is serious.

My rent is due, and I can't take this stuff back.

You didn't save your receipts?

No, and plus, I wore them a few times.

I tried returning the coat once I wore it to the club.

The store owner started tripping because it had a few cigarette burns on it.

Tell me if I don't have my share of the rent.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

What's wrong with my shoes?

You're going to need a hell of an excuse to give Nikki why you can't pay the

rent. Yeah, and it's got to be deceptive enough so Nikki will believe it.

Ooh, that's good.

Yeah, but easy enough so Kim can remember.

Remember what?

Ogilvie, um, Professor Stanley Ogilvie. I'm Teresa Kenney. I just moved into an

apartment. 19.

How'd you know that? Well, uh, as, uh, president of the Tenants Association,

it's my business to know everything that goes on in my building.

Then you must also know that I'm single.

Good. Because I'm ready to mingle.

Ah, hold up!

Now, is this a tenants meeting or a hoochie bar?

I thought this was a party.

I'm warning you, stay away from Teresa.

I'm just trying to be neighborly.

Professor Ogilvie, do you have any food at this party?

Kim, this is a meeting. It's not a party.

And the note specifically said, eat before you come.

My bad. I thought it said eat when you come, but if you don't have any... All

right, all right. I'm just trying out loud. I'm looking for something.

If we're going to get along as neighbors, I'd appreciate it if you'd

pushing up on my man.

Who are you?

Nikki Parker.

And Stanley Ogilvie is my fiancé.

Does he know that?

He will as soon as I pop the question. So just back off.

He seems awfully interested in me, so I'll back off when Stanley tells me to

back off.

He told me to tell you to back off.

Did not. Did some. Did not. Did some. All right, now, let's go ahead and start

this meeting.

Uh, Ms. Parker, many of you have filed complaints about Aldo and his

behavior around the building, so... I came home one day, and he was coming out

of my bathroom.

Okay, what was he fixing?

Apparently, his teeth. He left them on my sink. Oh!

Yeah, and I've been trying to get him to fix my leaky shower for months.

And when he finally came to fix it, me and my woman was in it.

All right, then.

Why don't we take a vote?

Those in favor of firing Aldo race... Yeah.

All right, then. It's settled.

Aldo's fired.

Doesn't someone have to tell him?

Oh.

Kim, you want to tell him?

Oh, no. I was just wondering if my food was ready.

So, do you always treat your new neighbors to a welcome -to -the

drink?

Only when they look like you.

Don't move.

I'll just go powder my nose.

See,

you just moved.

What now?

It's none of your business.

Can I come in?

Beat it.

Come on, Mama. Pay up. I told you he wasn't going to let us in. He don't have

to.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Now, wait a minute. You can't just see. Kim and I

are the new building superintendent.

Since when are you two the new supers?

Since I told my mama we would get free rent.

But the best part of all is I'm on call for my boo.

365 -24 -7.

Okay, this is an outrage.

I'm president of the Tennis Association.

Why don't I know about this?

Well, the day the owner came by, you were out getting your back waxed.

I have a condition.

We've got a job to do. A job? What job?

According to the work order, your faucet is broken.

Okay, I don't believe this.

Do you two have any experience?

Nope. Okay, references?

Nope. Do you have any idea what the job entails?

Nope. Hi!

How did you get the job?

No one else wanted it.

Okay, look, you're just going to have to leave because I'm a little busy, all

right? Okay, well, the last thing I want...

I mean, Teresa.

Yeah. Bitch. Oh, whoa.

Goodbye, Miss Parker.

That's superintended, Parker.

Mama, let's go.

Nonsense.

We haven't done our repairs. Come here.

Look, there is nothing wrong with my faucet.

Yes, make it faucet.

Now, what you done?

Oh, you need to call the super.

Hey, Kim, we are the super.

Good thing we're here.

My pleasure.

Yeah, you know, don't let us spoil your evening. You won't even know we're here.

Thank you, babe.

As I was saying, I don't know what it is about you, Teresa. You just make me

weak.

It must be the kryptonite I keep in my pocket.

Really?

I thought it was your stink.

Fix this thing. All right, all right. Hand me the wrench.

I said wrench.

Oh, my bad.

What am I supposed to do with this? I don't know. You asked for it.

Could you please keep it down?

Can you?

We're trying to work here.

Teresa, would you like some more champagne?

I'd love some.

Stick on my nose.

You sure this isn't your mustache?

That's it, Stanley. I don't have to take this.

I'm leaving.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

I hope we didn't ruin the evening.

You didn't. We'll just go to my place where it's quiet.

Like I don't have a key to her. apartment, too.

Come on, Kim. Our here's done.

But, Mama, what about this faucet? Girl, that thing is broken. Come on.

Hey, Kim, thanks for letting us study here. I do it at my house, but my mom's

uncomfortable having sex when I'm around.

Oh, your dad's back?

Not until next week.

Oh, Kim, I need to get my grub on. You mind if I snoop through your kitchen?

go on.

Now that me and Mama get free rent, we can buy real brand names.

Hello, Kool -Aid. Goodbye, sugar water.

Uh, Kim, you've got 70 messages.

Oh, that's nothing. We had more this morning.

Hi, this is Jeff Davis in 31. I still need my drain unclocked. And this time,

could you bring a plunger instead of a wire hanger?

What, does she want matches, too?

Oh, an obscene phone call.

Uh -uh. That's Jeff Davis again.

He has asthma.

Nikki, when are you going to finish installing my front door lock?

Anyone could just walk in it.

You know, I could be wrong, but I think your tenants are pissed.

What do they want from me?

Hello, you're the super. Aren't you supposed to fix things?

Only during business hours. The sixth Monday of every month. Or whenever you

catch us.

Can I help you?

My apartment still hasn't been papered or painted. Aldo promised... to have it

done when I moved in.

I'm sorry, you're going to have to come back during our regular business hours.

Which are?

Whenever you can catch us, boo -boo.

I'm telling you, this job is exhausting.

Why, all the physical labor? No, coming up with all the lies.

It's making my head hurt.

Mama, you got to do something. The tenants are complaining.

Can't I even get my foot in the door?

hearing about everybody else's problems.

What about mine? Damn. Now I just ripped my new stockings on a broken rail

outside.

I wish somebody could fix that.

Uh, wouldn't that be your job?

Uh, wouldn't that be none of your business?

Mama, don't take this the wrong way, but you stink as a super.

Hey, baby.

Miss Parker, stay out of my apartment.

I wasn't in your apartment, Professor.

Oh, really?

Then how did this video camera get in my bathroom?

I don't know. I burned your bedroom. Ah!

See, I knew it.

Look, Miss Parker, you need to get on the ball. The tenants have had it with

and Kim.

Now one more mishap, and you're out.

Girl, he's just tripping.

wallpaper to read the department.

Because we have to finish this job today. Now, you heard the professor. If

more tenant complains, we can kiss our free rent goodbye.

Well, being in the building super sucks.

Well, it was your idea, Kim.

Since when do you listen to me?

Come on, Mama. The owner's the one who gave us the money to hire somebody.

Well, why would we do that when we can do it ourselves and pocket the money?

What do you know about wallpaper and painting?

Look, all we gotta do is follow the instructions in this book. Now, let's

here. Okay.

Warning. Before attempting any job, read this manual from cover to cover.

Well, hell, who's got that kind of time?

Just feel it. Feel it.

Go, go, go!

they figured with y 'all on the job, the building wouldn't last that long.

Well, the important thing to remember is it's all behind you now.

It didn't work out.

It's nobody's fault, no one to blame.

You're right.

Thanks for being such a good friend, girl.

Anytime. Mm -hmm. You all right with me playing?

do next week? Rent?

I thought since you got us fired as the Supers, you were covering my head for

the rent this month.

First of all, I didn't get us fired. We got us fired.

Ms.

Parker, what are you doing in my apartment?

Well, as your fiancé, do I really need a reason?

Will you stop saying that?

And what's with the camera?

What camera?

Look, I don't know why you still have my key, but I want it back.

Now. Okay.

But you have to come get it.

Keep it.

I'd rather live on the streets.

important thing to remember, it's behind you now.