Original subtitles

Rich Little?

Oh, Rich Little?

Forty -five seconds to curtain, Mr. Little.

Ah, yeah, yeah.

God forbid, I'll send for a shepherd.

There seems to be a pig in my dressing room.

Gee, that was W .C. Fields.

Where's Rich Little?

Of all the gin joints and all the... Towns and all the world had to walk into

this infested hole.

Here's looking at... at you, Ken.

Wow, Humphrey Bogart.

But where's Rich Little?

I'll be ready, Scooter Little, buddy.

Boy, Rich Little does impressions of everybody.

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to get things started.

I've seen enough. Let's leave.

It's time to get things started.

We tried to book every internationally known superstar in the world to appear

our stage at the same time.

They couldn't make it.

You know, babysitting problems and stuff like that, I guess.

Actually, we did get one star, and he's enough because he can become all of the

other ones.

Naturally, I'm referring to the master impressionist, Mr. Rich Little.

But before we see him, how about a little chanson d 'amour?

Peace.

they just bombed again.

Hey, very sensitive, Crazy Harry.

You certainly have a way with a lyric.

Hey, Kermit. Kermit, have you seen any chickens around here today?

Chickens? Uh, Gonzo, why would there be any chickens around here? Well, I'm

auditioning for my new dancing chicken act. It's gonna be sensational.

A dancing chicken act? Gonzo, I've never heard of anything as ridiculous as a

dancing chicken.

of talking frog.

Don't be wise, Gonzo.

Well, look, I advertise for dancing chickens in the paper, so the minute

show up, just send them back to the prop room, okay?

Yeah. Thank you. Sure, send the chickens to the prop room.

Add in the paper.

Chickens can't read.

Frogs, yes, but chickens never... Yeah,

well, the prop room is down there. It's the second door on your left, sir.

Or madam.

Thank you. It's great to be here.

I'd like to start out this evening by doing my impression of truly one of the

great comedians of our time.

It's great to see you happy folks, because I'm the bear with the snappy

Terrific. Just great. Yeah, the voice is perfect.

And the jokes are...

I'm down here pretending to be a bear.

They're up there pretending to be alive.

Very good.

Yeah, but watch it, Rich. You'll blow the impression by being funny.

You mean you're not impressed with these impressions?

Was that you or him?

I couldn't tell.

This guy's good.

But let me tell you, folks.

A funny thing happened on the way to the theater.

I'm coming through a crowd at the stage door.

Don't tell me I know.

I'm back home.

Nothing, girl.

All right, Jack Benny.

Will you get out of here?

Sorry for the interruption, folks.

Kermit the Frog here, and we've got a really great show lined up for you

featuring Gonzo and the Flying Cheese plus the state of New Jersey.

Oh, look who's here.

Fridge, it's you.

in the dressing room and I heard you on stage and for a second I thought I had

grown a new me.

Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello.

That was Rich Little here, wasn't it, Rich?

Hey, no, it wasn't me. I just got here myself.

I thought so, swamp face!

Hey,

watch what you do to my frog -baking hips!

Oh,

what a performance.

Yeah, and what a finish. Right into the orchestra pit. Hey, good old Rich

Little. Who else can do impressions and break a piano in two with his head?

Who's next? Come on in.

All right.

We're auditioning here for a new dancing chicken act. So naturally, I want to

see a hoof.

Get it, Ralph.

Okay, can you do a little time step?

No,

you can't do a little time step.

How about the turkey trot?

us over here. Come on.

One, two, three, four, please do something.

Okay, don't call us. We'll call you.

Nice legs, though.

Dancing is good for you. Then it can add ten years to your life.

I believe it.

Dancing with you, I've aged ten years.

Tell me if I'm holding you too tight.

I say, tell me.

Okay.

come over over from the country where we do things big

and amongst the boys

We'll be right back.

I came right here first.

Thank you.

Ta -da. Ta -da.

who want to interview me. Yes, that's right, Mr. Little. I just want you to

now that we are all professional journalists. We won't ask you to do any

impressions. You can just be yourself.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.

Mr. Little, I have a two -part question.

One, how long did it take you to work up an impression?

Two, would you answer as Terry Grant?

Listen, we weren't going to ask him to perform.

Thank you very much, Matt.

I really appreciate that. I really do, yes. Well, to answer the first part of

your question, some come very quickly, like two or three hours, and others take

longer. Now, of course, there are some that I ain't still working on.

You mean like your Cary Grant?

I heard that, Junior.

Another crack out of you and I'll turn your head into a dimple.

and Cary Grant.

I know, but I just love Burt Lancaster.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

You're very kind, miss. Very kind.

Perhaps after this interview, we could go out together, have a little champagne

supper. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, I think I'm going to faint.

Good grief.

Now, listen, I must apologize for my colleagues here. From now on, there will

no impressions. You can just answer in your own voice. Oh, that'll be fine.

Are you doing your own voice now, or are you doing an impression of yourself?

No, this is my own voice. I've never learned to do me.

Working with all the strange characters on this show must seem like being in a

Marx Brothers movie.

That's the nastiest thing I've ever heard.

Why don't you put your teeth in backwards and bite yourself to death?

Has anyone ever objected to you impersonating him?

Well, of course, let me say this.

To the best of my recollection, I don't think that anybody has ever objected to

me in person.

Tell me, Mr. Little, do you have your own favorite impression you like to do?

Well, I like to do Jimmy Stewart.

Jimmy Stewart's probably my...

Favorite actor.

So one last question, Mr. Little. How does it feel to be on The Muppet Show

all those strange, weird creatures?

Oh, I just adore the Muppets. They're so cute and cuddly.

Veterinarian's Hospital.

The continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

Nurse! Uh, Dr. Bob, Dr. Bob, are you ready for the next bear?

Why, Nurse Piggy, I couldn't have a beer now. I'm about to operate.

No, not beer.

Bear. The next patient.

Oh.

Why, so it is.

What seems to be his trouble? He's a little horse. I thought you said he was

bear. Not very funny, Dr.

Bob. Yes, it is a little weird.

Usually you call a small horse a colt.

But that's why he's a little horse.

He's got a colt in the head. Oh, wow.

Hey, in that case, we must try to stabilize his condition.

Oh, wow. How do we do that?

Put him in the stable.

But, Dr.

Bob, we're supposed to operate.

You're right. Hand me the saw.

Saw, Dr. Bob?

Dr.

Bob, even if he is a horse, should you be using the saw?

What's the matter? You never heard of a saw horse?

And so Dr.

Bob has turned to carpentry. Tune in next time when you will hear him say...

Say, I think this is a bear I'm operating on. Why?

Because I'm barely operating.

That was a very cutting remark.

Well, Gonzo, I hate to break this news to you, but the dancing chicken act is

out.

But, Kermit, why?

Why? Well, somehow, you see, kid, it doesn't fit into the general ambiance of

sophistication and classic theater that we try so hard to achieve around here.

Sort of like our next act, Noreyev. Say, Kermit, Noreyev just called and

canceled out.

One of his seals is sick.

Rudolf Nureyev has trained seals?

No, Adolf Nureyev does.

Does this mean I can go on?

Well, okay, Gonzo, but this act better not lay an egg.

Stardom is mine!

Thank you, thank you. And now we have a very special treat for you.

Actually, it's the only act we've got.

The incomparable Gonzo and his dancing chicken, Lolita.

Gonzo and a chicken?

Why not?

One chicken, one turkey.

Okay.

Come on, Lolita. Dance.

She makes it look easy, don't she?

comedies of yesterday, as recreated today by our very special guest star,

Rich Little!

Sing it in the rain, just sing it in the rain,

what a glorious feeling, I'm happy again.

in my heart and I'm ready for love.

Got to show me how to chase everyone from the face.

Come on with the rain and smile on my face.

Walk down the lane with a happy refrain.

Just singing.

Just singing.

Yeah, all right.

All blue -eyed with back.

Oh, yeah? Well, that's all green -eyed.

I have heard among this clan you are called the Forgotten Man.

Well, did you ever. What a swell party this is.

Sing it, Bing.

Have you heard.

about did Blanche got run down by an avalanche.

Well, did you ever what a swell party this is.

Have you heard of Professor Munch?

Yes, I believe he ate his wife and divorced his wife.

Well, did you ever what a swell party this is.

I can remember everything that were yesterday.

Oh, so, Can I, Maurice?

We met at nine.

We met at eight.

I was on time.

No, you were late.

Ah, yes.

I remember it well.

We dined with friends. We dined alone.

A tenor sang.

A baritone.

I remember it well.

For a gown of gold.

I was all in blue.

Am I getting old?

Our very special guest, our Mr. Rich Little.

Thank you, Colonel.

Hey, I've been backstage listening, and I think I've perfected another

impression of a Muppet star. Oh, yeah? Well, let's hear it.

I never want to go through that again.

What, the Muppet Show?

No, the War of 1812.