Original subtitles

Are you two still tripping about not being picked to be on blind date?

You should be happy for us.

I should, but I'm not.

I just don't get why they didn't choose me.

Well, what did you say in the interview?

All I told them was to lose the blind date angle, get rid of the cameras, and

mean, what's with those stupid thought bubbles anyway? Come on.

Wow, you weren't picked?

Kim, the only reason you got the gig was because of the mother -daughter angle.

No.

The reason why I got the gig is because I'm funny and cute.

I got the man, the meal, and a TV debut.

And Nikki's excited about this, too? Oh, yeah. That's all she's been talking

about. Come on, Kim. Let's go and get this stupid date over with.

Uh -oh. It's the professor.

Remember? Not a word about this blind date nonsense.

He'd absolutely die if he thought I was seeing someone else.

You don't have to worry about me.

Hey, Bo. Hey, Miss Parker.

To what do I owe this pleasure?

Well, uh, uh, Kim told me about your blind date.

Hope you make a love connection.

Uh, Professor?

Mm -hmm? Now, if you don't want me to go, just say the word.

Okay.

Go!

Welcome to Blind Day.

We're celebrating Valentine's Day, and tonight, Cupid's going to have to work

overtime because we're featuring a mother -daughter, father -son double

Now let's meet our co -ed cuties, Kim and Nikki Parker.

They're both students at Santa Monica College, and they enjoy whale watching?

I'm sure you're probably wondering why someone as fly and petite as me would

even need a blind date.

I was wondering the same.

Looking for a man who's an athlete.

My dream date is a combination between Vince Hill and Lil' Poway.

It's your mama.

Now, let's get this straight. I'm only doing this for my pudding.

I'm not here looking for a man.

My man is 6 '2", a professor at SMC, and his initials are Stanley Ogilvie.

Give me five.

Yeah. He's a real looker.

Now let's meet their dates, father and son, Dwayne and Ernest Orange. And don't

let their last names fool you. These guys are no fruit.

Hey, what's cracker lacking?

I'm Dwayne.

I know how to set it off for a woman.

No coupons or matinees from this brother.

My dream date is a combination of Holly Berry and Lil' Kim.

I love sports.

On and off the field.

I'm a former semi -professional football player with a black belt in karate.

So I'd love a challenge.

I haven't come across a woman yet that can resist my charm.

I think this guy needs a big slice of humble pie.

Anyway, these two claim they like extreme things.

Let's see if they can handle these extreme women.

So, uh, ever been scuba diving?

Oh, no. My hair.

How about bowling?

Uh -uh. My nails.

Are you into alternative music?

No. I'm straight.

There was two scouts in the stand.

A cut left, and a cut right, and a fumble.

You want me to climb this wall?

See, I don't even like climbing steps.

Come on, baby, you're gonna love it.

I'm not your baby.

Well, I'm game.

Cool. Let me help you up then, Shelly. Oh, could you?

Hey,

why don't you let me get your boo?

How about a kiss, babe?

That rock climbing was hard.

Look, I've got an owie.

Oh, let me kiss it and make it better.

Come on, baby.

Let me rock your world.

Rock it!

off the damn camera.

Well,

looks like we're having some technical difficulties.

Let's see what happens next.

I know that's not your hand on my thigh.

You like that, don't you?

Hey, what's wrong?

Could you, uh, check under the hood?

Only if you let me check under your hood later, baby.

I had a great time.

Me too.

All right.

Unlock lips. The state is over, boy. Go home.

Hey, baby.

What the hell?

I lost you on the freeway, so I had to take the service sheet.

Sorry it took me so long.

I knew you wouldn't miss your goodnight kiss day.

Oh, that's so romantic.

All right, hot mama.

Buckle up.

I like a lot of tall.

Let's see what our double daters have to say about their date.

I think I'm in love.

I think she's in love.

And so am I.

He makes me sick.

She couldn't get enough of all this.

Wayne seemed to be a match made in heaven, but I guess we don't have to ask

where Nikki and Ernest's match was made.

Well, that's all the time we have for today.

I'm Roger Lodge, and come back tomorrow as we tag along for more Blind Date.

We'll see you then.

I'm sorry, Nikki. I was really hoping you'd be the man of your dreams.

Nikki Parker?

The check's in the mail.

No.

This is for you.

Oh.

Who are they from?

There's no cards.

They're probably from my boo.

Hey, Professor Ogilvy. Hey, Miss Parker. Yeah, how'd your day go?

It sucked.

Jeez.

Well, don't give up. I have a good feeling about this one.

Then why'd you send these gorgeous flowers?

I didn't send those.

Oh, I get it.

Secret admirer.

Very romantic.

Miss Parker, how I feel about you is no secret.

Hey, Miss Parker.

I see you got the flowers I sent you.

They're almost as beautiful as you are.

You sent them?

Look, Ernest, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm in a committed

relationship.

I'll prove it to you.

Will y 'all tell this wacko who my man is?

We'll tell him when you tell us.

You got a man, Mickey?

Congratulations.

Kim.

Mama, don't make me lie.

want to know what's wrong?

Nope.

It's Ernest.

He's making my life a living hell.

Imagine that.

Well, if you'll excuse me.

He's always up in my face.

Sounds far unannounced and won't take no for an answer.

Can you believe someone could be so psycho?

Yes.

Just a clown that's trying to steal you away from me.

Anything worse than trying to steal my woman is publicly disrespecting her. I

challenge you to a duel tomorrow.

Did you say duel?

Man, are you crazy?

Who you calling crazy?

I got you crazy.

Then he gonna get his ass kicked.

That's why I have to talk some sense into that jack at Che and Wannabe.

I can't let him hurt my baby.

Well, good luck. I gotta go.

Oh, get that on your way out for me. All right.

All right, kids.

Bye.

Hi, I'm Andell. You must be Crazy Ernest.

and some water.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Those are for Nikki.

Oh, yeah, here.

Hey, Miss Parker, American beauties for my American beauty.

Look, Ernest, I called you over to ask you not to go through with this crazy

duel.

Is it crazy to stand up for the woman I love?

I think not.

do I have to do to make you stop this madness?

Have dinner with me tonight and we'll discuss it over breakfast.

Okay.

Anything to protect my man.

But you need to wear some gloves.

Oh, it's a curse being so damn sexy.

I'm tripping on my dad.

I mean, he's a great catch.

You heard my mama. Your daddy doesn't know how to take no for an answer.

You know, baby, I don't know where your mom gets off being so picky.

I mean, look at her.

I don't think you meant to say that, honey.

You're right, you're right. What I should have said is that my dad's a good

and if your mom had any sense, she'd appreciate him, sweetie.

That your dad is such a good catch, boo.

Way better catch than your mom's snookums.

Well, at least my mama doesn't have sweaty palms, Snuggle Boo. He has a

condition. Okay, Gummy Bear?

But we can all see your mom's condition.

Okay, okay.

That's it. You need to raise up out of here.

Are you asking me to leave? No, I'm telling you.

See you, Boo Boo.

Hi, Mama.

Hey, Andy.

Hey, Puddin'. I heard you broke up with that crazy man's son, Dwayne.

Dwayne who?

That's what I'm talking about, Puddin'. We Parker women are strong.

I just take it as sizzler.

I wish I could get rid of Ernest that easily.

If you really want to get rid of Ernest, all you have to do is start chasing

him. What you talking about?

Girl, trust me. For most men, it's all about the chase. Once that's over, he's

out. All you have to do is come on to him.

You mean flip the script?

You think that'll work?

Yeah. Look at you and the professor. He don't want nothing to do with you.

You ready to go?

Forget a restaurant.

I fixed a nice home -cooked meal.

All right, now.

But first, let's snuggle up on the sofa.

Now, that's what I'm talking about.

But first, a toast.

To us?

As in, you and me?

That's right, baby.

You and me.

I knew you'd come around.

How about a massage?

Girl, you're reading my mind.

No, no. No, no.

Not me.

It's all about you.

Jumping the gun just a little bit?

What about that professor man?

He's history.

Hold on, girl. Slow your roll now. Slow your roll. Slow your roll.

I'm just trying to get to know you a little better.

Oh, my clock is ticking and I want more kids.

Are you out of your mind? I've already raised my son.

Come on, baby.

You know what?

I think I left something in my car.

like you for years.

I'm not running anymore.

I want what you want.

The house.

The kids.

Come on, girl. Let's get married.

We can't. Why not?

Because Ann Dell and I just got engaged.

I really don't want to have any...

You really think that maniac is going to follow through with that silly medieval

duel thing?

You saw him. He is a little off.

Yeah.

Maybe you should talk to him.

You see, I don't think it's going to look too good for a professor, you know,

someone of my stature, to mix it up with a hooligan.

You scared, aren't you?

Petrified.

Well, I might be able to help you out.

But in return, you have to, uh...

Okay, well,

maybe he'll go easy on me.

Are you two still tripping about not being picked?

Yeah, that's not the line.