Original subtitles

Uh, Jarrell, baby?

Yes, ma 'am. You want to keep that on?

Yes, ma 'am.

So what are you kids up to?

Nothing. No, we're just talking about spring break while we wait for tea.

Mama, what are we doing for spring break?

Well, you'll be doing your spring cleaning, and I'll be at the Desert

with Ann Dow getting my springs cleaned.

Well, I want to go.

I want to get my springs cleaned, too.

Oh, will you have $400?

No. I didn't think so.

Now I'm going to go grocery shopping. I hear they serve nothing but health food

at this spot.

Oh, hey, baby. How you doing, T?

Hey, Corbin.

Listen up, y 'all. Corbin has something to tell us. Big news, y 'all.

You're performing next week at the Spring Bling in Palm Springs.

You'll be on the same stage as Red Man, Method Man, Yellow Man, all thanks to

your main man, Corbin.

Hold on. Not so fast, Corbin. I mean, what kind of deal did you make? What

of money are we talking? How much stage time do we get?

When are we going to fill out our W -2?

Who are you again?

I'm Kim's man.

And Kim needs to speak to her man.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm just looking out for our future.

Baby, I appreciate you looking out for our future, but we're talking about my

career. Look, I know some things, all right? I can hook this up for you

Jarrell, I know you're doing your little DJing thing, but we're working

professionals. And Corbin, he's a working professional.

And you, you're just my boyfriend.

Oh, okay, cool.

I was just trying to help. Well, you can start our fan club. I'll make you

president.

Well, if that's how it is, I'm out.

We just want to set up some equipment, rehearse a little. Sign a few

I'm sorry, I don't see you guys on my list.

Well, apparently you have the wrong list.

Or you can't read.

See, Corbin Lightfoot, the future VP of Destiny Sound Records, made all the

arrangements. Oh, I'm sorry.

That's it, out of my way.

Not to be so physical.

Look, better get out of here before I club you like a seal.

You know, if you would just let us in, maybe you and I can meet up later.

Muscles really turn me on.

Oh, me too.

I'm gay.

Oh, have you met my friend T? What?

No, man, T don't roll like that.

Well, then T better roll his ass on out of here.

Because it's the damn quiet room.

Veronica, honey, you okay?

No. I'm bored to death.

What's that supposed to mean?

Bored. To death.

I'm tired of eating lawn clippings, listening to music, and having fat,

ladies stare at me in the locker room.

This is the perfect place for us to, you know, unwind and get in touch with

ourselves. I don't want to touch myself.

That's your job.

And lately you've been calling in sick.

Mr. Happy takes one nap and you whine.

Come on, honey.

I hear there's a big concert in Palm Springs.

The Spring Bling. Oh, no, no, baby. I have no intention of spending my

with a bunch of drunken college students.

I get enough of that at work.

Honestly, Stanley, sometimes you are such a stick in the mud.

I am nothing of the sort.

Mr. Ogilvie, your two o 'clock mud bath is ready. Oh, goody.

I'm serious, Stanley. If someone doesn't make some noise soon, I'm going to lose

it.

They searched my suitcase inside and out.

Oh, it wasn't in my suitcase.

I had it in between. Stop!

Don't say another word. I just want to enjoy this.

Miss Parker?

Professor Ogilvie, is that you? No, no, no, it's not me. Goodbye.

Hey, Professor Ogilvie.

What's wrong? You look so pale.

He looks just fine.

Oh, no wonder.

You're with Veronica.

I'm going out to get some real food and have some real fun.

I'm going to the spring bling.

You know what, Veronica?

You are getting on my last damn nerve.

So bling bling your butt right out of my face.

I could use some peace and quiet.

You're a sad man, Stanley Ogilvie.

I'm out of here.

Not without me, Nikki. Come on. No, girl, y 'all go ahead. I'm going to stay

back and get me a little peace and quiet.

These people should be losing their hearing to our music. We have got to get

backstage and find Furman. Yeah, but how?

Is that Jarrell?

Yo, Jarrell!

Hey, dog, who's with the all -access passes?

Oh, these things?

Oh, they get you access.

All over. Oh, I see.

They can get us backstage.

Yeah, I would, but I'm too busy starting your fan club.

Remember that?

Yeah, you can do that, too.

But how'd you get hooked up?

That's what I was trying to tell y 'all before Kim started getting all new on

me. My uncle is the promoter. In fact, he asked me which groups he should book.

Yeah, right.

Oh, my God, you guys, there's Warren G!

Hey, you better.

Excuse me.

What's up, G? I just wanted to say this concert is shiznit, man. You know?

And I'm getting ready to do this little tour thing, and I was wondering if you

could recommend somebody to open for me.

You know, No one comes to mind.

But I'll get at you later, Jim. Okay.

Well,

enjoy the concert. You know, I cannot wait to see you guys up there.

Man.

Oh, darn.

Yeah, and I'm performing up.

Boy, that must have really relaxed me.

How long have I been asleep?

Ever since you took a sip of my cocoa.

What was in the cocoa?

Ten miles to Vegas?

Who do we go and go to Vegas?

You promised to take me to my Veronica and that spring ding -a -ling thing.

You mumbled something in your slip about getting married.

And I said, are you sure? And you said, yes. So here we are.

Listen, mad woman.

If you don't take me back to Palm Springs, I'll... You'll do what?

Get out and walk?

This is my car. Your car's back in Palm Springs when it's Amazon .buzz.

Put this car over.

It's a little damp out there, and I know you didn't bring your durag.

Stop the car, woman.

Drive on.

Uh -uh. Not until you take off those wet clothes.

You're getting my Corinthian vinyl wet.

Stop!

Miss Parker, when will you understand? I do not want you. I have never wanted

you. I will never want you. I want Veronica.

I want Veronica.

I want Veronica.

If Veronica died in a fiery car crash or accidentally ate red poison, would you

want me dead?

Parker, maybe.

How long will you take me to Palm Springs?

As long as there's hope, Professor.

That's all I'm asking.

Okay, according to this map, we need to turn left.

I don't need a map. I know where I'm going, and it's to the right.

Miss Parker, this is a deserted road.

The map says to turn around.

Let go of the wheel!

This road is a shortcut to Palm Springs.

Yeah, it's short, all right. So short, it's about to end.

Okay, now I'll go back the other way, which I would have done if you hadn't

anything.

Ms. Parker, how long has that oil light been on?

Oh, about three months. What does that mean?

Well, since you're out of oil...

And I'm surprised your car hasn't caught on.

Hey look, there's Corbin.

Hey, Corbin, over here, man.

Hey, what's up?

Corbin, you said Freestyle Unity was supposed to play here tonight, but Mr.

Clean over here won't even let us in.

No, you must understand what I'm saying, little shorty. What I say was, be here.

Then if the circumstances arose that presented the situation a possibility,

is when you will be able to have the opportunity to play here.

Maybe. Come on, dog. Straight with it.

All right, all right. Chill. Hang tight.

Stay loose. Go with the flow. And when Corbin comes back, you will be in this

show.

Meg!

Veronica! What are you guys doing here? And where's my mama?

Oh, she's back at the health spa trying to get felt up.

I mean, rubbed down.

Oh, hell, she's with the...

a couple desperate looking wannabe performers hanging around?

Yeah. Hammer and Young MC just left.

We're talking about Freestyle Unit.

Oh, they left.

They said they got tired of waiting.

It's too bad.

They were up next.

you out of those wet clothes, Professor, before you catch pneumonia.

No problem. I was hoping I would die before the night was over anyway.

Okay. Suit yourself.

Five, four, three, two... All right.

All right.

Don't look.

Don't worry. I got you covered.

supposed to carry water?

Well, I don't know about you, but when the big one comes, I want to be drunk.

Do you have any food in that kit?

I'm getting kind of hungry. Let me check.

You find anything, Miss Parker?

Mm -mm.

Wait a minute.

Is that chocolate on your... upper lip?

I'm chocolate all over, Professor.

Newick, let me smell your breath.

Oh, now you want to taste a Nicky.

Just as I thought.

You have nougat breath.

Well, I'd rather have Stanley breath.

That's it?

That's it!

I've had it!

I'd rather wander around aimlessly in the desert till I drop dead of

and have both...

feast on my maggot infested nougat free corpse then sit here another minute

with you

I miss Stanley.

And then let's get back to the...

make a human banana split contest.

Who's in that? Me and him.

Dang, stop eating.

Let's make it to go.

Hey, guys, you know, we might as well get out of here. We're not going to be

stars. Yeah, well, I guess I better go re -enroll in school.

Listen, y 'all, we are not a bunch of quitters. No, we are...

Baby, I told you. I'm all about us. But when you diss me in front of your

friends like that, I figure you didn't feel the same.

You know I feel the same way about you.

I love you, boo.

I love you, too, baby.

Come on, let's go sit there. Okay.

Wait, hey.

What about us? Oh, I almost forgot. Y 'all next.

You promise you won't tell?

Nope.