Original subtitles

Dizzy Gillespie? Dizzy Gillespie? Fifteen seconds are curtain, Dizzy.

Oh, uh, say, Diz, Kermit does have one rule for this show. What's that?

No puppets allowed.

What?

I guess I have to play the trumpet then.

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Dizzy Gillespie!

Yay!

Poor Statler, he couldn't take it anymore.

Thank

you,

thank you, thank you, thank you. Hi -ho, and welcome to another one.

We call these things Muppet Shows, and we call tonight's Muppet Show a good

And that's because our very special guest star is the amazing master of

Mr. Dizzy Gillespie. Why, tonight, even Statler and Waldorf will have a good

time. Statler isn't here tonight, Herman. He's sick.

Oh, that's too bad. The flu?

No, the show.

He's sick of it.

Well, don't get lonely up there, okay? Not much chance of that. My wife is

Statler's ticket. She's just powdering her nose.

No kidding. I've always wanted to meet your wife.

I thought the show had started.

Who's the frog?

That's Kermit, dear.

What's your wife's name, Waldorf?

Astoria.

Come on, kill the small talk.

Isn't there any music on this show?

Oh, yes, indeed, Astoria.

In honor of Dizzy Gillespie, we present an all -jazz evening starting with...

Can the commentary!

Get it, boys!

One, two, three!

There's lots of fish in the sea From which a girl can chew

Let me get this straight.

This is a typical show, right, Waldorf?

Oh, I'd say so, Astoria, my dear.

First a frog talks, and then a fish sings.

I wanted you to see for yourself. I bet you thought I came here to have a good

time.

Okay, nicely done, fish.

You Kermit the Frog?

Yeah. Well, I'm Inspector La Brea, County Environmental Department.

I'm going to record the loudness level on your show.

You see, there have been some complaints about the noise.

Too much noise on our show? What kind of noise?

Certainly not applause or laughter.

You see, music is your big problem. Let me show you.

You're concerned about noise.

It's the music, so, huh?

Yes. You see, your strings are okay, but the brass, especially the trumpet, is

murder. Oh, terrific.

Hey, it's time to introduce Dizzy Gillespie. Who?

Izzy Gillespie, one of the world's greatest violinists. Izzy, what are you

talking about, violinist? You know Dizzy plays... Why did you do that?

Fozzie, why don't you take the noise inspector, noise inspector La Brea, down

the canteen for a cup of coffee.

Gotcha. Got. Aha.

Let's go, sir.

Here. Gotcha.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, one of the living legends of jazz is with us

tonight. There's no sense talking about it when we could be listening. Here he

is, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Dizzy Gillespie.

Oh,

that woman I love wouldn't have gone nowhere, nowhere.

I didn't.

Even the sun go down.

Day I hate to see.

Even the sun go down.

Cause my baby, she done left this town.

Check it out.

Well, what did you think of that, Poopsie? Well, not too bad.

I can understand why you keep doing it week after week.

You can?

By the way, how much do they pay you?

They pay me?

Of course. Can you imagine some poor stupid turkey doing this for nothing?

Double, double.

Hey, do you know how to get to Carnegie Hall?

Practice, man.

Practice.

The old ones are the best ones.

Kermit, Kermit, I'm sorry. I didn't know he was a noise inspector.

Oh, that's okay. He's perfectly safe down in the canteen. That's what you

The chef is mashing potatoes on his anvil.

I thought they'd never leave.

Enough of these musician jokes. That guy's an inspector. He's recording the

show. Hmm, groovy. Maybe we'll make the charts.

It's not that kind of recording.

That guy's a maniac.

I know, but he doesn't make much noise.

The continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

Miss Piggy, I'm back and you've got to know, I love you, I love you, I love

Only three times. Last week you loved me four times.

I've been sick.

Hey, just a minute.

Are you backing in? I've already taken out your appendix and your tonsils.

What's the matter now?

Dr. Bob, I love Miss Piggy. I see.

Prepare the patient for brain surgery.

Watch it, Doc. This patient has good taste.

Oh, yeah? Then why does he have me for a doctor?

Brain surgery?

Are you serious, Dr. Bob?

No, I'm comical, Dr. Bob. Serious Dr.

Bob was my brother, the comedian.

You have a brother who is a comedian?

I did, until he fell into a vat of molten optical glass.

What happened?

He made a spectacle of himself.

Okay, okay. This week, we will take out the patient's snoo.

What? What snoo? Nothing. What snoo with you?

Ew.

That's an old joke.

Yeah, well, it's snoo to me.

Hey, hey, Miss Piggy, please tell me you love me because we've got to stop

meeting like this.

What? I'm running out of vital organs.

So we come to the end of another veterinarian's hospital.

It's about time. Tune in next time when we'll hear Dr.

Bob say... Prepare for surgery.

Dr. Bob, are you really going to remove his brain?

No, something much more vital than that. You mean... Yes, his wallet.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that makes a whole lot of heaper.

When you're putting out, more than you're taking in.

Let me get this straight. A little bit of this, a little bit of that makes a

whole lot of heaper. Don't it? When you're putting out, more than you're

in.

Let's go to bed.

Sleep your head.

Let's stay a while.

Stay slow.

Let's put on the pot, say greedy God, and eat before we go.

Thank you.

Honestly, Waldorf, I don't understand you. Why do you come here and put up

this irritating, mindless, incessant nonsense when you could stay home with

No comment.

Mr. Frog, Mr.

Frog, do you have a permit to keep livestock?

Livestock? Yes. When I was backstage, I noticed...

Sixteen chickens, six horses, four goats, eight hogs. Excusez -moi, Kermie,

I speak with you incognito?

Sure, wherever you want.

Excuse us a second.

Uh, yeah.

Is this the inspector you want me to charm?

Yeah, but I don't think this is a particularly good time.

Kermie, mon chéri, do not worry about a thing.

Yoo -hoo!

I do not believe that... We have met?

No, we haven't. I'm Inspector La Brea.

Oh, come you see.

You did not tell me the inspector was such a handsome man.

As you know, I am Miss Piggy.

Right. Add to that list one Sal.

What?

Sal, you know, rhymes with cow.

Piggy. Oh, yeah.

No, but hum a few bars and we'll fake it.

Ta -da!

Thank you. And now, have I got good news for you.

That inspector is closing the show.

Then you don't have good news for us.

Say, you're as bad as the two old geezers. Why not? She's a geezer -esque.

Okay, so welcome, if you will, the Muppet Show's own cute and clownish

king of comedy, Fonzie Bear!

Hey, what's up, what's up, what's up?

Hey,

did you hear the one about the lady who went to the psychiatrist and said,

Doctor, my husband thinks he's a refrigerator. And the doctor says, Well,

worry about it.

And the woman said, I have to.

He sleeps with his mouth open and the little light keeps me awake.

And the psychiatrist officer says, doctor, my husband thinks he's a

radio. And the doctor says, well, have him come in. We'll talk about it. And

woman says, he can't.

Excuse me.

Cross -town buses run all night.

Do -da, do -da.

Well, what's next on the show?

Just the closing musical number.

No trumpets, right? Because if this thing goes off one more time... I know,

know. You're going to cancel the show.

No, it's just a... Well, it's just an encore by our violinist.

Oh, yeah, yeah, good. Well, okay, I'm going to stay here and watch it.

Right here? Yeah. What's his name?

Izzy something?

No, in actuality, Dizzy Gillespie.

Dizzy Gillespie?

That's terrific!

It is? Yeah!

But he plays trumpet.

He sure does. The guy's my all -time favorite.

Hey, do me a favor.

Let me sit in with him. I play a little saxophone.

Gee, well, fine, if you'll forget your recorder there.

Uh, what recorder?

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, it's jazz time again. And joining our guest star

this final session is Inspector La Brea, the swinging civil servant.

And here he is, our guest star with one of his great tunes, Mr. Disney

Gillespie! Yay!

Just a little.

Child!

What did I see?

Coming for to carry me home. Oh, and El Dorado coming up to me.

Coming for to carry me.

Swing low, sweet Cadillac, I'm going to carry me home.

Swing low, sweet Cadillac, I'm going to carry me home. Going home,

going home.

Heaven, heaven, heaven,

heaven, heaven.

Now, old Cadillac never dies.

company just finished.

except to say thank you to our very special guest, our lady and gentleman,

of the giants of jazz, Mr. Dizzy Gillespie.

Thank

you,

Kermit. I don't want you to know how much I admire you frogs.

You admire us frogs?

Why is that?

Because y 'all can do this.

Muppet Show.

Tomorrow

at

7 on the Muppet Show, Canadian singing star Anne Murray performs Snowbird.

Next on Happy Days, Joni runs into trouble when she tries to prove that

responsible babysitter for Richie Jr.

That's it. That's all his damn dolls.