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It's the Muppet Show with our special
guest artist, Sandy Duncan.
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It's time to play the music. It's time
to light the light.
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00:00:19,990 --> 00:00:23,050
It's time to meet the Muppets on the
Muppet Show tonight.
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00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,950
It's time to put on makeup.
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00:00:26,230 --> 00:00:27,930
It's time to dress up right.
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00:00:28,330 --> 00:00:31,330
It's time to raise the curtain on the
Muppet Show tonight.
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Hey, we were so poor, I was born at
home.
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After my mother saw me, she went to the
hospital.
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To introduce our guest star, that's what
I'm here to do. So it really makes me
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00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:51,300
happy to introduce to you, Miss Sandy
Duncan!
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Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hi -ho,
I'm in a great mood tonight. And that's
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because our special guest star is a real
good friend and a lovely lady, Miss
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Sandy Duncan.
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00:01:28,590 --> 00:01:31,630
And so that means our show tonight
should be a real bang -up affair.
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Did somebody say bang?
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Uh, no.
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I've always wondered what the show
looked like from up here.
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In any event, let's start off the show
with a musical number that was staged by
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our own gopher scooter.
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00:01:49,770 --> 00:01:53,070
It could be a bomb, but, uh... Did
somebody say bomb?
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00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,220
Somebody's got to introduce our guest
star, so it might as well be the old
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fuzzy. Okay, here she is, a star who
does it all. She sings, she dances, she
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00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,760
acts, and she makes it feel good all
over. Miss Sandy Duncan!
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Locked in a crowd, alone, and drinking
my thirst.
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Hungry for company, can't think of the
words. Watching the boys, my
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heart in my hand.
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What a misplay, it's pitiful. Pitiful
cry.
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Lift, lift, lift up her lips. You'll be
knowing tomorrow what she should have
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been saying tonight.
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00:02:54,110 --> 00:02:57,070
Won't you tell me what's a nice girl
like me?
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Never closes. Well, I can hardly hear
you. Holy Moses.
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Looking so bad. Looking so bad, so bad.
Now, tell me, what's a nice monster like
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00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:13,070
me? Doing by the dance floor after
hours.
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Going over rows of whiskey showers.
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Feeling so bad. Feeling so bad for this.
I'm feeling so bad for this.
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00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:23,350
What you doing here, girl?
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00:03:23,990 --> 00:03:26,530
What you doing here, girl?
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00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:50,270
Now won't you tell me what's a nice girl
like me to run at a place that's never
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closed? I can hardly hear you.
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00:03:53,390 --> 00:04:00,210
Now won't you tell me what's a nice girl
like me
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00:04:00,210 --> 00:04:06,650
to run by the dance floor after I've
chosen over rows of whiskey towers?
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Feeling so bad.
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Feeling so bad for me. What you doing
here, girl?
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What you doing here, girl?
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Bravo! Bravo! Wonderful!
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Fantastic! Tremendous!
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Yeah, you know, she makes me feel like a
young boy.
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Yeah, she makes me feel like a young
girl. I think I'll go find one.
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00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:52,640
Oh, where is that handsome frog? Oh,
there you are, old frog friend.
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00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:54,220
What?
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00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,380
Would you lend me a fiver to pay day?
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00:04:57,780 --> 00:04:59,160
Fozzie, you already owe me five.
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00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:04,280
Oh, please, please. I know it, but I
gotta pay my rider, the legendary Gags
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Beasley. The legendary Gags comes pretty
cheap, doesn't he?
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00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:09,960
Well, we worked out a good deal.
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Are you paying by the line?
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No, I pay him by the left.
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Oh, then he owes you money.
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Oh, that was cute. That was real cute.
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See the movie?
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Donut.
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00:06:06,730 --> 00:06:10,050
Now it's time for our own king of
comedy. You've no doubt heard the
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the next act needs no introduction.
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Yeah, you're right. He doesn't need an
introduction.
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He needs an act.
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Your opinion, maybe, but Fozzie Bear
gets over 200 letters a week.
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00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:24,130
Mm -hmm, yeah, but if he paid his bills,
he wouldn't get any.
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00:06:25,890 --> 00:06:29,390
I'll let Fozzie handle you guys. Here he
is now, one of your favorites, and I'm
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sure one of his, Mr. Fozzie Bear!
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you. Oh, look out. I've got some great
ones for you tonight.
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Hey, my wife loves children, but I can't
bear them.
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Hey,
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we got three kids, one of each.
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Oh, I'm rolling now. I'm on the roll.
I'm on the roll.
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00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,840
Why don't you butter yourself and slip
on out of here?
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00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:05,960
Speaking of slipping, are you guys
familiar with a banana sketch?
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Oh, nice segue.
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00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,520
Good blend.
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00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:13,060
Hey, hey, these two bananas are walking
down the street.
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Listen to Patsy.
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00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:21,280
He has them eating right down from his
hand.
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00:07:21,580 --> 00:07:23,760
Why, he's got a new writer, Gags
Beasley.
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00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:26,540
Not the legendary Gags Beasley.
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00:07:27,050 --> 00:07:30,210
You mean you've heard of him? Well, who
hasn't? Me, for one.
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00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:37,010
But, Ted Beasley, he is to comedy what
Mozart was to music. He wrote the famous
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banana sketch.
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The banana sketch.
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What's the banana sketch?
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You've never heard of the banana sketch?
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But it's so funny, you know.
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I hear that.
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Oh, boy, I killed him. Oh, boy. Yeah, I
posed with a banana sketch, you know.
93
00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:03,630
What is a banana sketch?
94
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:07,550
You never heard of the banana sketch?
95
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:12,410
Hey, guys. Hey, Kermit never heard of
the banana sketch.
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00:08:12,690 --> 00:08:16,090
I think somebody's pulling my leg.
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Somebody is pulling my leg. It's a great
guy, though.
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00:08:19,810 --> 00:08:22,390
You never heard of the banana sketch?
99
00:08:38,669 --> 00:08:41,830
You know, when I was in London, I saw
them changing the guards.
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What? Were they dirty?
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00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:50,530
Where'd you say you were born?
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In Paris.
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Oh, how'd you do that?
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The usual way.
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My cousin lives in the desert, and boy,
can he run fast.
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Because the sand is so hot?
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00:09:04,950 --> 00:09:06,550
No, because the trees are so far apart.
108
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,180
Do you remember where we first met?
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Yeah, at the hop.
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You know, I'm falling for you. What can
I do?
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Get out of the way!
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00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,420
Want to join me?
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Excuse me.
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Pardon me.
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00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,640
You talking to me?
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Yes, I couldn't help noticing that
you're crying.
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00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:10,000
Of course I'm crying. I feel sad.
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00:10:10,260 --> 00:10:13,640
I mean, wouldn't you feel sad if you
looked like me?
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I don't think there's anything the
matter with the way you look.
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00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:20,800
Oh, you're just saying that to be nice.
No.
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I mean, I'm a big, huge, hairy lump.
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And I scare people.
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Every time I walk in this park, people
yell, police!
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They cry, monster!
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00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:36,860
Mothers grab their children, and little
dogs run away, and flowers wilt.
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00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:40,620
Oh, now, come on. I think you're
exaggerating just a bit, aren't you? Oh,
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Well, watch this.
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Hello, flower.
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See?
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00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,740
And see this dog over here?
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Uh -huh.
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00:10:52,180 --> 00:10:53,340
Hello, doggy.
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not calling the police and I don't think
you're a big lump. So there.
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It's true.
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00:11:07,590 --> 00:11:08,590
You're not.
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00:11:08,770 --> 00:11:13,310
A beautiful lady like you takes the time
to sit down and talk to me.
137
00:11:13,570 --> 00:11:16,110
Yeah, I just don't like seeing people
cry.
138
00:11:16,390 --> 00:11:18,710
I think there's too much sadness in the
world.
139
00:11:18,950 --> 00:11:23,950
You know what? If people just took a
little time to look past the physical,
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00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:26,030
might find a lot of beautiful things
about you.
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00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:31,030
Oh, I feel so good. So, so loved.
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So beautiful.
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You see, if we feel beautiful, we are
beautiful.
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Oh, I feel beautiful.
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00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,780
Hello, flower.
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00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:45,360
Hello,
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doggie.
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Oh, my.
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You must have looked so sad.
150
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Oh, I know that you may appear to be on
the outside.
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00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:53,400
Seems full of clouds and rain, and I am
filled with naught but pain.
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00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:56,660
Who suits my thumping, bumping brain?
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00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,480
Nobody.
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00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:06,480
When winter comes with snow and sleet,
and me with hunger and cold feet, who
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says, here's two bits, go and eat?
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00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:10,600
Nobody.
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00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:16,400
I ain't never done nothing to no...
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00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:25,120
ain't never got nothing from nobody no
time.
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00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:32,400
And until I get something from somebody
sometime, I
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don't intend to do nothing for nobody no
time.
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When I try hard and scheme and plan to
look as good as hair I can,
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who says, Look at that handsome man.
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00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:52,749
Who does?
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00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:53,750
Nobody.
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00:13:54,830 --> 00:14:01,810
When all day long things go amiss, and I
go home to find some bliss, who
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00:14:01,810 --> 00:14:04,410
hands to me a glowing kiss?
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00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:06,930
Nobody. Right.
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00:14:08,190 --> 00:14:12,550
I ain't never done nothing to nobody.
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00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:18,670
I ain't never got nothing from nobody.
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Until I get something from somebody
sometime.
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I don't intend to do nothing for nobody.
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00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:09,550
Welcome, Grinch. He's imagining how well
you fit within his skin.
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00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:57,700
I'll be taken in by my welcome grin. I'm
imagining how well you fit within my
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00:15:57,700 --> 00:16:02,580
skin. Never run,
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00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,280
walk away, say goodnight, not good day.
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Goodnight.
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Goodnight.
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Maybe I could meet you guys tomorrow for
lunch.
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00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,760
You know, Sandy, it's nice for the two
of us to just have a moment alone to
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talk, you know? Hey, Sandy.
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Hey, Kermit.
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00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:33,480
Hi,
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00:16:33,740 --> 00:16:36,460
Fonzie. Hi. Oh, boy, do I have good
news?
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00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:37,760
You can't stay long?
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00:16:38,420 --> 00:16:41,180
No, no, I got plenty of time.
186
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:43,100
Well, that's bad news. What's the good
news?
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00:16:44,410 --> 00:16:51,270
Okay, Frog, see, the good news is that I
have a great idea for a sketch for both
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of us to play. You want to do a sketch
with me?
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00:16:53,810 --> 00:16:55,390
No, not you, with Sandy.
190
00:16:56,290 --> 00:16:57,290
Oh, well,
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00:16:57,810 --> 00:16:59,910
that sounds great, Fozzie. Who wrote
your sketch?
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00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:04,550
Oh, my writer, the legendary Gags
Beasley.
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00:17:05,770 --> 00:17:09,050
Oh, come on, Fozzie. Gags Beasley is
your writer?
194
00:17:09,470 --> 00:17:10,650
You know him?
195
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:16,920
Of course I know him. I mean, Gag
Feasley wrote the famous banana sketch.
196
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,579
right. Wait a minute, wait a minute,
wait a minute. Now you too, Sandy. Huh?
197
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,599
Oh, tell me, what is this banana sketch?
198
00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:24,000
You never heard of it?
199
00:17:24,339 --> 00:17:25,440
Come on, Kermit.
200
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,960
Everybody's heard of the banana sketch.
I told you, Kermit.
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00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:37,000
Gag Feasley, I can't believe he's your
writer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know
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00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,240
something? I am impressed, Fozzie.
Really impressed.
203
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:40,720
Hmm. Yeah.
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00:17:41,790 --> 00:17:45,930
It's a real classic, this banana sketch.
Oh, yeah. And it was written by Gags
205
00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:49,310
Beasley? Yeah. How does it go there,
Sandy? Well, I mean, Gags, banana.
206
00:17:49,510 --> 00:17:51,410
The word, synonymous, right?
207
00:17:51,690 --> 00:17:55,370
Right. I can say that again. I gag every
time I hear about this sketch.
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00:17:56,490 --> 00:18:00,590
Fozzie, I could just be thinking about
the banana sketch, and I start to crack
209
00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:01,590
up. Me too.
210
00:18:01,850 --> 00:18:02,849
Do you?
211
00:18:02,850 --> 00:18:04,590
Does it make you laugh? Oh, no.
212
00:18:06,010 --> 00:18:10,790
Hey, Foz, do you use a green banana or a
yellow one? Oh, yellow.
213
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:15,720
I love it.
214
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,540
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold
on, hold on, hold on.
215
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,300
Hold, hold, hold, hold.
216
00:18:22,580 --> 00:18:23,680
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
217
00:18:23,980 --> 00:18:29,100
Sandy, Sandy, please, please, pretty
please, Sandy, with sugar, pretty
218
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:30,540
What? What is the banana sketch?
219
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,360
Tell him, go ahead, tell him, tell him,
tell him. You want to tell him? You tell
220
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,120
him, you tell him, you tell him. Okay,
I'm going to tell him.
221
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,239
Yeah, yeah.
222
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,320
Well, all right, all right.
223
00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:57,859
the truth, Statler.
224
00:18:57,860 --> 00:18:59,500
Do you get the banana sketch?
225
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,740
No, I get the New York Times and the
Manchester Guardian.
226
00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:08,560
Here's a Muppet news flash.
227
00:19:10,030 --> 00:19:14,470
Dateline Dallas, Texas. Mrs. Billy Lee
Bonkers of that city recently entered
228
00:19:14,470 --> 00:19:18,050
Guinness Book of Records by establishing
the World Jumping in Place record.
229
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:23,010
Mrs. Bonkers began jumping in place
three months ago and so far has jumped
230
00:19:23,010 --> 00:19:24,010
,000 times.
231
00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:25,830
652 ,001.
232
00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:27,210
Mrs. Bonkers.
233
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:28,710
652 ,002.
234
00:19:29,050 --> 00:19:32,230
Mrs. Bonkers, do you need any special
incentive to keep you going?
235
00:19:32,710 --> 00:19:35,970
Oh, my, no. I have all the incentive
that I need.
236
00:19:36,350 --> 00:19:37,350
How's that?
237
00:19:37,870 --> 00:19:39,590
I'm standing on a hot plate.
238
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:40,830
Ah!
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00:19:41,530 --> 00:19:42,530
2003!
240
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,210
Truly a courageous and inspiring story.
241
00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,710
Where do we get these nuts?
242
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:54,650
Okay, stand by for veterinarian's
hospital. Veterinarian's hospital.
243
00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:57,450
Oh, frog of my life.
244
00:19:57,810 --> 00:20:01,690
Please tell me what they're saying about
you is not true.
245
00:20:02,110 --> 00:20:03,009
What's that, Biggie?
246
00:20:03,010 --> 00:20:04,570
That you, you...
247
00:20:05,420 --> 00:20:11,500
television show, Venturing of the
Boards. You have never heard of the
248
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:12,500
sketch?
249
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,380
Piggy said the frog trying to refrain
from losing his cool and looking like a
250
00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:19,079
bad sport.
251
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,240
There is no banana sketch!
252
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:23,220
There never was a banana sketch and
there never will be a banana sketch!
253
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:26,500
Touchy, touchy.
254
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,980
Hey, which way to my dressing room?
255
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,360
And don't try to shove me into the
refrigerator.
256
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:46,720
Now, Veterinarians Hospital, the
continuing story of a former orthopedic
257
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,580
who's gone to the dogs.
258
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,700
Well, what do you think, Dr. Bob?
259
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,040
This is your first transplant.
260
00:20:58,460 --> 00:21:00,300
Well, there's always a second chance.
261
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,700
But what if he doesn't make it, Dr. Bob?
262
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,500
I don't mean him, I mean me.
263
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:07,420
Let me check into something.
264
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:11,030
The old ticker still sounds great.
265
00:21:11,610 --> 00:21:13,830
Oh, you mean his new heart is fine?
266
00:21:14,210 --> 00:21:16,950
No, I mean my new watch. I dropped it in
when I was sewing him up.
267
00:21:18,470 --> 00:21:19,470
So Dr.
268
00:21:19,550 --> 00:21:22,070
Bob dropped his watch in the patient's
chest.
269
00:21:22,610 --> 00:21:24,810
Tune in next week when we'll hear Dr.
270
00:21:25,070 --> 00:21:28,730
Bob say... Well, let's look on the
bright side. At least if he doesn't make
271
00:21:28,770 --> 00:21:30,030
we'll know the exact time he went.
272
00:21:36,150 --> 00:21:37,330
That's wonderful, wonderful.
273
00:21:37,570 --> 00:21:38,570
Right, Sandler?
274
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:40,500
Did he jump?
275
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:55,460
Try to remember the kind of September
276
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,960
When grass...
277
00:24:04,270 --> 00:24:06,530
Special thanks to our guest star, Miss
Sandy Duncan.
278
00:24:10,730 --> 00:24:13,390
I want you to know I had a good time.
279
00:24:13,750 --> 00:24:17,250
Oh, me too. Hey, and you know how some
shows give their guest star a dozen
280
00:24:17,250 --> 00:24:18,250
at the end of the show?
281
00:24:18,350 --> 00:24:19,249
You shouldn't have.
282
00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:20,650
I didn't. Hey, banana boy!
283
00:24:24,870 --> 00:24:29,910
Sandy, it was the frog's idea, not mine,
not mine. All right, I love it. I love
284
00:24:29,910 --> 00:24:32,650
all of you. Yeah? You know what? I hope
that's the last...
285
00:24:33,260 --> 00:24:34,260
Manna sketch.
286
00:25:15,630 --> 00:25:16,890
Well, how'd you like the show?
287
00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:19,930
Maybe I'm getting soft, but I loved it.
Have a banana.
22698
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