Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

You know, comedy is really difficult.

One thing that happens with comedy writers is that they are all really good

coming up with beginnings.

Really good setups, but they can't figure out how to pay them off. Hey,

nice, but you know, if you keep applauding, you won't hear my monologue.

Okay, okay. Oh, but of course, that doesn't mean I want you to sit on your

hands. Don't worry, we won't. Good.

Yeah, if we sit on our hands, we can't throw things at you.

Well, now I'll share with you one of the real secrets to the Muppets. What my

father figured out was, you know, if you can't get out, you just either blow

something up, or you eat something,

or you just throw penguins in the air.

And here it is, the Muppet Show.

I'm Linda Ronstadt.

I'm going to be the guest on your show.

Oh, yeah, Linda Ronstadt.

Oh, Kermit said to roll out the red carpet for you.

Got a little moth problem here?

No big moth problem.

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Linda Ronstadt. Yay!

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.

Why do we always come here? I guess we'll never know.

It's like a kind of torture to have to watch the show.

It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, muffin -tational, this is what we call The Muppet Show!

Welcome!

Thank you, thank you, and welcome again to The Muppet Show! And you picked a

great show not to miss because our guest star is one of the great singers of all

time, Miss Linda Ronstadt!

But first, let's get things started with Bugsy Salsa. Wait on his hypnotized

horse.

It sure is heavy.

It should be. It contains my entire fungus collection.

Terrific. Oh, no. We forgot the mildew.

Will you please watch it?

Come eat. Come eat. Hey, is she here yet?

all dressed up.

Well, of course. Linda Ronstadt is our guest.

Oh, yes, the girl singer.

Oh, I just can't wait to meet her. She is terrific.

And besides that, she's a real foxy lady.

Foxy lady?

Excuse me, I gotta get the flowers I ordered.

Flowers?

Oh, good grief, it's what's -her -name Ronstadt.

Hi, Miss Peggy.

Have you seen Kermit?

Many times.

I've never met him, and I'm such a fan of his.

Oh, are you really now?

There's something about him. Oh, he's just so earnest.

Uh -huh.

Dear, Kermit just might be behind stage. Why don't you go have a look over

there, and he can put on the rest of your clothes.

Time for decisive action.

Well, Linda, I've got some flour.

That should be decisive enough.

Ladies and gentlemen, Kermit has asked

a friend of his to introduce... What's your face?

I feel so bad I got a worried mind.

I'm so lonesome all the time.

Since I left my baby behind on Blue

Bayou.

Saving nickels, saving dimes.

Until the sun don't shine Looking forward to

happy times I'll move by you

to be with some of my friends.

I'm going to see my baby again.

Maybe I'll feel better again.

Well,

Well, it's okay by me if it's okay by you.

Local citizens have reported the sighting of an unidentified flying

When last seen, it was directly over the Muppet newsroom.

Little Benny had a cat

that they wouldn't let him keep.

So he put her up for sale at a price he thought was cheap.

He took her to a neighbor to ask him for advice. He said, Just leave the kitty

here. She'll help me with the mice.

But the cat came back. She wouldn't stay away. She was sitting on

the porch the very next day.

The cat came back. She didn't want to roam.

The very next day, it was home sweet home.

If Betty met a man who would drive the cat, he would give the cat a ride.

as a special honored guest.

The steering wheel was wobbly. He drove into a tree.

The car was just a total wreck as anyone could see.

But the cat came back. She wouldn't stay away. She was sitting on the

porch the very next day. The cat came back. She didn't want to roam.

The very next day it was home sweet.

Then he bought a gun from the human cannonball.

Put the cat inside the tridimensional wall.

When Benny pulled the trigger, the cannon made a roar.

The neighbors all surrendered because they thought it was a war.

But the cat came back. She wouldn't play away. She was sitting on

the porch on the very next day.

The cat came back.

She didn't want to roam.

The very next day, it was home sweet home.

Last word. Here we go.

Little Benny gave the cat to a man who had a bomb.

Took the cat away. She was acting cool and calm.

And then the bomb exploded. It made an awful sound.

The day looked for ages and the man was...

Stay calm.

Very nice.

Woof, woof.

Meow.

I see the cat came back.

Yeah, well, we all came back. That's because the number's over.

Whoa, cat. Whoa. Whoa.

Kermit.

Have you seen Kermit? Oh, no. But it's not like him to leave. I'll look for him

for you. But don't touch that trunk.

It's full of fungus.

Yeah, thanks for the warning.

Darn it.

Let me out of here.

I'm sorry about the smell.

You come with the frog.

Oh, Linda, I'm so glad you're doing this show.

Oh, I'm so pleased to be here.

Oh, good. You know, I got some flowers for you.

Darn, they got crushed.

Nothing wrong with crushes.

Huh?

I've got a crush on you.

On me?

Sweetie pie.

Maybe I better go get dressed for my next number.

See you later, sweetie.

ashamed of yourself.

Oh. Look, and come in that trunk.

Um, the trunk, well, it's not a trunk. It's a, um, sauna.

Yes, it's a sauna.

Frogs love it. Dry heat, don't you know?

Biggie, on stage now.

Oh, yes, yes. I'll just take my prop with me.

What's in that trunk?

I know, Linda, but the show must go on.

Now.

Two of the Swine Trek had captured a deadly battle robot.

Oh, a deadly battle robot.

Oh, I'm so frightened.

Where is the deadly battle robot, Link?

First mate Piggy has it.

Oh, that's a deadly battle robot?

Looks like a steamer trunk.

The deadly battle robots often disguise themselves as steamer trunks.

What happened to the deadly battle robot?

I don't know. I must have zapped it into the fifth dimension.

Oh, thank you.

Don't mention it.

No, please don't take my frog away. I'm taking him to a locksmith.

Ha! Love laughs at locksmiths.

Wait a minute.

Are you actually trying to tell me you're in love with Kermit?

with white stuff in the middle?

Linda, I do love coming.

I do, I do.

Hey, guys. Oh, oh, coming, coming.

Here's the key. Here's the key. Take it. We're coming.

Listen, Piggy, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'm going to dedicate our final duet to just you and Kermit.

Oh, Kermit, thanks for singing this song for me, even though I know your heart

still belongs to Piggy.

Well, you may know that, and Piggy may know that, but the vote's not in yet

the frog.

It's been nice being with you, even if it's only been for a little while.

When I

Bye.

I didn't get to see more of it because our guest star has been the very

talented, the very beautiful Miss Linda Ronstadt.

And it's been fun

singing with the very cute and the very green Kermit the Frog.

Oh, thank you. And by the way, thank you, could I have a goodnight kiss?

Yes, you should.

I mean, Miss Piggy. Oh, well, don't worry about Miss Piggy because I've

care of her. She will cause us no problems.

Maybe we just better shake hands and say goodnight.

You got it, kid. We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.

I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't watched it believe what I don't know I

watching