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1
00:00:03,850 --> 00:00:05,330
Hi. Oh, who are you?
2
00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:08,250
I'm Shirley Bassey. I'm doing the show
tonight.
3
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:13,090
Oh, right. You're doing the show
tonight? Mm -hmm. Great. You can brush
4
00:00:14,770 --> 00:00:17,210
What? I have to brush your rat?
5
00:00:17,530 --> 00:00:19,450
Everybody pitches in around here.
6
00:00:19,710 --> 00:00:21,930
Oh, good. Then you can call my
crocodile.
7
00:00:23,930 --> 00:00:28,050
They warned me about this show, so I
came prepared.
8
00:00:31,790 --> 00:00:35,430
It's the Muppet Show with our very
special guest star, Shirley Bassett.
9
00:00:35,630 --> 00:00:36,630
Yeah!
10
00:00:50,390 --> 00:00:52,110
It's time to play the music.
11
00:00:52,390 --> 00:00:54,070
It's time to light the light.
12
00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:57,390
It's time to meet the Muppet on the
Muppet Show tonight.
13
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,440
It's time to put on makeup.
14
00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:02,440
It's time to dress up right.
15
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:05,880
It's time to raise the curtain on the
Muffin Show tonight.
16
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,460
Why do we always come here? I guess
we'll never know.
17
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,580
It's like a kind of torture to have to
watch the show.
18
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:29,180
It's time to get things started on the
Motivational, Inspirational,
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Celebrational, Motivational, This is
what we call the Muppet Show!
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00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,700
Come on, your uncle's calling!
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00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,620
Thank you, thank you, hi, hello, and
welcome to the Muppet Show!
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00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,980
And it's going to be a wonderful show
tonight because our guest star is one of
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00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,360
the world's great singers, Miss Shirley
Bassey.
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00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:59,740
Yes, but first, how would you like to
boogie?
25
00:02:00,060 --> 00:02:02,480
Well then, get thee to a barnyard.
26
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:39,020
in the barnyard pen. Wah, wah. Said the
duck, won't you let me in?
27
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:43,200
Cluck, cluck, cluck. Said the little
white hen, let's boogie in the barnyard.
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00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:47,000
Bye, bye. Said the sheep coming in off
home. Moo, moo.
29
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:48,980
Said the cow, let the butter roll.
30
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:53,020
Cluck, cluck, cluck. Said the little
white hen, let's boogie in the barnyard.
31
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,800
Well, the barnyard was jumping.
32
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,060
Everybody having to flee.
33
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Even old McDonald had to do a little
corny swing.
34
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,600
Whoa, whoa.
35
00:03:11,130 --> 00:03:13,430
There's a boogie in the barnyard. Take
it!
36
00:04:04,790 --> 00:04:07,590
Oh, yeah.
37
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:18,880
Play the men in the theater box. Don't
boogie in the barnyard.
38
00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:24,340
Very good, barnyard animals. Nicely
mooed, oinked, and clucked.
39
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:25,940
What about me?
40
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Okay. I thought it was good.
41
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,200
Out, out, out, out.
42
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:33,980
I hate cheap shots.
43
00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:38,220
Okay, on stage. Dancing sax. Dancing sax
on stage, please.
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00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:44,490
Hey, Chief, you know in Shirley Bassey's
closing number, Goldfinger, how you
45
00:04:44,490 --> 00:04:47,310
wanted the set painted gold? We don't
have any gold paint.
46
00:04:47,990 --> 00:04:50,870
What? Best we can do is kind of a rust
color.
47
00:04:51,950 --> 00:04:53,910
Scooter, she's not going to sing
Rustfinger.
48
00:04:54,850 --> 00:04:56,430
Haven't you got something closer to
gold?
49
00:04:56,790 --> 00:05:00,250
Well, what if we bring in some ice and
she sings Coldfinger?
50
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Scooter, will you go out and get some
paint right now? Yes, boss.
51
00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:05,370
Oh, come it.
52
00:05:05,770 --> 00:05:07,650
Those socks are really boring.
53
00:05:08,030 --> 00:05:09,030
Oh, well, sack to sack.
54
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,660
Yes, sir. On stage, Shirley Bassey.
Shirley Bassey on stage, please.
55
00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:16,440
It's all your fault. You got no sense of
rhythm.
56
00:05:16,740 --> 00:05:18,200
Ah, shut up, you old bag.
57
00:05:20,580 --> 00:05:24,860
Okay, well, in sharp contrast to that
last act, what could be more different
58
00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:28,560
than the dramatic sophistication of our
lovely, talented guest star? Ladies and
59
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,980
gentlemen, the dynamic Miss Shirley
Bassey!
60
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:48,900
They're the cold eyes, but they're not
the gold.
61
00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:52,460
Let me put you wise.
62
00:06:25,420 --> 00:06:31,640
There's a lazy lip, but they'll come to
life
63
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:35,020
should we come to grips.
64
00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:38,040
If you have any...
65
00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:56,230
down below. Great number.
66
00:07:56,490 --> 00:07:57,490
Thanks.
67
00:07:57,630 --> 00:07:59,650
Thanks? You didn't write fire down
below.
68
00:07:59,970 --> 00:08:02,870
No, but the guy who did had just had a
bowl of my chili.
69
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:09,430
Okay, nice number. Those fake gold bars
looked very good, guys.
70
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,490
Hey, Kermit? Kermit, I got some news.
71
00:08:11,770 --> 00:08:13,930
Oh, you got the gold paint? Well, we
don't need the paint anymore.
72
00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:14,749
Why not?
73
00:08:14,750 --> 00:08:16,770
Well, you'll see. Come here. Hey, Bruno?
74
00:08:17,350 --> 00:08:18,350
Bruno?
75
00:08:18,590 --> 00:08:19,590
Bruno,
76
00:08:19,950 --> 00:08:20,950
this is Kermit.
77
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:24,390
It's a frog. You didn't say nothing
about no frog.
78
00:08:24,950 --> 00:08:26,050
Oh, he's okay.
79
00:08:26,410 --> 00:08:29,530
You see, I saw Bruno across the street
parked in an armored van.
80
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:32,070
He's loaning us the gold for Shirley
Bassey's number.
81
00:08:32,390 --> 00:08:33,490
Oh, that's very nice of you.
82
00:08:33,690 --> 00:08:34,690
Yeah, he's a big fan.
83
00:08:34,970 --> 00:08:37,190
Yeah, I love her. Uh -huh. That's real
gold?
84
00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:40,289
Yeah, you bet, Mac. Fifty million bucks,
White.
85
00:08:40,490 --> 00:08:43,030
Wow, I've never even touched real gold
before.
86
00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:47,810
Nobody touches this gold except me.
87
00:08:49,710 --> 00:08:50,710
Yes, sir.
88
00:08:51,410 --> 00:08:53,810
I still don't trust a frog.
89
00:08:54,390 --> 00:08:56,170
Something about the eyes.
90
00:08:57,190 --> 00:09:03,650
Well, he's okay, Bruno. Honest. You know
what 50 million bucks means to a frog?
91
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:11,110
Anyway, if one of these gold bars is...
Okay.
92
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,280
Spread them out. Spread them out.
93
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:17,180
What'd you do with it? What'd you do
with it? It couldn't have been him. He
94
00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:18,159
right here.
95
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,820
Oh, yeah? You know how fast these frogs
are? You ever seen one catch a fly?
96
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:31,800
Dr.
97
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:37,860
Bunsen Honeydew, here at Muppet Labs,
where the future is being made today.
98
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:44,080
For centuries, alchemists have labored
in vain, trying to turn lead into gold.
99
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,720
That would be so snazzy.
100
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:53,720
Now, this machine cannot turn lead into
gold, but it can do the next best thing.
101
00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:57,120
It can turn gold into cottage cheese.
102
00:09:58,980 --> 00:10:04,060
Now, here's my assistant, Beaker, with a
nice, shiny, bright bar of gold.
103
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,460
Let's put it in the machine, Beaker.
104
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:11,960
That's good.
105
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,240
Now we turn the machine on.
106
00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:19,580
So,
107
00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:27,740
the
108
00:10:27,740 --> 00:10:29,200
experiment is complete.
109
00:10:29,740 --> 00:10:31,140
What'd he do with the gold?
110
00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:33,200
Well, he put it right in the machine
here.
111
00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:42,060
Cottage cheese.
112
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:45,000
Low in cholesterol, high in vitamins.
113
00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:51,340
Come in.
114
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:56,360
Oh, excuse me, Miss Baffy. Yes? Oh,
here's that cottage cheese you ordered.
115
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,740
thank you, Spencer. I do like a light
snack in between numbers.
116
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:00,960
Yeah.
117
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:02,700
Are you sure this is fresh?
118
00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:04,520
Oh, yeah. Why do you ask?
119
00:11:06,860 --> 00:11:10,280
I call this a light snack.
120
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:11,720
Well...
121
00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:33,620
I tell you, Shirley, it makes me feel
weird.
122
00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:38,000
I mean, it's sitting right there next to
Kermit's desk. Fifty million dollars
123
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,000
worth of gold.
124
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,780
Just try to ignore it, Fosby.
125
00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:43,020
It's only money.
126
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,920
But, Shirley, fifty million dollars?
127
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:48,880
Do you know how many jokes that would
buy?
128
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,240
Your kind of joke?
129
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:52,700
Quite a few.
130
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:55,280
No, no, really.
131
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,740
I have an expensive gag writer.
132
00:14:57,940 --> 00:15:00,600
Gags Beasley. He charges fifty cents a
laugh.
133
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:07,180
Yeah. A dollar, a dollar for a boffo
belly grabber. A boffo belly grabber.
134
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:12,020
if you divide a boffo belly grabber into
50 million dollars, do you have any
135
00:15:12,020 --> 00:15:16,540
money? There are many more things in
life.
136
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,500
Let me tell you a little story.
137
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:20,960
Okay? Okay.
138
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:27,180
A long time ago, a million years before.
139
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:35,120
The best things in life were absolutely
free.
140
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:44,280
But no one appreciated a sky that was
141
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:45,320
always blue.
142
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:53,780
And no one congratulated a moon
143
00:15:53,780 --> 00:15:55,620
that was always blue.
144
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:08,580
it was planned that they would vanish
now and then and you must
145
00:16:08,580 --> 00:16:15,500
pay before you get them back again
that's what
146
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:22,220
storms were made for and you shouldn't
be
147
00:16:22,220 --> 00:16:23,220
afraid
148
00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:37,210
Here comes the Muppet Show with the
theater holding over $50 million in gold
149
00:18:37,210 --> 00:18:42,030
bullion. Trained guards watch the
precious metal round the clock, and dire
150
00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:47,110
consequences will befall anyone who so
much as lays a finger on it, like so.
151
00:18:49,110 --> 00:18:50,110
Ah!
152
00:18:50,470 --> 00:18:51,470
Ah!
153
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:53,530
The doctor!
154
00:19:00,450 --> 00:19:01,650
They're going to be all right.
155
00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:03,810
Stay with him.
156
00:19:05,390 --> 00:19:09,430
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the great
Gonzo conducts Lieberstrom Wild.
157
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:22,360
Tough luck, Gonzo. Oh, tough luck. Au
contraire, mon ami.
158
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:27,840
Spanish. You have just witnessed the
birth of a great new show business
159
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:28,840
partnership.
160
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:30,900
Gonzo and Buster.
161
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,860
Buster? The crab's name is... Of course
it is.
162
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,800
I just don't understand.
163
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:40,400
What, uh, Gonzo?
164
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:44,400
No, Shirley Bassey. What's she doing on
a show like this?
165
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,880
Right now, she's going to sing, so why
don't you just get that gold on stage,
166
00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:48,759
okay? Okay.
167
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:49,760
Come on, on stage.
168
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,060
Hey, where do you think you're going?
169
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,240
Well, I was going to go introduce
Shirley.
170
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:55,900
Well, go on, then.
171
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,240
Yes, sir.
172
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,140
Take an eye on that frog.
173
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:06,480
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we've had a
few artists on The Muppet Show who have
174
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,400
solid gold records, and Shirley Bassey
is no exception.
175
00:21:09,820 --> 00:21:13,020
But she is the only guest we've ever had
with a solid gold set.
176
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:18,380
Yes, no expense spared. so please
welcome the inestimable, the priceless,
177
00:21:18,380 --> 00:21:19,380
surely...
178
00:21:58,640 --> 00:21:59,640
and to hit
179
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:21,559
I love the show.
180
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,320
It's lots of fun and full of pride.
181
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:25,880
Surprises? Mm -hmm.
182
00:24:26,660 --> 00:24:32,640
Bruno, you apologize this minute. Okay,
okay. I'm sorry I accused you. It was
183
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:33,700
Shirley Bassey.
184
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,260
It was Clement who stated...
185
00:25:16,460 --> 00:25:19,760
I bought gold back when it was cheap.
Really? Where is it now?
186
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:21,320
Oh...
14615
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