Original subtitles

I'm gonna miss you, boo.

I'll be so miserable without you.

I'll think about you every minute that I'm gone, snickerdoodle.

Bye. Bye.

Where's Jarell going?

To Moda Corps.

Kim, listen.

I like Jarell, and I'm really happy for you, but when I moved in here, I only

counted on having one roommate, not two.

I know, aren't we blessed?

Kim, he uses my bath products, drinks my organic soda. Oh, that reminds me.

Jarell was wondering if you could get some regular sodas next time.

Jarell must have forgotten his key.

Hey, when did he get a key?

Come on, Kim, this is too much.

Chill, Stevie, it's not like his name is on the mailbox.

You have a delivery for Jarell Goodrich?

talk to him.

I wonder what this is.

Hmm, with any luck, an eviction notice.

Hey, it's from that French record exec I met with. I don't believe he wants to

give me a J -O -B.

Ooh, what's that French for?

Baby, that's French for we about to get paid.

Ooh, he wants me to produce a rap album with this hot new French group.

Ooh, my baby's gonna be a record producer.

Baby, I'm about to blow up.

You know, now you'll be making the big bucks. You can get new clothes, a new

car, a new place to live.

So, um, when do you start?

Next week.

In Paris.

Paris? Oh, I'll be so sorry to see you leave, Jarell. Au revoir, mon petit

moutier.

For how long?

I don't know.

Maybe a year. A year?

What about us?

Why don't you come with me?

My mama's not going to let me run off to Europe with some man.

Unless, of course, we were to get married.

I'm going to miss you, baby.

for a job offer in Paris. He'll be back in a year.

And I told him my mama wasn't going to let me run behind no man unless we were

married.

What did he say?

See ya.

Good, because you don't need to be marrying that narrow butt boy anyway.

Don't you like Jarell? I do.

My baby, you're too young to be getting so serious about a guy.

But Jarell and I...

I heard Jack Boy would just ruin your whole damn life.

I know where to cheer you up. How about a nice home -cooked meal?

I'm never gonna eat again.

Oh, I said the same thing. Trust Mama. You'll get over it.

Miss Parker, if I was expecting you, you would be falling through a trap door

right now.

I love the way we play.

Why are you here?

Oh, I was upstairs baking a cake for Kim and I ran out of sugar.

So, how about it, Professor?

You want to give me some sugar?

Help yourself.

Don't mind if I do.

I'm going to put on some clothes.

Not like what you have on right now.

He's in the bedroom having a cigarette.

Stevie! Get out here!

Veronica, I wasn't expecting you. Sorry if I interrupted your little soiree.

Well, if you leave right now, we'll forgive you.

Miss Parker, stay out of this, please. Yes, dear. Stop that!

Veronica, I can explain.

Don't bother. I can see for myself.

No, you don't. Look, Miss Parker only came by to get some sugar.

And I got some, too.

I'll leave so you can feed sugar cubes to your Clydesdale.

Oh, no, she didn't.

Honey,

why are you so threatened by this woman?

Maybe it's because every time I turn around, every time I look up, she's

Why don't you admit it? You have a thing for her.

See, Professor, you can't hide love.

Well, you certainly can't hide you.

Veronica. Stanley, I came here to surprise you with two tickets for the

of Jidney. But you know what?

Here, take your sugar, Mama.

Veronica, I swear, you step out that door and so help me, I will escort Miss

Parker to the play.

Oh, go ahead, girl. Shoot, shoot.

Get the hell out.

Oh, I never thought she'd leave.

Veronica, I mean it. I'll take Miss Parker.

I decided to take the mature adult approach with Jarell. Oh, good. What are

doing? I just have 15 pizzas delivered to Jarell's house.

And that'll be the pizza man now.

Hey. Hey, is Kim here? Yeah.

Well, look who's here.

Peppy LePuny.

Don't be mad, snickerdoodle. I just came over to tell you that I've been

thinking about it.

Well, I'll just listen up.

Hit it, T.

Freaky, freaky, freaky, freaky, freaky, freaky, freaky like... Baby girl, we can

make it live.

Come with me, it'll be a blast.

This new love, this the really, yo.

You are a doer, that's the dealie, yo.

You feel this love the same as me?

So won't you roll with me, the gay pervy?

And I guess what I'm trying to say, Kim, is will you marry me?

How many carrots?

Oh, yeah, the ring.

Hey, Stevie, can I borrow your toe ring for a minute?

Really? Okay.

Uh, Jarell, that's a toe ring.

Yeah, right.

Kimberly Ann Parker, will you be my wife?

Yes, Jarell, I may...

What about my parents?

Oh, well, I thought you could tell your dad and I'd tell your mom.

Nah, you better tell your mom and I'll tell your dad.

Nah, I don't want to do that either.

And you know, y 'all could elope. I got a better idea.

Let's sneak off to Vegas and get married.

You're not going to tell your parents?

Oh, of course I am.

After we find a place to live and have a couple of kids, then our kids will have

kids, and then I'll drive out to Mama's grave and tell her.

What's going on, babe?

My mom thinks we're too young to get married.

Well, what are we going to do? Don't worry about it. After she sees how happy

are, she'll be all for it.

Then let's do this.

Look, we could go now. T could be the best man, and Stevie could be the maid

honor. You know I'm down.

Stevie?

I don't know, Kim. Don't you think you're rushing things a little bit?

I don't know. We could wait until tomorrow.

Kim, you haven't even known him for that long. I mean, what's his favorite

color? Um... His favorite food?

Well... His favorite movie?

Girl, this is not Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

Who wants to be happy?

Well, Jor -El makes me happy.

Okay, I mean, if you're sure, then of course I'll be there for you.

Good. Then loan me $20 for gas, because we're getting married.

Hey, we're going to meet y 'all downstairs. We're going to look at the

Oh,

and now I'm finally having a real date with the professor, and I didn't have to

bribe.

How did you get on the list for the Make -A -Wish Foundation?

I'm telling you, Ann Dowd, I'm really feeling it. This is the start of taking

our relationship to a whole nother level.

I am proud of you. Shoot, I'm going to put you up for the plus -size play of

month.

You want to see the dress I bought for tonight?

I thought you were wearing it. Uh -uh, and this is special.

That's a wedding dress.

That's the big question tonight.

The only question he's going to ask is which mental institution to take you to.

And, White, you really are a wacko.

Oh, get the door. I want to make an entrance. You're already here. Girl,

get the door.

Hey, Professor, come on in. Nicky will be with you in just a minute. Can I get

you anything?

Yeah, a gun.

Hi, Professor.

And loaded.

Hand out. Take a picture of me and my attendant.

Miss Parker, is this really necessary?

Well, we could make our own home video like Pamela and Tommy Lee.

All right,

let's go.

You can follow me in your car.

is in Vegas.

She's going to marry that little rusty butt boyfriend of hers.

Oh, I can't believe it. She didn't even invite me.

Miss Parker, are we going on this date or not?

And, uh, what am I going to do?

Miss Parker, you don't want to go. I understand.

You better hurry and make your mind up.

Are you really sure about this? I mean, marriage is so 20th century.

You know, he probably wants you to stay at home and not even work.

Hi.

I got to tell you, Jarrell, you're a better man than me.

What do you mean?

Getting up your bachelorhood to become a married man, especially now.

Think about it. You're going to be getting paid, hanging out with Betty.

You're going to meet a bomb French freak every day of the week.

You're giving all that up for love.

I'm going to come home to your girl Kim 365 days a year for the rest of your

life.

You jealous? You wish it was me, don't you?

Man, I don't even know who you are.

I'll be lucky.

Excuse me.

Wedding, divorce, or traffic school?

Wedding. I married Jarrell Goodrich, that fine gentleman over there.

I assume you want the cheapest wedding possible.

Our po' boy special.

You read your own vows, we throw in a cup of rice.

All for the low, low price of $299 .99.

That's ridiculous. We're not paying that.

Excuse me, I'm the one getting married.

Well, whoever is getting married needs to make up their minds now.

That elderly couple that was waiting?

Well, let's just say death did them part.

Goodie, see, Stevie, that's a sign. Or a warning.

You jealous.

You wish you were me, don't you?

Girl, I don't even know who you are.

I'm Mrs. Lucky.

Come on, Jarrell.

Jarrell?

Where did he go?

Can't you go any faster?

If I could, you would have never caught me in front of your house.

Step on it, Professor. I have to save my daughter.

I don't know why we had to take my car.

I told you, I couldn't get any flights.

Besides, this is a date you're supposed to drive.

Yeah.

Oh, good, I got you.

Veronica?

I'm so sorry, Stanley. Please forgive me.

I've just been under a lot of stress lately.

If it's not too late, I'd like to make it up to you.

Right now, I'm soaking in a...

Great big bathtub of honey nectar bubble bath.

And you know what I need, Stanley?

What?

A nice, slow, thin -juiced body scrub.

I'll be right there.

Give me that.

Yeah, Veronica, we don't have time for chit -chat. We're on our way to a

chapel in Vegas.

What?

Don't worry, we'll get it on the way back. Now step on it. Look, I'm

Ow! That's my foot!

Don't worry, I'll massage it later.

In our hotel room.

Oh, great!

The fuzz! Are you happy now?

We cannot run it.

Are you an insane woman?

This is a BMW.

It's the ultimate driving machine.

And you are the ultimate... Ow!

I'm pulling over.

No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not!

We're out of gas.

Out of gas?

How could you be out of gas?

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were going to a play instead of the front end of a

high -speed police chase to Vegas.

Just relax, Professor.

Now, once I calmly explain the situation with Kim, I'm sure the police officer

will understand.

Get out of the car.

Put your hands behind your head and lie face down on the road.

You get out first.

Get out. You get out.

Well,

maybe

you ought to slow your roll.

Kim's probably looking for us.

Look, I did not come to Vegas just to get married, all right? Two minutes, I'm

ahead. I can feel it.

This machine is whack.

Nah, man, you're whack. It's Poogie Man Kim right now.

What if you're so worried about it, why don't you marry me? Nah, man, that's

your thing. I'm gonna play it. Oh, Lord.

Get off that machine. It's mine.

Fuck off, Junior, before I cut you.

See, man,

you got any more money?

Nah, man, you tapped us out.

Oh, man, now what am I going to do?

You don't want to marry me, baby.

Why is that?

I've got a gambling problem.

That's not a problem.

I love you. We can work it out.

Married people do that.

But I lost all our money, so we can't get married.

Now, that's a problem.

How could you do that?

I'm sorry, baby.

Don't be mad.

I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed.

My mama was right. I had no business running off to marry you.

I'll make it up to you.

Yeah, right.

I'm going.

Stevie, let's go flirt with an old man so we can get some plane tickets home.

Oh, wait. Hold on. Hold up.

I found a dolly.

Hey, that's enough for all you can eat buffet.

Look, baby, if you and I were meant to be, then this is going to pay off.

Who the left?

Black girl with blonde hair and green -blue all her eyes.

She with a short little guy?

A so -soon -to -be -dead little guy.

In the chapel.

Cat!

I got a better idea.

Wouldn't it? I don't know.

My baby's got a brain.

What is this?

Girl, this is... My mama wasn't letting me go to

school. Yeah.