Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Brian Henson.

The Muppet fans are sometimes really crazy people. It's amazing.

Every crazy little walk -on character, they know the name. So, if you want a

facts that'll impress your friends, tell them about these characters.

Here's Wayne and Wanda. These two are an accident -prone singing duo who were in

the pilot but only actually lasted through the first season.

Or how about Betsy Bird?

She was a beautiful, eccentric, dancing bird who appeared in several shows, but

she never really quite took off.

Or here's Fleet Scribbler, who's an abrasive tabloid reporter that the press

loved, but the show's writers couldn't stand.

Muppets, banned press, reporter thrown out by fraud.

He was soon written out of the show.

Just keep watching, and you might see Fleet and a few other unsung Muppet

on The Muppet Show.

The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Miss Juliet Proulx!

It's time to get things started. Another show, another headache.

It's time to get things started.

Hey, listen, it's another great show, folks. I mean, tonight our guest star is

one of the truly great dancers of the world, the one and only Miss Julia

And if that weren't enough, we've also got Manamana, whatever that means.

Manamana.

Manamana.

Manama.

Manama.

Manama. Manama. Manama.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Just a second.

It's for you.

Manamana.

The question is, what is a manamana?

The question is, who cares?

Think about this, friends.

Hey, boss.

Muppet and I wanted to talk to you about the act we're doing on the show

tonight. Scooter, you're not doing an act on the show tonight.

Oh, gee, my uncle who owns this theater thought of this act. Did he?

Tell us about the act you're doing on the show tonight.

Oh, it's called Simon Smith and His Amazing Dancing Dog.

Yeah, I sing this song, see? And Muppet here does this cute, adorable, sweet,

sugary little dance.

Well, it sounds, says the frog displaying his artistic judgment, sappy.

Gee, my uncle thought it was... It sounds, says the frog displaying his

survive, wonderful.

Yeah, it's great. He'll love it.

I am certainly. I've often thought of Muppet here as about the cutest little

fellow around.

He thinks of himself as a killer.

Let me out of here.

Dumb dog.

Oh, I'm unstated. Well, now that I'm here, let me take this opportunity to

present the Muppet Show's resident artist, Gonzo the Great.

Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I will

this rubber tire to the music of the flight of the bumblebee.

He's doing it. He's

eating a tire.

Amazing. Astounding.

Boring.

Looks like it's another wipeout for Gonzo.

What do they know about art?

Hey, Kermit.

Mubby wants you to know he's very sorry he bit you. Oh, yeah? He wants you to

know he's very grateful you're letting him do the Simon Smith number.

Oh, well, that's nice. He wants you to know he wants his own dressing room and

star billing.

What? Who is this crazy dog?

He's my uncle's favorite pet.

Hey, listen, is everything okay? Any complaints?

No, none whatsoever, except that I've never had to share my dressing room

with a man who eats a tire.

I told Gonzo to dress in the alley. Hey, listen, I've got to go introduce you.

You look beautiful. Beautiful.

He's sweet for a frog.

Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely Miss Juliet Prowse.

She just vanished. How did she do that?

Probably like this.

That's probably how she did it.

You're such a smooth dancer.

Ever since we started, I feel like my feet have never touched the floor.

They haven't.

You've been standing on my... Do you prefer Shakespeare to

bacon? I prefer anything to bacon.

Mind if I smoke?

If you insist.

Thanks.

Smoke's not bothering you, is it? Magic!

At this time, I would like to present my rendition of one of the great songs of

our time.

That ever -popular classic, You and I and George.

But why, you ask, as well you should, have I never heard this great song of

times?

The fact is, nobody has ever heard of this ever -popular classic.

And it's only recording...

You and I and George sold two copies.

I bought one and George bought one.

Where were you?

My own mother turns down her hearing aid when I sing this song.

You and I and George.

Went strolling through the park one day, and then

you held my hand as if to say,

I love you.

Then we passed a brook, and

George...

Fell in and drowned himself.

And floated out to sea.

Leaving you alone with

me.

You know, that number you did was just beautiful, Juliet.

Well, thank you, Kermit. You know, I'm really happy to be here with you and all

the Muppets. You know something?

I've never talked to a frog before.

Well, we're just like anyone else.

A little more jumpy, maybe.

But, you know, we have our hopes and our dreams.

Oh, yeah? Well, what are some of your dreams?

Well, you may just think I'm gilding the lily pad here, but as a tadpole, I

always wanted to be a dancer.

But you know what they say.

The first thing to go on a frog are his legs.

That's funny.

I never knew that frogs had a sense of humor.

Oh, well, we have to.

Listen, you meet a frog without a sense of humor and you're looking at a green

lump.

Well, let's just face it, Julie.

Your average frog doesn't have a lot going for him in the looks department.

Oh, I don't know. I think you're quite attractive.

Really? Mm -hmm.

You're not just saying that because you're a guest.

Well, certainly not. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that you are the Robert

Redford of frogs.

Oh, wow.

Hey, listen, everybody, did you hear that? Juliet Prowse thinks I'm the

Redford of frogs.

Hey, you're going to be coming back on this show a lot.

Hey, listen, have you ever kissed Robert Redford?

No, I haven't.

How about kissing the next best thing?

You mean to tell me that Paul Newman is here?

I mean me, the Robert Redford of Frogdom. Ah, my pleasure.

More, more.

Less, less.

Okay, stand by for the western sketch.

Hey, hey, come in, come in. Hey, does this sound like John Wayne?

Will you get on stage, Fozzie?

Hey, Kermit? Yeah, now that Muppet is doing the big Simon Smith number, well,

only has one other suggestion.

Listen, I already gave him his own dressing room. What more does he want?

it's about the title of the show. Look.

A Muppet show?

Ladies and gentlemen, it's cowboy time.

I've been playing saloon piano in Snake City for three years.

It was the roughest town in the West.

I mean, we had some mean customers.

Howdy, Rolf.

Hello, Miss Kitty.

I mean, they were tough.

After three years, I thought I'd seen it all.

I'd seen the Clanton brothers, the Younger brothers, the James brothers,

mention the Osmond brothers.

But when Kid Fozzie came to town, I knew I hadn't seen nothing.

Everybody, reach for the floor.

Beg pardon?

Reach for the floor. This is a stick town.

You're confused, kid.

You ain't got no guns. Those are pickles.

There he is, the fastest gherkin in the West.

You got a license to carry them pickles?

When you get shot by a pickle at close range, do you get garlic burns?

All right.

You asked for it.

Sorry, kid. I didn't know the pickles were loaded.

Here's your money.

All right, kid. Don't make a move. I got you covered. Throw down your pickles.

Okay.

I don't need guns to fight you.

I'll get you with my knife.

Will you stop with the vegetables?

You shouldn't have done that. I'm a desperate bear, ready for desperate

measures.

Oh, no!

It's an apple! Then don't tell me! Yes, the fuse is lit.

The day Kid Fozzie came into town.

That's one of the reasons I always thought the Muppets were weird.

Why's that?

They think explosions are funny.

Explosions aren't funny.

Well, some of them are really quite droll.

What has one eye, sharp teeth, and is long and fuzzy?

I don't know. I don't know either, but you're wearing it.

Hey, you duds.

Moppy, Scooter, you're on next.

It's no use, Kermit. What? Moppy says if you won't change the title of the show,

he's not going on. He's locked himself in an unstressing room, and he's not

coming out.

Yeah, but the Simon Smith number's on next. No, I know. What are we going to

Kermit, Kermit, Kermit, how come I'm not doing an act this week?

Congratulations, Fozzie, you're doing an act this week.

Sometimes I can be very persuasive.

Ladies and gentlemen, Simon Smith and his amazing dancing bear.

Go out tomorrow if I can borrow a coat to wear.

Oh, I'd step out in style with my sincere smile and my dancing bear.

Outrageous, alarming, courageous, charming.

Oh, who would think a boy and bear could be well accepted everywhere? It's just

amazing how fair people can be.

Seen at the nicest places where well -fed faces all stop to stare.

Making the grandest entrances, Simon Smith and his dancing bear. They'll love

us. Won't they?

They feed us.

Don't they?

Oh, who would think a boy and bear could be well accepted everywhere? It's just

amazing how fair people can be.

Oh, who needs money when we're funny?

Great attraction everywhere will be Simon Smith and his dancing bear. It's

Simon Smith and his amazing dancing bear.

Together! Yes!

Hey, Waldorf, I was wondering if maybe you... Vern, I better get some new

batteries for my hearing aid.

I fool him every time.

Okay, Muppet Glee Club, Muppet Glee Club on stage, please. Muppet Glee Club,

okay. All right, everybody in position, please.

Okay, everybody ready?

The Muppet Glee Club.

One and two and.

Wait,

wait, wait. Something is amiss here.

I thought it was lovely.

You made that stick wonderful.

Well, when it comes to stick waving, Kermit wrote the book.

Well, thank you. Thank you. I do appreciate the kind comment, but I would

to point out to all assembled here that this is a glee club.

Oh, yes, that is what our letterhead says. Yes, so when I wave the stick so

wonderfully, I would like to hear something.

We were remiss in that regard.

Okay, here we go. One more time.

The Muppet Clicquot.

One, and two, and... Over hill, over dale, we will hit the dusty trail

as the case thaws.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold, hold, hold. Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.

How shall I say this?

Excuse me, friends, but...

To my ears, at least, it would help a lot if you were all singing the same

Oh, I love it.

Why? The fog is a genius.

See, it really doesn't matter what song you sing as long as we all agree to the

song that we are going to sing.

Okay. Okay. Now, does anybody here have a favorite song?

Yes.

What song is that?

Temptation.

Since there seems to be some consensus of opinion here, the Muppet Glee Club

will now render temptation.

Piggy, honey?

You can take this all off. Yes, my love.

There we are.

The Muppet Glee Club.

Temptation. One, and two, and...

I

was alone.

I should have known.

You were temptation.

You smiled.

Very good.

Oh, Kermit. I really enjoyed it.

And as a little token of our appreciation, we have a Muppet -likeness

right here.

Oh, how sweet.

I know you'd rather have the cash, but... No, no, no, Kermit. This is just

wonderful. Can I come home with you?

Well, of course you can.

She's not as pretty as you, you know, but... Oh, Kermit. Thank you.

Ooh, thank you.

And thank you all for joining us. We'll see you all next time on The Muppet

Show.

What do you think?

It's sitting home watching television.

No, no, no, no.