Original subtitles

Hey, Kim. Hey. How's the roommate search going? Great.

Oh, here you go.

Well, aren't you a cutie?

Don't be a stranger.

Call me.

Hey, what are you two up to?

Since I moved out, Kim's looking for a new roomie. Oh, let me see that.

Roommate wanted.

Must be tall, dark, handsome, and single.

age, height, and weight requirements.

Oh, that's on the back.

Girl, this is crazy.

Now, Kim looks don't pay the rent.

I'm going to find you somebody with a fat check in the account.

As long as it's cute.

Hey, Kim, what makes you think you're going to find a good -looking guy who's

looking for an apartment in Santa Monica right away?

Hi, I'm Bradley.

I'm looking to share an apartment in Santa Monica right away.

Really? Mm -hmm.

Well, if your apartment looks half as good as you, I'll take it.

Yeah.

Kim, what about his references?

They look good to me.

See? You the man.

True, true, true.

Why am I the man?

Your plan to make Veronica jealous was brilliant. My baby's going to be in my

arms tonight, and I can't wait.

Slow your roll, doll. That's not the way to go. Trust me.

I've been around this love block a few times, and I've picked up a couple

along the way. The only thing you picked up were some questionable rashes.

That'll be seven bucks.

That's all right, T.

Lunch is on me.

Oh.

Kim. Kim.

Don't go anywhere.

Kim, this is Charles, and he's looking for a place to live.

has a few beds.

I just thought you'd like to know that I can give you first, last, and a sizable

security deposit.

I also have impeccable references.

I'm clean, polite, a great cook, and I even put down the toilet seat.

Sounds like Charles has a lot of things going for him. He'd be the perfect

roommate. Good, then you live with him.

Kim, now you need to think with your brain, not with your hormones.

She put it that way. There's really only one smart choice.

Miss Parker, what are you doing here?

Looks like you're expecting me. What's for dinner?

Taco Bell.

Now go run for the border.

Well, I could come in and do a little taste test.

Look, Miss Parker, this is a very important evening for me, and I don't

to ruin it.

Here's a biscuit. Leave.

Well, you know I'm going to need a little jelly for my roll.

I can explain. There's no need, Stanley.

There isn't?

Did you get hit upside your head?

I'm perfectly fine.

In fact, I've never been better.

Really? Because you look kind of broke down.

Goodbye,

Miss Parker.

No, Stanley, wait.

She might as well hear this, too.

saw you with that other woman, I thought, what a terrible mistake I'm

What other woman?

You're two -timing me.

I mean, I was all ready to come back to you, but when I saw you with her, I knew

it wasn't meant to be.

You moved on, and it made it easier for me to move on.

Move? I didn't move. Nobody moved.

Veronica, honey.

Is everything okay?

Veronica's fiancé.

Fiancé?

Fiancé. Damn, you're really fine.

You must be Stanley.

Hey, man, I feel like I owe you.

If you and Veronica hadn't taken that break, we might never have met.

Fallen in love and gotten engaged all in one week.

Just one week?

That's so beautiful.

Well, we better get going.

I've got a wedding dress to pick out.

We'll send you a wedding invitation.

One measly week!

They make such a lovely couple, don't they, Professor?

all the answers right on my exam, but you gave me an F. What's up with that?

Because I don't like you.

In fact, I hate you.

The other day you said I was a man.

What happened? Your stupid idea backfired.

Veronica met someone, and now she's engaged.

What? Yeah.

Dang, that's rough.

Talk it up to life experience.

Yeah, well, you're the one that said it would work.

You listen to him?

Yeah. I know about Love Morning 19.

Hey, Professor.

Oh, you've been looking bad these last few days.

Your clothes are...

All I can think about is get it by Veronica back.

I don't care what you do anymore.

You don't mind if I bring a bottle of Alizé, a Luther Vandross CD, and a

massage table?

doesn't take good phone messages.

But he does his push -ups in the living room.

Hasn't he been eating all your food?

Yeah, but his arms are so big, I just want to lick them.

Kim, has he even paid this month's rent?

Oh, it's all good, Stevie.

Once Bradley and I go out, it'll be all worth it. He asked you out?

Well, no, not yet, but there's a lot of sexual tension going on.

Oh, Kim, good, you're home. Girl, did you do something different with your

You look terrific.

Listen, Kim, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. Well, ask away.

Would you... I'd love to. ...do my laundry?

Girl, you're a savior. Listen, I got dirty clothes in my room, the bathroom,

living room, the kitchen.

Wait a minute. Kim, you don't even do your own laundry.

Beat it, Blocker.

Hold up, Bradley. Wasn't there something else you wanted to ask me?

What was I thinking?

Don't forget to fluff and fold them.

Ask the Chinese singing and put on some music.

Sure.

I'll get that.

Sometimes these twist -off tops can be kind of tricky.

Now, I know you're a little upset about losing Veronica, but if you're going to

sit here and not appreciate all that I'm doing for you, then I'm out.

Fine.

Let me rephrase that.

Now, if you need me to stay here through this difficult time, I will.

Fine.

Good. Then I'll be right back. I'll just go pick up a few things.

your suitcases? What, in my mama's new bedroom?

I

still

don't understand how you got the professor to let you move in. Girl, my

loves me.

I love you, Stanley.

I love you, Veronica.

He called you Veronica.

Veronica, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky.

Wacko, Wacky.

I still can't believe you gave up the lease to your apartment.

Why should we pay two rents? I mean, after we're married, we'll need the

money to buy our house.

Oh, I hope you have enough left over to buy a straight jacket.

And, uh, ugly does not look good on you.

And crazy ain't working too well for you.

I want you to help me pick out something sexy for my date Saturday night.

Date? Well, I thought we were going to see Mama, my arms too short to box with

his woman, because a good man is hard to find at the beauty shop.

We were, but then I got a date.

Oh, okay.

I'll just take the professor.

Shouldn't you ask him for me?

Girl, I don't have to do all that.

We live together now.

Don't you feel the tiniest bit guilty about what you're doing?

I don't know.

I'm the best thing that ever happened to that man.

This is the way it was meant to be.

Thank you.

You know. And now, now what kind of low -down hussy do you take me for?

The horny kind.

Well,

I would never take advantage of a professor like that, at least not for

first week.

I had a great time. Me too.

I'll call you tomorrow, okay?

No, no, remember, you can only call me on... Wednesday. Why only on Wednesday?

Because he's got other women calling him the rest of the week.

I'm in and I'm out. And I'd hate to miss your call.

Excuse me. I'll go powder my nose.

You going to eat your bean pie?

Explain it again.

Hey. Hey, what's up? What party is it? What party?

Bradley said he was throwing a bastard party here tonight.

didn't mention any bachelor party to me. Why does that not surprise me? Look,

Kim, we have to study for our test tomorrow. And we will. There won't be

party here tonight.

Hey, party over here.

Kim, I hope you don't mind if I have a few friends over. Not when your friends

look like this.

Actually, I was just saying to Kim we needed a study break.

I hope y 'all got a tight strip.

Let's just say you better buckle your seat belt. Bring it on, bring it on.

I don't know if you two want to stick around. It might get a little wild.

Ooh, wild is my middle name.

I thought you said Allison was your middle name.

Ooh, it's the stripper.

Everybody get ready.

All right, baby, I got front row.

Hey, man, get up. That's my seat.

Strippers get guys all worked up.

So I hear.

late with the rent this month. True, but you didn't tell me you were a sloppy,

sleazy user who was never going to give me any play.

Am I really that sloppy?

You tricked me, Bradley.

Hey, don't ask, don't tell.

Come on, you guys. The party's moving.

T, you coming?

Y 'all go ahead.

I'll catch up.

I gotta go to the ATM and get some singles.

that he acquired as a church mouse and enjoyed his second act.

Stephen. Valerie.

Trust me, you don't want none of him.

It's not easy for me to say this.

I heard that before.

But I was wrong.

I shouldn't have called you Thursday when Tuesday was my day.

Just like a woman taking advantage of a good, decent man who's done nothing but

treat her with respect and love.

Now, you're embarrassing me.

Why should I?

Because I love you.

You don't know nothing about love.

Then why did you call me on Thursday?

Because I needed you, baby.

Baby, baby. Don't you baby me. I gave you the best two years of my life. And

what do you do? You toss my heart aside like a dirty gym sock.

Say what?

Can we talk about this at home?

Who's home?

Our home.

We've been living in sin for three days now.

I had sex with you?

No.

That was going to happen next week.

Now look, I was there for you. I picked up the pieces and helped you get over

Veronica.

You did that for me?

house now but i've given you the best three days of my life well i hope you

enjoyed them because

Actually, we got into a huge fight and he moved out.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

I'll be okay.

So,

you don't have a roommate?

Yes, ma 'am.

Well, you do now.

Come on, help Mommy get the lazy boy. Come on.

if you guys know my line.

I can't believe you gave up the lease on your apartment.