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00:00:08,860 --> 00:00:09,860
Who are you?
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I'm Melissa Manchester.
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Maybe you can help me. My agent booked
me onto this weird thing called The
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00:00:16,460 --> 00:00:18,660
Muppet Show. Am I in the right place?
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special guest star, Melissa Manchester.
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It's time to get things started on the
most sensational, inspirational,
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celebrational Muppet Show!
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This is what we call the Muppet Show!
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Thank you, thank you, and welcome once
again to the Muppet Show! And tonight
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very special guest star is the great
singer and songwriter Melissa
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Through the miracle of costly special
effects, we whisk you away to the high
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00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:08,620
Alps, so please welcome the Vienna
Downhill Boys Choir with their alpine
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00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:10,419
Tumble and Tumble with Jim!
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00:02:36,940 --> 00:02:37,940
Thank you.
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It's never too late.
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Break a leg! Break a leg!
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Oh, boy, it's a disaster.
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Doctor, will I ever be able to ski
again?
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Oh, what do you mean, again?
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Listen, you should have taken lessons.
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Oh, I did.
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I took lessons from the famous Klaus
Neumann.
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You did? Yeah.
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Hey, Klaus.
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Oh, hi, Charlie. How'd it go?
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What do you think?
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Did you do everything I told you?
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Everything.
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Figures.
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Listen, Scooter, if I come up with any
more dumb ideas like that, stop me.
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Right. Shall I cancel the blindfolded,
yodeling hang glider?
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Of course not. I said dumb ideas.
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Okay, well, now that we've gotten off
the ski slopes and lived to tell about
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it's time for some real entertainment.
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Ladies and gentlemen, one of the truly
great singers, Melissa Manchester.
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Baby cried the day the circus came to
town Cause she
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didn't want parades just passing by her
She
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painted on a smile and took off with a
clown While she danced
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without a net up on the wire I know
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a lot about her Cause you see, baby
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is an awful lot like me.
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Don't cry out loud.
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Just keep it inside.
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And learn how to hide your feelings.
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you should fall.
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Remember you almost had it all.
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Baby saw that when they pulled that big
top down,
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they left behind her dreams among the
litter.
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That different kind of love she thought.
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she'd found there was nothing left but
sawdust and some glitter
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but baby can't be broken cause you see
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she had the finest teacher that was me
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I told her don't cry out loud
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just keep it inside
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I've learned.
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00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:03,930
I was a kid. I left home to join a
traveling circus.
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Well, were your folks upset?
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Are you kidding?
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They're the ones who got me the job.
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00:08:11,670 --> 00:08:15,710
Now, listen, guys. The show will take
care of all of your medical expenses.
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00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,230
Oh, well, that's good.
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Scooter, did you cash that check I gave
you? Oh, of course. Good.
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Well, at least probably.
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What? Well, actually, no.
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What? Gee, guys, is there something
wrong?
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Oh, no, nothing at all.
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We just wanted to invite you to come to
our...
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Wall Street today, commodity experts
were amazed as beef fell dramatically.
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00:09:17,350 --> 00:09:18,630
Oh, no.
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Kermit, where did that cow come from? He
seemed to fall right out of the sky.
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00:09:28,490 --> 00:09:32,450
Yeah, well, you see, he said that beef
was falling, and it's a little hard to
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explain.
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00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:35,310
Why don't we just watch pigs in space?
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Oh, no.
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Don't worry. Things only fall on the
newsman.
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What did you say that next catch is
called? Uh, pigs in space.
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Oh, good.
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I thought you said pigs from space.
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Not again!
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And now... Pigs in
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space!
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The swine tractor is just about to be
boarded by a sinister spaceship from the
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Crab Nebula.
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00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:14,350
Uh -oh. Oh, the crab nebula. I'm so
frightened.
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00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,890
There are all such mean baddies over
there.
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There he is.
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00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:23,590
Oh, help.
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Oh, help.
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00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:29,090
I'm trying to take a nap.
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00:10:30,410 --> 00:10:34,950
But this weird alien from the crab
nebula just boarded the ship.
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So what does he want?
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I don't know. I don't speak crab.
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Universal translator right there.
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Knuckle brains.
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I represent Flunko, the wash day
miracle.
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Guaranteed to turn your glooboos
sparkling pink without rinsing.
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Well, we knew it was important.
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Sparkling pink, huh?
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00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,000
I'll take a dozen boxes.
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You don't have any glooboos.
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Make it happen.
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00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,320
Call you back during the commercial.
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In Spain!
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Pops and Fozzie. Pops and Fozzie on
next.
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00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:39,220
Oh, Pops. I don't think I'm going to be
able to do this.
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00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:42,420
Oh, it's going to be terrific, Fozzie.
Why, back in 1948,
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00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:45,100
I played the Roxy with this number.
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00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,340
Yeah, but it's so complicated.
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00:11:48,780 --> 00:11:51,320
And now, here they are, Pops and Fozzie.
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With Once in Love with Amy.
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Aha!
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Once in love with Amy.
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With Amy!
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Always in love with Amy.
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00:12:04,610 --> 00:12:07,150
Is this it? Ever and ever.
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Fascinated by her. Set your heart afire.
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Stay tuned.
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Once in Love with Amy.
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Tear up your list. It's Amy.
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00:12:21,580 --> 00:12:25,320
Fly her with bonbons, poetry and
flowers.
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00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:27,780
Moon a million hours away.
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00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,180
You might be quite the fickle -hearted
girl.
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00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:36,360
So carefree and bold.
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00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,760
Who loves a girl and later thinks it
over.
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And just quits. Oh, follow me.
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00:12:45,420 --> 00:12:48,580
Once in love with Amy.
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00:12:50,430 --> 00:12:53,290
Always in love with Amy. Turn.
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00:12:54,010 --> 00:12:55,730
Ever and ever.
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00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:57,790
Sweetly you'll romance her.
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00:12:58,150 --> 00:13:04,710
Trouble is the answer. Will be. Will be.
That Amy'd rather stay in love
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00:13:04,710 --> 00:13:07,910
with me. I did it. I did it.
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00:13:08,410 --> 00:13:12,890
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank
you.
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00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:14,730
Pausing. Thank you.
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00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:19,170
You really got to hand it to Pausing.
Hand him what?
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00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:23,800
Abuse. Hey,
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00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:34,700
Floyd, what are you doing?
137
00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:36,980
Oh, I'm playing the blues.
138
00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:39,540
Do you like blues music?
139
00:13:41,180 --> 00:13:42,360
Only when I'm depressed.
140
00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:44,920
You get depressed often?
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00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,200
Only when I play the blues.
142
00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:48,980
You're weird.
143
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,000
I may be weird, but you're beautiful.
144
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,620
It's funny you should feel that way,
because I've always had a thing for
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00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:56,620
weirdos, man.
146
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,100
Now, how can I tell when you're being
serious?
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00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:02,900
Whenever I call you friend, friend.
148
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,780
Okay, friend, let's communicate.
149
00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:23,390
Whenever I call you friend, I begin to
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00:14:23,390 --> 00:14:29,810
think I understand, anywhere at all, you
and I have
151
00:14:29,810 --> 00:14:33,650
always been, forever and ever.
152
00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:41,150
I see myself within your eyes, and
that's
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00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:45,990
all I need to show me why, everything I
do.
154
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:49,100
Always takes me home to you.
155
00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:33,110
Sweet love, shining in my life.
156
00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:34,690
Sweet love.
157
00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:10,540
Okay, next we have the Flying Teeterini
Family.
158
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,040
Okay, on stage, the Teeterini Family on
stage, please.
159
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:18,099
Hey, scoozy froggy, you tell me where
the teeterboard is.
160
00:17:18,339 --> 00:17:21,500
Oh, there's no room for it. Hey, that
teeterboard's supposed to be on stage,
161
00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:25,000
Fozzie. No, as I'm saying to you,
there's no room for it on the stage.
162
00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:27,240
Why not? Because there's a set in the
way, sir.
163
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,780
Well, why is the set out there? Hey, can
we clear this out, please? Clear that
164
00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:34,760
set? You don't need to shout in the
talky -talky thing. We're standing right
165
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,280
here. Can we please put this down?
166
00:17:37,630 --> 00:17:38,169
Right here?
167
00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:39,170
Okay. What?
168
00:17:39,990 --> 00:17:42,210
Can you guys get on stage, please?
169
00:17:42,550 --> 00:17:47,710
You expect the famous Teeterini family
to perform on stage without their famous
170
00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:51,470
teeterboard? Listen, is a teeterboard
really a big part of the act?
171
00:17:52,270 --> 00:17:53,270
Watch this.
172
00:18:51,370 --> 00:18:53,450
Chef will prepare spring chicken.
173
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,340
best spot they've ever done. What do you
think?
174
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:51,900
When will you ever learn? You're no
spring chicken anymore.
175
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,860
Chickens? Would you guys keep still?
What's with these chickens?
176
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,500
Boing, boing, boing, boing.
177
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,000
You can control over this show's
slipping.
178
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,320
Skiers on crutches and chickens on
springs.
179
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,500
These are a few of my...
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00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:17,010
This show is now officially out of
control.
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00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:20,130
I'm going to introduce the final number,
and then it's every frog for himself.
182
00:20:20,490 --> 00:20:23,590
Hey, come it, come it, come it. Hey, why
did the chickens cross the road?
183
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,270
Because an angry Swede was chasing him
with a cleaver.
184
00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:28,750
That's not it.
185
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:31,390
Hey, wait. Yours is better.
186
00:20:33,450 --> 00:20:35,730
Ladies and gentlemen, backstage is a
mess.
187
00:20:36,130 --> 00:20:39,250
I've got angry skiers springing chickens
and bouncing Italians.
188
00:20:40,010 --> 00:20:44,130
So let us leave all that behind. Come
with me now to the... Peace and quiet of
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00:20:44,130 --> 00:20:45,049
sunny Spain.
190
00:20:45,050 --> 00:20:48,910
There to hear the beautiful soothing
melodies of Miss Melissa Manchester.
191
00:21:19,020 --> 00:21:24,960
Your cheating heart will make you weep.
192
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:32,100
You'll cry and cry and try to sleep.
193
00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:39,620
But sleep won't come the whole night
through.
194
00:21:40,540 --> 00:21:46,980
Your cheating heart will tell on you.
195
00:23:51,950 --> 00:23:53,370
and talented Melissa Manchester.
196
00:23:53,890 --> 00:24:00,750
Thank you, Kermit. I've had a great
197
00:24:00,750 --> 00:24:02,350
time. Oh, I'm so glad.
198
00:24:02,670 --> 00:24:08,890
When I wasn't being hit by flying skiers
or jumped on by spring chickens or held
199
00:24:08,890 --> 00:24:13,230
to the back of a... Well, actually,
you're lucky because next week we're
200
00:24:13,230 --> 00:24:16,090
a yodeler who works blindfolded from a
hang glider.
201
00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:22,420
That's next week!
202
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:08,840
Watch out!
15493
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