All language subtitles for the_muppet_show_-_s04e17_-_dizzy_gillespie

Dizzy Gillespie? Dizzy Gillespie?
Fifteen seconds are curtain, Dizzy.

Oh, uh, say, Diz, Kermit does have one
rule for this show. What's that?

No puppets allowed.

What?

I guess I have to play the trumpet then.

It's the Muppet Show with our very
special guest star, Dizzy Gillespie!

Yay!

Poor Statler, he couldn't take it
anymore.

Thank

you,

thank you, thank you, thank you. Hi -ho,
and welcome to another one.

We call these things Muppet Shows, and
we call tonight's Muppet Show a good

And that's because our very special
guest star is the amazing master of

Mr. Dizzy Gillespie. Why, tonight, even
Statler and Waldorf will have a good

time. Statler isn't here tonight,
Herman. He's sick.

Oh, that's too bad. The flu?

No, the show.

He's sick of it.

Well, don't get lonely up there, okay?
Not much chance of that. My wife is

Statler's ticket. She's just powdering
her nose.

No kidding. I've always wanted to meet
your wife.

I thought the show had started.

Who's the frog?

That's Kermit, dear.

What's your wife's name, Waldorf?

Astoria.

Come on, kill the small talk.

Isn't there any music on this show?

Oh, yes, indeed, Astoria.

In honor of Dizzy Gillespie, we present
an all -jazz evening starting with...

Can the commentary!

Get it, boys!

One, two, three!

There's lots of fish in the sea From
which a girl can chew

Let me get this straight.

This is a typical show, right, Waldorf?

Oh, I'd say so, Astoria, my dear.

First a frog talks, and then a fish
sings.

I wanted you to see for yourself. I bet
you thought I came here to have a good

time.

Okay, nicely done, fish.

You Kermit the Frog?

Yeah. Well, I'm Inspector La Brea,
County Environmental Department.

I'm going to record the loudness level
on your show.

You see, there have been some complaints
about the noise.

Too much noise on our show? What kind of
noise?

Certainly not applause or laughter.

You see, music is your big problem. Let
me show you.

You're concerned about noise.

It's the music, so, huh?

Yes. You see, your strings are okay, but
the brass, especially the trumpet, is

murder. Oh, terrific.

Hey, it's time to introduce Dizzy
Gillespie. Who?

Izzy Gillespie, one of the world's
greatest violinists. Izzy, what are you

talking about, violinist? You know Dizzy
plays... Why did you do that?

Fozzie, why don't you take the noise
inspector, noise inspector La Brea, down

the canteen for a cup of coffee.

Gotcha. Got. Aha.

Let's go, sir.

Here. Gotcha.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, one of the
living legends of jazz is with us

tonight. There's no sense talking about
it when we could be listening. Here he

is, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Dizzy
Gillespie.

Oh,

that woman I love wouldn't have gone
nowhere, nowhere.

I didn't.

Even the sun go down.

Day I hate to see.

Even the sun go down.

Cause my baby, she done left this town.

Check it out.

Well, what did you think of that,
Poopsie? Well, not too bad.

I can understand why you keep doing it
week after week.

You can?

By the way, how much do they pay you?

They pay me?

Of course. Can you imagine some poor
stupid turkey doing this for nothing?

Double, double.

Hey, do you know how to get to Carnegie
Hall?

Practice, man.

Practice.

The old ones are the best ones.

Kermit, Kermit, I'm sorry. I didn't know
he was a noise inspector.

Oh, that's okay. He's perfectly safe
down in the canteen. That's what you

The chef is mashing potatoes on his
anvil.

I thought they'd never leave.

Enough of these musician jokes. That
guy's an inspector. He's recording the

show. Hmm, groovy. Maybe we'll make the
charts.

It's not that kind of recording.

That guy's a maniac.

I know, but he doesn't make much noise.

The continuing story of a quack who's
gone to the dogs.

Miss Piggy, I'm back and you've got to
know, I love you, I love you, I love

Only three times. Last week you loved me
four times.

I've been sick.

Hey, just a minute.

Are you backing in? I've already taken
out your appendix and your tonsils.

What's the matter now?

Dr. Bob, I love Miss Piggy. I see.

Prepare the patient for brain surgery.

Watch it, Doc. This patient has good
taste.

Oh, yeah? Then why does he have me for a
doctor?

Brain surgery?

Are you serious, Dr. Bob?

No, I'm comical, Dr. Bob. Serious Dr.

Bob was my brother, the comedian.

You have a brother who is a comedian?

I did, until he fell into a vat of
molten optical glass.

What happened?

He made a spectacle of himself.

Okay, okay. This week, we will take out
the patient's snoo.

What? What snoo? Nothing. What snoo with
you?

Ew.

That's an old joke.

Yeah, well, it's snoo to me.

Hey, hey, Miss Piggy, please tell me you
love me because we've got to stop

meeting like this.

What? I'm running out of vital organs.

So we come to the end of another
veterinarian's hospital.

It's about time. Tune in next time when
we'll hear Dr.

Bob say... Prepare for surgery.

Dr. Bob, are you really going to remove
his brain?

No, something much more vital than that.
You mean... Yes, his wallet.

A little bit of this, a little bit of
that makes a whole lot of heaper.

When you're putting out, more than
you're taking in.

Let me get this straight. A little bit
of this, a little bit of that makes a

whole lot of heaper. Don't it? When
you're putting out, more than you're

in.

Let's go to bed.

Sleep your head.

Let's stay a while.

Stay slow.

Let's put on the pot, say greedy God,
and eat before we go.

Thank you.

Honestly, Waldorf, I don't understand
you. Why do you come here and put up

this irritating, mindless, incessant
nonsense when you could stay home with

No comment.

Mr. Frog, Mr.

Frog, do you have a permit to keep
livestock?

Livestock? Yes. When I was backstage, I
noticed...

Sixteen chickens, six horses, four
goats, eight hogs. Excusez -moi, Kermie,

I speak with you incognito?

Sure, wherever you want.

Excuse us a second.

Uh, yeah.

Is this the inspector you want me to
charm?

Yeah, but I don't think this is a
particularly good time.

Kermie, mon chéri, do not worry about a
thing.

Yoo -hoo!

I do not believe that... We have met?

No, we haven't. I'm Inspector La Brea.

Oh, come you see.

You did not tell me the inspector was
such a handsome man.

As you know, I am Miss Piggy.

Right. Add to that list one Sal.

What?

Sal, you know, rhymes with cow.

Piggy. Oh, yeah.

No, but hum a few bars and we'll fake
it.

Ta -da!

Thank you. And now, have I got good news
for you.

That inspector is closing the show.

Then you don't have good news for us.

Say, you're as bad as the two old
geezers. Why not? She's a geezer -esque.

Okay, so welcome, if you will, the
Muppet Show's own cute and clownish

king of comedy, Fonzie Bear!

Hey, what's up, what's up, what's up?

Hey,

did you hear the one about the lady who
went to the psychiatrist and said,

Doctor, my husband thinks he's a
refrigerator. And the doctor says, Well,

worry about it.

And the woman said, I have to.

He sleeps with his mouth open and the
little light keeps me awake.

And the psychiatrist officer says,
doctor, my husband thinks he's a

radio. And the doctor says, well, have
him come in. We'll talk about it. And

woman says, he can't.

Excuse me.

Cross -town buses run all night.

Do -da, do -da.

Well, what's next on the show?

Just the closing musical number.

No trumpets, right? Because if this
thing goes off one more time... I know,

know. You're going to cancel the show.

No, it's just a... Well, it's just an
encore by our violinist.

Oh, yeah, yeah, good. Well, okay, I'm
going to stay here and watch it.

Right here? Yeah. What's his name?

Izzy something?

No, in actuality, Dizzy Gillespie.

Dizzy Gillespie?

That's terrific!

It is? Yeah!

But he plays trumpet.

He sure does. The guy's my all -time
favorite.

Hey, do me a favor.

Let me sit in with him. I play a little
saxophone.

Gee, well, fine, if you'll forget your
recorder there.

Uh, what recorder?

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, it's jazz
time again. And joining our guest star

this final session is Inspector La Brea,
the swinging civil servant.

And here he is, our guest star with one
of his great tunes, Mr. Disney

Gillespie! Yay!

Just a little.

Child!

What did I see?

Coming for to carry me home. Oh, and El
Dorado coming up to me.

Coming for to carry me.

Swing low, sweet Cadillac, I'm going to
carry me home.

Swing low, sweet Cadillac, I'm going to
carry me home. Going home,

going home.

Heaven, heaven, heaven,

heaven, heaven.

Now, old Cadillac never dies.

company just finished.

except to say thank you to our very
special guest, our lady and gentleman,

of the giants of jazz, Mr. Dizzy
Gillespie.

Thank

you,

Kermit. I don't want you to know how
much I admire you frogs.

You admire us frogs?

Why is that?

Because y 'all can do this.

Muppet Show.

Tomorrow

at

7 on the Muppet Show, Canadian singing
star Anne Murray performs Snowbird.

Next on Happy Days, Joni runs into
trouble when she tries to prove that

responsible babysitter for Richie Jr.

That's it. That's all his damn dolls.