Original subtitles

Hey, Nikki, Stevie.

Hey. You ladies are looking good today.

Thank you, T.

Can't a brother get a compliment around here?

Oh, I'm a nice haircut.

Yeah.

No, I'm talking about my throwbacks. It's the newest thing in vintage gear.

Yeah, well, throwbacks are expensive. Where did you get that kind of money?

Well, I gotta get to class.

See you later, business man.

Hey, what's up, Professor?

Hey, T. I need to borrow your apartment tomorrow night.

No way.

I'm not gonna let you and a bunch of your crazy over -sex friends go buckwild

my tastefully appointed residence.

There's 200 bucks in it for you.

Here's the key.

Hope you don't mind.

Mind? Girl, you go right ahead and get your freak on. Okay.

Hey, y 'all. We just stopped by to see if you wanted to join us for a movie.

Later for a movie. I'll take a plate of whatever you got cooking. Smells kind of

right up in here.

I can't take the credit. That's Erica's cooking you smell.

I still can't believe you're letting her stay here after what she did to us.

Hey. Listen, guys.

Just because you fired her as a bandmate, Does not make her a bad

Nikki, I thought we'd celebrate by signing our sublease agreement over

Okay, throw in dessert and you got a deal.

Cool. I'm also paying the next three months rent in advance to show good

Can I adopt you?

Nikki, you're making a big mistake.

Yeah, trust us. We've seen what she's really like.

Okay, let's see.

She's neat.

She likes to cook.

And she pays her rent ahead of time.

What was I thinking?

Excuse me. I'm going to eat up on that turkey. I'll see y 'all later.

You know

what, girl? Who

says you can't get a Mercedes on a Hyundai by Jill?

Obviously, they're dining with the wrong crowd.

You're crazy.

Hey.

Hey, Professor.

Thanks for letting me use your apartment.

Oh, no problem, man.

You know, since I'm hosting tonight, I wanted to use a home that says class and

sophistication.

Well... What's your place to do?

All right, everybody.

Welcome to the dinner club. Here's how it works.

Newcomers bring an appetizer and $250.

All that money goes to the host, and we call that dessert.

And tonight, I have the pleasure of being your dessert.

Shouldn't I be dessert?

I mean, it is my apartment.

No, I'm the dessert.

How about a bowl of soup?

Does a bowl of soup get anything?

Yeah, a cracker.

Anyway, after tonight, you each will go out and bring in five people, then move

up a level to appetizers. This repeats itself until you all become desserts and

get paid.

Wait a minute. This sounds like a pyramid scheme.

Is this legal?

My friend, wealthy people have been doing this for years. I mean, the rich

get richer while the poor stay poor. Do you know why?

Don't look at me. I'm broke.

Because the rich don't care if it's legal.

Now, if there are no other questions, dinner is served.

And so is dessert.

Thank you.

Oh, girl.

Thanks for treating me to a day at the spa.

That was a treat, wasn't it?

You're not going to ask to borrow money when the bill comes.

No need. With Erica paying her half of the rent, I finally have some cash in my

pocket.

And, uh, I still think you should have got your mustache waxed.

I did.

Hi,

Nikki. Girl, don't thank me.

I know you love it.

Excuse me, but I like my apartment the way it was.

Nikki, this place is begging for a serious makeover.

Please. It was a lot better than this. Right, Andell?

I can't see. My mustache is in the way.

Oh, you're out of Chunky Monkey ice cream.

No, I just bought some.

Oh, yeah, and it was good, too.

But, you know, Nikki, a woman your size and age should really watch what she

eats.

Now, you've got to go. Get out now.

Fine. As soon as you give me my money back.

No, I didn't mean that.

I meant get out my way.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Hey, Professor, you down for making some more money this Friday? I'll even

sweeten the pot and throw in an extra $20.

It's going to take more than that.

I want half of everything.

Man, forget you. Your place was too small, your chips were stale, and your

potpourri was killing me.

It wasn't potpourri.

It was aromatherapy.

I'm not buying nothing. Nothing but cakes and cookies.

and read you. We're just too different.

Oh, Puddin'. And it's friends.

Ugh. All they like to do is talk about dumb stuff like politics, books, the

news.

That must have been really hard on you.

Well, what's important is your home.

Oh, I missed you, Mama. I missed you too, Puddin'. It's good to be back where

belong. Where I'm loved.

She's the reason why you can't live here anymore.

Erica, I'd like you to meet Kim. She just got back in town.

Hi. Hello, Kim.

Nikki, we need to establish some rules about overnight guests, okay?

I'm not an overnight guest, okay?

Okay, okay, okay.

Erica, this is my daughter, Kim.

Okay, and that's her room you're sleeping in. Oh, really?

Erica, baby, things have changed, okay?

Kim's here, and she'd like to move back in. I'm sure you understand, girl.

Oh, absolutely.

Couch is all hers.

Night.

Mama, go feed her, damn.

Okay.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Erica Willard.

Missy Elliott?

You want me to come to New York and sing backup for you?

Nikki! Nikki wants me to come to New York!

There's a 1038 flight leaving LAX out of Gate C.

Yes! When do you want me to start?

Yes, I'll hold.

How much is the job paying?

Yes, I'll hold.

Mama, how much is the job paying?

How stupid do you think I am? I was hoping a lot.

I'm sorry, baby. It's all my fault.

I forgot who I was working with.

Man, I can't go back to Boston.

I can't stay in my room.

I'm just a lonely orphan.

Oh, wait a minute. No, Mommy!

Uh -uh, wait a minute. Get y 'all together.

Yeah.

Well, I guess that stupid plan didn't work.

And what am I going to do? What you need is a Derrick Bean.

Oh? When I was in college, my roommate had... had this old sloppy, old nasty

boyfriend, Derrick Bean.

Used to walk around in his raggedy drawers, making a mess, eating up my

got so ticked off, I moved out.

I thought you moved out because you couldn't pay the rent.

Girl, do you want my help or not?

Bean, you behind my sister?

Get your crazy butt in here.

Hare Krishna sell books, not bean pies.

Yeah, well, this Hare Krishna's making a grip off these bean pies.

So, what can I do you sisters for today?

Well, we have a past problem we were hoping you could help out.

Looky here.

Roshan does a lot of things, but he don't do roaches.

Roshan, we're talking about my new roommate.

Yeah, we need you to get rid of her.

You mean Issa?

You don't have that kind of money.

Can you do layaway?

Rashawn, we want you to get on her nerves so bad, she'll want to leave.

Yeah, just be yourself.

And I stay here?

That's the idea.

Oh, well, that checks out, because I got someone else sitting in my place.

Who? The police.

So, uh, you gonna make it to my dinner party tonight?

See, I don't know, Professor.

$250 is a lot of money.

Mavis only gives me $50 a week.

And? Can't you come up with the rest of it?

Well, you know, I could knock off early.

Go home and give Mavis a surprise booty call.

That usually works.

You're kidding.

Really?

I can't believe it. Do you want me to come or not?

And by the way, not a word about this to T.

Why not?

Because I'm cutting out the middleman so I can get paid.

Okay, well, when do I get paid?

I don't know. Check with Mavis.

And what are you doing in my apartment?

What's up there, sweet thing?

My name is Rashawn. I'm Nikki's third cousin by marriage.

I know those aren't my tofu chips.

Oh, yeah, you know, they're not so bad once you put a little hot sauce on them.

Booyah!

Uh, is Nikki here?

Yeah, she in the back doing her third fizzle. Nikki!

gonna sleep?

Oh, he'll find a place, girl. We family.

That's how we do it.

You know what I'm saying?

Can you please close your robe? I don't need to see all your business.

Oh, girl.

Brother can't hide what Mother Nature provide.

But you better get your crusty feet off my table, man.

Hey,

girl. Hey, Nick. I just stopped by to see how Operation Press Control is

Uh -huh, I see all's well.

You couldn't ask for nasty.

See you later, Erica.

Wait a second. Where are you two going?

Oh, we have to go pick up Kim.

Now, you and my cuz play night.

No, aren't you going to take him with you?

No, girl, we family.

That's how we do it.

Later, player.

Excuse you.

Thanks, Ma.

WWE Smackdown.

Now, see, that's real TV.

Hey, that's the big show on Kurt Angle.

You like Raskin?

Like it, please. I love it. Get out of here.

I never met a honey who was off into Raskin. Are you kidding?

Did you see the cage match on July 4th? Yo, that was mad stupid.

You all right?

Wish we had a little wine.

Nikki has a few bottles of Remy Red in the cabinet.

She used to.

Look in my bag.

Oh, well, looks like the plan worked.

Girl, the sight of Rashawn in his drawers would have fit me packing, too.

I want to see if she moved her stuff.

Doing what?

Ruchon.

Ruchon, get out of here.

What in the hell?

What, you ain't never had any wrestling fantasies before?

See, I'm supposed to be... You're supposed to be busy helping us get rid

Erica, not getting busy with her.

I know, I know, but she's not that bad once you get to know her.

Rashawn, get your stuff and go home.

Well, technically, I am home.

My girl asked me to move in, so bam!

Hello, roomie.

So, y 'all excuse me.

Chocolate Thunder is ready for round six.

till I carry a sin.

Woody, my friend, good things come to those who wait.

Now go wait over there while I count my money again.

Excuse me, isn't the whole dinner party thing wrong?

Sweetheart, the only thing wrong is me not knowing your name.

Oh, I think it's wrong just taking people's money. Oh, no, no, no. This is

a harmless game of recycling our dollars.

But isn't it illegal?

Well, I'm a professor, not a lawyer.

This is your home. Oh, yes, yes.

And you're a party.

Oh, that's right.

I'm the dessert.

And you're also busted.

LAPD. Oh, Jesus.

most wonderful, exciting new man I've ever known.

What happened to Rashawn?

I'm talking about Rashawn.

I've never met anyone like him.

That's because most of them are locked up.

Thunder, where you going?

Baby, the police are on to me.

I can't stay up in here.

You damn right.

But I can't live without you.

I know.

Well, I'm going, too.

You damn right.

Baby,

it's not a life for you. I mean, always on the run, never knowing when 5 -0

gonna put them clamps on you.

I don't care, Thunder.

I love you, and I'll go wherever you go.

Good, because I'll pack your bag.

Where's the rest of my stuff?

Well, I had to sell a few things.

You know?

Being on the run can be expensive.

Is that a siren I hear?

Mama, I don't hear any sirens.

Shut up.

Baby, we got to roll. We got to roll.

Okay.

Baby, if you're going to roll with me, front doors are off limits.

Rashawn.

I love you, Mama.

I love you too, Puddin'. Mama, where you going?

I gotta go bail my boo out of jail.