Original subtitles

Hey, good morning, Professor.

Oh, Woody, it's not just a good morning, it's a great morning.

You got some last night, didn't you?

No, no, for your information, yours truly will be escorting the beautiful

talented Miss Kenya Moore around town this weekend.

Kenya Moore?

You mean that sexy actress that used to be Miss USA?

Right, right.

How did you manage that? Well, you know, I...

I got skills.

And jokes.

All right, look, I have a cousin who introduced me to her at a party in New

York. I gave her my phone number, but I never dreamed she would call.

Begging really works.

There's only one thing that could turn my dream weekend into a nightmare.

And there it is.

Sweet dreams.

No, no, no.

I got this.

Hey, Miss Parker. Hey.

I had something I wanted to ask you.

Aren't you going to get down on one knee?

No, no, no. I wanted you to do me a favor.

Well, I hadn't planned to before the wedding, but what the hell? Come on.

that. No, I want to know, could you keep an eye on my apartment while I go away?

See, there's a family funeral that I have to attend.

Oh, no. One of my relatives passed.

Not yours. Mine.

So, uh, yes or no?

I'd love to watch your apartment.

I do it two or three times a day anyway.

I'll be back on Monday.

I'll email you every day. Yeah.

Yes. Yes, Woody. It's gonna be a Miss Parker -free weekend for Sheezy.

That sounds good, bud.

But where are you going to stay? Oh, man, I'm way ahead of you.

I'm going to be relaxing in a hotel.

I got 20 bucks that says it won't work.

40 says it will.

50. Plus, you take over my afternoon shift at the Grubhub on Monday. Man,

on your own.

What's the first thing you're going to do?

I'm going to Disney World forever.

Now, wait a minute now.

Did you forget that the premiere of Baby Girl is this weekend? I can't replace

you that quick.

Honey, why don't you put your wife Cupcake to work?

Her name is Cookie.

That's not a bad idea.

the value of earning your keep. Now, when I was growing up, you had to work

for everything you got.

Nothing came free.

And now, can you buy me some popcorn?

Nicky! Nicky!

Hey!

Nicky Parker, Mr. Magic Johnson.

Like we don't know that. You are my...

create jobs here in the community.

Yeah, and when you gonna run for mayor?

Well, wait a minute now.

That's a little ways off. But I tell you what, if you become my theater manager,

I'll think about it.

You want me to work for you? You come highly recommended.

Well, what about Miss Campbell?

Honey, I hit the lotto. I don't need this.

But Nikki will do just fine.

She knows how to keep those young people or not. That sounds good to me. How

about it, Miss Parker?

having to sneak in?

She'll take it.

Uh, when do I start?

Well, let me ask Miss Campbell.

Now would be good.

Okay, is the answer to problem A 65?

Yep, that's what I got. What about you, Kim?

Uh -huh.

What are you doing?

Reading, Jet.

Pam, did you know P. Diddy has three Bentleys?

Hey, movie manager mama.

Hey, y 'all. Hey, how are things doing at the theater? Great. We're having a

premiere of Baby Girl tomorrow night.

And I could use the extra help. Hey, well, count me in. I can use the cash.

Yeah, me too. Oh, we're going to meet stars.

Good. So y 'all will start tomorrow?

Yeah.

Nikki, let me talk to you for a minute. Uh -huh.

Hey, girl, what's up?

Hmm, rule number one.

Never hire friends and family members to work for you. Why not?

Because they will walk all over you.

Well, too late. I already hired them.

Well, then make sure you rule with an iron fist or you'll be sorry.

And, uh, they would never do that to me. I'm telling you. Mama!

Huh? I'm going to be a little late to work tomorrow.

Told you.

But it's your first day.

I know, but it's important. I really need my roots touched up.

Well, she didn't need to pray.

now toy put some Vaseline on them chap lips

can I go to the bathroom you mean may I go to the

bathroom okay may I go to the bathroom no now magic is counting on us to do a

good job so go out there and make

I could take.

Tell me about it. If I'd have known I was going to work this hard, I would

brought our housekeeper.

three dollars.

Baby girl. But not everybody shares that enthusiasm.

With me is Kim Parker, a former employee of the Magic Johnson Theater.

Kim, exactly what is the problem?

I was fired from this establishment because I was two minutes late coming

from my break and kissing on Andrew.

That's terrible.

Who's responsible for this travesty? This what?

I thought I told you to leave. I'm exercising myself.

Oh, no,

he didn't bring some other woman up to my job while I'm working hard to earn a

paycheck for the both of us.

I'll deal with you later. Can you... Would you mind saying a few words to

adoring fans?

Sure.

Miss Parker, what in Sam Hill are you doing here?

Oh, I should be asking you the same thing.

So is this the funeral you're going to?

She does look a little stiff.

I beg your pardon?

Do you know who I am?

Honey, I don't care if you're Mother Teresa's mama. You still wouldn't my

I am not your man.

Come on, Kenya. Let's go.

Legs. It's getting a little common around here.

Excuse me, but you better slow your roll, Conte Quinta.

My name is Kenya.

Trust me, it's not worth it. If you'll just excuse us.

Girl, I know you are not going to let her get away with that.

Hell no.

You seem to be in a hurry. Yeah, I'm a little anxious to get rid of some

garbage. Well, I just wanted you to know you're doing a great job and keep up

the good work. Okay.

Oh, Miss Parker.

Yes, yes.

I noticed an employee out front carrying a sign. Do you know anything about

that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, see, she is promoting this movie called

Mama starring Angela Bassett.

That's strange.

I never heard of that.

Anyway, I better get out front, you know. Make sure Denzel don't sneak any

in. Oh, oh, oh. You know, Mr. Johnson, I did see Denzel sneaking a fat burger

bag. Fat burger? Yes. Well, between you and I, we'll let him fly.

All right.

Nicky, Nicky, can we talk to you for a minute? Yeah, yeah, make it quick, make

it quick. We think you're working us too hard. Yeah, we haven't had a chance to

see any stores.

Oh, I'll show you some stores.

of stressful conditions we will no longer tolerate

Hey!

Turn that light on!

No!

I'm warning you, Miss Parker. Leave us alone.

That's it.

That is it.

Slide over.

I'm not sliding anywhere.

This is absurd.

Sorry, boo, but these orders come straight from the top.

Oh, really?

Well, we'll see what magic has to say about it.

Oh, like you know him.

Well, I know him. And you're not going to get away with this.

I was just playing, Kizzy.

Well, I'm not.

Stanley, you need to take care of your business.

Management. Oh, I can't promise that.

Then you leave us no choice. If it don't fit, you must acquit. If we don't come

to an agreement, we walk in a semen.

Hey, Miss Parker, where's everybody?

Uh, on break.

You know, by the way, I did some research on that Unfair Mama movie, and

couldn't find it anywhere in the catalogs.

Let's see how this baby works.

I can do that.

Okay.

Measure the popcorn kernels carefully.

Warning. Never add more than four cups of kernels to the popcorn machine at

once.

Miss, I'd like to buy a ticket.

Just go in, damn it!

Oh, and, uh, sir, thank you for coming to the Magic Johnson Theater.

But not to worry, Nicky Parker's on the job.

Might have a glitch in the popcorn machine.

Nicky Parker's on the job.

The employees are still on break.

Yeah, but they'll be back in just a couple minutes.

Miss Parker, is this something you want to tell me?

Yeah, yeah.

I sure could use your help behind the scenes.

That's what I hired you for.

Yeah, but it is your theater.

Miss Parker, I'm sorry.

This isn't quite working out.

I'm going to have to let you go.

Oh, no. Hold up, man. It's not that deep.

You can't find me. Now, who are you going to find to replace Nicky Parker on

such short notice?

Here's your money.

Uh -huh.

Hey, want you forgetting something?

All right, I'll give you another 50 to forget the whole thing.

Forget it?

Listen, I got a hot date with Mavis, the fry cook.

See you. See you.

Oh, no, no, no. Hey, hey!

Listen, y 'all, I know I got a little crazy, but it was only because you are

crazy.

No, it's because I was just trying to make an impression.

Well, you certainly did that.

There's a picture of you up in the theater that says, do not let this woman

enter, ever.

What? But don't worry, Mama, I gave them a good picture. Did you? Yeah.

That ass was cannibal.