Original subtitles

He looked so fine, yeah.

He looked so good.

All right, guys. Know that hot, hot, hot girl, Rachel?

The hot blonde from the boardwalk?

No, I mean the hot, hot, hot blonde from the boardwalk.

Dude, you're in California. All the girls are hot. Except D -Mac's last

What was her name? King Latifah.

Well, check this out.

She's a masseuse, right? She invited me up to a spa and sent a barber for the

weekend. Yeah, it's pretty cool, huh?

Yeah, she'll be working all day, but she'll be working me all night.

California is my kind of town.

How do you think Brianna's going to take it?

Oh, she'll be fine, so I'm not going to tell her.

Things have been cool with us being just friends. I'm not about to mess that up.

You're going to keep a secret from Brianna.

Our boys growing up.

Shoot, I'm nobody's boy. I'm Rachel's man.

About to work that this weekend.

Right.

Back there. Say my name.

Say my name. Say my name.

Arnaz.

That's your name.

What you so happy about?

Oh, um... I got accepted into guitar camp this weekend.

Really? Hmm.

Arnaz away for the weekend.

In the woods, irritating somebody else with his music.

Now...

You can feel all by yourself.

I'll be back to thinking then.

need a break.

Ooh, let's go to Tijuana again.

I'm not allowed in Mexico.

You take ten shots of tequila and throw a rock at the federales and suddenly

you're a terrorist.

Come on, you guys. I gotta do something.

Ever since Arnaz and I broke up, I haven't done anything fun.

What are you talking about? I told you all about the date I had last night.

That was fun for you.

In a lonely, desperate Lisa kind of way.

retreat, and spa.

Ooh, this sounds nice.

You guys, do you know what this is?

This is a sign.

Yeah, a sign we need to clean the house. Is that a condom wrapper stuck to the

back of that thing?

How would you know?

No, you guys, this is what I'm talking about.

An adventure.

I have never been to a spa before. So what do you say?

Girls, we...

a rich man to pay for it no no men just us girls and we can use the money my dad

sent me for spring break and we can all bunk in one room oh wait a minute i

can't go i have a date tonight asking the pizza delivery guy in to hang out

while you search for a coupon is not a date

Sorry to interrupt. We're a bit lost.

That sounds like an Australian accent.

So you must be really lost.

We're actually here to play in the International Beach Volleyball

we are in need of directions.

Well, here's the directions right to my heart. You can spike it as many times as

you like.

You're so sweet.

But we can't seem to find the Rusty Crab Motel.

The Rusty Crab?

That's the place with the police tape and the chalk outline out front.

Why would your team be staying there?

No, the team is staying at the Venice Ocean View.

Alternates are staying at the Rusty Crab.

You know, you'd be better off staying here.

Oh, that's very kind of you, but we can't stay in the home of strange men.

Well, first of all, only one of us is strange.

And second of all, you know, it's not just our home.

This is one of Venice's most charming bed and breakfasts. That's right. We're

bed and breakfast.

Yes.

Come on in. Take a look.

Oh, this is so cute.

It's perfect.

But it must be expensive.

Not at all. We pride ourselves in being affordable and offering discounts to

international volleyball players.

Please have it. Oh, please, please, please.

And they beg, too.

It's all yours.

And just so you know, I'm DMACC, and this is my associate, Cash.

If you like fresh towels, he's your guy. And if you like a chocolate on your

pillow, I'm your man.

I'm not sure about...

is walking around naked under their robes. And some people need to tie their

robes a little tighter.

You are here to relax, Brianna. Well, how can I?

Have you seen how expensive these spa treatments are?

You guys aren't going to be able to do anything.

Well, we're just happy to be here, Brianna. We're just going to hang out

enjoy the scenery.

It's a beautiful day today, so make sure you check out our view.

It's looking pretty good from here.

Hey, I'm sorry, what was that you were saying about no men?

No, no, no, girl, I said amen.

I said amen, he is fine.

Come on, let's go check out the pool.

I'm so glad you came up with me this weekend, aren't I? Me too.

This place is incredible.

So are you.

I'm working.

You have to wait until tonight, and then you'll find out how incredible this

place really is.

I don't know if I can wait.

If I didn't know that you just broke up with your girlfriend, I'd think you

haven't had sex in years.

Yeah, but who would believe that?

I'm with you tonight.

Okay.

shouldn't be drinking in here, but it's doctor's orders. I get easily

dehydrated.

It's okay. I don't work here, ma 'am. Oh, please.

My mother's a ma 'am.

This is all miss.

As in, you wouldn't want to miss this.

professional. I don't care.

I'm still switching to a female masseuse. And if she goes L word on me,

out of here.

We're going to head over here, ladies. It's time for your seaweed wraps.

Oh, we can't afford seaweed wraps.

Don't worry. It's included in the weekend package.

You are part of the Sydney Wong bachelorette party, right?

be here until tonight but she asked us to get you started oh well what kind of

cousin would i be if i held things up let's go people

you must be awfully hot in all those clothes

i know a great strip drinking game you strip while i drink okay that's not

fair looks like you had a head start on the drinking

That's what I'm about to get some.

Here comes Brianna. Block her.

Oh, thank you so much for letting me switch.

All right, here she comes again.

I knew you'd be bad.

Okay, you understand.

There's a girl out there. Oh, I understand totally.

Who wants a girl when you can have a woman?

Lift in?

Well, nothing's more quaint than staying out of bed and breakfast.

In France, we stayed at one that served wine and cheese at sunset.

Oh, please tell us it served wine and cheese.

Oh, please, please, please.

They're begging again, dog.

Please feel free to sample our complimentary spa products.

Ooh, thank you, I will.

Compassion Body Frosting. Oh, it smells good.

Excuse me. Are you Brianna?

Oh, yes, I'm Brianna.

You might want to rub some of that lotion in.

Oh, well, yeah, I'm just conditioning my surface first.

You know, you just got to let it sit for a minute.

Okay, that's long enough.

Look, it's going to be a few minutes before your next treatment. Would you

a complimentary foot massage while you wait?

Uh, can I keep my clothes on?

All right.

What's this game you're playing?

Because I think it's hot.

Look, I'm hiding from someone.

Ooh, you kidnapped me and the cops are looking for us. Oh, I love that.

Whatever you do.

Don't take me against my will.

We're back. Hey, guys.

Perfect timing.

We got wine and cheese for you ladies.

Why did your cab drivers follow you in?

Oh, this is Paolo and Miguel. We met them at the tournament.

Aren't we naughty girls?

I want to spank you.

See, I told you they'd have wine and cheese for us. Oh, thanks. We're going

take this to our room.

Huh. The cheap stuff.

It's okay. I'm just going to be drinking out of her belly button anyways.

Here you go.

Drink this. It'll flush out the toxins.

The toxins were already in your body. I just helped release them.

You sure did.

Enjoy the rest of your stay. Thank you.

Now what are you doing, Brianna?

I can't take it anymore.

Oh, that's what I'm talking about.

Now the shorts.

You know what? I think I'm going to take my chances out there.

I'm here enjoying some scenery.

And I'm enjoying this cucumber salad.

Oh, excuse me. Can I please have some ranch dressing when you get a chance?

Sure. But you do know those cucumbers are for your eyes.

Yeah, I know.

And the dress is for my forehead.

Facials in 20 minutes, girls. I think so.

What? Wait, how can you guys afford facials? She thinks we're part of a

bachelorette party.

Everything's covered.

Actually, it's so long.

Oh, this is bad.

Keep walking, Rachel. Keep walking.

Hi, Brianna. I'm Rachel.

Please don't be a masseuse.

I'm your masseuse.

Here's your ranch dressing for your forehead.

Thank you.

I'm going to put this on later.

Well, come with me and I will take you out onto the patio.

Okay.

Our new girlfriend, ex -girlfriend talking.

No good can come from that.

Don't say my name. Don't say my name.

This isn't the weekend we had planned, man. There are four people back there

about to have sex, and none of them are us.

Excuse me, D -Mac. Are you busy?

Perhaps I spoke too soon.

Yes, Melanie?

It looks like the boys are going to stay over.

Uh, Powell and I were wondering if the other room's available.

Sure. Just give us a minute to get it ready.

Thank you.

Now, what were you thinking?

Now, what are we going to sleep tonight?

Don't worry. As proprietors of this B &B, we are required by law to have

regular, unscheduled fire drills.

I'm on it.

I'm on it.

Here, let me.

that you want to tell me about?

Oh, okay. Well, um, school's been a little more stressful than I thought it

would be.

You know, it's kind of hard living with five people. Oh, and to top all that, I

just broke up with my boyfriend who moved out here with me because, you

just wanted different things. I wanted him to be the man of my dreams and he

wanted to be a jerk.

Actually, I was talking about problem areas on your body.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Um, well, I kind of don't like my ankle.

is your first time at a spa isn't it you're a spa virgin oh yeah good

evening

uh hello on table now oh no i'm not here table

now take off your clothing i won't look

You just let me know if you feel any pain at all.

Girl, believe me, I have a high tolerance for pain. You should have

-boyfriend sing.

He sounds like a wounded dog.

Wait, just like that? What's going on over there?

It's one of Helga's clients.

She's got the hands of a Soviet brick mason.

I front.

Oh, how about you? Do you have a boyfriend?

I did just meet the...

guy and he's here to visit me for the weekend good for you i hope everything

works out thanks normally i don't date musicians they're usually self -absorbed

boneheads who spend most of the day oiling up and practicing rock star poses

the mirror girl that's what i had i am so glad to be done with that well

i do kind of miss his abs though i know my new guy abs of steel

but he knows it oh they all know it but good thing they don't know Is that the

only reason why we date them?

you know each other? Yeah, this is my ex -boyfriend. How do you know him?

This is the guy I was telling you about.

Hey, what a small world, huh?

I can't believe you lied to me and said that you were going to guitar camp.

Good luck with him, Rachel.

But personally, I think you can do way better.

I don't know what's going on here, but why would you have to lie to your ex

-girlfriend? Well, if I told her I was going with you for the weekend, it would

have been weird around the house when I got home.

Wait a minute. You live with her?

I'm talking about a list of things I lie to you about.

Well, I was going to tell you that I'm double -jointed, and I can drop it like

it's hot in more than 20 positions.

But forget about it.

Helga, he said your massage was weak.

to hurt you.

I seriously didn't think you were ready to hear that I was spending the weekend

with somebody.

And I'm not ready to hear it now.

I have reached a place spa people call total relaxation.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm headed back to my room.

Oh, and by the way, I'm completely naked underneath my robe and loving it.

Love you too, Netta.