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Ever since Arnaz became the finest thing
on two legs, it's been hard to talk to
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him.
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Maybe he worked a root on me.
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I see.
5
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,960
Growing up, did you love your father?
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00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:19,000
Yes, but I'm developing hostility issues
toward my best friend.
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Rihanna, we're role -playing. I'm Dr.
Melfi, you're Tony Soprano. So if you're
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holding back, forget about it.
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00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,320
Rihanna, I'm here.
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00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:33,080
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Arne's in here.
What do we do? What do we do?
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00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,940
Remember, if you feel uncomfortable,
just go to your safe place.
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00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,740
Oh, my God. You're going to get a man.
13
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:39,880
So
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00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:48,400
you
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00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:49,400
wanted to see me?
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00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:52,760
Yeah, Arne.
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00:00:53,780 --> 00:00:54,780
Hi.
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00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,360
I feel the same way, too.
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00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:02,500
I just need to hear you say it.
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00:01:04,459 --> 00:01:05,580
I like you, Ernest.
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00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:07,720
No.
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00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,400
I love you.
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00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,460
I love you, too, Brianna.
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00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:20,380
Brianna.
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00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:21,700
Brianna.
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I think I'm going to go to my safe
place.
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But I can't turn no one in So don't
isolate yourself When there's nobody
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of eggs coming sunny side up just like
mom you know such a different side of
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00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:26,040
than i do i don't care what you say i'm
glad mommy's in town because i got six
30
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:32,980
new outfits and none of them are from
tarjay pop hey brianna
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00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:38,580
mommy's here with the real breakfast so
you could put away the twizzlers and the
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kool -aid
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Prepare to have your face cracked,
Nicole.
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00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:46,000
Wolfgang Flex is working it out in the
kitchen.
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Holla. Leave me.
36
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:50,720
Wow,
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you two have a whole routine worked out.
38
00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:56,240
Brianna and I used to have a routine.
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00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,500
Oh, no, no, no. Not like us.
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00:02:58,740 --> 00:02:59,740
Come on.
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00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:01,640
Right, right, right. All right, all
right.
42
00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:04,520
Five, six, seven, eight.
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make open to give her life.
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00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:24,460
And on that note, breakfast is served.
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00:03:25,460 --> 00:03:26,900
Come on, sit right here.
46
00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:31,540
So, uh, how's everything going with your
little charity event, Fish Aid?
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00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:38,480
Well, if you're talking about the City
Aquarium's Celebrity Basketball Jam,
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going great.
49
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:43,660
Largely because they chose a local girl,
me, who made good, to organize.
50
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,140
Oh.
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00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:46,760
Good. You've earned it, Nicole.
52
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Not many pictures can ride the backs of
killer whales.
53
00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:56,800
I'm sorry, Mom, but that was a good one.
54
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:58,020
Yeehaw!
55
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:03,980
So, uh, Dad, you're a celebrity. Why
aren't you playing in the game?
56
00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:09,660
I'm not wasting my skills playing
against Al Roker and Danny Bonaduce.
57
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:16,660
Excuse me, I'll have you know that
Darius Miles and Quentin Richardson of
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00:04:16,660 --> 00:04:18,100
Clippers have just confirmed.
59
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,920
Oh, yeah, did I say Bill Walton's gonna
coach?
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00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:27,340
Bill Walton, as in Shaq's taking a break
already? How old was that guy?
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00:04:28,820 --> 00:04:31,680
Oh, count me in. You know, I'm down like
two flat tires.
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00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:33,520
So are your knees.
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00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,660
Oh, see, you were always jealous of my
love for basketball.
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00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,920
That's only because you loved her more
than you loved me.
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00:04:39,420 --> 00:04:40,620
Her? Go see.
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00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:45,280
Basketball was his mistress, sweetie.
When I was pregnant with you, he tried
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00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,280
dribble my stomach.
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00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,300
I can't wait to show those young NBA
boys how the game is really played.
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00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:57,720
Do you really think you can run behind
Quentin and Darius?
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00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,500
Come on, Flex, they just stopped being
teenagers.
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00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:04,740
You, my friend, are on a rollercoaster
ride to middle age.
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00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,080
What's your cup size?
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00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,120
Mama!
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00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:30,600
I'm sorry, I just don't remember you
being so pillow -y.
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00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,440
What else have I been missing?
76
00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:38,780
Actually, Mom, I am having a problem
with the boy.
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00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,120
Oh, my God.
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00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:42,340
You're pregnant?
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00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:43,960
Oh, God, the cycle continues.
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00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,820
No, no, no, no, no, no.
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00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:52,300
It's about Arnett. I think I'm in like
with him.
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00:05:54,030 --> 00:05:56,030
Baby, I thought you and Arnaz were just
friends.
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00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:58,910
We were, until he started dating this
girl, Natasha.
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00:05:59,670 --> 00:06:01,930
She's a junior who thinks Arnaz smells
like peaches.
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00:06:03,010 --> 00:06:04,750
I know that smell.
86
00:06:06,130 --> 00:06:10,130
Then Dad went out of town, and I had a
little party with my friends, and I
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00:06:10,130 --> 00:06:13,490
thought Arnaz was making out with
Natasha in my room, and Arnaz thought I
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00:06:13,490 --> 00:06:15,230
making out with Louis, but I wasn't.
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00:06:16,590 --> 00:06:19,950
So, you were alone in the house with the
boys?
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00:06:20,770 --> 00:06:21,770
Yes!
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00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:26,900
I said too much.
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00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:30,540
Brianna had a wild party while you left
her alone in the house?
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00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:34,440
What kind of parent are you? The kind of
parent that already punished her for
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00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,940
that. We worked it out, and I would
trust her, even though she's 50 % you.
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00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:43,400
Flex, when I left Brianna here a year
ago, you promised you would take good
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00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,060
of her. Maybe you are not up to the job.
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00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:47,900
I've done a great job with Brianna.
98
00:06:48,460 --> 00:06:52,580
She's inches away from the honor roll,
she's only been to detention twice, and
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00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:53,580
she's not wearing hair weave.
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00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,920
The way I see it, I'm raising the
perfect little princess.
101
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:01,220
So tell me how she's gone up a cup size.
102
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:06,080
Well, it depends if you're talking mesh,
underwire, or seamless.
103
00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:12,220
You're going to kick some NBA butt
tomorrow.
104
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,980
You're looking as good as you used to.
105
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,460
All right, well, throw me the rock, dog.
I'll show you some more moves.
106
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:24,620
Good pass, shorty. Does Mr. Butterworth
know you have a scarf?
107
00:07:27,159 --> 00:07:31,560
Okay, see, what happened was I was going
to add you to myself, but, see, I see
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00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:32,640
it takes two of y 'all to do that.
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00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:34,720
I'm Q Richie.
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00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,280
D -Miles of the L .A. Clippers.
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00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,720
I know who y 'all are, man, all that. I
know.
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00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,240
Thanks, Washington.
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00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,880
Sportscaster and former baller. La -da.
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00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:44,559
La -da.
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00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,600
You don't bang unless you're talking
about banging the board.
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Don't you? Oh!
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00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,020
Hit my chin.
118
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,720
So I just... Holla.
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00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,440
Flex, yeah. Flex Washington.
120
00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:15,840
Oh, Landon Goshen. It's Bill Walton.
121
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,400
Who said that?
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00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:20,800
I remember you. You're smooth. You've
really got game.
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00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,280
You remember my game?
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00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,780
Not really, but you're on my team and I
want to win.
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00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:26,100
Hang in there, kid.
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00:08:29,780 --> 00:08:33,520
My butt tells me I should quit, but an
NBA Hall of Famer tells me I should hang
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00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:34,139
in there.
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00:08:34,140 --> 00:08:37,380
And believe me, he knows more than my
butt. Hey, sometimes my butt talks to
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00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,620
too. It's like a seashell.
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00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:41,500
If you get up to it, you can hear the
wind whistling off the Potomac.
131
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,220
All right, Spike, Lisa, let's do this.
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00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:57,320
Trust me, when you spill your guts on
this videotape and Arnaz sees it, he's
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00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:58,680
going to be silly putty in your hands.
134
00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:03,060
Now, here's your motivation. You're
longing for the man you love who doesn't
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00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,060
love you in action.
136
00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:09,640
Yo, Arnaz.
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00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:13,680
I just want you to know that I'm feeling
you and I want you to be my shorty.
138
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:16,180
Cut, cut, cut, cut.
139
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,560
Can I have a little more Hallie? Less
Jada?
140
00:09:29,130 --> 00:09:30,350
Pick up your check on the way out.
141
00:09:32,290 --> 00:09:33,290
Fine.
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00:09:33,870 --> 00:09:35,370
Actors. How about them?
143
00:09:41,050 --> 00:09:42,050
Hey, Arnaz.
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00:09:43,110 --> 00:09:48,970
Um, I just want to let you know that I
like you as much as you like me.
145
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,170
Now scratch that.
146
00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:53,150
I love you, boo.
147
00:10:49,639 --> 00:10:51,900
gracious, McDonald's fouled out. Who's
my go -to guy now?
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00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,360
I'm ready to go in, coach. Please pick
me, coach. I want to go in. Come on,
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00:10:54,380 --> 00:10:57,860
coach. Sit down and shut up. I'm the
coach around here. Harry, get in there
150
00:10:57,860 --> 00:10:59,880
do something once in your life. Come on,
let's go.
151
00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:07,820
When are they going to put your dad in
the game?
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00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:11,340
Forget about him. I'm going to get that
tape back before Arnett sees me with a
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00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:12,620
big hunk of spinach in my teeth.
154
00:11:26,570 --> 00:11:28,110
He's got jalapenos stuck in his teeth.
155
00:11:28,330 --> 00:11:29,670
People like that are just dirty.
156
00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:36,610
Well,
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00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:41,170
I guess all you're going to end up being
is the best looking guy in the team
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00:11:41,170 --> 00:11:42,029
picture, huh?
159
00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:43,590
Ah, yeah, especially if you're in it.
160
00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:46,610
Everything is a joke to you, isn't it?
161
00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:49,870
You know, that's why our daughter isn't
on the honor roll.
162
00:11:50,090 --> 00:11:52,070
She's throwing wild sex parties.
163
00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:56,100
Now, if she were with me, she would be
on the honor roll living a very serious,
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00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:57,300
jokeless life.
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00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:59,940
You're going to have to remind me I was
married to you. No, you were never
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00:11:59,940 --> 00:12:02,360
married to me. You were married to that
orange ball.
167
00:12:02,740 --> 00:12:04,740
And she divorced you just like I did.
168
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:06,660
Oh, yeah?
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00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:08,000
We're getting back together.
170
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:09,260
And we're going to be happy.
171
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:12,260
No, you don't know how to be happy,
Lance. I know how to be happy. Because
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00:12:12,260 --> 00:12:14,500
are not a serious... Hey.
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00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:19,660
Hey. A man with this much spirit
absolutely has to be in this game.
174
00:12:20,010 --> 00:12:23,770
Now, Jimmy Walker just found out, Flex,
you're in. It's on you.
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00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:25,510
See,
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00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:28,070
I'm in. In your face, Moby.
177
00:13:55,980 --> 00:13:57,860
Good enough to help us raise $50 ,000.
178
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:01,760
So why don't we all go to Verrazano's
and celebrate with pizza? My treat?
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00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,980
I'd love to, Mom, but me and Spirit are
about to go deep cover.
180
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,860
All right, just make sure you close
down.
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00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,960
For God's sakes, I'm not interested in
sex. What kind of a world did you two
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00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:11,960
grow up in?
183
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,460
Wow, I guess she doesn't have time for
her parents, huh?
184
00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:19,380
Yeah, I just grab my moments with her
whenever I can.
185
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,000
That's great, Gene.
186
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,940
All that time off as a civilian, you
haven't lost a thing.
187
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:30,420
Congratulations. Well, you know how it
is, Bill. The great ones never lose it.
188
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:32,540
So true, Flex.
189
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,920
I don't know if you knew it or not, but
I scout part -time for the Clippers.
190
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:40,120
They could really use a veteran like
you. Here, why don't you take my card,
191
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:44,480
me a call, and I'll hook you up for a
trial. But please, please promise me one
192
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:45,480
thing, Flex.
193
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,560
Stay black.
194
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,820
Phil Walden thinks I'm ready to play in
the NBA.
195
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,320
Yeah, I heard him, Flex.
196
00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:00,140
Loud and clear.
197
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,980
Come on, let's go get that pizza you
treat me to.
198
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,980
Half pepperoni, half pro.
199
00:15:11,340 --> 00:15:12,340
Okay,
200
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:15,800
Spirit, Arnett is not home.
201
00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:19,200
He's at his guitar lesson to make sure
no one sneaks up on me, okay?
202
00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:22,100
Don't worry. If anybody comes, I'll hit
them over the head with the fire
203
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,740
extinguisher, then take them to the chop
shop.
204
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:27,820
No more Sopranos for you, okay?
205
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:29,960
Let's just see if the video's been
delivered.
206
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:36,020
Ooh, girl, I see her right there. All I
gotta do is stick my arm in, unlock the
207
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:37,340
door, and we'll have it.
208
00:15:39,580 --> 00:15:40,580
Uh -oh.
209
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,360
What? My arm is stuck.
210
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:51,420
Oh, my God, this homegirl, you got a
problem? I'm good.
211
00:16:49,770 --> 00:16:52,330
with your mommy might be just what the
doctor ordered.
212
00:16:53,270 --> 00:17:00,030
But there's lots of fun stuff to do
there. There's ice fishing, and then
213
00:17:00,030 --> 00:17:01,230
there's the great moose migration.
214
00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:05,369
Oh, and let's not forget the summer
annual blubber cook -off.
215
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:28,210
I've been invited to a tryout with the
Clippers next week in Los Angeles!
216
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:35,670
My daddy's gonna be in the NBA! Oh, I'm
happy again! Who needs Arnaz when I can
217
00:17:35,670 --> 00:17:36,670
get Kobe?
218
00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:41,790
Um, sweetie, you don't want to live with
your father while he's in the NBA.
219
00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:43,810
What do you mean, Mommy?
220
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:45,430
Yeah, what do you mean, Mommy?
221
00:17:46,870 --> 00:17:50,850
Well, Brianna doesn't know what that NBA
life is like. You'll be on the road all
222
00:17:50,850 --> 00:17:52,890
the time. Excuse me, half the time.
223
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,260
with training camp a mere seven months
out of the year.
224
00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:59,380
Ah, but then when he's home, he'll be
too exhausted to spend any time with
225
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:03,960
Oh, and then there's those cheap airport
trinkets he'll bring home to make up
226
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:07,640
for all the lost anniversaries. Hey, you
told me you love those international
227
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:08,640
back scratchers.
228
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,440
Lex, all I'm saying is, Brianna needs a
stable environment.
229
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,680
Back in Nova Scotia with me.
230
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:18,380
Look, Mom, I...
231
00:18:28,530 --> 00:18:30,490
Yeah, and he'll have blubber breasts.
232
00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:34,150
Tell me I don't want to go to Nova
Scotia.
233
00:18:37,030 --> 00:18:38,030
All right,
234
00:18:39,370 --> 00:18:40,450
what's really going on here, Nicole?
235
00:18:40,950 --> 00:18:43,670
I can do the NBA thing and still make it
work with Brianna.
236
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:50,190
I've made a really good life for myself
up in Nova Scotia, and I want to share
237
00:18:50,190 --> 00:18:52,930
that with my daughter. And I've made a
really good life for her here, and I
238
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:54,130
to keep sharing it with her.
239
00:18:54,770 --> 00:18:56,550
All right, Flex, let's be honest.
240
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:01,300
I miss my daughter.
241
00:19:01,980 --> 00:19:03,740
She's changing every day.
242
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:08,240
See, this will be good for the both of
us. You'll get your dream and I'll get
243
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,520
mine. Wait a minute. I thought your
dream was to go to Nova Scotia and free
244
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:12,520
Willie.
245
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:18,820
Flex, I'll let you talk me into letting
Brianna stay with you for a year.
246
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,200
That year is up.
247
00:19:26,020 --> 00:19:29,060
Are you trying to tell me that you're
taking Brianna away from me?
248
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:35,250
All I'm saying is, the year is up.
249
00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:48,530
Oh, if we don't get that tape back, I'm
going to have to move to Nova Scotia
250
00:19:48,530 --> 00:19:49,530
with my mama.
251
00:19:51,210 --> 00:19:52,230
So, new plan.
252
00:19:53,430 --> 00:19:56,010
Molotov cocktail through our neighbor's
window.
253
00:19:56,570 --> 00:20:00,250
curtains will catch on fire, and when
everyone evacuates, we dress in firemen,
254
00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:03,730
grab the tape, and if anybody sees us,
we lay low in the old country till the
255
00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:04,730
heat blows off.
256
00:20:08,150 --> 00:20:11,890
Okay, one more word out of you, and I'm
turning you into the feds. Capisce?
257
00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:19,530
How are you and the Sopranos thing? You
are not Italian. Look in the mirror.
258
00:20:22,770 --> 00:20:24,370
Uh, hi.
259
00:20:25,470 --> 00:20:26,470
Brianna.
260
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:28,300
Love this tape.
261
00:20:58,730 --> 00:21:00,250
I love you, Daddy. Love you too, Netta.
21320
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