Original subtitles

Oh, I'm so tired of filling out all these scholarship applications.

Why do I need letters of recommendation?

Hey, I bet if you send in some of your fashion designs, someone will recommend

that you not go to college.

That's nice, Arnaz. Have you filled out your My Mama's White and My Daddy's

Black and I Can't Sing Yet scholarship?

Don't you worry about me.

I've done all my applications.

Money for college will not be an issue.

That's my boo. We're going to be the cutest college couple.

We'll live in a cute studio apartment, and I'll make you breakfast, and I'll

burn the toast, but you won't care because I'll be wearing one of your T

and looking so cute.

You'll be making toast for a ghost.

Mr. Washington, get off me.

Toast for a ghost.

That's a funny joke.

I'm trying.

It'll be funny in the hallway.

He is my man. I'll tell you one thing. I'm not paying thousands of dollars for

you to play house with Arnaz.

But, Daddy, I'm going to be the one going off to college. It's sort of up to

who I'm going to be living with.

Well, not if I'm sort of paying for it.

Since when did your offering to pay for college come with so many strings

attached? There's only one string attached, and it's to that yo -yo that

ran out of here.

Oh, I get it. So paying for college is just daddy code for control my daughter.

Did you think after high school Arnaz and I were just going to shake hands and

go our separate ways?

Well, yeah.

Daddy, I am grown, and you can't tell me what to do when I go to college.

You're not grown until you pay your own way.

Fine. Then I'll pay my own way.

Oh, really?

You're going to pay for your own education?

Yep, and Spirit's going to help me find some scholarships.

Good, then I'm going to find a way to spend your college money.

Oh, how do you think I look in a Porsche?

Oh, we know the answer to that.

You can be alone by yourself But I have a partner But I can't trust no one else

Then I'll isolate yourself When there's nobody

Clippers 98 to 80.

Hmm. Now, sometimes I think the Clippers exist just so that their owners can

make rubles betting against them.

Think about it.

A little bit, I bet.

Matt,

that's it.

Rania has gone too far. She can't continue to say things like the owner's

betting against his own team. Why not? That's what people love about her. She's

provocative. She's shocking. She's irresponsible.

I didn't take intro to broadcast journalism twice to be part of this kind

sensationalism. We're professionals here.

Does anybody know the world record for the deepest belly button?

Come on, Flex. If you're ever going to become a household name, you've got to

let go of your integrity.

People talk about Rania.

No one's talking about you.

No one, man.

And we're back. Today we're going to discuss the NBA and what's wrong with

It's bad.

It's really, really, really bad.

These high school players should stay in college forever.

That's where they learn their fundamentals.

I say stay in school, man.

You know what? I say teach them how to shoot.

All American players know how to do is donkey, dunk, dunk. I mean, it is

but a big me show. It's just all, oh, watch me, watch me. I'm donkey, dunk,

dunk.

Watch me donkey, dunk, dunk.

know about real sports? All you've done is play volleyball.

Okay, I didn't play volleyball.

I dominated it.

Thousands of fans flocked to our matches.

And the only reason they flocked to those matches is because of the sexy

y 'all were wearing. Y 'all were practically naked.

It's porn with a net.

It's body porn.

And we're out of time. Thanks for watching.

Don't kid, don't, don't.

Welcome to the game, player.

That was fantastic.

I need a cigarette.

I said I need a cigarette.

Sorry.

Flex.

You know, there's some real idiots out there.

Oh, now there's one in here.

Let's put the sailor costume.

I ordered some uniforms for my employees down at D's Doves and Subs.

Man, I thought it was pretty clear. Subs stands for submarine sandwiches, not

submarine sailors.

Well, why don't you eat your spinach and go beat them up?

Good, good, good, good, good, good.

Man,

Navy's getting desperate.

It's not my fault. Man, the factory screwed up my uniforms.

It serves you right for having them made by Fabulous Man.

you a new badge and you write me a letter of recommendation for a

Done. Come on. I got the guy's sizes over at my place.

So when do I get to meet the rest of the village people?

Oh, yeah, Daddy, we ran into Mrs. Garvey from downstairs.

She said she watched the show last night and she wanted you to pass this on to

you. Oh,

so people are talking about me.

You're not the only one being talked about.

In fact, I have a scholarship interview here tomorrow.

I would say neener, neener, neener.

might be a little disrespectful.

If you think I'm going to get upset because somebody else is going to give

$100 ,000 to shack up with some loser, you are wrong.

You must not have noticed me and my feelings sitting here.

I'm sorry, Inez.

Just imagine what I say when you're not around.

We've been getting phone calls from stations wanting to pick up the show.

And, Flex, one call from my mother. She hates you.

Flex's people!

Hi, welcome to the Flex Files. I'm Flex, and this is our token eye candy, Rania.

Get a load of those gams, fellas.

That's what she's here for.

So I'm sexy.

What's the problem?

Sex sells.

I just wish it were cheaper.

I have a problem with women being sexy, and I like them that way.

Then what is your problem, Flex?

Besides you?

I'll tell you what my problem is.

Women's sports like volleyball are a waste of time. Women don't belong in

professional sports. They're just not as good.

Then what would you have us do?

What, stay home and cook?

Yeah, and while you're there, clean up the house. And raise those kids.

See, the world would be better off if women stopped serving volleyballs and

started serving dinner.

How about a nice kielbasa?

Well, it looks like somebody needs a snack.

Well, we'll be right back with more reasons why women should stay home and

our future. I mean, look at me. I was a latchkey kid, and look how I turned out.

And I'm crazy.

You don't know what I'm going to say next.

Stay tuned.

application is most impressive.

I can't see any reason why the Women in Business Committee won't grant you a

full scholarship.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, hey, Daddy.

I have someone here who's going to give me money that you should meet.

Daddy, this is Mrs. Schaefer.

Oh, you.

You're Flex Washington.

Yeah, yes, I am. You want an autograph? I can hook you up.

I'm afraid we can't support someone associated with your father's misogynist

views.

But wait, those aren't my views.

They're not even his views.

She's right.

That's part of my immensely popular alter ego.

Good luck, Brianna.

And Daddy, thanks for blowing my scholarship. Not that you care.

All you care about is controlling my life and keeping Arnaz and me apart.

I hope you're happy.

Actually, I kind of am.

I just saved a bundle on my car insurance.

Wow, Brianna, you sure got a lot of scholarship rejection letters.

How are you going to deal with all this?

Well, that's why you're here. You're the rejection expert.

Yeah, and just for that, I'm not going to give you this one.

I mean, look at me. I look like a sausage.

But you gave me those sizes.

Quiet. Or that sassy attitude might find its way into your little letter of

recommendation.

I'm going to need 20 new shirts. Stat.

I'm going to have nightmares about pregnant men.

Yeah, I should get started on those shirts.

front is his backpack he left it over here what are

these wait wait a minute wait a minute we didn't use them i swear he was just

showing me the different colors they come in yeah i don't know what you're

talking about

I didn't know how to write.

No, Spirit.

He lied to me.

Look, Daddy, I really want the scholarship.

So don't say any of that chauvinistic stuff you say on your show.

Brianna, I didn't want you to lose those other scholarships.

You know I'm not really a chauvinistic pig.

And there's a lot of honeys up in here.

Oh, it looks like our scholarship finalist, Brianna Barnes, is here with

of the year. Reflex, Washington.

Ladies, where's the curtsy?

Oh, I'm Mrs. Jonathan Solomon, and this is Mrs. Jonathan Fisher.

Oh, Mr. Washington, it is quite rare that we get to meet someone in your

profession who shares our values. So true, Mrs. Fisher.

I love when you said, why buy a woman a watch when there's a clock on the oven?

You can forget this scholarship.

You've got nothing in common with these women. So, I guess you have to play by

daddy's rules. After all, I will meet you at the car.

I'm sure you would like that, wouldn't you?

Well, I'm going to get their money.

Playing by their rules.

Watch me work.

Oh, I love your skirt, Mrs.

Fisher. I think you have the straightest pleats that I've ever seen.

Thank you, dear.

Make sure you tell Mrs. Sullivan I failed last week's plea check.

As you all know, each year we sponsor a college -bound woman to get an education

and achieve her dream of catching that perfect man.

Someone not unlike yourself, Mr. Washington.

Well, we should all reach for the stars, Mrs. Sullivan.

But in the meantime, could you reach for that scone over there and splat some

Devonshire on that bad boy?

So, tell us about yourself, dear.

What's a typical day in the life of Brianna Barnes?

That depends on how late the mall stays open.

Actually, it all depends on what my father wants.

I find that my day goes a lot smoother when he makes all my decisions for me.

That's right, like fathers having approval over any gentleman callers.

I mean, we don't want the wrong rooster getting into the hen house. Now, do we,

ladies?

Well, when the hen goes to college, the farmer can't tell the hen what to do

anymore, can he?

Unless, of course... That hen wants to use her eggs to bake a cake.

Oh, bake a cake. Well, now I get it.

Oh, Brianna, you are well on your way to becoming a wonderful wife and mother.

And after you snag that perfect young man your first year, sophomore year will

be the perfect time to get pregnant.

Pregnant?

Well, of course.

That way you can drop out before you declare a major, become a housewife and

mother before you turn 21, then join us for two -for -one margarita night at TGI

Fridays. Whoa,

whoa, whoa, now. Nobody said nothing about birthing no babies at TGI Fridays.

No, but, Mr. Washington, it's important to get the baby train going while you're

still young.

Wait a second. Let me get this straight. You guys want to give me money so I can

catch a man, have his babies, and wait on him hand and foot?

I'm proud of you, Brianna. I knew we picked the right girl.

Well, I am the right girl, but not because of your reasons.

Look, I want to go to college, but I want to go to get an education, not to

catch a husband.

That's right.

Brianna's mother and I raised her to be anything she wants to be.

If she wants to be a housewife or even a doctor. It's her choice.

I'm sorry, Brianna, but I don't think that you embody the ideals of this

organization.

Thank God, because you desperate housewives are whack.

And those stones?

Store -bought.

Mrs. Sullivan's husband is having an affair!

Hey, girls.

What are you wearing?

It's a shirt I just bought from Dwayne. It's pretty cool, huh?

50 buck.

50 buck?

Yeah, it's worth it. I just can't wear it around someone.

But I can't remember who, though.

Those are the shirts I made.

DeWayne!

Somebody call me.

Oh, hey, Spirit. You got my shirts?

Yeah, they're right here.

Give me your wallet. I want my cut. Good

thing

I keep my money on my side.

So what's up, babe?

Oh, I just wanted to give you these.

I think it's just some mail you left over here.

Oh, thanks.

I found them in your backpack.

You went through my stuff?

You lied to me?

Look, Brianna, it's not what you think.

I didn't apply for any scholarships because I didn't apply to any colleges.

What? So you lied about that, too?

You went through my stuff?

Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was just waiting for the right time.

Is this now a good time?

What about all our plans to go to college together?

Brianna, my music is blowing up.

College is not fitting my plans anymore.

Well, what about me?

Do I still fit into your plans?

Of course you fit into my plans.

Wherever you go, I'm going to follow.

Can't get rid of me that easy.

But it was different when I thought we were going to school together.

What are you going to be doing while I'm studying?

I don't know.

Hanging out, doing my thing.

But that wasn't part of the plan.

Well, then let's just change the plan.

The idea is for us to be together, right?

Look, I have a band rehearsal to go to. You want to come?

Actually, I have a term paper due.

So I'll just leave you alone.

All right, babe.

Hey,

baby.

Bree, if I haven't said it enough, I got to tell you, I'm proud of you and how

you stood up for yourself with those women today.

Yeah, I did.

But that was my last chance at any scholarship money.

Besides learning how to curtsy.

What else do I have?

You have me.

Rihanna, I've been putting money away for you to go to college your whole

It's there for you.

Fine, Daddy, you win.

I'll take your money and do whatever you want.

Baby, look, it's not about what I want. It's about what's right and what's right

for you.

You can't take care of Arnaz and then plan his life for him.

He has to find his own way as a man.

Yeah, I'm learning that.

Good. Because the most important thing is that you take care of you.

Sweetie Daddy's not going to always be there to do it.

Who are you kidding? You're going to take care of me forever.

You're my daddy, and that's what daddies do.

And that's the best job to have.

This is Flex Washington, and welcome to the Flex Live.

Hi, you!

Female chauvinistic donkey.

I challenge you to a game of volleyball.

Uh, Rania, listen, all that's over. I was just about to tell our female

that they should do whatever they want. If they want to go to work, go to work

if you want. Stay at home if you want. Play any sport you want. And you're just

as good as men. And don't let anybody tell you different. Mm -hmm.

Does this mean you're backing away from my challenge?

What?

You're killing me.

Think of the ratings.

Don't worry, Matt.

I got your ratings.

Love you too, Netta.