Original subtitles

Didn't you realize that there is nothing healthy to eat at the student union? I

had to go off campus to get this protein smoothie.

Only protein I want is in a quarter pounder with extra cheese.

No, T, it's really good. You should try it.

Hmm.

And the smoothie's kind of smooth.

They should serve smoothies here.

Yo, hey, why don't we open up a smoothie bar?

That's a great idea. Yeah.

Let me try that.

Need butter.

Yo, we want to set up our own smoothie bar. There's nothing healthy up in here.

What are you talking about? Last week I served zucchini.

Yeah, but Woody, it was fried with a mayonnaise dipping sauce.

Pretty good, wasn't it?

Come on, Wood. We can make a grip.

You know, you might be on to something.

I'll tell you what. You're in business as long as I get a cut.

Hey, cool.

We're going to need a blender, some ice, and a rolling cart.

And my cut just got bigger.

you guys.

Hey, uh, Kim, is your mother around?

No, she's at the mall.

Perfect. I can tell you my good news.

I'm gonna be on the Mac show.

You gonna be on Bernie Mac?

No, not that show. The Mac.

You know, it's the show where a lucky player gets to chill on a date with four

fine honeys.

Michael on a date with four other women? Oh, hell no.

Maybe he's right.

It should have been me.

Oh, I get it. It's a dating show for old people.

It's not for old people.

It's for single, attractive men, you know, with pimp juice.

More like prune juice.

Sorry, boo, but I can't allow that.

Oh, it's a done deal.

They've got me and the ladies all lined up, and there's nothing you can do about

it.

Professor, don't you think those type of shows are a little low -brow,

sophomoric beneath you?

Did I mention there's a hot tub?

What's up, Stevie?

How must we make?

Zilch. It's probably the scary hat. What the hell was Kim thinking when she made

these?

Kim, we're the fools wearing them.

Uh, Kim?

What are you doing?

Drinking a frappuccino. You want some?

No, Kim, I don't want some. You're supposed to be drinking a smoothie.

Look, y 'all, we need a new angle to step up our game.

Yeah, well, a new taste might do it.

Yeah. How about pizza?

For a smoothie?

No, for lunch. I'm hungry.

I still can't believe the professor's gonna be on the Mac.

This show must be on his way out.

Shut up, Ann Dow.

Now, my poop is sexy, and those women are gonna think so, too.

Nothing you can do about it. You just have to watch him on TV like everyone

else.

I don't think so.

I just can't watch my boo hook up with some hood rat.

Hey, where you going?

Down to the studio. I have to find out where this date is going to be. Nikki,

don't. How many years is it going to take you to realize that man don't want

you?

blend of wheat germ, spirulina, and brewer's yeast. Sure to get your wheels

turning. And your stomach, too. Ew.

T, go ahead. Try some.

Nah, that's all right.

You try.

Uh -uh. You try.

Ooh. Okay. Yeah. Maybe we should try yours first.

Mmm.

Dang, Kim, that's whoa right there.

Just thank my Nana. She's from Jamaica. It's her recipe. She sends me and Mama

gallons of it.

Thank you, Nana.

Yeah, Ma. Rasta love to Nana, huh?

You know her?

Of course he does, boo.

He picked me. I'm the fourth contestant.

Damn!

You can't be a contestant. Oh, yeah, I can.

Thanks to my winning personality, flamin' body, and my striking

Halle Berry.

Oh, isn't she great? She's just so...

Fresh.

That's why I bumped our fourth contestant for her. Who needs a Miss

Tropics? Miss Hawaiian?

You know what? It doesn't matter, because America chooses the woman, and

never pick you.

All right, places, everyone. We're about to start the show.

Uncle Crest.

And standing next to me is this week's Mac, Stanley Ogilvie.

America, you know the rules.

If she's not Mac material, call and vote her off. Last one remaining will be the

professor's one and only shorty.

That shorty will enjoy a date with... The Mac.

And will receive one complimentary appetizer at a restaurant of their

Yes, yes. I know.

Now let's hear from The Mac.

Looking for a woman who's sexy, employed,

and is as Macalicious as myself.

Jennifer, Sarah, Lola, and Nikki.

Hey, Pooh.

Hi, everybody.

I'm Jennifer, and I am from the beautiful city of El Segundo.

In my spare time, I love planning weddings, going to weddings.

Lola wants, Lola gets.

Girl.

Hey, America. I'm Nikki Parker.

Full -time student, single mom, and not only can I cook in the kitchen, but also

in the bedroom.

And just so y 'all know, these women don't stand a chance.

Holla.

She means business, folks.

Well, we've met our lovely contestants.

Now let's get ready to play the Mac.

Okay.

So, Sarah,

tell me, what is your best asset?

My relationship with the Lord.

You switch with Jennifer.

So, Jennifer, tell me, what is your best asset?

I can say I do in four languages.

Okay.

Yeah, now you, Miss Parker.

Yes, well, ask me anything.

Could you give me another drink?

Okay, Lola, tell me, what...

What is your best asset?

Actually, I have two.

Meet the girls.

Hello, ladies.

You want to know what my best asset is?

Not if you're going to do that.

Come on, ladies.

Let's go dance.

Let me see who can drop it like it's hot. Come on.

Let me hear you shake a tail feather.

Oh, my dancing is for heathens. Oh, you need to loosen up.

We must always be on guard against Satan.

Oh, I'm sorry. Is he on the show?

Hit it, DJ.

Just follow my lead.

pretty wild out there, folks.

Well, you've had some time with our ladies, so what do you think?

And it looks like Jenny is no longer on the block.

Bye -bye, Jennifer.

What? Well, who's going to be my baby daddy?

Okay, no, no, no. For a daddy, okay?

Check all your friends and relatives that our smoothies are off the tisane.

All right.

Pam, your grandmother's concoction is making us so rich.

I'm watching Mama.

Mickey's on TV?

Yeah, she's on the mat.

Look at those women.

Nikki is the only respectable one there.

She does not stand a chance.

Say, I need to speak to you three.

Oh, here for another smoothie, Officer Taylor?

Uh, no, I've already had two, and after drinking them, I fell off my bike twice.

You know why?

You clumsy?

No, I was drunk from your smoothies. Man,

you tripping. Our smoothies are all... Naturally. Yeah, I'm not so sure about

that. I'm going to take a sample and get it analyzed. In the meantime, close up

shop and give me the rest of the smoothies.

Shouldn't one be enough for a sample?

Yeah, but I'm having a big party this weekend.

And we're back.

We had to say goodbye to Jennifer.

Now let's head to the steamy hot tub.

Let's see what Mac Daddy Stanley thinks when he sees these honeys in their

bathing suits.

You look, uh, very nice.

You don't think it's covering too much?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Uh, Sarah, you look, uh, very hot.

And not in a good way.

My body is, is my temple. And not something to be ogled ogle thee.

Aren't you gonna say anything about my baby, too?

Does it come with a coat?

I just hate you.

Hold me, boo.

Caramel Thundercat?

Speaking of caramel, Sarah, if you were to make me a romantic meal, what would

you cook?

Whatever you'd want, as long as we'd say grace first.

That's nice.

How about you, Lola?

Well, desserts are more my specialty.

I can do some amazing things with whipped cream.

When I cook it! Yeah, sorry, I'm full.

Uh, Sarah, um, what would we do on our first date?

Oh, we'd go to Bible study.

How did you even get on this show?

Oh, my brother's the producer.

God bless you, JB.

Forget them. This is my idea of a fun date.

Daddy like.

Well, mama don't.

Enjoy that.

It's got the report of what's in your smoothie.

And? Well, let's see. There's fruit, honey, yogurt.

See, 100 % natural.

and also 100 -proof rum with some unidentifiable mushrooms.

Wow, we should charge more.

I'm shutting you down permanently. You're lucky I'm not arresting you.

You're not going to arrest anyone. It should be Kim.

She's the one flinging her grandma's concoction.

I don't get it. I've been drinking this daily since I was a baby, and there's

nothing wrong with me.

You're right. Shut us down.

America has voted again.

And it looks like we'll be saying goodbye to... Sarah.

Uh -uh!

America picked these heathens over me?

I'm gonna pray for all of you.

That's right. Get that camera off me.

Looks like Sarah needs to spend more time in Bible study.

For the final round.

I will be asking each of you the same question.

Why do you think you deserve to be chosen,

Lola?

He's hot, and I'm hotter. And together, we could burn.

She gets my vote.

Nikki?

From the first moment I saw him, I knew he was the yin to my yang.

My world was forever changed for the better.

He completes me.

And whether America chooses me or not, I know in my heart we belong together.

I know who I'd vote

for, America.

How about you?

I'll find out.

Quick, Lola, pull your top down again.

Mickey Parker must go.

No, I haven't called before.

We're almost ready with our results.

Okay? Drum roll, please.

It's the moment we've all been waiting for.

It's time to find out who America has eliminated.

And it's... Nikki Parker!

Yes! Yes!

Thank you! God bless America!

Wait a minute.

Thank you, boo.

I just found out that our tabulation machine was stuck.

It's actually...

Lola, who's been kicked to the curb.

Our winner is Nikki Parker.

What are you thinking?

Did you not see these?

I guess it's ta -ta to you and your ta -tas.

No, no, no, no, no. I counted again. The voting was rigged.

Go with me.

See, boo, even America thinks we belong together.

America?

You suck.

Hey, Woody.

Hey. What are you doing here? I'm here to take you to dinner.

Oh, I'm sorry, Woody, but I'm going to dinner with the professor.

He's the one that sent me.

Well, where is he?

On a date with Lola.