Original subtitles

Cash,

what are you doing?

Looking for breakfast money or lunch money. Oh, cheerio. Guess that takes

of breakfast.

Hey, everybody.

Get this.

Marvin Huffman of What's Happening Records is going to be at the blog this

If he hears me play, I know I can get signed.

Hey, man, give me some of what you've been smoking.

That's great, baby.

Thank you.

It's just that I'm going to need you guys to help me with my show.

Do you want me to dance on stage while you play?

The blog doesn't have poles, Sarah.

No. I'm just going to need you guys to act like you're big fans of my sound.

So, you guys in?

Don't worry, I won't be singing.

Oh, let's do it.

still in town.

ESPN has him doing a story on Sherry St. Croix running that marathon.

Sherry St. Croix?

I watch her talk show every day. Me too.

She's the reason I'm flunking history.

Well, that and the fact that I spent my book money on these new shoes.

Aren't they fabulous?

You know how broke I am and you bought new shoes instead of loaning me money

rent? Loaning you rent money doesn't make me look any better.

Neither do those little hammer toes.

Sometimes in the sky, you can feel all by yourself.

I'll be back in a second then.

I told you to stop touching stuff.

And that's not Michael. That's Christina Ricci.

Look, I let you tag along to this meeting so you can meet Sherry. Now, I

you to act professional.

Come on, Daddy. You act like I have no home training.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, Sherry! I forgot!

Can I have your autograph? I am your biggest fan.

And I'm the overly excited girl's father, Flex Washington.

Oh, yes, you are. Oh, well, they told me. me you were handsome.

Well, you weren't lied to.

I watch your TV show every day.

When she's not at that expensive school I'm paying for.

I go to Chaplin University of the Arts, and I want to become an actress.

And I want to start this interview.

Wait, Rihanna, tell me, do you and your college friends, you watch my show in

the dorm? Well, actually, I share a house with my boyfriend and four

Oh, damn, girl, you live like an immigrant.

I said immigrant, Maria, not immigration.

To tell you the truth, Sherry, I got really lucky.

My roommates are great. Two of them are students. One is a paparazzi. Hey, they

all think you talk too much, especially when I'm trying to do an interview.

Now, about that marathon you're running.

Paparazzi, huh? You know, when I was overweight, they always took a photo of

eating meat.

They called me the meat machine.

That's not funny, Maria.

You know what? You're right, Sherry. Paparazzi. RIT have no respect.

My roommate Cash will do anything for a photo.

How would you like to come and work for me? It'd be a great entree into show

business. Just ask my last assistant.

Now, I can't tell you her name, of course, but it starts with Gabrielle

What? Are you serious?

Oh, and I look so good on camera, too. I could come on your show and do the hip

-hop gossip and be like, yo, yo, this is Brie, Brie, what's up?

Now, how about you start by giving me some Olive Garden, okay? I gotta get

for this marathon. I'm carbo -loving.

Okay, Olive Garden's got it. Daddy, can I borrow your car?

Sure, as long as you don't come back for an hour.

Maria, why don't you take an hour, too?

So, now, Flex.

So, where were we?

Uh, not this close.

Sherry St.

Croix? Are you serious? You're going to be on her show?

Well, I'm just starting off as her assistant, but we're already in talks of

being her hip -hop correspondent.

Come on, let's go by and get a picture of her. I'll bring a rump roast.

What? Are you kidding?

She hates paparazzi.

She said you guys are always taking pictures of her with meat hanging out

mouth.

Brianna, this is what I do.

She's an A -list celebrity.

A picture of her could bring me a lot of money, and seeing as how I owe you

money, you should want that.

I can't help you.

Hey, Brianna, come outside. I have a surprise for you. Oh, and bring along

Buckwheat and Alfalfa, okay?

Come on, y 'all.

Here it is, baby. Your brand -new Chevy HHR.

Oh, my God, Daddy, you bought me a new car?

Oh, check it out, baby. This thing is so big we can lay down back here.

Yeah, which will come in handy when your legs are broken.

Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah. And it's also for your new job. See, I want you

to drive around in something safe.

Besides, too cute for the bus and the boy.

Oh, thank you, Daddy. I love it. And him.

Uh, Arnaz, hey, come over here. Check out the engine.

Look,

Brianna, you want to be an actress.

So you should know how hard it is to get a break. This is a big break for me,

and I really need the money.

Manny's been threatening to kick me out because I'm behind on the rent.

I'm sorry, Cash, but I can't help you.

You know what?

You can put your camera to good use and take a picture of me in my new Chevy HHR

so I can email it to my mom.

Sure, but it'll cost you.

Hey, that weird guy in the boardwalk charged at least ten bucks for a

Well, until you put up a velvet backdrop of Tupac.

I'll give you a dollar.

Deal.

Yeah, go ahead, boy.

Breathe in the fumes.

Breathe them in.

Get the camera, Cash.

Take my picture, Cash. Want a picture? No, no, no.

You left Sherry's schedule here on purpose.

Is that what you did, Brianna?

That's right, Cash.

Because you're my favorite roommate.

all right, we can stop now. Ain't nobody listening.

I'm serious.

I thought he was good. I agree.

He didn't suck.

Thanks for coming, guys. You guys are so great.

But, um, unfortunately, Huffman didn't show, so I made you guys to come down

tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night?

Yeah. Dude, there's only so much rock and roll a brother can take.

Listen, we'll all be here, Beck. Oh, thanks. I'll see you later. All right.

Who knew our busboy was so talented?

Oh, probably the same person who knows I don't care.

Now get to punching.

Have you ever seen two people going at it like this?

Hell, Sherry's sucking on his face like he had pork ribs for lunch.

A popular daytime talk show diva making out with the king of late night. I'm

going to make so much on this photo.

Yeah, but I bet Brianna's going to be pissed.

But she won't find out, right?

Because if I don't get this money, I'll be forced to call your parents for it.

Now, why would my parents loan you money? Because you're going to tell them

I'm getting pretty good at doing your voice.

Yo, bro.

Hey, man, don't call my parents.

Don't call my parents.

Stop doing that. Stop doing that.

Hey, I ain't playing. I ain't playing.

Cash is a jerk. Cash is a jerk. Hey.

Long lens, tripod, high -speed film, and the rest is just natural talent.

How did you even know where she was going to be?

Wait a second. You went through my schedule book. I did not go through your

schedule book.

I just happened to see it. It says week at a glance, so I glanced at it.

Cash, you cannot sell these pictures.

She knows one of my roommates is a paparazzi, and I'll get fired, and I

job. You won't get fired.

There's a million paparazzis out there. Any one of them could have taken that

picture. If they were as good as me.

Cash, give me all the photos.

Come on, you're making a big deal out of nothing.

Sherry's a celebrity.

Getting her picture taken's part of her job. And I'll get five grand for doing

mine.

But don't worry, there'll be a little something -something in it for you, too.

Man, forget you, G .I. Joe.

cash you get for these.

Cash.

Hey, baby.

Why the long face?

Trouble at home?

Fight with Arnaz?

Well, actually, my no -good double -crossing paparazzi roommate, Cash,

my schedule book so he can stalk Sherry and take pictures of her and sell it to

the tabloids.

Wait a minute. He snuck into your room and went through your things?

Oh, you got two roommates I want to kill.

Well, he didn't exactly sneak into my room. I sort of left my schedule book on

the coffee table.

Can you believe his nerve?

Well, Brianna, he is a paparazzi. That's like leaving a fat man in a Krispy

Kreme.

Well, it doesn't matter anyway because I destroyed the picture, so Sherry never

has to know.

Look, baby, it's your job to tell Sherry.

And now he knows the schedule.

He may pop up at any time and take pictures.

You need to let her know.

Baby, I got to get out of here.

Sherry says I remind her of a chicken tender.

Oh, Brianna, it's you.

You just missed your daddy.

So what's a girl got to do to get a date with that?

Well, once upon a time, all she had to do was speak English.

Oh, thanks for getting my dry cleaning.

Any chance of you going out to get me something to eat?

I'm dressed for chicken tenders.

but there's something I need to tell you first.

My paparazzi roommate took pictures of you making out with, well, you know who.

What?

That's just reprehensible.

Well, don't worry.

Being the diligent executive in charge of assisting, I destroyed them all.

You what?

Why in the world would you do that? You know how much money I had to pay that

Jay Leno lookalike? I still got cheekbones from his giant chin. Oh,

Oh, really? I thought it was the candy bars.

Martha Stewart gets locked up. She gets a primetime show. Hell, I got cousins on

death row, and I can't get on the covered jet.

Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Why do you think that I hired you?

Because of my bubbly personality and the childlike gleam in my eyes.

Yes, friend, yes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I want to let everybody know that the official after party is going down in my

hotel room, all right?

Yeah.

Bro, bro.

Ladies only, bro. All right?

He said ladies only.

I know. I just, I can't stop. I don't know, man. It's the caffeine, dog.

No one told you to drink ten lattes. Yeah, no one told me to drink ten

cappuccinos either, and I did.

My heart's about to explode.

Well, do it over there. I don't want to get my sweater dirty. I have a party to

go to.

Oh, you think we should go to that party?

No, I have a party to go to.

You wouldn't have a good time.

Without a car, that's a long walk in your hooker pumps.

Oh, well, I have an idea. Why don't you come? We can ride together.

Oh, thank you, Sarah.

What about Marvin Hoffman?

Well, what about him?

And if he didn't show up for Bobby Valentino, I really don't think he's

show up for Busboy Arnaz.

So what are we going to do?

I don't know about you, but I'm going to try to hold this chicken head dance all

the way home, all right?

Hey, I'm Arnaz Ballard, and I call this one Crazy Chords.

Thanks, man.

At least someone still respects rock and roll.

Yeah. Marvin Huffman.

What? Marvin Huffman?

You got tenacity.

Most artists you say, they're in it for the glamour, the adoration.

You obviously don't care. You play to a frickin' empty house.

Look, um...

You're not ready to be signed, but you got something.

What you need is some training.

I can help you get a scholarship to the Music Institute.

Are you kidding me? The Music Institute?

Do you know how many great guitarists that place has turned out?

Oh, man.

That would really rock.

Get it? Rock.

Don't make me withdraw my offer.

Here. Call me tomorrow.

I'm running late for Bobby Valentino's party.

I heard they're only letting in women. Yeah, that's why I'm rushing over there.

Oh, my God, Brianna. You're not going to believe what happened to me. Oh, I

heard. I'm so proud of you, baby. I'm sorry I missed your performance.

Sit down. I'll do it again.

Okay.

Again?

Yo, catch.

Your picture's out on the boardwalk.

Or the beach.

Or the roof. Or the patio.

Jump and drag break.

If you're looking for your photos, I destroyed them.

Uh -oh. She went ghetto.

What? That was my rent money. Tell me you're kidding. I'm sorry. I was just

trying to save my job.

And I was trying to save my ass.

You know how badly I need that money.

And you were willing to go through my stuff to get it? Come on, guys.

Don't fight.

Do some push -ups with me.

Okay,

maybe he was wrong, but you destroyed my property.

And you got me fired.

Turns out she actually wanted to be in the tabloids. She hired me because of my

connection to you.

Damn, that's cold. On the other hand, I guess that means I was right.

Cash, this is serious.

It's bad enough that she used me, but what really hurts is that you used me.

Hey, did y 'all know that there was 1 ,622 towels on this kitchen floor?

23! Look, I messed up.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to cost you your job, and I definitely didn't want to risk losing

you as a friend.

I was desperate, but it won't happen again.

Friends?

Friends.

What do you say I get my camera and we put DMACC in some provocative poses?

Who's gonna buy that? DMACC's parents.

Hey, baby.

I got good news about Sherry. I found out she's a cheater.

I know. She keeps candy bars in her book.

Uh, no, it's bigger than that.

Ooh, what, you found a canned ham in her globe?

No, after you told me how she treated you.

I got suspicious, so I followed her during the marathon, and after a mile,

got into her car and ate french fries for three hours.

Ooh, that's a lot of fries.

It was a big car.

Love you too, Netta.