Original subtitles

Oh, they're expecting to my purse, baby.

I already took some.

I've been thinking it's time that I pull my own weight. You know, be more

responsible. Cool. The rent's due on the 1st.

According to my lease, it's on the 5th.

What lease?

The one Stevie and I got for our apartment.

What apartment?

The one we got yesterday.

Yesterday?

How can the two of you afford an apartment?

It's only $450 a month.

Mama, my bedroom is bigger than this whole house.

Uh -huh. And I'm a size six.

No, seriously, Mama.

It's called rent control.

Unless you have light control, gas control, and food control, you'll be out

control. So, uh, why don't you save yourself some embarrassment and move

in? Thank you.

Did I mention Professor Ogilvie lives in the same building?

What are you standing around for? We need to pack our stuff.

jail for breaking and entering. I just took care of that last warrant.

Ah, look at this.

It's worse than I thought.

Come on, let's put this stuff out of here before they get back.

Halt!

I'm warning you, I ain't no Taekwondo.

Hell, I'm no Taibo.

Really? With Billy Blank?

Well, maybe you could help me out because I've been trying to get in that

forever. Well, if you go early on Tuesday, with short little legs. Shut

Del.

Who the hell are you?

Sophia Van Lowe.

You're Stevie's mother?

But you're so tall.

And you are?

Nikki Parker, Kim's mother.

Oh.

Well, you're no leprechaun yourself, honey.

I like you.

This is my friend Ann Del. Hi.

I apologize, ladies. When I heard your voices outside the door, I thought you

were intruders.

She is. You can't come into somebody's apartment without their permission.

See? I bet that's the police.

Hi. Hello.

Oh, hello, everyone. I'm Rachel, the apartment manager. Just came by to fix

sink. Oh, you must be Kim's mother.

Hell no.

Okay, then it must be you.

That's right.

And we'll be seeing a lot of each other. My boyfriend, Stanley Ogilvie, lives

downstairs.

You're Veronica?

That Veronica thing was just a phase.

Hi, I'm... Oh, I know who you are. The legendary, fabulous, incomparable Sophia

Van Lowe.

Oh, look at me. I'm embarrassing you.

No, you're not.

So, since you're in the biz, I was wondering if you'd take a peek at my

portfolio, maybe recommend an agent. Oh, sure. I'm also a singer, lash model.

Ooh!

Yeah, that was taken just outside Paris in Versailles.

Oh!

Wasn't I precious?

That's you?

Uh -huh.

But he has a... Well, then that means you have a... Ooh, not anymore.

I don't want to seem nosy, but what do they do with it?

Oh, I'm also an organ donor.

The decorating police are about to condemn it.

Hey!

Mama?

I told them, Leah, stop alone.

Just hard -hitting.

Well, pipes are all clear. Hey, girl.

Hey, Rachel.

Sophie, if you don't mind, I have a few more questions about the biz.

Who's the old girl over there?

She's sexy.

You don't even want to know.

So you ain't going to hook my boy up, baby?

No. She used to be... It's messed up, Kim.

I introduced myself.

I don't know why you hate him. You've got a man.

And so we'll see if he hooks up with her.

Oh, will you look at the time? It sure is getting late, Mama.

Guess you better send the boys home.

No, Mama, it's time for y 'all to go.

Um, Rachel, could you show my mama out? Yeah, and mine, too.

Certainly. Anything for Miss Van Lowe.

And you, call me.

Come on, ladies.

Well, let's...

We don't want to overstay our welcome.

Girl, when did that ever bother you?

Bye, Mama. I'll call you.

You'll call me too, Stevie?

I don't think so.

Look, y 'all.

Got those digits.

Ms. Parker, what are you doing here?

Well, my baby just moved in the building.

Say what?

Kim, she just moved in. And she's being so... Aren't you going to invite me in?

No. Thanks.

It's like she's a different person.

Distant. She acts as if she doesn't want me around.

I know the feeling.

Ms. Parker, what can I do for you?

Hold me.

No, seriously.

I could really use a hug. Strictly platonic.

Tighter.

Hey, baby. Hey, Stevie. Is everything okay?

Yeah, we just wanted to talk to you two. I knew it. You couldn't have... Back it

out there on your own. It's not easy for a single girl.

Now, do you see why Mommy married Daddy?

It's not that, Mother. We're doing fine.

Please don't tell me you're flunking out of school.

No, the complete opposite.

Ever since Stevie gave me the tip to read the chapters before class, I'm not

confused anymore.

So you two are not getting along.

I knew it. You know, at home, you were always such a loner.

But when you're always left alone, what else can you be?

you to know that we're having a housewarming. Nothing big, just a few

and... Of course we'll be there, sweetie.

Oh, I know. I haven't always been there for you in the past. And you're not

going to be there in the future either.

Um, Mom, you're not invited.

Excuse me?

Stevie, that's not a very nice thing to say to your mother.

Mama, you're not invited either.

Kim, go get me a switch.

No, Mama, I love you and I'm thankful...

everything you've done, but... But we would just feel better if you two sat

house warming out.

Yeah. It's really important we do this on our own. You understand, don't you?

Mm -hmm.

You warm your damn house.

Warm it until it burns.

I don't need to be there.

Well, she took that better than I thought.

All right.

I'm not happy about it, but I guess I really don't have a choice.

Thank you for understanding.

I mean, it's just going to be a few people, dear. Yeah, just a couple of

coming over. Nothing big.

Right, right.

Can you believe it? Our first housewarming. Ooh, in our own house.

own mothers.

Hey!

Hey, Nick.

Hey, Woody.

See you at the housewarming party.

You're invited.

Professor Ogilvy? Listen, could you tell Kim thanks, but I won't be able to make

it to the housewarming party.

I can't believe you're invited and I'm not.

You're not?

In that case, tell her I'll be there early and I'm leaving late.

Hey, Nikki.

Glad I ran into you.

What are you doing here, Mal?

Oh, I'm looking for Kim. I need her house key. I'm the official bartender at

little shindig tonight.

You know what she is?

Hell no.

Oh, I forgot. You wasn't invited.

Corkscrew. Corkscrew? Girl, stop tripping.

I'd like to propose a toast to motherhood, the most underappreciated,

misunderstood profession on God's lousy green earth. That's right, Nikki.

You give them life, they give you stretch marks.

Oh, not that I'd know.

Oh, listen to you two.

You should be glad they're growing up. Let it go.

You wouldn't understand, Andell.

Tell us, Ophry. Unless you've carried a baby for 39 months, seven days... 39

months?

I had the doctor induce my labor after six months, honey. No child is worth

losing your figure for.

The point is, unless you went through labor for 75 hours, you couldn't know

we feel.

Tell us, Ophry.

Well, actually, my labor lasted 15 minutes.

15 minutes?

Well, she popped right out. It was like my body rejected her.

unless you've wiped their noses, their tears, and their stinky little asses for

19 years.

You wouldn't know how it is to be a mother.

Right, Sophie?

Well, I don't know. You'll have to ask the nanny.

Well, I'm gonna leave you two here to discuss the pains of motherhood.

Where you going?

Out. Where?

Why?

All right, all right. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I was invited to

the party. Gotta go. See ya.

Daddy, this is my lady, Dorit. Nice to meet you, son. I heard a lot about you.

Hey, those charges never stuck. What charges? Got you, Mr. Parker.

Excuse me, sir.

housewarming party.

I can believe that.

What I can't believe is they have an ocean view, hardwood floors, all this

for only $450 a month. I pay three times that much.

If you let me move in with you, we can cut down in half.

It's like we think just alike.

She's not like any other woman I know.

Yeah, man, she fine and all, but I don't know, man, she kind of weird.

I mean, she's too in tune with us.

It's like she's one of the guys or something.

One of the guys?

Man, you don't do it one of the guys that we did together last night.

Y 'all went all the way?

Ah, not yet.

Last night I just explored the northern hemisphere.

Tonight, she gonna give me a grand tour of the dirty south.

So, uh, you're not gonna give me your number?

I didn't say that. Give me a pin.

Get your feet off the table, young man.

Did your nanny teach you anything?

Mother, will you stop it?

I'm just trying to be a good mother.

Yeah, well, you're about 18 years too late.

was paying attention to you. Really?

I still got it done, don't I?

I can cry on cue. Look at that.

That is totally inappropriate behavior.

Yeah.

Rupert, what are you doing here?

The question, my dear Sophie, is what are you doing here? I believe you

invited.

I thought you were in Turkey.

I was, but I got in and I came straight here. After all, it isn't every day.

that your little girl gives her first housewarming party.

You invited your father?

Well, I am paying for the apartment.

Oh, just like you to rub my face in it. I'd never rub your face in it, Sophia.

It cost me too much.

Woody, where the cops? I'm thirsty.

Okay, I'll go clean some more. No need. I got a straw.

Must be 10, 15.

When were you born again?

Father.

All right, all right.

Sophia, how would you like to go shopping in Milan with a pool boy?

Ruben, darling, the only way you're going to get me to leave this party is

you write a check for half of your worth.

He's young and tired of part.

to ask you and your friend to leave.

Daddy, can you take Mama home?

Absolutely not.

Father? No way. I want her passed out when I get home.

Just give me one more chance, Pumpkin. I'll straighten out.

All right.

We're having a party next Saturday.

What should I wear?

Hey, Gus.

Hey. Hey, Stevie.

How's your mom feeling?

Oh, she's sleeping it off like she always does.

In Hawaii.

Hey, ladies.

Hey. Oh, Tati.

You look kind of down.

Found out something about Rachel.

Well, Bull, we tried to tell you.

It's no big deal.

It's not like it hasn't happened. to me before, you know?

Really?

Yeah. Rachel's fine enough to make her brother break some rules, but I ain't

that kind of guy.

Oh, well, glad to hear it.

What are y 'all talking about?

Oh, T found out that Rachel used to be a man.

What? Uh -uh. T didn't find out nothing like that.

Isn't that what you were talking about?

No, I just found out she already has a boyfriend.

Well, guess what?

Sorry, T, but your chick used to have a... Bye!