All language subtitles for one_on_one_s02e23_find_my_wife_please

Oh, is this great or what?

What?

Oh, this.

Yeah, this is great. But I've been
waiting for some of that.

But that's just it.

This is great, even without that.

It is?

Of course it is. Well, not that that
isn't great, but this just works so well

because we're already such good friends.

It's true.

There's nothing like a good friend.

Now, enough of that.

How about some of this?

You know, we don't have to make out. We
can just hang out like we used to,

because on top of being boyfriend and
girlfriend... We're also good friends.

See how lucky we are?

I always thought getting lucky meant
something else.

So, what should we do, friend?

Well, how about some of this?

Now that's what I'm talking about.

is dusting.

See?

Oh, my God, Dr. Phil is white.

Can I get a little help? You know how
upset Natalie is with me? And she's on

way over here, and I want everything to
be perfect.

Daddy, you can't commit.

I come from a broken home.

It ain't never gonna be perfect.

Yeah, well, you're forgetting I have the
secret weapon.

Behold, peg out.

Brianna, put the engagement ring back in
the box.

Are you proposing tonight?

Nope. On Saturday night.

Yes. After a romantic dinner, there'll
be flowers, violins, and when I drop to

one knee, a choir will magically appear
out of the crowd singing the glory.

That is us.

And if anyone shoots your mother, tell
her I'm going to put her head over the

fireplace. Daddy, we don't have a
fireplace.

Well, get me a head and I'll build one.

I'm coming.

Hey, baby, you look good.

Yeah, I know.

What do you want?

You.

You're the most important thing in my
life.

And I just want to tell you... Phyllis,
I didn't even talk to you right away.

Not now, Dwayne. I'm talking to Natalie.

Oh, that's okay, y 'all.

Two just go on with your lives.

What I was gonna say was that I was
wrong, and what's mine is... Dwayne left

your apartment after only being told
once.

Oh, my God.

He's dying.

That fool owe me $50.

Dwayne, are you okay?

Flex.

I went to the doctor today.

I don't know how to tell you this, but I
have... What is it?

High cholesterol.

Cut out all the cheese.

Now, if you don't mind, I need to get
back in there to the woman I love.

Flex, I can't cut the cheese.

The doctor says it's genetic.

He says I should find my father to see
if there's any history of heart disease

in my family. Well, I think that's a
great idea. You might want to start

in the short and husky department at
Sears. Sears.

Flex, man.

Look, this is serious.

The prospect of finding my dad has
always scared me.

But now I have to.

I need to know him, Flex.

All right, you're right, man. I'm sorry.

Now, what has your mom told you about
him?

My mom?

Well, that's a great idea.

I mean, she probably knows who he is,
right?

What other words of wisdom do you have
for me, old wise one?

Making me drive all the way over here.

Selfish from beginning to end.

Bottom line is, you just can't commit,
can you, Flex?

Thank you.

What would you have done if I was gone
for ten?

Why don't you go back out and see?

Oh, okay.

Thanks for carrying my books for me,
Boo.

You're welcome, Boo.

Thanks for carrying my books for me.

Oh, these are mine. I left your books
back in biology.

Oh, man!

What's so funny?

These aren't his books.

Oh, don't turn around. There's Josh.

I just feel so bad. I broke his heart.

I should go over there and see if he's
okay.

Look at him.

He's hot and blonde.

Girl, he'll get over it.

Hey, Josh, how's it going?

What do you want?

I want us to be friends.

Please.

You ripped my heart out and tossed it on
the sidewalk.

Don't you mean kicked it to the curb?

Whatever.

I'm sure there's a dog and a homeless
guy fighting over it right now.

Well, if you change your mind, let me
know.

Aw, it hurts, doesn't it?

Yeah.

What about you? Doesn't it hurt seeing
her with Arnaz?

Mm, that's his loss.

She'll never love him the way I do.

Not with all those morals.

Not too late for you.

What are you talking about?

You know better than anyone else.
Brianna doesn't know what she wants.

You should be her friend again. Because
you never know.

Yeah, that's exactly what Arnez did.

Mm -hmm. That's all I'm trying to say,
boo.

But you know what they say.

Break up to make up.

I'm way ahead of you.

So what do I do next?

Just you leave it up to me.

Ginger's going to take care of it.

Yo te quiero, nene.

Pero esa fresa está podrida.

Oh, that's sexy.

What'd you say?

I love you, baby, but that strawberry's
rotten.

Oh, really?

How about this one?

We should do this when strawberries are
in season.

Nope.

We'll eat them and we'll like them.

I skip school for this. I don't skip
school for just anyone.

And I don't fall in love with just
anyone.

Really?

What do you love about me?

Well, let's see.

I love the way your nose crinkles up
when you smile.

I love how when I've had a hard day, you
rub my back.

And I think it's so cute how your feet
blow up when you eat too much salt.

That's not cute.

No, it's not cute, but it's love.

Is there anything you want to ask me?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Will you have dinner with me tomorrow
night? Yes!

Okay, I'll take that as a yes.

Oh, dinner.

Oh, dinner.

Right.

I love dinner.

Well, Brianna won't be home for another
three hours, so we can skip right to

dessert.

You have some soap on your nose.

Oh, um, can you get it for me?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, wait, my hands are wet, too.

Come here.

Okay, you guys better cut it out. I
mean, your dad's going to be home any

minute, and he's going to suspect
something when he sees me throwing up

the place.

What's going on?

Hey, Daddy.

You two been fooling around, and you
been watching. Uh -uh.

No, sir, I have way too much respect for
you and your daughter than to ever do

something like that under your roof. But
you do be watching all the time.

Flex, Flex.

My mom finally gave me my dad's real
name. Turns out she's been lying to me

these years. His name isn't Deadbeat
Knox.

So how are you going to find him?
Private investigator.

Made an appointment for tomorrow.

Will you come with me?

I'd be happy to give you moral support.

Actually, I was looking for a little
financial support.

Yeah, this way.

Guys and cheap.

I know you're not kissing behind my
back.

Hey, Daddy.

Here we go. I did a preliminary
background check on your father.

His name is Vaughn Odell Knox.

Oh, Odell.

We have the same middle name. Also known
as Hard Knock. Knocks three times, and

knock, knock, who's there?

You gotta be kidding me. This must be
some kind of joke.

Nope. Apparently, Dwayne's father is a
CIA operative.

My dad's cooler than your dad.

Dwayne, this guy's just preying on your
emotions.

Listen to everything that comes out of
his mouth. It's wacky. Oh, you think so,

huh, Mr. Flat -out Man?

Well, that's not much of a secret. I'm
on television twice a day.

Oh, yeah? Well, your real name is Flex
Barnes.

O positive blood type. Eighth grade GPA
was 2 .9. Wife, Nicole, hates puppies,

butterflies, and rainbows?

What kind of monster is she?

Well, he's right about the puppies
thing.

Yeah, and the butterflies.

And the rainbows.

And Lord knows she is a monster.

But we're definitely not married.
According to the court records, you've

married since June 18th, 1986.

Oh, man, this has to be some kind of
mistake.

We've been divorced for 14 years.

No, you've had an overdue library book
for 14 years, but you're definitely not

divorced from Nicole Aretha Barnes.

I can't believe this.

I'm still married to Nicole.

Well, how can you propose to Natalie if
you and Nicole never got a divorce?

Ooh, that's a daddy question.

I'm supposed to take Natalie to dinner
in an hour. I can't believe this. For

past 14 years, I've still been married.
This is crazy.

Don't sweat it, Flex.

When Nicole picks up, just explain the
problem. She'll sign some papers and

you'll be divorced.

Again.

For the first time.

Brianna, when you talked to your mom
yesterday, what did she say?

Oh, she said she was going on safari in
the jungle, so she'll be unreachable for

three days.

Anything wrong?

No, no.

Okay. Well, I'm headed to cheerleading
practice.

Good luck with your proposal tonight.

Yay, Daddy!

Okay, see ya.

That's it, dog. The proposal's off. I
could kill Nicole.

You know, having a wife is ruining my
relationship with my girlfriend.

I'm gonna have to call Natalie now and
cancel our date.

Hey, honey.

Let's go.

Don't want to be late.

Uh, Natalie, what are you doing here?

I'm just so excited about tonight. I
can't wait to eat dinner and be engaged.

In stimulating conversation with you.

Okay, let me get my jacket. Come on, I'm
hungry. I'm ready. And I'm 30.

Dee, cancel everything.

The flowers, the singing, everything.
Come on, I told you I'm 30.

Quick, Rihanna's coming.

Okay, so what do I do? Okay, follow the
plan.

Make up, accept her apology, take her to
Burger Hut, 7 .30.

They have better fries than McDonald's.

Oh, you're so cute.

They have better friends at McDonald's.

Stick to the plan.

Oh, Brianna, hey.

Look, I've been thinking, and I'm ready
to accept your apology.

Oh, Josh, I'm so happy.

You know, I never meant to hurt you.

Hey, it's all right.

How about I take you to the Burger Hut
later as friends?

Say, 7 .30?

Okay.

Even though we're not seeing each other
anymore, I'd still like to be friends.

Well, I can't talk about it in the
hallway.

I don't want prying ears knowing my
business.

But I wish there was some place we could
go talk in private.

How about the library?

Burger Hut, 715.

Okay. I'll see you then.

Thank you, Arnett.

You're such a good...

Uh, yeah, can you have Nicole call me as
soon as she gets back to the hotel?

Uh, thank you.

How do you say goodbye in Scacuzzi?

All right, peace out.

I can't say this enough, Flex. I just
love this restaurant.

It's so romantic.

And they have this wonderful lotion in
the bathroom. It makes my fingers so

and silky.

Don't you think?

Oh, your right hand is silkier. You
know, you can get the same results with

butter.

What's the occasion?

Uh, it's no occasion.

There's a hole in the roof, and I'm
calling the health department.

I'll be right back.

Dwayne, you forgot to cancel the rose
petals.

No, this ain't your daddy.

Man, I asked you to cancel all my
proposal plans for tonight.

Man, how could you forget?

I gotta go.

Uh, excuse me, could you, uh, play
something more romantic? But I love Here

Comes the Bride.

I said something more romantic.

Look, what has gotten into you? Uh,
nothing.

It's no big, uh, oh.

I'm gonna do this.

I'm gonna do this the right way.

Natalie, all my life, I've considered
myself a lucky man.

Then you came along, and I feel even
luckier.

I love you.

My daughter loves you.

And the three of us are great together.

Natalie, will you marry me?

Oh, my God!

See you guys.

friend Jennifer.

The doctor said it was peaceful, though.

Hey, isn't Jennifer your cat?

Some say she's a cat. I say an angel
with whiskers.

You know what, Ginger?

I hope you feel better, and sorry to
hear about your cat.

Angel. The dead thing. Whatever.

But you understand me so.

Is that what it is in Ginger?

Kissing?

Could you?

It's not what you think, Brianna. This
wasn't that.

Brianna, wait up.

She's gone.

But I'm here for you, boo.

Dwayne, I'm engaged.

Oh, Nat.

You are the greatest.

I mean, not that many women would have
said yes knowing that Flex is still

married.

Actually, it's a funny story, girl. You
just go laugh and laugh and laugh.

Cut me down.

It's the craziest thing. I mean, there's
Nicole.

There's this baby. I don't want to hear
it.

It's no big deal.

Apparently, our divorce never went
through.

But once I track Nicole down, things
will be fine.

I don't kiss married men.

But I'm not really married.

All right, just legally married.

I got a message.

Maybe it's Nicole.

Mr. Washington, this is the American
consulate in Scucosa.

I have bad news.

Your wife, Nicole, took a drive into the
jungle with her lover, Jaden. There was

an accident.

Their empty jeep was found overturned
several miles from the main road.

Apparently, they are lost deep in the
jungle.

Daddy, is Mommy okay?

I don't know, baby.

I don't know.

Oh, hey, Pete.

Here's the info I promised you.

Oh, man.

I can't believe it.

My father's in this envelope.

Yes, I'll catch the first plane out.

It's okay.

It's gonna be okay.

Love you too Netta.