Original subtitles

All right now. Get them, girl. Kill them.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It is November and we're sitting out on the beach.

I love California.

What?

Me too. I get a tan all year.

In Des Moines, the only thing we did all year was wish we were somewhere else.

What a great way to kick off my 19th birthday.

Back home in Baltimore, I'd be hiding all of this under a big winter coat.

The mystery's gone.

The frustration is still there.

It sure beats going to class.

You say that like you go to class.

You say that like my mother.

Without the broken English and disappointment.

What? I'm looking at her puppies.

She only had one dog, Arnett.

It was a puppy, right?

Arnett, let's go. We got a game.

Maybe a little later.

Come on. Our volleyball girls just showed up, all right?

All right.

We can't disappoint our girls.

The girls?

You can feel all by yourself.

this again you know it goes against the laws of fitness what women can't beat

men no women with breasts that big jumping that high you know so

d -max how do you know these hoes i mean young ladies you play with them every

week except for alexis she's new and i'm hoping to play with her all by myself

hey d -max you grab one for alexis too oh yeah i get her water

If she gives me her phone number.

She'll give it to you if you promise to give it to Arnaz.

All she talks about is wanting some of that.

She's not the only one. We'd all like to spike that.

Uh,

Brooke, have you met Arnaz's girlfriend?

You know, the one with the black belt and crazy.

Yes, hello, Brooke.

So were you just babbling something about my man? Hey, I don't need to tell

that he's fine.

But if I were you, I would hold on tight.

Baby. Now hold on tight to your throat. No, look, that's not necessary, Fiona,

for real. Women are always hitting on our necks. But that's cool because when

they find out he's taken, Cash and I are always there to pick up the peace.

Peace. Hey, hey!

Believe that, Skank? Throwing herself at somebody else's man.

Get used to it. This is Hollywood.

Greyhound rolls in a fresh batch of Skank. daily.

You came here on a bus?

Oh, good one.

But seriously, Brianna, I mean, look around all four hot women everywhere.

Whatever. I don't have anything to worry about.

since I'm going to surprise him with the gift that he's been waiting for.

Music lessons?

No, tomorrow night, for my 19th birthday, I've decided to take my walk

womanhood. Oh, my gosh, you're going to do it?

How exciting.

Oh, your first time.

I remember my first time.

Wait, when was my second?

Maybe it was my third.

Well, anyways, they're all special in their own way.

No, they're not.

I may have only done it once, but it wasn't special at all.

Don't worry. It gets better when you have a partner.

So, Brianna, why now? I mean, you've obviously been waiting for a reason.

I've waited because my parents hammered the fear of getting pregnant into my

head.

But now, I know that I've grown, and we're ready.

Have you thought about what you're going to use? I suggest a bed, Brianna, and

not the bed of a pickup.

my first time was bad.

I hate Oklahoma.

Okay, you know what? This is just too weird. I don't need any other options.

Let's just go to the drugstore and buy some condoms or something. Come on.

Wait, wait.

Relax, Brianna.

We're already here and the people in these places are really easy to talk to.

Just smile and nod and it'll be over before you know it. Yeah, kind of like

first time.

Sorry for the wait. It's been a crazy day. I just spilled salt all over my

shirt. Sorry.

Thank you.

Thank you!

So, are we here for the free condoms, or do you ladies want the full rundown?

Oh, full rubdown, please.

I mean, rundown.

Okay, so, Zach, any first -timers?

Fine! I'm a virgin!

Virgin, virgin, virgin, are you satisfied?

Being a virgin is not a stigma. It's a choice. But if you are considering sex,

you should know that while the condom is the most popular choice, it's not 100 %

effective for preventing pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.

There's nothing funny about STDs.

So in addition to the condom, you should really use something else, like a

spermicide, a diaphragm, or a cervical cap.

Let me demonstrate.

Pick me, pick me.

I thought I used this diagram of the uterus here.

What's that giggling?

You're making this even more embarrassing than it already is.

He's so hot. I would drink his bath water with a crazy straw.

Oh, my God.

Do you think he heard that?

Yes, I did.

Now, where I put that lubricant?

I'm sorry. I thought that was a free sample.

Get them, girls. Get them.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's right.

Well, if you follow these preventative steps, you'll be safe and your partner

will be too.

Any questions?

Yeah. Do you like Italian food?

Any questions about sex?

Well, you didn't let me finish.

Well, feel free to call if you have any more questions. Here's some free samples

for you, you, and you.

Be safe. Oh, sorry, no crazy straws.

from Lisa and I for your big night.

Happy birthday.

Aw, how sweet.

Oh, we have black love incense.

Oh, strawberries and whipped cream.

Oh, and I can't believe it's not body butter.

Oh, thanks, guys.

Oh, I'm sorry. The body butter's mine.

You're not ready for that.

Now, come on, Lisa. Let's give Brianna her privacy.

Would you get me?

Actually, I wrote you a song.

But your present is, I'm not going to sing it.

But I do have something for you to unwrap.

Sorry. I didn't see anything. Just forgot my keys.

Okay.

Come in.

My God.

You look beautiful.

Everything you've always wanted?

It's perfect.

You're perfect.

Oh, someone's gonna die. Okay, wait, wait, baby, I got this.

Let me just finish wrapping my breath.

This better be good, because I'm about to go diary of a mad black woman on y

'all.

It's my only daughter's 19th birthday. Aren't you surprised?

You have no idea.

But a phone call would have been special, too.

Oh, nonsense.

I knew y 'all wouldn't be doing nothing. Arnaz is broke.

Brianna, I'm about to explode.

Well, join us. Your father's here.

Hi, Mr. Washington.

Boy.

Candles.

Arnaz sweating like a runaway slave?

Y 'all ain't slick. I know what's going on here.

Oh, no, no, no, no, Daddy. It's not what you think. We're just, um, saving

money. Yeah, that's why we got the candles lit and the air conditioners

know, with Arnaz being so broke and all.

Oh, yeah, I'm broke.

I'm so broke, I'm like, temporary layoffs broke.

Hmm.

I'm tired from your trip. Are you kidding? I'm not going anywhere.

It's my baby's birthday, and it only happens once a year.

That was not at all.

B -A -B -Y.

Baby. As in they make you fat, and it hurts when they come out.

All right, my turn.

L -E -A -V -E.

Leave. As in some people don't know when to.

Enjoy those little things that fall off the trees.

Whoa. Mr. Washington.

What a surprise.

Look, everybody.

It's Mr. Washington.

There you go. There you go.

So, Arnaz, did you get a chance to go for your jog?

You know, the one you've been training for forever?

Yeah, you know, the one that you was going to finish in record time.

Oh, that jog.

No, that pain came back.

You know, the one that comes and goes.

Hey, good night. Good night.

So,

Arnaz, jogging, are you?

Yeah, he's training for a marathon.

Well, I was, but it doesn't look like that pain is going anywhere.

So I'm going to just go to bed and massage it out.

Cheeseless pizza, huh?

Yep, and you cannot get this in Baltimore.

That's why I still live there, baby.

You know, Brianna, it was pretty obvious what you and Arnaz were doing.

What, cheating and scramble?

No, before that.

I just hope you were being safe.

I would say safe and smart, but I've given up on smart since you're with

Don't worry. We plan on being safe.

Plan?

You mean you haven't... No, not yet.

But, Daddy, I do think we need to talk about this.

No, we don't. You said nothing happened, so I'm good. I was cool.

Daddy, I can really use a male's perspective on this. Okay, sure. We can

about this when I'm dead and you're married.

What?

I'm not dead yet.

See, Daddy, that's my problem right there.

Beautiful women like that are everywhere.

It's a candy store here.

And I was just afraid that if I didn't, you know, with Arnaz, that I would lose

him. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. If you're thinking about doing you know

what just to keep you know who, even though I don't know why, you're making a

big mistake.

That's the absolute wrong reason to do you know what with anybody.

Yeah, big surprise. My daddy doesn't want me to have sex.

Of course I don't, Brianna.

What do you want me to say?

Go ahead, have sex.

It's great.

Everybody's doing it.

They'd revoke my daddy card.

Well, what if you weren't my daddy?

What if I was a stranger? What would you say then?

I'd say, go away. I don't talk to strangers.

Daddy.

I would tell this stranger to make sure she knows everything about her partner's

past. Ask as many questions as you can, even if it takes all night long and

hopefully kills the mood.

Baby, once you go there, there's no turning back.

Thanks, Daddy.

You're welcome, stranger.

Arnaz! Hey, you're home!

Arnaz is home! Yay!

Adios! Where are y 'all going?

Oh, you know, we've got that thing we were talking about at that place.

Wait, you guys aren't trying to give us... private time, are you? What makes

say that?

Uh, I love you guys.

Now get out.

Oh, that was so nice of them.

Yeah. Yeah, it was.

Yes, but I'm having a hard time getting it.

You haven't changed your mind again, have you?

No, of course not.

I have dreamt of this for a long time.

I just don't want to be thirsty when it happens.

Brianna.

Okay.

I was ready to sleep with you.

But I think I was doing it for the wrong reason.

There's no wrong reason.

Unless we're related.

And even then, there's three states that we can move to.

I was afraid if I didn't sleep with you, I'd lose you.

With all these beautiful women out here, I figure you'd get tired of waiting for

me.

What?

Don't you know that I love you and I'd wait forever if I have to?

You're not going to lose me.

I'm so confused.

Well, you know what they say.

If you don't know what to do, have sex.

Don't blame me. They said it.

Look, baby, I want this to mean as much to you as it does to me.

So if you want to wait, I can wait.

Oh, I love you so much. No, no, don't kiss me.

Any contact can be very dangerous right now.

But maybe that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Are you serious?

Yeah. But first, I think we should ask each other a few questions.

Sure, I'll go first. You want to have sex?

Yes.

Now it's my turn.

In the past six months, have you been diagnosed with any venereal diseases?

Come on, Bionic. You know the answer to that.

Don't you want to ask me something that you don't know?

Okay.

Are you going to lose interest in me after tonight?

Baby, of course not.

I might fall asleep right afterwards, but that's just a normal guy thing.

All right.

Any more questions?

Yes. Just one more question.

Can you wait two minutes while I put my nightie back on?

Uh -uh, girl.

You got 30 seconds to lift off.

Uh -huh.

One, two.

You better hurry up.

Three, four.

Oh, you so bad.

Get rid of him.

15, 16.

Mr. Washington.

You, me, we're going for a real job, boy.

Arnold, where have you been?

Um, I went jogging.

That's cool, because now you're all sweaty and I'm ready.

Remember our talk, boy.

You touch her, I break your neck.

Baby, what's wrong?

Sorry, baby, but I like my neck.

Love you too, Netta.