Original subtitles

So anyway, I told them, I don't care if President Bush wants the presidential

suite. I have it.

Hey, but isn't the Four Seasons Hotel kind of expensive?

Not if you're rich.

My lawyer said I will be receiving my inheritance tomorrow.

Well, Professor, if you're so rich, what are you doing here? Oh, you know, I'm

still the same old humble, you know, unaffected Professor Stanley.

Hey, hey, watch it. These are $1 ,200 custom -made brutal molly loafers.

What? That clumsy old stuff, that man.

Yeah.

Now, uh, where were we?

Just talking about how humble you are. Oh, yeah.

So, well, how's Paris adjusting to life in the joint?

Well, I hear she has a boyfriend named Greta.

Boo, I am so happy that you're here.

Now I can get back to our wedding plans.

Let me go!

Crackpot.

After everything that I've been through, I'm not marrying anyone.

Ever. That's just post -traumatic stress talking.

Now I heard you're staying at the Four Seasons Hotel.

How about I come by tonight and bring you room service?

Me a la mode.

Laughter.

Let her within ten feet of me. Go ahead. Come on.

Hey, Bob.

Hey, Nick.

Thanks for the pie.

Here you go.

This certified letter came for you.

Don't expect any references from me, Bob.

Oh, and this is your last issue of the Black Hand magazine?

It's from the feds.

It's probably from President Bush. I made a generous contribution to his

campaign. Us rich guys have to stick together.

What is it, Bo?

Does Bush want you to help him find Bin Laden?

It can't be.

My uncle owes $9 ,999 ,000.

$190 in back taxes.

And that leaves you with... Ten bucks!

Oh, ten bucks! Let's roll.

This can't be. I'm supposed to be filthy, stinking rich.

You? We all had that money spent.

But I maxed out all my credit cards. I wrote checks against money that

I'm never going to get.

Do you have your apartment until the end of the month?

You're right.

A few more days.

Thank you, Stevie.

Wait up, boo. I'll help you move.

Unpack, undress, whatever you need me to do.

You're pretty strange, aren't you?

What's going on here?

But I'm Jack. I moved in here two weeks ago.

Well, you don't know Jack, Jack.

This is my boo's apartment.

Look, I guess the landlord thought I was gone and rented it out.

Okay, well, if you're here, you can say what I've done to the place.

Oh, damn!

You must have had a whole construction crew in here.

Actually, I did it myself.

Well, um, if you're not busy, can you come upstairs and take a look at my

Cool, cool. I got you.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm sorry, baby. I'm Nikki Parker, and this is my fiancé, Professor Stanley

Oglebay. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. I am in no way associated with this woman.

Don't pay him no mind. We did the nasty.

Come on, boy.

Come on.

Now, with Kim being gone, There are no pesky kids to mess with our flow.

Jack, if you hear something that sounds like a coyote in heat, don't be alarmed.

It's just him.

You are nuts. If you think that I would ever move in with the likes of you, I

have options.

He dripping, he dripping.

your act together before 7 o 'clock. Look at this mess.

I'm sorry, Woody. I overslept.

You know, I could lose my job if the dean got wind of you living here. Look,

you sure that Mavis won't let me live with you guys?

Professor, I'm lucky that Mavis lets me live there.

Damn.

Hey, boo.

Hey, hey.

What are you doing here at this hour?

Why don't you just stop this foolishness and come on with me where you belong?

What on earth is going on here?

Well, I'm as shocked as you are, Dean Witter.

What are you doing in your pajamas?

Uh, casual Friday.

He's lying.

He's living here because he's broke and homeless.

That's preposterous.

Is it true?

Yeah.

Isn't this against school policy?

It certainly is.

Ogilvy, this is not a dormitory. Now, if I catch you in here again, it's

automatic termination.

Oh. By the way, the cost for the additional cleanup will be coming out of

paycheck.

Great.

That's great!

Now, you see what you've done?

Our love nest is ready for you, boo.

I'd rather lie down with dog.

Breakfast is on the stove.

I got your morning paper. Pick up your dry cleaning, shine your shoes, and

texturize your hair while you were sleeping.

All right, I need this ironed in five minutes. I'm late for class.

Oh, okay, no problem. And your lunch is in your lunchbox. I hope it's not filet

mignon and scallop potatoes again.

Okay, well, just give me a minute, and I'll whip up some braised lamb chops.

I must be crazy because this is from my private collection.

I only pull this out when I'm about to get busy.

Well, that explains all it does.

Look, thanks, girl. It's the professor's favorite.

And I want to surprise him tonight with a romantic candlelit dinner.

Gotta go.

What's his problem?

Girl, he hungry.

Well, tell him to get up off his lazy behind and get him some food. Since when

have you become his maid?

This is a dream come true.

We're officially living together.

Girl, I would clip his toenails with my teeth if I had to.

Is that something you need to do? Yes, and I'm doing it.

For God's sake, can't a man have peace in his own home?

See?

He called it his home.

Nikki, you really need help.

You're my girl, and I can't stand to see you being treated like that.

Girl, he didn't mean it. Now, he loves me.

He was just stressed out. You know everything he's been going through.

your compassion?

The same place your dignity is.

Don't do that, okay?

Now, he's just been a little testy right now.

That'll all change as soon as we're married.

Ernest and Nikki, he is not going to marry you.

Look, I had this girlfriend named Gigi. She lived with this guy for 13 years,

cooking and cleaning.

She just knew he was going to marry her, but he didn't. He figured, why buy the

cow when you can get the milk for free?

The 12th.

See, I told you.

Of never!

Come here.

Here.

Look, I know you love him, but if you want any shot at marrying him, you can't

live with him.

Where's he gonna go?

I'm all he has.

And if he continues to stay here,

you won't ever have him.

Okay, so basically, we have to get Jack out of the apartment so we can move the

professor back in and I can marry him. Make sense?

Okay, good.

Now, I figured if we became the neighbors from hell, we can run him out

in no time.

Wait, wait, hold on. I'm not sure this is going to work. You were the neighbor

from hell and that didn't run the professor off.

That's because my boo loves me.

Oh, boy.

And trim the bread.

And can you make that quick?

You know what?

What? Get at your damn self.

What? Did I stutter?

Get off your lazy behind.

Now, I am not your maid.

Now, I may be your future wife, but I'll be damned if I'm going to be your

doormat. Now, as of right now, I will not allow you to disrespect me, boss me

around, or stomp on my heart.

I have feelings.

Wait a minute.

Shut up.

I'm not rude.

Now, see, I don't mind doing nice things for you.

God knows I don't. But please and thank you, it goes a long way.

And besides, you're not that cute.

Okay, I was tripping you all day.

But you know, I have to draw the line somewhere, boo.

You know what?

You showed me more respect when we were courting.

You gotta go.

I deserve that.

I'm sorry.

I'll just go pack my things.

I hear the mission has some beds.

You're not going to a homeless shelter. Yeah, why not?

I'm homeless.

And I need shelter.

Okay.

Wait a minute.

Why don't we go and...

See if Jack will let you move in with him. You know, just until you get back

your feet.

I don't even know the guy.

I can't live with a complete stranger.

Okay, okay.

Well, if you stay here, I'll have to insist that we sleep together.

Yeah, I'll see if I can work this out.

Well, if it ain't no stick in the mud.

Look, Jack, I didn't mean to... What Boo is trying to say is, can he move in

with you? Hey, hey, hey, I don't get down like that.

Can we come in?

Look, my boo's been going through some tough times lately, and he needs a place

to stay.

Well, why can't he stay with you?

He is, but I'm tired of giving him free milk.

Please, Jack.

He's got nowhere to go.

Well, okay.

Okay, okay. Well, only because I like you, Nicky.

Really? Oh, thank you.

All right, you can move in, man. But I'm going to need half a first, last, and

security.

Wait a minute. That's 1 ,200 bucks.

I ain't got that kind of... It's a deal.

Are you nuts?

Are you homeless?

We'll be back tonight with the money, Jack.

Hey, hey, hey.

No checks, no problem.

Hey, what's up?

Here you go.

$1 ,200.

That's what I'm talking about.

All right, well, you can move in first thing in the morning.

Well, come on, boo.

Uh, let's go home so we can enjoy our last night of living in sin.

Don't you mean living in hell?

Must have left the door open for us.

Hey!

Where is all the good stuff?

I guess he decided to let me have the apartment for myself.

How did he get those marble columns and the hot tub out of here?

Who cares?

Just take these two cases to my bedroom and... Or I could do it.

Really?

Jack who? The guy that rented my apartment. I haven't rented this

since you left.

No, now that's impossible.

Jack had his place laid out. So they've been living here for what, two weeks?

Those darn squatters.

They've been squatting all over the neighborhood.

A squatter?

I gave him $1 ,200 to move back in here.

Well, you better call the cops because you've been robbed.

Can the professor move back in?

Of course he can.

Thanks,

Jerry. That's great.

But I'm going to need first, last, and security.

What?

We just sold everything we had to give to Jack.

Come on, Jerry, have a heart.

I do.

I didn't raise this rent.

Okay, wait a minute.

Jerry, I have an idea.

You missed us, my baby.

It sure is good to see things back the way they used to be. Yes.

Listen to me and listen good.

Things are not going to be the way they used to be.

Starting with Miss Parker.

I will not allow that woman to bulldoze my life anymore.

That's right.

Go get washed up. Dinner will be ready in a minute, baby.