Original subtitles

I don't know.

You know,

I usually don't fool around, darling.

But my wife's in Hawaii.

And if I don't get some before sundown, I'm liable to break out in pimples.

And God knows I couldn't take that.

Oh, you got a big dog.

Oh, don't you worry about that dog.

You have the right to remain silent, even though I might hear the yell.

Anything you say can be held against you.

Oh, you're so strong.

Oh, baby, yeah.

You're so big. Oh, I'm so glad your wife isn't all right. Oh, me too, girl. Do

it. All right.

Come on, put the gun. Drop your pants, officer. Come on, that's loaded. Drop

your pants, officer!

God damn it.

Come on. Drop them!

It's going to be big. It's going to be big. Oh, I like big.

Yeah, baby, big.

A big old mansion with a pool.

And Beverly Hills. And Beverly Hills, baby. And a big old tennis court. And a

big old Wolf Race to cook it. As long as it's big, because like I said, I like

big. That's because you're bad, too.

It's definitely big.

Oh, it's love at first sight. Oh, it's karma, baby. We're back.

Love at first sight.

He was a roofer.

I was working at a garden center.

We met on our lunch break.

And we kind of altered the course of each other's lives.

You hear about it and you read about it, but man, oh man, when it happens, wow.

It's like you fasten your seatbelt and hold on for the ride.

Let it show.

Oh, God, baby. You've got to promise me that now that I've found you, you're

never going to let me go. I promise that I will love you forever and ever with

all my heart and all my soul. Yeah!

See, I was telling you, I'm psychic. I knew it. Some people call it a gut.

You know, it's like it makes your fucking dick stand right up on end. It's

love, baby.

Tell me about that dick thing again.

What does your dick feel like? Oh, you tell me.

Come here.

Oh, it feels soft and wet and warm. It's like home.

Remember the plan I was telling you about?

Ooh, see that? See my little finger twitching? I got this psychic ability.

starting to range with me right now. What is it? What is it? Well, it's

gestating. I can't tell you exactly. It's bubbling up through the gray matter

my mind right now. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, my God. What is it? Get a pencil. Get a

pencil. It's starting to etch itself out in the region of my brain. What is it?

What is it happening? Oh, my God. It's, it's, it's, it's.

Do you see it? Do you see it? What? Tell me. It's a $10 million price tag.

That's all it's going to cost. It's $10 million.

$10 million. And we can do it. We can do it. Wow.

Oh, God.

Oh, hold on. There it comes. Oh, it's bubbling through me. Oh, my God. It's

coming up through my spine.

There it is in my head.

Oh, I got a letter. Write it down. It's a V.

It's a V.

It's a V.

Vagina. Vagina, yeah. That's a good one. That's a good one. Wait, I got another

letter. Hold on. Hold on. I feel it. I feel it coming.

It's an E.

E. It's an E.

Vagina writes a goddamn E down. Yeah. Woo.

Hold on. I got another one. I got another one. It's a G.

It's a G.

It's definitely a G.

Good.

Yeah, yeah, this is real good. Hold on, I got another one. I got another one.

Here it comes. Here it comes. Wait, wait, wait.

Damn, there it is.

It's an A.

A. A.

Apocalyptic. Yeah, that's a good word. That's a good word. Apocalyptic. All

right, no, the last one.

It's, it's, it's. Oh, God, I'm getting a little dizzy. Getting a little dizzy.

Here it comes.

It's coming. It's a swerving one. What is it?

It's an S! S! It's an S!

S! S!

S! Spell it! Spell it! What's that spell?

B! E!

G! A!

S! Vegas!

Woo!

Fucking Vegas back!

to be excited.

Okay?

You look so pretty.

Do you like your dress?

I love your dress.

What, the polka dots?

I love polka dots.

You know, I had a polka dot address once.

It was a prom dress. It was my high school prom.

And I had the cutest boyfriend.

Nothing like me, though.

He was almost as cute as Harry.

Well, Maybe even a little cuter.

Yeah, we had a great time.

Bought a six -pack of beer.

A little weed.

We never even made it to the prom.

We started drinking and smoking, and then next thing you knew, we ended up in

the tattoo parlor getting tattoos.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I used to have some polka dot tennis shoes when I

a little boy, and there was this girl that lived next door to me.

I don't know if she was potty trained, but we used to play doctor all the time,

and my God, I swear she'd tinkle every time I gave her an examination.

Get on in here.

You know, I also had some polka -dotted shoes, I think.

Yeah.

Speaking of polka -dot, a friend of mine polka -dotted his car once.

Yeah, I sure do miss that old polka -dot car.

I actually used to have a polka -dot puppy that got stepped on by a polka

horse. It really broke up my first wife.

That's another story for you, darling.

I'm Cecilia and this is Harry. Hi. We're very pleased to meet you.

Then one day there's somebody there down on his knees asking you to marry him.

And even though he isn't the biggest fish in the pond, go and you buy

nice wedding dress, head on out to Vegas.

And on the way he tells you he's got this problem.

He has this little problem he's been keeping a secret all of his life.

And I am.

burning up with anticipation. And I tell you, it's not because of the desert

heat. It's because I have been saving myself.

And so I say in my nicest about -to -be -married voice, so

tell me about your problem, sweetheart.

And he lets it out.

I mean, out loud.

I mean, he actually said it to me.

What was it, sweetheart? You can tell us.

He said... Yeah?

That he... Yeah?

What, get it up?

That's not funny. I'm sorry.

Don't say that. That's not funny. You're making fun of me.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. By the way it sounded, it just happens to some

guys. It never happened to me personally, but it happens.

You are making fun of me. No, I'm not making fun of you. I'm sorry.

If somebody doesn't make love to me in the next five minutes, I am going to

my brains out.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I can't stand it anymore.

Lady, put the gun down.

Please, pull this car over right now. Otherwise, I am going to blow my brains

out. Yes, ma 'am.

Oh, don't even say it. You've got to be kidding me.

Oh, come on.

You can't do it for me.

Do it for me, please.

That's a special favor.

Yes, ma 'am.

I can't. I

just can't.

That's okay, ma 'am.

I was a little stiff my first time, too.

That's very kind of you to share that with me, but there's another reason why

can't.

It's not because I don't find you attractive, because I do.

I really do.

It's just that, well, I've got this tiny little inheritance problem to solve

first.

My dear daddy, before he died, he...

Put this tiny clause in his will.

It said, precious honey.

That's what he liked to call me.

Precious.

He said, if you want that $10 million inheritance that's coming to you, well,

there's just a couple of tiny stipulations that I'm sure won't cause

problem whatsoever.

Now, let me guess, ma 'am.

A, you got to be married.

And B, you got to be a virgin on your wedding night.

Loving money, loving money A little love and a whole lot of money You

wait and you wait And all of a sudden You find yourself

in a lovely, lovely Honeymoon suite in Las Vegas,

Nevada

Lovely, lovely sweetheart.

I know it may seem a little out of the ordinary, but under the circumstances,

having waited so long, well, it just seems perfectly natural.

Oh, precious, we just want your wedding night to be all that it can be.

Young man, do you think you could help me out of that dread?

I just bought myself the most precious pin wine in the hotel's gift shop.

And I'll just excuse myself and go over there into that room and put it on.

Excuse me, ma 'am, but... Before

we get started on this all -it -can -be honeymoon night,

do you mind if we have a little conversation about that

$10 million inheritance you were talking about?

Oh, darling.

I don't think we can trust her.

She's your wife, baby.

Goddamn, girl. Whose side are you on?

Our side.

We're gonna be rich.

Yeah. Yeah.

We're bad, baby. Bad. We're bad, baby. Bad. We're bad.

Yeah. We're bad.

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

You look lovely.

Gorgeous, darling.

Gorgeous. I just have one itty -bitty

little favor to ask of you.

Would you be considering it too much of an inconvenience to talk me through my

first time like you started to do in the country?

I must say, I found it most helpful.

Hmm.

Now you're saying you want my Harry to start off where you left off in the

country?

Yes, darling.

I found the metal of the car against my skin most exciting.

Maybe we could recreate that desired effect right here on this little old

Oh, excellent idea.

Excuse me, ma 'am, but, uh...

Getting down in the knees.

That's something a man usually does when he's courting.

Now it's why.

Well, darling, that's something else.

You're rushing, honey.

You've got to take it slow.

Here, let me show you. Here, take this and film it just in case you need to

refer to it in the future.

You've got to take it slow and take your time.

You can't rush it.

The most important thing in life is to make sure this lasts as long as

possible.

Push it, honey.

You have to just get in the water and

let the current do the work.

I think I got the idea. Why don't you let me try?

You don't need to ask. It's your husband.

Come on, darling.

No, baby.

You are floating.

I'm not flirting too fast.

No, honey, you're doing great. I'm just fine.

Here, let me just step in just for a minute.

Darling,

are you sure this is the first time you ever did this?

not even from the South.

She was from upstate New York, but her accent was good.

And C, which I know is going to be hard for you to believe, Precious was

definitely not a virgin.

That's what you were saying.

You said she wasn't a virgin.

I argued with you.

You were right.

I apologize.

Let the little birdie fly.

If you let me help you take the weight off your wings, you'll be up in the sky.

The memory can hold you.

The truth will set you free, set you free.

And I'll be dancing with you, you'll be dancing with me.