Original subtitles

Girl, look at this dress.

It's my dream dress.

It doesn't matter how many implants Buffy has, I will be the best -looking

at prom.

You can't wear that dress. Remember our pact? We always said I'd make our prom

dress. We also always said we'd marry Cisco. Things change.

I can't believe this. Doesn't a pact between best friends mean anything to

Fine, okay, if it means that much to you. But now you gotta marry Cisco.

Hey, good news, Daddy.

Of what, spirits leaving?

No, spirits making my prom dresser. You just saved yourself 500 bucks.

Well, you just saved yourself an argument because I wasn't going to pay

that much.

Well, I can still get the limo for you. I know somebody at Putney's Funeral

Home. We can get it hooked up.

Uh, yeah, Flex. Nothing says prom like the smell of dead people.

Uh, Brianna, why don't you let me hook you up with a car from my shop?

Oh, thanks, Dwayne. Wait, nothing stolen, okay?

Okay, then.

Well, I'll just pay for dinner.

Daddy, you don't have to worry about that. Arnaz has it. You know I gotta let

man be the man.

Yeah, well, he was quite the man when I saw him clipping coupons from Dairy

Queen this morning.

Oh, my God. The boy's gonna ruin my prom night.

Uh, relax your weed, Brianna.

Now, all Arnaz needs is a little guidance from a worldly man, a cultured

man of impeccable taste and distinction.

Now, finally, something I can do.

Uh, relax your weed, Flex.

Now, I'm talking about me.

I mean, she's my goddaughter, and Arnaz is like the half -white son I never had.

I just want the night to be perfect.

Well, it's just my only daughter's senior prom, and there's nothing else I

do. Oh, well, Daddy, you can pay for the hotel suite for the after party.

Oh, cool.

I could hook you up with a nice, fat suite, jacuzzi, bartender, everything.

That'd be tight, right?

You would really do that for me, Daddy? No!

You can be alone by yourself.

But I have a partner.

But I can't turn on one name.

Then I'll isolate yourself when there's nobody.

Spidey so much. You know what I have that he doesn't have?

Hello.

A sidekick.

Short man.

The one around these parts is the mood killer.

I'm having a flower emergency.

All right.

Which is more appropriate?

Lilacs or orchids?

Depends. What color is your dress?

The flowers are for Arnaz to give to Brianna on prom night.

I know which is better.

Danielle, what kind of corsage did you wear to your prom?

Oh, no, I didn't go to my prom. Oh, what?

How could all this not go to her high school prom?

I wasn't very popular in high school.

I guess a little too much Spider -Man.

No, a little too much Burger King.

I don't see.

Right there.

You're the white boy behind the fat chick.

I'm the fat chick.

Wow!

Okay, so I had a little weight problem in high school.

Yeah, you couldn't wait for seconds.

I'm sorry. No, no, that's okay. I can laugh at myself. I've heard it all

You're so fat, the scale says to be continued.

No, no, no. You're so fat, the scale says one at a time, please.

You were so fat, Cal used to tip you over.

Seriously, seriously.

One question.

I mean, what didn't you do for a Klondike bar?

Well, yeah, it's still funny after all these years.

Would you look at the time? You know what? Thanks for coming by, you guys.

how could you lose track of time? I mean, every oven has a clock.

What else could we laugh about while we're running during the night?

There you go. Good night, baby.

Sleep tight, and don't eat all the bed bugs in one bite.

But I thought you said you wanted strapless.

Well, I changed my mind.

Oh, and I'm not too crazy about the color, so I want pink instead.

Are you sure you want pink? Because a few seconds ago, you said you wanted

white, and then you changed it to red.

Well, red and white is pink. Follow me, spirit.

Well, it's kind of difficult trying to keep up with all these changes, and if

you keep this up, I'll never finish this dress. Okay, okay, I'm sorry.

I just want this night to be so perfect. It's our prom night, our last high

school dance, and... I want to be remembered as the girl in the beautiful

dress.

Hey, I was working on something. You want to hear it?

No.

Look, Arnaz, we have way too much work to do before tomorrow. But have no fear,

your fairy prom father is here.

Thanks, but I'm okay.

Look, Arnaz, I know about Dairy Queen.

I was going to let her get sprinkles.

You're trying to win her heart, not mine, okay?

Now, where's your tuxedo?

Ooh, wow.

Why?

Because I'm a rock god, baby.

We'll get you a proper tuxedo in the morning.

So, rock god, can you dance?

Dude, music is my life. Believe me, I got the moves.

Yeah, I'm not talking about, you know, movement.

I'm talking about dancing, like a gentleman.

I mean, can you take a woman in your arms and lead her across the dance floor

and make her feel like she's floating on air?

I carried my mom out of Club Zanzibar once.

She was floating on something, but I don't think it was air.

Look, would you stop joking around, mister?

This is one of your rites of passage into manhood.

Now hold me.

Yeah, man, don't hug me.

Yeah, hold me. Yeah.

Like a lady.

It's the big bad wolf here to see if little Miss Danielle wants to go riding

the hood.

And don't worry, I don't bite.

Unless you're into that kind of thing.

Very funny, Flex.

What's up with the pajamas? I thought we were going out tonight.

Are you sick?

Yeah. Maybe I ate one too many Klondike bars.

Oh, come on now. Don't you think you're being a little too childish about this?

Look, I'll treat you to a movie and some popcorn.

Easy on the butter.

Yeah, you're right.

I am acting like a child. Yeah, that's right. A child that needs to be spanked.

Oh, you know, I dropped an earring earlier today, and I think you're

it. Can you just back up a little bit? Oh, sure, baby. Yeah, yeah, no, just a

little bit more.

Oh, okay. How's that?

Perfect. I think I see it.

Danielle, open up.

Look, I will not let you go another day without you talking to me.

All right.

I'm here.

What's the big emergency?

Kirstie Alley won't let you in?

Danielle, Dwayne's here to apologize to you, too. Get over here. I ain't fine.

Danielle?

I'm sorry you were fat. Thank you.

The key word being were.

At least talk to me.

I know your pain.

I used to be chubby, too.

Used to be? Man, I've had an accident.

You should know that Flex would never have made those jokes if he knew that

would hurt you.

I mean, when we saw the photos, we just thought you were okay with it. No, it's

not just the high school thing.

It goes... deeper than that i'm listening do you mind passing the

see when i got married i thought my ex arthur would love me unconditionally

but when

i started to lose the weight arthur couldn't deal with the chain so arthur

to sabotage me and he'd make fun of me just like flex did last night are you

trying to say that flex can't tease you because he's kind of good at it

No, it's not just the teasing.

Look, I'm afraid that, like Arthur, he won't support me if I should change.

And I want someone who's going to support me no matter what.

You know, maybe Flex isn't that guy. Hey, Flex has stuck by me through all my

shortcomings. Look, that's different.

You're his buddy.

Obviously, he doesn't care how you look.

I can't believe it. I mean, look at you.

You're a woman.

Aw, thank you, Daddy.

Well,

I may not have been able to buy you a prom dress or rent you a limo or pay for

your dinner, but there's still one thing I can do.

May I have the first dance?

I thought she'd never ask.

Go

away.

You said I could take her.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Okay,

now you can go.

Behold. I bring you from the blood, sweat, and tears of Dwayne Odell Knox,

Ballard, prom god.

Wow.

You look so beautiful.

It's going to be the most amazing night ever.

A word, hot pants.

Look, if you're going to give me some kind of don't have sex with my daughter

talk, you're wasting your time.

I call these my wonder years, because I wonder if I'm ever going to get some.

That's pretty funny.

Let the boy go. Come on, Ernest. Let's get a shot with you and Brianna.

All right.

Say, virgin.

All right, flex. Now you and Brianna.

Okay.

All right.

Say, baby shower.

Please, all right? Be careful.

All right? Slow down. It's the red lights. Please be careful.

There goes my baby.

He grew up so fast.

Well, most of them anyway.

Oh, my public does love me.

You know these cameras aren't real, right?

Well, girls gotta practice, you know.

Oh, I can't wait till I see Spirited Edge so they can see how good I look.

I mean, how good we look.

Oh, that's A -Prime. Come on, boy.

Hey, A -Prime, we're spirits.

Puttin' on more lipstick?

You was havin' a hard time keepin' it on in the car, right?

You're on the real.

I'm cool with this no -sex thing.

How you lastin' this long?

Long showers, and I keep a picture of Spirit by my bed.

She's like a sister to me.

Where things are going, she's like a sister to me, too.

this all along. No, Brianna, it's not like that at all. I can explain.

What? More girlfriend packs?

What happened to the most important girlfriend pack of them all?

Thou shall not covet thy best friend's dream dress.

Not as in, hey, hey, hey, it's Fat Albert.

I know, I know. Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you back, and I'm sorry I slammed

the door in your face and called you all those names.

What names?

Oh, I guess these doors are thicker than I thought.

Look, Dwayne told me about this crazy idea that you had that I might not be

right guy for you.

Look, I'm sorry, Flex, but...

I've learned a thing or two since my marriage ended, and I'm not going to

the same mistake.

Oh, so a brother makes one joke about a Klondike bar, and you're ready to call

it quits? Look, it's not just the fat jokes, Flex. I know, baby. It's about me

being able to deal with change.

Look, I am the king of change.

My daughter moving in, my career, parachute pants.

If there's anybody we can roll with the punches, it's this guy.

And I deserve another chance.

I don't know, Flex.

I'm scared.

So let's be scared together.

I promise it'll be worth the risk.

You know what?

Stay right there. What?

Stay right there.

It is for you. Oh, my God.

Donuts.

You shouldn't have.

Oh.

Oh, no.

It's a dress.

Oh, my God. This is beautiful.

But I don't understand.

I want to make new memories with you, starting with your first prom.

Danielle, will you go to the prom with me?

Now you can wear what you have on or you can change.

Either way, it won't change how I feel about you.

God, some therapist I am.

I bet you think I'm a basket kid.

Eh, we can work on that.

The difference between you and I is I'm not going to charge you for it.

by fighting with spirit no one likes yelling at her more than me but she

to lighten up you too spirit you don't understand my pain your clothes are

from a store you like to dress early and it's hot she's dropping

I was trying to tell you that I did not have... Uh -uh. No excuses.

You're over here looking like a princess while I'm looking like a damsel in this

dress.

Look, don't walk away from me.

Oh. Well, since we're making alterations, I think your dress would

better sleeveless.

off tonight get a free

I bought your dream dress and got the gold flecks in my eyes.

Okay, my contact.

Spirit, I am so sorry.

Maybe I'm just a little freaked out because high school's almost over.

Looks like I just moved here yesterday.

And here you are, my best friend, doing the biggest favor for me ever.

And look how I repent.

Well, I'm sorry that I pressured you into wearing one of my dresses.

Mm -mm.

We had a pact.

I am so over high school.

No spree. You look too good to be falling.

Like a lady.

Arnaz, where did you learn all this?

A little fairy taught me.

Well, I see you went with a different dress.

That is one dress, right?

This is my old progress.

I always pull it out whenever I feel like eating a pot roast.

Well, I love it. It's too bad you never got a chance to wear it.

That's okay.

It was too tight anyway.

But lucky for you, now it slips right off.

Wow. Money well spent.

You know what, Flex?

You are the best prom date ever.

Oh, I know.

And you know what the best part is?

We get to stay up all night long.

Oh, hey, I'm that kind of guy.

Yeah, but I am that kind of girl. Ooh.

Love you too, Netta.