Original subtitles

this weekend.

We should go.

Uh -uh. I'll pass on the nerd convention.

But you might need someone.

I'm allergic to any man who thinks faster than a laptop.

Besides, I don't want nobody and nobody wants me.

I'm just a lonely divorcee.

Girl, you are not divorced.

You're not.

My man doesn't hurt any less.

Come on, Cam.

Man, you've been moping around ever since Jarrell called you and told you he

dating that beautiful French supermodel with a body to die for and a bank

account that would choke an elephant.

Damn. How did you get up in face today?

last year?

Yep. So where do I sign up?

Shrine, Nebraska.

Come on. I kill it, Scrabble.

Miss Parker, I don't do the academic tournament anymore.

Why? Stand the man.

I've been looking all over campus for you.

Here comes my worst nightmare.

Well, my second.

It's J .C. Ball time.

Are you ready for your annual spanking?

Well, if he is, I'll...

I'm giving it to him.

Who are you?

Andy McDonald, coach of the reigning J .C. Bowl champs, L .A. Junior College.

Who are you?

Well, I happen to be a member of the Santa Monica team that's going to stomp

over you.

You must be desperate, bruh.

You recruiting alumni now?

She happens to be my student.

Poor thing. I guess she's not planning on getting a degree.

You cruising for a bruising slim shady.

Andy, this is the year I put you away.

Are you forgetting that I've beaten you four straight?

I see you at the tournament, Sir Lose -A -Lot.

We'll show him, Professor.

How? Even if I had a team, I couldn't beat him. Oh, come on, Professor.

Now, wouldn't you like to beat him just once?

Yeah, but where am I going to get a team on such short notice? Don't worry,

Professor. Just leave it to me.

Together we can do anything.

We're partners. Like Ashton and Simpson, Peaches and Head.

Halle Berry and Al Sharpton.

They've never been together.

And neither were we.

Hey, Nate. Hey, Stevie. Hey, Tate.

Stevie, I'm helping the professor recruit a team for the J .C. Bowl.

Can I count on you? You want me on your team?

Wow. No one's ever asked me to be on their team before. Hell, I couldn't even

get picked to be it playing tag.

I want to be on the team.

Don't let the hip -hop gear fool you. I'm deep. I'm a math whiz. I flip digits

in my head all day.

Tea juggling girls' phone numbers doesn't count.

Well, sure.

It ain't easy with all these area code changes.

Okay, Mr. Think Tank. How do you calculate the arrival time of two

coming towards you from opposite directions?

You just use a kinematic equation.

Y equals Y sub zero plus V sub zero T plus one half A T squared.

I did a twins one.

Come on, team.

As sure as my name is going to be Mrs. Nikki Ogilvie.

Well, maybe next year.

That was the 23rd person we've interviewed for our team. This is

Not for me. I got 19 phone numbers.

class coming. Great, great. While you guys are wasting your time on useless

facts, I'll be baking my blues away.

Well, good.

What you baking? Making an upside -down cake right side up.

Why you doing it like that?

Oh, I get a headache when I read directions upside down.

Well, I'll see you guys later.

Oh, I hope she marries well.

Excuse me.

My name is KB. I understand that you're putting together an academic team.

I'd love to join you.

What are your qualifications?

Well, I'm attending Santa Monica on a federally funded grant to research human

molecular genetics, which involves neurogenetics, gene mapping, and gene

therapy. Oh, well, as you can see, I'm on...

Santa Monica, what is a rhizome?

A rhizome is a fleshy plant stem that grows under or along the ground. That's

correct.

The Habsburg family ruled Austria from what year to what year?

That would be from 1276 to 1918.

That's correct.

The first period... Correct again.

Sign is up. Santa Monica wins.

You go, girl, winning your first round.

And, uh, you wouldn't believe how smart KB is.

Girl, he's the answer to both my prayers.

Both your prayers?

He's great for the team.

And he's great for Kim.

I thought you said he was smart.

Stop hating.

Oh, this boy is just what my baby needs to wash her blues away.

All right.

Hey, guys, come on in. Hey, Nicky. Hey, Miss Parker.

You've got to check out this place KB took me to. It's an oxygen war. Yeah,

20 bucks, you get a half an hour of pure oxygen.

People paying for air.

Shoot, I get that for free.

I want you to meet a good friend of mine, Ann Dow.

It's a pleasure to meet you. Ah, same here.

You're kind of cute for a geek.

Uh, thanks, I think.

Have a seat.

I want you to meet my daughter.

She's such a lady.

Kim! What, Mama?

Can you two go down to the store and get me some milk? I don't know him.

Kim, KB, KB, Kim.

Now, you two scoop.

go with me? It's just around the corner. I'll go with you. Beat it, blocker.

Just go to the store.

I think there's something between them.

Yeah, it's Ben.

Where have you guys been? We've been

studying for an hour.

We were walking to the store, but KB started telling me about the stars, the

moon, the smog. Who knew geography could be so exciting?

Damn, I'm good.

Come on, people. The semifinals are this weekend, and we're not prepared.

After I'm done, you want to go up to the observatory and check out the meteor

shower? Uh -uh, I just got my hair done.

How about starting with one?

Santa Monica for the final question.

France's omelet surprise resembles this sponge cake, ice cream, and meringue

dessert that's popular in the U .S.

Right behind you, honeybunch. All right.

See you.

Well, I guess he's not too tired to party.

Miss Parker, we have a problem.

What? I'm not available enough?

No, it's Kim.

She's turning our geek into a party freak.

Yeah, something's got to be done.

I can't keep carrying the team by myself.

Look, we were lucky to get by today, but that's not going to cut it against

Andy's team.

I know, but what can I do? What you can do is keep Kim and KB apart.

We wouldn't be in this pickle if you hadn't gotten them together.

But I was just trying to... No but.

Now, you're the one that talked me into this in the first place.

So if we lose, I don't want you to ever speak to me again.

No, wait.

I'm torn.

Just fix it.

Oh, I love it when you manhandle me.

Hey, KB.

Hey, Ms. Parker.

Look, I'm sorry I let you down last night, but I was really wiped out.

I can tell by your snoring.

Look, me and the rest of the team thought it might be a good idea if you

could just until after the championship.

Why? Well, we're a little worried that your social life is hurting the team.

I see.

Well, you guys can stop worrying.

Good. So you and Kim are going to chill a while? No.

I'm quitting the team.

Did you speak with KB? Yeah, and he said we didn't have to worry anymore.

Yeah. New Einstein will come through. I wouldn't say that. That dog.

Congratulations on making the finals.

I'd wish you luck, but against us, not even luck will help.

Well, if you're so sure about winning, maybe you should put your money where

your big mouth is, big dog.

Not now, Miss Parker.

Well, how much you talking?

Oh, I don't know. Say a month's salary.

No, no, no.

You don't want to do that.

Ms. Parker's right.

Make that two months.

Are you kidding?

He sure is.

He's always kidding somebody.

Stanley the Kidder. The Kidder Stanley.

Well, you're on.

I'll see you next week.

Yeah, well, you make sure you bring cash because I don't take checks from broke

dogs.

it at first, but I'm glad Miss Parker talked me into it because with KB, we're

sure thing.

Talk about easy money.

You going somewhere, Miss Parker?

Going?

Where are my feet moving?

Is there something you're not telling us, Miss Parker?

You mean other than KB quit the team?

No.

What? He quit?

And I just... Oh, I need to sit down.

You are sitting down.

or else we're going to have to forfeit.

And if that happens, the professor's really going to be ticked off, and

going to put a damper on our honeymoon.

Well, look on the bright side. If you're not going to be at the JC Bowl, then

you can come to the folk fest with me.

That's a great idea.

Girl, we are going to have so much fun.

Not me and you. I'm talking KB and Kim. Let me have your tickets.

No way. I'm not giving you my tickets.

Look, once I offer KB the tickets, he's going to be so moved, he'll turn them

down and come back to the team.

Then I can give you your tickets back.

Oh, I see.

No.

Please hand out.

All right.

But I better get them back.

I thank you, the professor thanks you, and so do our unborn children, Claiborne

and Glodine.

for some chit -chat? It's no use, Miss Parker. I'm out of the J .C. world.

Yeah, Mama, I can't believe you would try to keep my little sweet love for

Keeney just for the sake of your dumb bulletin.

You're right, Puddin'. I was wrong.

Mama, is that you?

Yes, baby, it's me.

And to make up for it all, I want to give you tickets to the Funk Fest.

Are you sure that's you?

I'm not going to tell you again.

Okay, that's you.

Now, I know the concert is the same time as the JC Bowl, which we're going to

have to forfeit, humiliating the professor, the school, your friends, and

dear mama.

But you don't have to worry about any of that.

Thanks. I won't.

Oh,

front row.

Come on, KB.

Let's pick out my outfit. I want to look at you.

I'm one hour away from losing two months' pay.

Any other bright ideas, Ms. Parker?

We could elope and put all this behind us.

Jean, who you calling? We're desperate.

Hey, Woody.

What was your GPA in high school?

How about junior high?

Damn.

We screwed.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, what y 'all doing here?

I thought you two were going to the concert.

We were, but KB didn't want to let the team down.

You should be thanking Kim.

She made me realize that we're not just teammates.

We're friends.

And friends don't work. Yeah, yeah, could you tell us on the way?

Okay, but can I grab a bite to eat first? I'm starving.

No, sweetie, I made some brownies. We can take them with us.

I can't believe your plan worked. I could kiss you.

Well, almost.

and stop thinking before you break something.

Yeah, because we're here and we're ready to rumble.

Yeah, well, it looks like your wonder boy is about to blow.

I feel sick.

Sick? You can't be sick. Suck it up. You're in my big dreams now.

Sweetie, are you going to be okay?

I don't think so.

sugar and fish grease.

Fish grease?

We were out of butter.

Santa Monica, are you ready?

Well, since we don't have enough players, I guess all we can do is

no, wait. I've got a plan.

I don't want to hear it unless it involves you jumping off a bridge.

Jim can take KB's place.

Never mind. I'll jump.

One of our teammates is sick, so my daughter's going to be the alternate.

Fine with me. Is that all right with you, Professor?

Was she the one doing that football chair?

Yeah. Bring it on.

Bring it on.

Bring it on.

Mama, do you really think I can do it?

No, sweetie.

That's why I don't want you to say anything.

And remember, whatever you do, don't touch any buttons. Santa Monica, we're

waiting. All right, fine. Let's just get this over with.

Come on, team. On three, Santa Monica.

One, two... Santa...

worth two points. Santa Monica, if you're right, you win. If you're wrong,

you know the deal.

Are you ready?

If you do this in your sleep, you are a somniloquist.

Can you spell that? Yes. But hurry, the clock is running.

You said I shouldn't say anything.

Santa Monica, we need an answer.

Kim, you don't know it. Yes, I do.

She's lying. Let's guess.

I'll show you.

A submiloquist is someone who talks in his sleep.

That's the right answer.

But you forgot to press the button.

Therefore, your answer is invalid.

Here in the room.

it a shot.

And thanks for talking KB into coming back.

You know, he's starting to rub off on me. Ever since KB and I started hanging

out, I've learned there's a time to study and there's a time to party.

Really? So what do you say we study for that test tomorrow?

Heck no.

KB and I are going to a party.

Girl, I've been working on this baby tote for over an hour. I'm quitting. Oh,

no, you're not. You lost my tickets. You owe me.

You're mean, Ann Dow.

That's right.

Oh, and feel my foot. This wax is burning me.

Halle Berry and Al Sharpton. They've never been together.

And neither will us.