All language subtitles for The Parkers s03e19 The Dates From Hell

Okay, come on.

Cam, you've been moping around ever
since Aaron broke up with you. I miss my

boo, Stevie.

Why, Stevie, why?

Why?

Has he caught you cheating on him?

He only caught me once.

Good news, Kim. I found a way to hit you
a date, and I'll get paid for it. Isn't

that illegal?

No. You pay 20 bucks to meet six guys in
60 minutes.

You in, Stevie?

Why should I pay 20 bucks? I can meet
six guys in five minutes on my own.

Okay, tell me more about it.

It's like a whole bunch of 10 -minute
mini -dates. I'm setting it up in

club this Friday night.

Well, Kim, this would be a great way for
you to meet some nice guys. Come on,

it'll be fun.

Okay, I'm game if you are.

Well, for 20 bucks, I'll give it a shot.

Oh, me too, Tika, and you spot me $20.

Oh, hell no.

nasty sandwich.

Nothing. Then hush up and eat it.

Uh, Raymond, I need two vodka tonics,
and this time, less vodka, more tonics.

But I already watered down the liquor
bottles twice today.

Then add more ice, because if I don't
start paying a profit, I'm gonna take it

out of your paycheck.

Don't mind her. She gets cranky when she
ain't getting none.

Yeah? Well, I do hope she gets some
soon.

She actually is very sweet, Raymond.

Yeah, well, you don't work for her. Oh,
no, I don't work for nobody, baby.

I'm in business for myself.

I've been thinking about doing that,
too.

You should do it. See, that way you make
your own hours and you can keep your

own money.

Raymond, stop yacking and get back to
work.

And you don't have to listen to a mean,
horny boss.

You're right.

I don't need this lousy job.

No, no, hold on, Raymond. I was just
playing.

You never get any.

Wait, let's talk about this.

What got into him?

I don't know. I tried to stop him.

Where am I going to find a bartender on
such short notice?

Girl, stop begging.

I'll do it.

what I'm doing. I told you, in here is
Miss Wilkerson.

All right, hold it down, y 'all. Let's
get it cracking up in here.

Welcome to Six Dates in 60 Minutes,
sponsored by your player partner, me.

All right?

All right.

Okay. Now, the rules are as follows.

Homies will sit on the outside of the
tables, honeys on the inside.

After 10 minutes, I'll ring a bell.

After that, ladies will stay seated,
fellas move to your right. All right?

questions? Cool.

Let's make a love connection up in here,
y 'all.

How you doing?

I'm Adam.

I'm sorry, Adam. I just broke up with my
boyfriend.

I'm not ready for a relationship.

Well, uh, can I at least get your name?

Why, don't you have your own?

You got jokes.

That's why I definitely got to give you
my phone number.

When it comes to dating, guys only want
one thing. So I'm telling you right now,

that's not going to happen. Not here,
not tonight, not with me. Got it, bucko?

I'm at the law school. I plan on moving
back into my old neighborhood so that I

can help educate the children and get
back to the community.

You got something in your teeth.

All right, so we're going to take a
short break.

You know...

Kim, I don't get it. You could care less
about your dates and you get numbers

from every single one of them. Big deal.
How did you do?

I don't need a man.

Good, because after listening to you
tonight, you won't be getting anyone.

What are you talking about?

I'm just saying, if I were desperate for
a man like you, I would be so, so man

-ish.

What is that supposed to mean?

It just means that you need to act more
like a girl. You're chasing your dates

away. It's not my fault if they're
insecure.

Oh, they're not insecure. They're
scared.

Okay, so what should I do? Well, smile.

Twirl your hair.

Laugh at their jokes.

For God's sake, be quiet.

All right, y 'all. The break's over.
Will everyone please take their seats?

All right,

y 'all. It's been real. Hope you made a
love connection tonight.

Good luck.

Hey, Kim, it worked.

I followed your advice. I actually got
some phone numbers. I've got a date. Oh,

good for you. Have fun.

Oh, no, no, no. No, you have to come,
too. You can, you know, call that really

cute guy. I don't want to.

Kim, forget about Aaron.

You gotta move on. Besides, I need you
there. Why?

You know, so if I start to act a little
mannish again, you can give me tips on

how to act.

What, how to act easy?

Well, yeah.

Okay, I can do that.

Stanley,

you were fantastic.

I'll see you next week.

Hold on, Alicia.

You don't have to run off. Oh, honey,
I'm afraid I do.

I was hoping that we could, you know, go
out. Maybe grab some dinner, see a

movie. Why?

Because that's what couples do.

Oh, right.

I mean, all you ever do is come over
here and we have sex and then you leave.

I mean, I know nothing about you. Come
on, Stanley. Now I think you know a

little something about me. Come on.

You know what I mean.

For instance...

How come I've never been to your place?

Well, honey, I told you my place is
being renovated.

Renovated. All right, well, how come we
never leave this apartment?

Huh? Yeah, you're ashamed of me, huh?

Oh, Stanley.

Stanley, you are perfect.

You are.

Now, why don't you go put on those silk
boxes I bought for you? Go on and mop

them.

Why? You only rip them off me like I'm
some cheap...

Booty call?

Stanley, I hate to see you pout. I tell
you what, next time we'll go someplace.

I know a nice, cozy spot where hardly
anybody goes. Yeah?

And we can spend the whole evening
there. Oh, yeah.

Hold on, hold on. Now, let's not forget
about the sex part.

No, that's... The dessert.

That's right.

Stevie, I'm gonna go. I'm not feeling
this. No, no, no.

Come on. It'll be good for you. And even
better for me.

There's Alan over there. Oh, yeah. He's
cute.

Oh, I guess I should go over there and
give him a chance.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, but do I know you?

Yeah, I'm your date. I'm the one who
called you, Alan. My name's not Alan.

It's Adam.

Please excuse me.

Here's my date.

If that's Adam, then who's Adam?

Hey, you know, my bad, Kim. You know, I
hope I didn't keep you waiting.

second. Ooh, a buffet.

Oh, Kim, this is my date, Matt. Matt,
this is Kim. Oh, hi.

Bye.

No, wait. Hey, what's wrong?

Stevie, I got my dates mixed up and I
called the wrong guy.

Well, Kim, you took his number. How bad
could he be?

Sort of Biggie Smalls kind of way.

Good night, Stevie.

No, no, no. Don't go.

Look, I don't want to scare this guy
off.

Please stay for me.

Oh, okay.

After my day finished eating his hot
dogs, hamburgers, french fries, and

wings, I'm out.

Now, you sure you can handle things
while I'm gone?

Yeah, girl.

Go get your groove on.

Oh, thanks, Nikki. I owe you.

I know.

It's called a paycheck.

Oh, come on, Stanley. We'll have fun.

Oh, who cares?

Let's go.

I thought you wanted to go out.

Yeah, I know, but couldn't we go
somewhere else? Well, I know it's not

nicest place, but we're already here.

All right, fine.

Why don't you grab a table and I'll get
us some drinks.

Bartender.

What are you doing back there?

I've been working nights here.

You come to check up on me, boo?

No. I just came to have some drinks with
my attorney.

And I don't want you to interfere.

Doesn't she have regular business hours?

Yes. But she's, you know, cheaper after
6 p .m.

She looks cheap, all right.

Are you cheating on me?

Give me two glasses of Merlot, please.

I'll bring them over to the table. Thank
you.

Oh, Stanley, what took you so long? I
missed you. Oh, good.

Let's go back to my place. Wait a
minute.

Stanley, I thought you wanted to hang
out. Oh, I do, and we did, so let's go.

Stanley, I know this means a lot to you,
so we can stay.

So you're an attorney, huh?

Quick, name the cast of the practice.

Uh -huh.

Okay, okay.

But I'm keeping my eye on you.

Stanley,

if I didn't know any better, I swear
there was something going on between you

and that bartender. Oh, relax, baby.

She's just one of my students.

Okay.

Whoa! Man, when you look at the size of
that guy, he's an SUV with a head.

Oh, my God.

That SUV.

That's my husband.

He's going to kill you.

Husband?

Kill? He got out of prison for beating
up the last guy I cheated with.

Oh, Lord Jesus.

Hi, baby.

Your hands must be burning.

We were just talking about you.

Kyle,

is that what you think? This is Stanley
Ogilvie, my professor.

Remember, I told you I was going back to
school.

Stanley Ogilvie. Yeah, Professor Stanley
Ogilvie.

You're sleeping with my wife, college
boy.

No, Kyle.

We're not sleeping together, Kyle. He's
married.

I can prove it.

There's my wife right over there.

I don't believe you.

Look, I was just telling this fine,
large gentleman that you were my wife.

Wife? Of course, I'm your wife for life.

So, Alicia, you can turn in that paper
on Tuesday.

Well, nice meeting you.

Wait, wait, wait.

You know,

I kind of feel bad about this.

Please stay and let me buy you and your
wife. Oh, no, no, no.

I have to go back to work?

Oh, please. That bar practically runs
itself.

Excuse me. Can I get a rum and coke?

I don't care, baby.

My husband and I are having dinner.

Yo, sweetheart.

Can we get four more cokes over here,
please?

Matt, she has a name.

Yeah, sweetheart.

Oh, where were we?

I was talking about my work on the Bush
campaign.

Oh, right. That's why I fell asleep.

Well, I'll tell you what I think about
Bush.

I think politics should be left up to
men.

I like the way you think.

Ever play pool?

Of course I have not ever played pool.

I didn't think so.

Don't worry about it, sweetheart.

I'm here to teach you.

Great. Well, can you put the balls in
that little triangle thingy?

Sure thing.

Don't want the little lady to break a
nail.

For you.

Aw.

You know, I'm not ready for this.

I just broke up with my boyfriend.

The only reason why I came here tonight
was because Stevie said she needed me.

I understand. I'll tell you what.

Let's pretend we're not on a date. We're
just two friends having a soda.

We'll eventually take a shower together.

Oh, you so fast.

Well, you're my size. You better be. So,
do you like college?

Stop it. You're making my best camera.

I'm serious.

Oh.

All right, now you ask me a question.

Okay. What kind of music do you like?
I'm pretty much into R &B and rap.

Me too. I'm even into band.

Really? You know I write a little music
myself.

Oh.

Wow. You are really good.

Don't feel bad.

Pool's not really a girl's game.

You know, when I first met you, you
behaved a little mannish.

But now that I've gotten to know you,
you're actually a sweet little filly.

Play your cards right?

You might just get lucky tonight.

How about another game?

Cutie.

Rack him.

How did it join you?

Our eyes locked, and it was love at
first sight.

I lost a bet.

Excuse me.

You're out of vodka?

Really? What, did you shake a little
bar?

Oh, no. Oh, thank you.

If you all will excuse me, I have to go
powder my nose.

How about a little sugar before I go?

He hates when we're apart.

at Poosball?

You're just like my mother.

You ready to go, Kim?

Actually, I think I want to stay.

Okay, fine.

Oh, and, um, I like being mannish.

I'm back.

How about some sugar? Sit down.

Well, uh, it's been great, y 'all.

Well, we got to run.

I'll see you next week in class,
Professor.

Yeah, yeah.

Class is canceled.

that was here when I left.

Oh, my bad. One dollar of that is my
tip.

I knew I shouldn't have hired you. You
fired Nikki.

I don't need you, Ann Dow.

My husband is a junior college
professor.

Yeah.

I had a really fun time tonight, Alan.
Yeah, thanks. Me too.

Well, good. I'll let you take me out
again.

Nah, nah. No thanks.

offense, Kim, but you're not my type.
You know, I usually date taller girls.

Then why did you agree to go out with
me?

I mean, well, you look so pitiful at
speed dating.

You know, I kind of felt sorry for you.

Maybe I'll see you around.

Peace.

Hey, Puddin', how was your date?

I just got kicked in the curb by Bob's
big boy.

I'm not.

I realize I didn't think about Aaron
once tonight.

I think I'm going to be all right.

Good for you, baby.

Wait a minute, Mama. What are you doing
home from work? I had to quit.

My man wants me home at night.

Well, look, it's like a whole bunch of
men.

Yeah, we messed up.

What the f**k?