Original subtitles

Chris Christopherson and Rita Coolidge, 25 seconds to curtain, folks.

No problem.

We'll be ready.

Great. By the way, I hope you folks don't mind having to share a dressing

No, not at all. Good. Come on in, guys. You can share Chris and Rita's dressing

room.

Oh, boy.

special guest stars Rita Coolidge and Chris Christopherson.

It's time to play the music.

It's time to light the light.

It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to get things started.

Why don't you get things started?

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational.

special show tonight because we have not one, but two special guest stars. We

have Mr. Chris Christopherson and Miss Rita Cooley.

Yes,

Miss Piggy. I just want to thank you for letting me do this opening number with

Chris. Oh, well, that's all right.

It's a very sexy number.

I hope you won't be jealous.

Don't worry.

Uh, sure.

Positive.

Oh.

Chris, please.

Come here, come here. You'd better introduce us. He just cannot wait.

Well,

ladies and gentlemen, here he is. Come here, come here.

I just want you to know, no matter what happens, it's you I love.

Trust me.

Yeah, okay. Well, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Mr.

Chris Christopherson.

Take the ribbon from your hair.

Shake it loose. Let it fall.

Laying soft against my skin.

Like the shadows on the wall.

Come and lay down by my...

Till the early morning light. Oh, you silver -tongued devil.

All I'm taking is your time.

Take it.

Help me make it through the night.

Oh, Chrissy.

You care who's right or wrong.

I don't try to understand.

Yesterday is dead and gone.

Yesterday is dead and gone.

And tomorrow's out of sight.

Yes, tomorrow's out of sight.

And it's sad to be alone.

So sad to be alone.

Help me make it through the night.

We don't want to be alone.

me make it through the night

wonderful

wonderful

Yeah, dear?

What's the soup, the jor?

Same as yesterday.

Good. I'll have that and the chicken.

Now, how do you want your chicken? Baked, broiled, or barbecued?

I want the chicken for company.

I hate to eat alone.

For a second there, I thought you was one of them weirdos.

I still do.

Hey, Gonzo, Hermit says you're on next. Oh, thank you.

It's okay, dear. You'll pay me later.

Thank you. Hey, you're finally going to get to do the old piano balancing act,

eh? Yeah.

You'll pay me now.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the great Gonzo in a master feat of mathematical

dexterity. Is he ready back there?

No, no.

Ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. The great Gonzo.

master feat of mathematical dexterity will recite the seven times

table while balancing a piano and standing in a hammock?

3, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

That certainly suited Gonzo. It did? Yep, suited him right down to the

Dr.

Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs where the future is being made today.

Well, I've got some news of welcome relief to short, stubbly people like

here.

Announcing new Muppet Labs Atomic Elevator Shoes.

Yes, these shoes can add inches to your height at the mere flick of a lever.

Beaker is wearing them now, and they work like this.

Up.

Down.

Oh, Beaker, stop it. You're just acting like a baby.

And so the atomic elevator shoe adds untold interest to Beaker's unfortunate

defeat.

Beaker, you never told me you wore stripy socks.

That's all for today from Muppet Labs.

What a nice stall.

Hello, Miss Piggy.

Oh. Hello, Annabelle. You look so beautiful today.

Of course I do.

Now, what'll it be?

Won't we watch a special?

I shall see the menus of a play.

The name's Gladys.

Well, Gladys, I shall have...

sandwich on whole wheat and four ounces of rhubarb juice.

on the Henderson burglary. Police have recovered all the stolen property except

the silverware.

It has disappeared into thin air.

Not right now, Miss Piggy. I have to go introduce Rita Coolidge. Oh, I just

wanted to mention that Mr. Christopherson and Miss Coolidge are

Yeah, I know.

It shows that you can...

show business careers and marriage.

Well, I suppose it does, yes.

But, you know, we both have show business careers.

That's true.

Mm -hmm.

Need I say more?

Miss Piggy, I really have to go introduce Rita Coolidge. Yes, dear.

I just wanted you to think about it.

I don't have time to think about it.

Maybe six months in the hospital will give you more time to think.

I don't think about it.

Thank you.

Here she is, our second very special guest, a lovely lady with a beautiful

and a wonderful song, Miss Rita Coolidge.

Once a stone...

Yes. Are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure, Chris. You don't see anybody, do you?

No, but around here it doesn't make any difference. Everything on this show

walks and talks.

Animals, vegetables.

Don't forget about the minerals.

You heard me, Buster.

Would you mind leaving us alone for a while, please? Oh, sure thing. Come on,

gang.

Rita, this is a very weird show.

Yes, that was a little strange, but I think you'll find most of the Muppets

pretty normal.

Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Scooter, Kermit.

Hi. Hi. How about this one?

Bonzo? Hi. Say, how about a couple of autographs?

Sure, I'll get a pen for you. Oh, you don't have to.

I already signed them.

You're giving us your autographs, huh? Yeah.

They're really valuable now since my piano balancing act.

But, uh, Gonzo, you fell.

I know.

A lot of people think I'm dead now.

Isn't that terrific?

Young folks like to get away, take a holiday from the neighborhood.

Hop a flight to Miami Beach or to Hollywood.

I'm taking a greyhound on the Hudson River line.

I'm in a New York state of mind.

Out of touch with the rhythm and blues.

Now I need a little give and take.

The New York Times.

The Daily News.

Come down to reality.

And it's fine with me. Cause I love it.

I don't have any reason to let them all behind.

I'm in a New York state of mind.

I'm in a New York state of mind.

Well,

I didn't think I'd live to see it, but for once they've given us something

than second -rate entertainment.

What's that?

Third -rate entertainment.

That was mighty fine, Gladys. My compliments to the chef.

Hey, he says he liked it.

Who are you talking to? The short order cook.

This place takes itself so literally.

Well, of course it does.

Hey, you want to see our apple turnover?

Sure.

I might just slide by later and take a look at the salad dressing.

Hey,

what about Animal?

He hasn't ordered yet.

No, it's okay. He just finished the TV dinner.

Well, did he remember to...

Okay,

what happens now?

Oh, now comes the funny part.

Well, leaving the stage is funnier than a lot of things the bear does.

Okay, now, now.

Ask me what I'm carrying the fish for.

Oh, Fonzie, what are you carrying the fish for?

Oh, just for the halibut.

They were better off leaving the stage.

Ah!

Hi -diddly -dee, an actor's life for me.

A high -spill cat in a silver cane, a watch of gold with a diamond chain.

Hi -diddly -doo, if we still ask you to.

Hey, Fonzie.

This number needs help.

No, it doesn't. It needs scenery.

Oh, it's wonderful scenery.

But is it funny?

Okay, now, now, ask me what I'm carrying the hoop for.

Oh, Fozzie, what are you carrying the hoop for?

Ah, because that little Waldorf are always saying the show is hoopless.

Just for the hell of it. Keep trying. Stop.

Here we go. Hi.

actor's life for me. A high silk hat and a silver cane. A watch of gold with a

diamond chain.

Hi, dildo.

You sleep till after two.

You promenade with a big cigar.

You tour the world in a private car. You dine on chicken and caviar. An actor's

life for me.

An actor's life.

together and see what happens.

Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Christopherson and Rita Coolidge.

Yeah, Kermit. Uh, where's Gonzo?

Gonzo? Oh, he was, uh... Oh,

Gonzo. Shh.

I'm only pretending.

My autographs will be worth a fortune.

at 7 on The Muppet Show, Scooter is amazed when guest star Raquel Welch

of changing her image.

Next on Happy Days, when Jodi and Tachi sneak out to see a concert, it turns out

to be a one -way ticket to trouble.

You know, they can improve the whole show if they just change the ending. Oh,

put it closer to the beginning.