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Lynn Redgrave, 15 seconds to curtain,
Miss Redgrave. Thank you very much,
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Scooter. You know, I think it's
absolutely wonderful that instead of
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regular show tonight, you're going to be
doing the story of Robin Hood. Yeah,
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the rehearsals went great, but there's
just one scene that needs a little more
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work. Oh, which one?
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Uh, let me guess. The archery contest?
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Excuse me, did you see a pointy thing go
by?
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Muppet Show with our very special guest
star, Lynn Redgrave.
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It's time to get things started. Why
don't you get things started?
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I think that was good.
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It's time to get things started. I'm the
most inspirational, inspirational,
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celebrational, mouthtational.
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in which we are going to spend the
entire program doing a unique production
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Robin Hood. It's going to be very
terrific because our special guest is
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the great ladies of the stage and
screen, Miss Lynn Redgrave. And so,
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further ado, or I don't, ladies and
gentlemen, the Muppet players with Lynn
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Redgrave proudly present Robin Hood.
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I wish you all a fond hello, my name is
Alan O'Dale. My hope is that we
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entertain with this our evening's tale.
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In Sherwood Forest, dark and deep,
dwells Robin Hood and Sooth. An outlaw
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his merry men, they're living fast and
loose.
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Fast and loose?
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Come on, give me a break, I'm usually
the gopher around here.
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Time to cavort!
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Cavort! Cavort!
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How's it going?
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Oh, well, looks a little bit like
feeding time on a freaky farm.
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Well, I'm stage managing tonight since
Kermit's starring in the show.
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Could you help me move some scenery?
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Oh, I'm sorry, Scoots. I'd love to, but
I'm on strike.
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On strike?
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Well, why?
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Well, I don't dig all this Robin Hood
jazz. I prefer things more hip and less
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green.
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Great. More hip and less green.
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Now what am I going to do?
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Hey, Bo?
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Yes, sir. Could you move that scenery?
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Yes. Great.
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That was an easy job.
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Hey, hey, hey, hold it. Oh, pretty,
pretty.
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Hey, cool it there.
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Oh, what is it, little John?
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What? You guys are not cavorting right.
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This is a proper way to cavort.
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Cavort, cavort, cavort, cavort, cavort,
cavort.
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Like that? You got it? No.
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Well, you better practice, because Robin
Hood will be here any minute now.
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It's a note from Robin Hood. What does
it say?
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I'll be here any minute now.
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What did I tell you?
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Hi -ho, little John. Hi -ho, Robin Hood.
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Hi -ho, merry men.
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Hi -ho, Robin Hood.
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Well rehearsed, well rehearsed. Thank
you very much. Hey, the firm -made
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will be here soon. and the place looks a
mess. What have you been doing?
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Oh, well, you see, uh... Cavorting,
right?
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Well, cavorting wrong, actually.
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Oh,
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fair maid Marian!
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Oh, good Robin Hood! Didst thou have a
pleasant journey?
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Oh, aye, aye, for truth, but methinks I
was followed by the wicked sheriff of
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Nottingham's men.
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You have that much time then.
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Lujan. Yes. Tell the men to prepare.
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Yes, sir.
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Let it.
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Prepare what?
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To come on.
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Hooray.
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Hooray. It's such a lovely day.
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Singing hey, down, very down, down. Ho,
ho, little, ho, hey, donny, no. With a
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dum, dum, diddle, dum.
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Hey, where's Marion?
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Marion? Marion?
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Marion! Hey, Marion!
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Well, I've seen a lot of versions of
Robin Hood, but none to match this one.
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How's that?
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The others were all good.
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Oh, yeah, set up the torture scene.
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Oh, the torture scene's going to be
real.
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Nicely cavorted, Mary Matt. Nicely
cavorted. Oh, you like the cavorting?
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you should see us in our full frilling.
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Okay, that Lynn Redgrave is wonderful as
Maid Marian. It's a demanding role.
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Speaking of a demanding role, I do not
have a role in this production, and I
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am demanding one.
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You see, there's only one female part
that's Maid Marian, and Lynn Redgrave is
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playing that.
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I said, I am demanding.
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Yeah, well, let's see.
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I guess there is a part here you can
play.
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A little rewriting. I'm sure you'd be
perfect for it. Yes, yes, yes. What is
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Well, it's Sister Tuck.
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Sister Tuck?
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No, you couldn't play Friar Tuck.
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Torture?
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Piggy, let me explain. Sister Tuck!
Sister Tuck!
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Sister Tuck!
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Ring in the prisoner!
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Move it! Move it!
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Move it!
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Please move it! Oh, there. Oh, okay.
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Here she is.
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Ah, Maid Marian, you are now a...
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Dungeon guest of the Sheriff of
Nottingham.
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Oh,
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no, not the Sheriff of Nottingham.
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Oh, no, that's the great Gonzo. Oh,
that's the Sheriff of Nottingham. Oh,
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sorry. I have you in my power now, my
pretty.
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You black -hearted villainous swine.
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Oh, you silver -tongued fly.
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Will you tell me the exact location of
Robin Hood's hideout? I'll never tell
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you, never!
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That's terrific!
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Thank you.
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Now it's torture time!
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Just try and make me talk.
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All right!
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We have ways of making you talk.
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Take these thumbscrews, for instance.
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All right, well, what do they do? Well,
you put your thumb in here like this.
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Yes, yes. That's it, and then you turn
the little handle on top. What, this
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No, the other way. Sorry.
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That's better. See, when you do that, it
presses the bar down on your thumb.
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That's great.
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All right, now will you talk?
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No, I'll never tell you, never.
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All right, another turn.
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You know you're wasting your time.
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about that.
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But you won't talk so bravely on the
rack, my dear.
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The rack? What's that?
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You'll wish you'd never asked.
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Gonzo's trying to get himself killed.
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Yeah, but he won't make it.
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He never succeeds at anything.
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Best he can hope for is maimed.
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Manacles secured hand and foot, right?
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Correct.
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There is no escape from this pain.
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This pain here?
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Yes!
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Isn't that terrific?
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Come on!
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How much more of this can you take?
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Good, Sharon.
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I can take no more of this.
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I've got to go and stretch out for a nap
in my dressing room.
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Hey,
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wait. Wait. We haven't even tried the
boiling oil yet.
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Torture scene over.
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Archery scene next.
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Stand by, archers and peons.
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Archers, peons.
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I'm on, too.
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Scooter. Come on. I got to get this out
for the archery contest. Somebody give
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me a hand.
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You say you want a hand?
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The day of the archery contest.
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There isn't one seat left to sell.
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The crowd on the greens packed as tight
as sardines, which might also account
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for the smell.
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Both contestants look good to the
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experts. Yes, the winner is tricky to
choose, but I'll stick my neck out and
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without any doubt.
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Say the other guy's certain to lose.
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Is that it? Is that all you can tell us?
Well... As our archers warm up on the
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track? But regrettably, he only gets to
say, Gee!
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When a practice shot cancels his act.
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Black Bart is the opening archer. The
sheriff of Nottingham's man.
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With the strength of an ox, the nerve of
a fox, And the brains of a gooseberry
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plant.
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The sheriff has bribed and corrupted a
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youth. The rules of the contest have
been.
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He never hurts me. The crime doesn't
pay.
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He sure gets the point in the end.
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So with Black Bart awarded a bullseye,
there's little poor Robin can do.
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Safe to trust to his luck, his nerve and
his pluck.
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And split Black Bart's arrow in two.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you. My
pleasure.
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Nice concept.
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During this...
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It is my great pleasure to present the
author of tonight's drama.
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Ladies and gentlemen, Mr.
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William Shakespeare.
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Delighted. You are the William
Shakespeare?
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I am a William Shakespeare, yeah.
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Mr. Shakespeare, what an honor. Do you
know I saw the sound of music at least a
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dozen times?
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Now, now, wait, wait, wait just a
minute. This here William Shakespeare is
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nom de plume.
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My pen name.
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Then you are not the real William
Shakespeare. Oh, of course not.
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Oh, of course not.
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I can see that now. He was a bearded
man.
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And you're much younger.
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And he's dead.
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00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,420
And he's... Is he?
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00:13:40,870 --> 00:13:44,150
Oh, I didn't. No, I'm so sorry. I didn't
realize.
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00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:48,510
Yeah, I can see that. Yeah. Tell me, did
he leave a wife and children?
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00:13:49,130 --> 00:13:52,930
Well, as far as I'm aware, he left just
about everything, including an
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unfinished play, Henry D. Yeat.
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That's a tragedy.
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00:13:57,590 --> 00:13:59,170
Well, it certainly isn't a comedy.
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And by adopting his name, you hope to
keep something of his legend alive.
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00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:07,750
Yeah, principally his royalties.
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00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:10,039
His what?
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His royalty payments.
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00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,900
Good. Thank you.
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00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:19,520
Tommy, could you please recite a portion
of his masterpieces?
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Sure, but let me get an actor to do it
properly, all right? Hey, you! Excuse
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Actor! Yeah, want to read this for me,
please?
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00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:28,920
This is an actor?
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00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,840
To be or not to be?
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I didn't understand all of it, but I'm
certain the English people enjoyed it.
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Oh,
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pretty
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fair maid Marion.
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00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:03,330
Thank you for joining me in this here
fair glen here. Ah, good Robin Hood.
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was the very spot that we first met.
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00:15:05,430 --> 00:15:09,830
Yea, verily. Yes, and I shall always
remember it. And how surprised I was to
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meet the famous Robin Hood.
223
00:15:11,590 --> 00:15:13,110
Surprised? In what way surprised?
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00:15:13,950 --> 00:15:17,490
Um, well... I mean, was it the fact that
I'm a daring robber?
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00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:21,170
Or the fact that I am debonair and
handsome?
226
00:15:21,490 --> 00:15:24,950
No, it was the fact that you were a
frog.
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00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,000
You noticed that, huh?
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00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:34,260
I couldn't help noticing, particularly
since I'm not one.
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00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:37,340
Listen,
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Marion, don't let that worry you.
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Your eyes are not bulgy.
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00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,880
You don't live in a swamp.
233
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,260
You don't hop or turn somersaults.
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00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,060
Your feet are not whipped.
235
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,360
And you never eat flies.
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00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:56,420
I'm sorry to dwell on your faults.
237
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:02,280
And yet I still love you.
238
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:06,120
I always will love you.
239
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:11,460
You shine in my mind like a dream.
240
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,480
And yet I still...
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00:16:28,819 --> 00:16:35,660
I know I'm an odd one. I'm not like a
frog. My head is all covered
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00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:36,660
with hair.
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00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:43,600
No flippers, no bulges, no croaking, no
warts. No wonder
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that sometimes you stare.
245
00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:08,980
And so if I love you, I really do love
you.
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00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:13,420
Who cares if you're not me?
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00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:20,240
Good
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00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:28,820
Robin
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00:17:28,820 --> 00:17:31,980
Hood. Eh? Pray, kiss me sweetly.
250
00:17:38,949 --> 00:17:40,230
Piggy. Piggy. Piggy.
251
00:17:40,670 --> 00:17:42,730
Piggy. Piggy. Piggy. Piggy. Piggy.
252
00:17:47,770 --> 00:17:49,230
What did you
253
00:17:49,230 --> 00:17:56,070
think
254
00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:57,110
of Miss Piggy's outfit?
255
00:17:57,430 --> 00:17:59,210
I think she ought to kick the habit.
256
00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:03,360
That's an old joke.
257
00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:05,140
So are you.
258
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,660
Miss Piggy, I want to talk to you.
259
00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:15,420
Oh, you mean you wish an audience with
Mr.
260
00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:16,660
Tucker.
261
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,760
No, I want to talk to you. I want to
know what you did with Lynn.
262
00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:23,840
Oh, remember, blessed are the meek.
263
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:26,800
What did you do with her?
264
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,500
What did you do with her?
265
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,360
Oh, that's nice.
266
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:37,480
She is in yonder dressing room. She's
okay.
267
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:40,640
Yeah, but the big dungeon scene is
coming up next.
268
00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:42,700
I'll go tell her. Oh, no, no.
269
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,680
I shall tell her. It is the least that
moi can do.
270
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,680
Town crier on stage.
271
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:57,220
Scooter, scooter. The town crier is on
stage, but he can't go on.
272
00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:58,460
Why not?
273
00:18:58,480 --> 00:18:59,620
He lost his onion.
274
00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:01,020
Ah.
275
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,500
I'm going to make you cry.
276
00:19:02,780 --> 00:19:04,080
Will you get out of here?
277
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:05,680
Will you get out of here?
278
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,860
Five o 'clock and all's well.
279
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:15,220
Five o 'clock and all's well. Except
that Maid Marian has been kidnapped. The
280
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:18,840
sheriff's up to no good. That dog is
stealing the cheese. Kermit's mad at
281
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,080
and it's really only 4 .30.
282
00:19:27,180 --> 00:19:28,740
So how goes the night?
283
00:19:28,940 --> 00:19:30,620
Tis dark, but still.
284
00:19:31,110 --> 00:19:32,770
Still what? Still dark.
285
00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:39,950
Our prisoner made Marion is safe.
286
00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:41,150
Yes.
287
00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:43,130
Park Hanoi.
288
00:19:44,430 --> 00:19:51,070
Hold fast, good sir, lest I strike you
again with my quarterstaff.
289
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:54,030
That's a cheap weapon. Mine costs 50
cents.
290
00:19:55,350 --> 00:19:56,670
You'll pay for that.
291
00:20:01,710 --> 00:20:03,350
like a butterfly sting like a frog.
292
00:20:11,730 --> 00:20:18,610
Oh, sir, Robin Hood, thou didst
293
00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:20,490
might him mightily on the pate.
294
00:20:20,790 --> 00:20:23,030
Uh -huh. I believe that's pate.
295
00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:28,630
I'm sorry. Yes, but good men of Sherwood
Forest, we must now...
296
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:32,760
Sneak away and rescue the Maid Marian.
Sneak and rescue. Rescue, rescue.
297
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:39,160
We must go hushly. Hush, hush, hush.
298
00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:43,420
Hark,
299
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,320
it is the beautiful Maid Marian.
300
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:46,700
Light.
301
00:21:37,290 --> 00:21:38,290
How goes it?
302
00:22:06,540 --> 00:22:09,460
not, lest I strike thee also with my
quarterstaff. Ha!
303
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,720
Mine cost a buck ninety -five!
304
00:22:14,860 --> 00:22:20,080
Wait a minute!
305
00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:21,540
Tickle, tickle, tickle!
306
00:22:52,010 --> 00:22:53,890
Hermit, listen, shouldn't we be doing
this on the stage?
307
00:24:27,450 --> 00:24:30,850
theatrical experience. Oh, thank you. We
can take that as a compliment?
308
00:24:32,330 --> 00:24:35,790
Um... I'll see you next time when I'm up
at y 'all.
309
00:24:36,610 --> 00:24:37,610
Thank you.
310
00:24:38,090 --> 00:24:39,090
Thank you.
311
00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:42,009
Thank you.
312
00:24:42,010 --> 00:24:43,010
Thank you.
313
00:24:43,370 --> 00:24:44,370
Thank you.
314
00:24:44,810 --> 00:24:49,010
Thank you very much.
315
00:24:49,290 --> 00:24:52,430
Thank you all the little people back
there.
316
00:24:52,750 --> 00:24:53,709
Thank you.
317
00:24:53,710 --> 00:24:54,710
Thank you.
318
00:25:16,270 --> 00:25:18,670
The legend of Robin Hood will never die.
319
00:25:18,930 --> 00:25:21,230
No, but it sure got wounded pretty bad
tonight.
23796
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