Original subtitles

Leslie Uggams, 15 seconds to curtain, Miss Uggams.

Thank you, Scooter.

It is true that Big Bird from Sesame Street is on the show tonight, right?

Well, that's right, Leslie.

Well, would you tell him that his younger brother is in my dressing room?

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest stars, Leslie Uggams and

Bird of Sesame Street.

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to get things started.

Why don't you get things started?

Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.

It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, motivational, this is why.

again to the Muppet Show, and we've got some show for you tonight, because our

special guest is the lovely singer, dancer, and actress, Miss Leslie Uggams.

also, making a special appearance tonight is a friend of mine from Sesame

Street, Big Bird.

Oh, hey, Kermit, now, huh, now?

Not yet, Big Bird, you come on a little later in the show. Oh, okay, I'll just

wait back here then. Yeah, just watch out for the overhead light.

Anyhow, now, ladies and gentlemen, our very special guest, Miss Leslie Ogham.

Good times, here I am. Welcome back to your baby land.

Open wide them golden doors and set my chair down.

And show me.

Thank you.

Well, that number shows what a great actress Leslie Uggams is.

Actress? She wasn't acting. She was singing.

Yes, but she looked like she enjoyed it.

That's acting.

Okay, nice number.

Very good, Leslie.

Who stepped on your toe?

What? Who stepped on your toe?

I did.

need me, I'll be in Camilla's dressing room.

Oh, Camilla, Camilla the chicken?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm so nervous.

Tonight's our first formal date, and I'm almost sick with fear.

Well, I imagine she feels much the same.

You think so?

Oh, boy.

Suppose I get so excited that I faint.

Conzo, I just don't know. I suppose she'll have to give you mouth -to -mouth

resuscitation.

She'll have to what?

Oh, or in your case, mouth -to -beak resuscitation.

Sansa, are you okay?

Of course. I was just rehearsing my faint.

I hope Camilla's been rehearsing hers.

These are for you.

Oh, gosh.

I think the room is spinning.

Aren't you going to kiss me?

Great.

Just my luck. A chicken with hay fever.

Well, look, now, Camilla, Camilla, why don't I take you out for some fresh air,

okay? That'll make it all better, okay?

here at Muppet Labs where the future is being made today.

Well, Jeepers, you're about to witness the world's first demonstration of

fireproof paper.

Here is my assistant beaker carrying a lighted blowtorch. He will now show you

how impossible it is to ignite the fireproof paper in this basket.

There is no way this paper can burn.

With Muppet's fireproof paper, you will always feel secure.

Tune in next time, and with this, Muppet Labs' new answer to the energy crisis,

flammable water.

That's all for now from Muppet Labs.

What do you suppose they call that? A novelty act?

I don't know, but it wasn't too bad.

Well, that's a novelty.

Yeah, we both come from the same neighborhood, Sesame Street.

Oh, isn't that that cute little children's show with puppets?

Uh -huh. Well, who are you?

Who am I?

I am Miss Piggy.

Ah. Well, do you work around here?

It's very pretty.

And, uh, do you know why it is there?

Well, uh... Hmm? Hmm? Perfect attendance?

I am the singing star of this...

She's very versatile.

Oh, Leslie, it's really a pleasure to have you on the show with us. Well,

you, Lou. And it's a thrill for me to work with a boomerang fish thrower.

I should think so.

Listen, Lou, what does it take to become a great boomerang fish thrower?

Well, you gotta have soul.

And if you can't get soul, use halibut.

I shouldn't guess. But in that case, I use a catcher's mitt.

Why? No, no, no. Don't tell me. Let me guess. Uh, just for the halibut?

You're catching on.

Listen, how did you acquire this talent? Was it an accident?

No, it was on purpose.

I give him the straight lines, and he gives me the fishing lines.

Yeah. You know, I started this act using kippers. My brother and I did the act

together, but we split up.

Why? Hey, am I my brother's kipper?

I got to quit this and sing my song.

Oh, great idea.

I'll accompany you on this.

Well, Lou, I was kind of expecting violins.

Well, what's that? Yeah.

Here you come again.

Looking better than a body has a right to. And shaking me up so that all...

It's here you come again.

And here I go.

Two at once.

of a sardine. What?

It's a little fishy.

Mad about the frog.

I know it's stupid to be mad about the frog.

I'm so ashamed of it, but must admit the sleepless nights

I've had about the frog.

On the silver screen, he melts my foolish heart in every little scene.

Although I'm quite aware that here and there are traces of the

cat about the frog.

Lord knows I'm not a frog girl.

I really shouldn't care.

Lord knows I'm not his...

I'm feeling quite insane.

I'm feeling quite insane and young again.

On patrol.

All right, all right, come on.

You just come with me, you, you, you.

Sir, sir, sergeant, I have just picked up... Wait a minute, patrol bear.

I have to finish this report.

Oh, drat, I made a mistake. Now I'll have to start all over again.

But, sir, can't that report wait?

No, this is a very serious charge.

What is it? Littering.

This also is a very serious charge. Oh, yeah? What's the charge?

Impersonating an officer.

Can you prove it?

Of course I can prove it, Sergeant. Go ahead. Do your stuff.

Okay. Impersonating an officer.

Ah.

Of course I can prove it, Sergeant. Go ahead. Do your stuff.

Hey, that's not bad.

Thank you.

Now, look, Sergeant. This is a very dangerous criminal.

He should be locked up.

I think he should be locked up.

Here are the keys.

I'll finish up the report. I'm going to lock him up.

Well, I should have known better than to try to fool with you, patrol bear.

Yeah, you're darn tootin'. After you. Thank you.

Listen, tell me what kind of food you like.

See you later, Sarge.

Oh, wait a minute. He locked me in.

Not bad. You sound more like him all the time.

Now try to do me.

Sergeant, you don't understand.

He got away.

No, that's not me.

You still sound like a dumb bear that brought you in here.

Try it again. I have a deep, authoritative voice.

Sergeant, will you just turn around, please?

Better, but keep trying.

You need more macho.

Tell me, Gonzo, what is it about Camilla that first attracted you to her? Are

you kidding?

Everything. She's beautiful, witty, charming, delightful company, a good

and she's very talented.

Really? What does she do?

Camilla!

Oh, wow!

Well, I would have thought that was impossible. What, to get a chicken to

No, to find tap shoes for clothes.

Hello, I am Vindawish.

Deposit a coin and I will answer any wish you may have.

Thank you. Now please state your wish and I will grant it.

Oh, I wish I was taller.

Taller? Yeah.

I have written a song for you.

Oh, Sinatra or Mick Jagger will probably want to record it, but I want you to

hear it from me first.

You alone, you are my one and only

chicken, Eddie.

And if you leave, I will alone and lonely, sick and red.

We're a team and that's a fact.

You and I.

What a terrific idea for an act.

Oh, listen to the rhymes in the chorus.

It's very Cole Porter -y. Camilla.

You're sweeter than wine or vanilla.

Camilla.

Come lie beneath the tree and so we'll lie.

Camilla.

Camilla.

You're prettier by far than Godzilla.

Camilla.

Who are you?

Huh? Me?

Wow.

Perfection incarnate.

Statuesque. and yet still poultry in every sense.

You have that one thing lacking in chickens.

Bulk.

I'm so confused.

You are so huge.

I have no idea what you're talking about, sir. I was just looking for Miss

Uggams. And you found me.

Lady Luck had smiled and showered us with that certain thing.

Flower pot.

Oh, please, Dr. Honeydew, I can't go through life with this long neck.

Never fear. At Muppet Labs, we have done extensive research on shortening long

neck. Then you can help? Of course. This is our latest therapy technique.

It's all in a day's work.

Please,

Dr. Honeydew, don't leave a mess backstage. If you're through playing

put him away.

And now, once again, here is our very special guest who will be joined by a

tall, feathered friend who just wandered in off the street.

Sesame Street, to be precise.

Ladies and gentlemen, Big Bird and Leslie Uggams.

Stop, stop, because I really love you. Stop, stop, I've been thinking of you.

Look in my heart and let love keep us together.

Don't mess around, we just got to be strong Just stop, stop, cause I really

you Stop, stop, I'll be thinking of you Look in my heart and let love

keep us together

You'll be long to me now.

Ain't gonna set you free now.

When those birds start hanging around.

Talking me down.

Here with your heart and you won't hear a sound. Just stop, stop.

Cause I really love you. Stop, stop.

I'll be thinking of you. Look in my heart and let love keep us together.

Come down to the end of another one. But before we go, let us have a warm thank

you for our very special guest, our lovely Leslie Odom. Thank

you,

Kermit. Listen, chicky babe, you've got to forgive me. I'll never talk to

another chicken again.

Oh, hi, Camilla.

You're quite a shocker. I thought that Camilla was your one true love.

Oh, yeah.

Well, chickens all look the same to me.

Girls, please. Well, I'd like to thank a really different -looking chicken, Big

Bird from Sesame Street.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

We'll see you next time when I'm up with dogs.

Have we ever said that this show is for the birds?

Yes, and we'll keep saying it until it gets a laugh.