Original subtitles

Now, the way I heard it, Teresa and her mama got arrested.

And, Tim, I've been looking for you.

Maybe you should run.

Have you ever thought about joining the Corsair?

It's the coolest newspaper, you numbnuts. Really, don't you people read?

Well, read when there's TV.

As managing editor, it is my responsibility to increase readership.

So evidently that means dumbing down.

So that's why I came to you, Kim.

Really? Yes.

How would you like to have your own column?

Oh, no, I'm not a writer.

Of course you're not.

But you are a gossip, and people love gossip.

And people do love me, Kimmy.

Ergo, you're perfect.

So, have your first column at the Corsair's office tomorrow morning.

I was a little surprised when Mom called and said that you wanted to stay with

me. Yes, it was her idea.

Something about brothers needing each other.

Well, maybe it's not such a bad idea.

It'll be just like when we were kids. Remember how much fun we used to have?

Not really.

Oh, come on. You remember when you taught me how to ride a bike?

That was you?

I thought that was little Perry from next door.

Little Perry?

He's Chinese.

Hey, boo.

Why don't you tell me we have company?

Hi, I'm Nikki Parker Ogilvie.

No, you're not.

Well, almost.

We did the math.

Well, it's nice to meet you.

I'm Stanley's brother, Sterling, dean of the public policy department, Harvard

University.

Because that's none of your business.

Actually, Stanley and I haven't been in touch with each other lately.

I'm just here to give a lecture at USC.

Well, I'm happy you're here. We can catch up over dinner at my place. Yeah,

well, I already made dinner reservations.

Oh, well, goody, I can wear my nice little outfit. But, too.

But, where's your brother going to eat?

Shit.

Okay, coffee in the dirt at my place later.

Well, she is quite darling.

And obviously very fond of you. She's a stalker.

Well, I like her.

And don't be so hasty. You know, you're not getting any younger.

And who knows?

Marriage might even help your career.

I can't tell you what Catherine's support has meant to me.

Besides, with a second income, you can afford to move into a real apartment.

Holler back.

by Kim Parker. My baby's a journalist.

No, Mama. I'm a writer.

Hi, Regina.

Look around.

What do you see?

Nothing. That's right.

Not one person is reading the Corsair. But why should they?

Professor Ogilvie's brother came to town and he's very nice.

Who cares?

Watch yourself.

Kim, I'm going to need you to kick it up a notch. You know, write about what you

know. Use that sassy ghetto flair you have. Know what I mean, girlfriend?

Okay.

Gotta go.

So, so this is what a junior college looks like.

How quaint.

This is my brother, Sterling. Hello. How are you?

What are you boys up to?

I hold lunch. I'm starving.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Sterling. I have a one o 'clock.

Maybe you could grab something to eat, and I'll see you later.

Eat here?

I pray.

How about we go to lunch?

Excellent idea.

Off you go.

You sure you don't mind, boo? Mind?

Yes.

Hollywood, Nikki.

Especially the wax museum.

Yeah, Michael Jackson never looked so real.

Oh, boy.

You know, Nikki, you really have a way of making people feel comfortable.

Oh, that is so sweet.

You know what?

Your wife is one lucky woman.

Oh, yeah, I don't know what I'd do without my Catherine.

Why don't you bring her with you? Oh, she's busy with her charities and

volunteer work.

She must be a wonderful person. Oh, yeah, she is. I couldn't be happier.

Oh, no, don't cry.

You're going to see her in a few days. I won't.

That's me.

Oh, I didn't mean to upset you, darling.

He doesn't know.

See, Stanley's always looked up to me.

I didn't want to let him down.

Why'd your wife leave you?

Well, she said I was boring and pretentious.

Guess I'm not too good with women.

Nonsense. Uh -uh. Now you're an Ogilvy.

Well, I may have gotten all the brains, but Stanley got all the charm.

I'm destined to be alone.

That's ridiculous.

You know what?

I've got the perfect woman for you.

Hell no!

Come on, Ann Dowd. Sterling needs this. The poor man is beaten down.

No way. I hate blind dates. The last blind date I went on made me wish I was

blind. Trust me.

This one is 100 % Ogilvy, girl.

You mean boring and pretentious?

No! He's really hip.

Trust me, Andell. He's fine and fly.

Forget it. Okay, then think of it as bringing two brothers together.

Okay, then think of it as a free dinner.

All right.

That's different.

Great. We'll eat at your club.

Stevie, is there something in my nose? Oh, gross.

It's like a...

People are staring at me.

Nobody's staring at you.

Hey,

look, it's Kim's new column.

What male member of Freestyle Unity, whose name rhymes with T, was dumped

Jennifer Lopez's last two husbands by another member of Freestyle Unity who

wasn't me.

Insiders say he was a clingy, jealous, insecure mama's boy. Oh, no. What's she

doing with mama's boy?

Oh, don't worry. Nobody believes that stuff. And besides, it's good publicity

for the band.

Oh, then you won't mind this.

What poor little used -to -be -rich girl is going to have to buy a date after

her last fling failed? Oh, I'm going to kill her.

Hey, Stevie.

Hey, T.

Everybody's reading Hollaback.

Regina said I've taken the paper to a new low. Isn't that great?

also taken friendship to a new low. Yeah, how could you put us on blast like

that? Hey, I didn't use your names.

Oh, please, you might as well have.

Yeah, whose name rhymes with tea?

Come on, Stevie, let's bounce.

I'm not a mama's boy.

We're just close.

I'm so neat.

What's their problem?

You know what, Regina? I don't think this newspaper thing is gonna work.

They read the column and now they hate me.

Oh, suck it up.

Friendship is overrated.

Well, I'm quitting the paper.

Now, why would you want to do that?

Because before I was a writer, I had friends.

Fine.

You must have a friend.

I'm here for you.

What do you want, Miss Parker?

And where's Sterling?

I sent him to the museum.

We have to make this quick. Oh, wait.

Look,

we need to talk about Sterling.

Why?

Sterling talks enough about Sterling. Boo, he's miserable.

His wife left him nine months ago.

Catherine left him?

So the golden boy finally fell.

Boo, you don't seem very sad about this.

It's just that, I don't know, I'm surprised.

Sterling's life has always been so... Sterling.

Well, if not now, and we need to make it better, I think we should go on a

double date.

Sterling and Endell, you and me.

Oh, hell no.

Come on, boo. Now, your brother needs this. I mean, it'll be good for the both

of you. Get out.

I'll give you back your key.

All of them?

It's a date.

I appreciate you offering to help, but do you really think this is going to

work? Yes.

Now try it again, and this time with a little more player.

Player.

Maybe we should get you a wheelchair.

Oh.

This is Sterling. Come on.

Hey, Rochon.

How'd you know it's me, child?

Boy, take off that stupid wig.

All right, look. The cops come up in here.

My name is Dexter Rasta.

Rochon, this is Sterling, my brother -in -law.

Hey, how you doing there, man?

He's clean.

Hey, what's up there, father?

Shots called. Give me the bids with a smaller.

I need you to hook Sterling up.

He's got a date with Andell.

With Andell?

Are you mad at him?

Please don't...

And where are Miss Parker and my brother?

Don't ask me. It's your family.

As soon as he gets here.

The name's S -Dog.

Pleased to meet you.

I mean, sup.

Well, it's a pleasure to meet you too, S -Dog.

S -Dog?

And do you realize you're glowing in the dark?

You're right, Nicky. He's nothing like your tired old professor.

Okay, can we eat?

Well, two 20s make 40, right?

I'll get the drinks.

Hey, foxy mama.

Want to get lucky? You want to get hurt?

What are you doing?

I'm going to help my lady, Dolph.

Are you insane?

That brute will pummel you.

Let me handle this.

Miss Parker?

Why are you acting like a brother?

Well, because I am a brother.

Yours.

You don't even like me, Stanley.

I do like you.

In fact, sometimes I wish I were more like you.

Really?

Why?

Well, I always had to be perfect.

You?

You just had to be you.

All right, what the hell is that supposed to mean?

It means that people like you.

Well, apparently not everyone is.

Hey, thanks for having my back.

Yeah, well, that's what brothers are for.

Do you remember the time that...

I stopped those bullies from making your face a permanent part of the

playground.

That wasn't me.

No, that was Perry.

I got my ass kicked.

I'll be right in my head, man.

Ow, ow. Watch out, watch out.

It's not my eye, it's that suit, man. Oh, watch out.

Kim, you're like a hero or something.

Who cares about being a hero? I'm just glad you guys forgave me. I mean, I

know what I was thinking about putting your business out there like that.

Girl, I can't wait to see Regina's face when she reads today's column. Okay.

Oh, well, here she comes, and she does not look happy.

How could you do this to me? Do what?

Everybody is reading the paper.

Isn't that what you wanted? I personally think it's some of her best work.

There was a student whose name sounds like Regina.

She slept with her economics professor.

I had to.

Or B would have ruined my GPA.

Well, damn, you and Mrs.

Greenfields. Hey, it was freshman year.

Everybody experiments.

I didn't. Did you, Steve? Oh.

I have something in the bedroom that'll ease the pain.

Now my stomach hurts, too.

We just dropped by to say goodbye.

Oh, my baby.

Hey, I want to thank you for a lovely time last night.

By the way, did, uh, Andel happen to mention me at all?

Mention you? I couldn't get her to shut up about you.

I told her she liked bad boys.

Come on, Sterling.

You're hooped to your wings.

Huh? Your car.

sure you don't mind, boo? Mind?

Here's $100.

Take them to dinner.