Original subtitles

Miss Parker?

Yes, boo?

I don't know what you did to Tony, but I know you're the reason why she suddenly

wants nothing to do with me.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Save it, sister.

Now, as soon as I get proof, and oh, I will get proof, you're going down. You

hear me? You're going down.

Someone hasn't had their five for the day.

Hey, y 'all. Hey.

Hey, baby.

This letter came for you today.

Mom,

have you been opening my mail again?

How could you ask me such a question?

Well, for one, this duct tape.

You slipper, Nick. Gosh, boy.

Anyway, I thought it might be important it came from the Middle East.

I thought you broke up with that Turkish prisoner.

From my old boyfriend, Michael.

You mean that Keebler elf -looking boy.

It's not his.

Anyway, all I know is every time I looked up, that boy was in my house,

up my food, watching my TV, and wearing my furniture out. I was about to start

charging his ass for it.

He was my boyfriend. We were in love. He even gave me a promise ring.

So what happened? He joined the Navy, and I joined Regis, Josh, Danny. Okay,

girl, we get the picture.

Well, it says here that he just completed his tour of duty, and he's

to L .A.

Oh, I can't wait!

So when's Popeye pulling into port?

They're after the mall.

Hey, Tony.

Tony, Tony, wait.

Look, I know what I did was wrong, and you have every right to be angry with

but if you could forgive me, I promise I'll never do it again.

Really?

Yes.

As soon as you tell me what I did.

Okay, wait, wait, wait.

Look, I have another idea.

Meet me for dinner tonight, and we'll work this whole thing out.

I'll tell you what. Why don't we get together after I get back from my

trip, okay?

I could go with you.

Or we could talk when you get back.

Hey, my main man. What's shaking?

Kenny, what you doing here, man?

I'm looking for that sweet chocolate chunk of woman that shut me down at my

the other night.

I have no idea who you're talking about. Oh, yeah, the one with the big mouth

and big smile and, hell, big everything.

Miss Parker? That's the one.

Why? Hey, man, I got a score to settle. No woman ever turns down Kenny

Magnificent. Oh, Magnificent.

Hey, man, after all these years, you're still your number one fan.

Hey, what can I say, man? That's my charm.

Well, uh, go work your charm, please.

Hey, so you don't mind if I take her out?

Mind? I'll give you my credit card.

we continue to go through this. I mean, you run, I catch you. You hide, I find

you. You jump in front of a moving bus, I save you.

Well, you know the drill. See ya.

Oh, I'm ready for you today. I got my track shoes on. Hey, just the woman I'm

looking for.

Uh, do I know you?

Do you want to know me? Do you want to get hurt?

Hey, that's me, Kate Davis, from the bongo room the other night.

I remember you.

You were in my way that night, too.

Now move, boy.

Hey, I'm looking for a chemistry tutor.

Well, good luck.

I'm paying $100 an hour.

Beautiful as you. You talking like that and you'll get everything.

Hell, it's a nice spot.

Oh, thanks.

Me and my mama, we like it. Girl, you still live with your mama?

No, she lives with me.

But it's all good. You know, I do what I want when I want. Kim, did you wash

those dishes?

Yes, mama, and I vacuum.

I clean the toilet and I take out the trash.

But like I said, you know, I do what I want. I'm grown.

Oh, I didn't realize we had company.

How you doing, Ms. Parker?

Michael, I recognize those pointy ears anyway.

gotten, and you picked up some weight, too. Thank you. So have you.

Well, thank you.

Well, I gotta run to my tutoring session.

You know, time is money, and I already lost 25 bucks talking to you two.

All right, baby. All right, Mom. See you later.

So where are you staying?

I'm with my grandpa until I get back on my feet.

Hmm. So what was it like being in the Navy? I mean, it was cool. You know, I

to travel, see different places.

But after living on the boat for so many years, you know what I miss most about

being in L .A.? The ocean.

I missed you.

Oh, that must be Stevie and T.

I invited them to have dinner with us. Hope you don't mind.

Hey, not if they're treating.

Stevie, T, Michael.

Hey, how y 'all doing? Good, how are you? All right.

You guys ready to go? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I can't wait to get me some good

because all I've been eating is S .O .S.

S .O .S., what's that?

You know, same old.

Ooh, uh, sorry, guys.

Um, that was Gramps.

I'm out to roll with y 'all another time.

But you just got here.

Sorry, baby.

I'll call you tomorrow. Hey, it was nice meeting y 'all. Hey, you too.

Dang, Kim.

Grandpa's straight. Hey!

Tell me about it.

Michael needs to get him a wet nurse.

Um, Kim, that's a night nurse.

Wet, dry, day, night, whatever.

Michael needs to get him a sitter.

Lee, can't you just give me a little hint?

No. It's not fair to either one of us if I keep giving you the answer. All

right, you're right, you're right. The answer's got to be D.

Nope. Wrong again.

Kenny, you are a discredit to your race.

Now, everyone knows Reby is the lost Jackson.

Oh, hey.

You two home early?

Michael's got something to do.

Again. Kim, I told you I was sorry.

But this is the fourth time this week you've been sorry.

Careful, man. These Parker women don't play.

I promise I'll make it up to you.

Okay, snuggle bunny?

Okay.

I gotta run. Bye, Miss Parker. Hey, bro.

Good looking out. Okay, baby.

He sure wasn't a her.

Tell me about it. If I knew better, I'd say something fishy was going on.

But I don't.

Night.

Night, baby.

We better get back to work.

Can't we eat something first? I'm starving.

Okay, I'll order takeout.

Takeout? Yeah. You are looking at the master chef.

Straight out of the Crenshaw Culinary Academy.

and muffler shop.

Okay, James Brown.

So, teacher, what's my grade so far?

Well, you get an A for the meal, but an F for your acting.

What? Yes, my connection in the registrar's office tells me you're not a

at SMC.

All right, I'm busted.

How long have you known?

About $800 ago.

How come you didn't say anything?

Because I needed another two hours to pay off my visa bill.

Well, you know, I'm just doing this to get closer to you.

Listen, Kenny, I think you're a nice person, but my heart belongs to

Stanley Ogilvie.

Is that right?

Well, you know, Stan and I, we go way back.

Really? Mm -hmm. Then, you know, he'd be devastated if I dated one of his

friends.

Well? I'm glad you told me.

Because he'd be really jealous if he saw you with me.

He would?

Oh, yeah.

Taylor and I have always been extremely competitive.

Whatever I have, he wants.

He has been playing hard to get.

Maybe I could use your help.

I'm at your service.

You sure are helpful.

What are you getting out of this?

satisfaction to know that I'm bringing two wonderful people together.

All right. But no funny business.

Mm -hmm.

I promise.

No funny business.

I am telling you, Tony, she is a complete nutjob.

This one time she had LoJack installed in my car, and when she couldn't find

she called the police and reported the car stolen. Oh, I don't believe that,

Stanley. I have the mugshots to prove it.

I wouldn't be surprised if she showed up here. Oh, please.

She's here.

Finally.

Stop it, Stanley. You're embarrassing me.

Uh, good evening, Dean Ross.

Enjoy your meal.

She's up to something.

Before you know it, she'll have you locked in the freezer and me bound and

gagged while she cradles me to her bosom.

Is he looking?

More like gawking.

Can't take his eyes off us.

Good.

Let's turn it up a notch.

Okay, now.

That's nasty.

Stanley?

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Look, from now on, we'll only talk about you.

Good.

Look, Stanley, I just wanted to tell you that I'm so glad that we had this

chance to talk.

Anyway, I was going to head down to the store and pick up some arsenic and kill

you with it. That's nice.

any left, I might even kill myself.

Good idea.

Oh, Kenny, you are the frisky one, aren't you?

Did you hear that?

Stanley?

Tony,

wait.

Tony, where are you going? Home to my cat. At least something will be purring

my ear.

great team.

You know, Kim, you've had

this certain little glow since Michael's been back.

Girl, that's just my mother's lady Egyptian face cream.

The lie eats away the top layer of skin.

So, uh, that's giving you the glow. What's Michael giving you? The brush

think he's seeing someone else. Why are you saying that about my boy?

Well, your boy only takes me out after midnight.

At least you're going out.

He doesn't want to be seen with you during the day. He says he has to take

of his grandfather all day.

How about that? Maybe the brother's tired.

Well, how about the fact that he doesn't spend any money on me?

Yeah, explain that.

I don't have to, Judge Judy.

Here comes the defendant right now.

Sorry I'm late. I had to take my grandfather to the doctor.

I thought you said you had a job interview.

I did.

Right after I took my grandfather to the doctor.

How convenient.

Hey, Doc, how about yourself, man? Is it local?

Yeah.

Yeah. That is probably the other woman now.

Back off.

Get a man.

Why? So he can cheat on me?

I'm sorry, baby. I gotta run.

See, I knew you would understand.

I'll call you later.

Stevie, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Kim, you shouldn't snoop through other people's things. I mean, think about how

you felt when Nikki went through your stuff.

You're right. You do it.

That's just low.

Mind your business.

What?

That's nothing.

Stevie, let me see.

Pick up Elisa?

Take Elisa shopping?

Oh, take Elisa to the beach?

Maybe his grandpa's name is Elisa.

That's it?

I am going to get that lion tooth time a piece of my mind. Okay, calm down, Kim.

It is not good to confront people in anger.

Why not? Nikki does.

No, Stevie's right.

I'm going to be mature about this.

I'm going to be cool as a cucumber.

Promise.

Okay, I was... Shut up, I don't want to hear it.

McKim, you don't understand.

Oh, I understand, Michael.

But, Bob... McKim, I...

Yo.

You ready to get down with the chow down?

Does Star Jones love bacon?

Uh, yeah, but that would do to you, too.

Uh, we have some aloe vera to go with this?

Uh, no.

But we have some nice, white, cold beer.

You know, if I wasn't engaged to the professor, I'd keep you for myself.

Well, it's never too late.

Um,

where's the parmesan?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I used the last of it on the garlic bread.

Oh, but you can't have spaghetti without parmesan.

I'll run right down to the store and get you some.

No, no. I'll just go borrow some from a neighbor. I'll be right back.

Okay. I'll be right here waiting for you.

Hey,

Professor Ogilvie!

Go away!

Me and Kenny need cheese.

Kenny? Yep.

He's up in my apartment right now. He made a romantic dinner.

You and Kenny have been spending a lot of time together lately.

Jelly? No.

Well, you should be, because Kenny really knows how to treat a woman.

Look,

Ms. Parker, I need to talk to you about Kenny. What about him? You want me to

stop seeing him?

No. Look, I hate to tell you this, but...

The brother is and always has been a player.

What are you saying?

Look, the only reason he asked you out is because, well, I wanted him to keep

you out of my hair for a little while.

Well, then why is he still after me?

The night you rejected him at the club, he made it his mission to get you into

bed so he could maintain his reputation.

And you knew about this?

Ms. Parker, look,

I'm sorry. I had to tell you.

I didn't want to see you get hurt.

Are you my queen?

Professor Ogilvie said you're doing him a favor by going out with me. Is that

true? Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, wait, let me explain.

So he was right.

You're using me? In the beginning, yes, but it had nothing to do with you. It

was about me and who I used to be.

And I promise you, Nikki, that man is gone.

And this man wants to be the man to make you smile.

You want to make me smile?

More than anything.

Then get out.

Before I throw you out. Nikki.

Uh -uh. Leave. Come on now. Now. Don't do this.

Don't. Nikki. Please. Nikki.

Mama, where's Kenny?

Gone. Where's Michael?

Damn. More flowers from Kenny?

Yep. He's begging hard.

Girl, he would have had me at three daisies and a Kit Kat.

Well, he's wasting his time.

Aw, come on, Nikki.

Give the man another chance.

No. I'm sick of Menendez. I don't want anything to do with Kenny or Professor

Ogilvie.

Nobody's home.

Kim, we have to talk.

No, we don't.

Listen, Kim, I know you're upset, but we really shouldn't end it this way.

I have someone I'd like you to meet.

Who is it?

Elisa. Oh, no, he didn't.

Isn't she a little young for you?

You

know,

same old... Now go with the pages.

Real big pages.

When she couldn't find where I was, she called the police station and had the

car arrested.

Yeah. Okay.