Original subtitles

Hey, Mama. Hey, baby.

I'm going down to help Mandel move some stuff into her new club.

Oh, that's nice.

Since you're not doing anything, why don't you come?

Yeah, just as soon as I bake, cool, and box all these damn cookies.

Oh, you're still making cookies for my sorority?

No, I'm deep -sea fishing.

This is my last batch.

I've been up three whole days baking. That's almost as long as I was in labor

with you.

If you keep this up, I can say bye to SMC and hello to early retirement.

Yeah, you have to have a job before you can retire.

Oh, I did my job. I got you to order for 500 cookies.

Um, don't you mean 500 dozen cookies?

What kind of food will order 500 dozen cookies?

Do you really want me to answer that?

The order was for 500 cookies.

Uh -uh, baby, no.

You wrote it down right here.

500 DZ.

DZ is short for dozen.

No, it's short for Debra Zinger. She's the one that gave me the order.

Kim, baby, could you hand Mama that rolling pin?

Uh -huh.

Thank you.

you like 6 ,000 cookies at your new club?

What do I look like, a Keebler elf?

Come on, girl. Now, I can't afford to lose this money. I got bills to pay. And

since I quit selling Lady E, this is it for me.

Oh, that's sad.

Sorry.

Just let me sell them at your club one night. I mean, it's your money, too,

partner. I know, partner.

Well, cookies won't work at my club.

After years of serving kids and making smoothies, I'm running an adult

establishment.

So you opening up a strip club?

No, it's a classy establishment where professional singles can meet, mingle,

get they freak on.

Ah, so it's a classy strip club.

girls from your big sister's organization to sell these cookies for

I don't know.

All right, well, take your time. Don't eat them all at once.

I'll give them a call.

Girls, what we have here are 6 ,000 of Nikki

Parker's finest gourmet cookies.

And with your help, everyone at SMC will have a chance to experience them. Is

this a pyramid scheme?

Why don't you go to the back?

And why do we have to wear these dumb uniforms?

Because they were the only ones left at the 99 -cent store.

But I'm allergic to polyester.

Well, don't sneeze on the cookies.

Now, as I was saying, you all look like winners to me. And in life, winners can

do anything they set their minds on.

Now, remember, when things get tough, defeat is not an option. What did I just

say?

Something about tough feet.

Cut to the chase. What's in it for us?

A fun opportunity for you to...

Because you're so fine. Five dollars a bag?

Because you have good taste, I'll buy five.

Wow, five bags?

No, five cookies. Brothers on a budget.

These are very fresh.

And pound for pound, they're the best value for your money.

That was good, baby. But next time, sell them, too.

Put this on the vending machine.

Bro, but the machine's not...

But I am. Let go.

Are those vegan?

Are they vegan?

Uh -huh.

They're the veganist.

Next time, don't answer any questions until you have money in hand, okay?

chocolate chip cookies? Danielle, what are you guys doing here? I didn't hear

anything about a cookie sale.

We're selling these for Mrs. Ogilvie.

Mrs. Ogilvie?

Miss Parker, what's going on here?

Hey, boo.

Hi, girl. This is my man.

I am not your man. Will you stop saying that?

Girl, you've got some work to do.

Why do you have the girls from the Big Sisters organization selling cookies

out of the student union?

Because the ladybugs, they got the streets locked down.

Ms. Parker, you are in direct violation of Code 2, Section 3 from the Big

Brother Big Sisters Handbook, which clearly states that members are

from soliciting goods not authorized by the organization for personal gain.

Well, what's the big deal, Judge Jones?

Damn, they're just cookies.

Besides, I am teaching them the value of hard work. Yeah, well...

Rules are rules.

This is not over, Mrs. Ogilvy.

Mr. Parker.

Dang, Mama, if this is what an adult club is like, I want to stay young

happy hour.

I'm sure that I didn't waste my time trying to stuff my cookies up in here.

You don't need to.

Mama's cookies are selling fast.

Those little rugrats are a gold mine.

You know, they saw every last one of my cookies.

And all it'll cost is a little Bow Wow tickets.

Now, I'm going to get the tickets later. But right now, I'm going to put the

money back into the company.

What about my shit?

And the first rule of business is to reinvest.

Uh, no.

Indel's first rule is to pay the one you owe.

Whoa.

Are we in the right place?

What gave it away, the sign that says Indel's?

Man, now you know it's bad when there's no crowd on opening night.

And it's free.

fool, buy a drink, buy any damn thing.

Oh, well, leave the music. Stop it.

Hey, boo.

Let's dance.

Hey, big mama. You want to dance?

She'd love to.

Yeah, little mama. I just love me a big, bony woman.

Girl, you so fine.

I could drink a tub of your bad water.

You need to drink a tub of Listerine.

Because your breath is kicking.

Get away from me.

Wait up for it. It's playing our song. No means yes.

Sweet and petite.

wounded woman.

You so fine, girl, I could drink a tub of your bath water.

Oh, I don't take baths.

I take showers.

Do you drink shower water?

Never mind.

And Dale, look, if you really want to get it cracking up in here, what you

to do is hook up some poles, and hiring some live dancers.

Boy, this is an upscale club. Now go over there and order some hot wings.

Okay, look.

Bump the strip club. But if you just get some banging entertainment, I guarantee

you, it'll be on and popping.

Ooh, T, if we could get a crowd in here, I'd kiss you.

Okay, I was thinking like this.

I get the money from the door, and you take the board.

Ooh, that's deep.

But I got a lot of money invested in the club, and it's got to work for me.

Yeah, well, when they play, you should be committed. I'll join you.

Excuse me.

Would you like to buy?

Mrs. Ogilvy, I can't work anymore.

What's wrong, baby?

My dogs are barking.

Oh, girl, it's all in your head. Suck it up.

You only have six more hours to go.

Well, what did you eat?

I ate some cookies because you wouldn't give us a break.

How many?

Forty.

That would cost you $36.

There she is.

Okay, girls, that's it. Drop the cookies and follow me.

Why on earth are you wearing those horrible outfits?

She made...

You call yourself a big sister?

Go. I was just... You.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

It's not... Mrs.

Ogilvie, you're still getting a ticket to see LeBow, aren't you?

Oh, yeah.

Now I need you to go out and sell, sell, sell.

Cookies! Cookies!

Get your cookies here.

Okay, tell me again why we're wearing these stupid outfits.

Because Mama threatened me.

I thought she had the money to buy the tickets. What happened? She reinvested.

Wouldn't that be her problem?

Stevie, you tell my mama that.

Cookies! Cookies! Get your cookies!

Well,

what are you selling?

Oh, some fresh gourmet cookies.

Well, I'll buy some cookies if you go out with me.

But what about my boyfriend?

Oh, no. Just you.

Okay.

Here you go.

Thanks.

Uh, Miss Parker, what are you still doing here?

Since you shut down my operation, I'm trying to make enough money to buy the

little Bow Wow tickets that I promised the girls.

That's why you were selling the cookies?

Well, at first it was about the money, but now it's about the girls.

I don't want to disappoint them. Little Bow Wow?

I feel terrible. How much is it a bag?

$600.

Here's $5. Buy them a CD.

Now, yo, come out to Andell's tomorrow night.

Little Kim's going to be hosting karaoke, and it's going to be off the

All right?

T, how are you getting Little Kim?

Oh, uh, I know people that know people.

What people?

My homegirl, Vanika, hooks up Little Kim with all her rhinestone gear.

But, uh, what's up with your whack outfit?

Well, the big sister shut down my mom's operation, so we're trying to help sell

the rest of her cookies.

Hey, T, how about supporting the cause?

Oh, sorry. Those little crumb snatchers hit me and half the campus up yesterday.

We'll never get rid of these here. Let's go door to door. Okay.

Randell, looks like things have turned around.

Yeah. Ever since I added karaoke, got rid of the liquor, added burgers, and

in that foosball table.

So it's exactly what you didn't want.

Exactly.

Gee, I gotta hand it to you, the honeys and the heezy for sheezy.

Know what I mean?

Pace yourself, dog.

It's early.

Do I make cookies, anyone?

Hey, how's it going?

If I sell 3 ,000, I'll break even. Now, which way did Lil' Kim go?

Would you please stop bugging her? I mean, she doesn't want your cookies.

Dad, will you please leave me alone?

Uh -uh. What if you're about to? I'll get your breathing room.

Make it fun, and I'll forget about that restraining order.

Thank you, girl. You're so crazy.

No, you are.

This girl is pretty kinky

gonna continue our business venture unless you want to float me a little

i give you any more money i could claim you as a dependent on my tax return well

i guess i'm gonna have to tell the girls i can't take them to see little bye

-bye oh there's got to be another way there is you can tell them

But you were messing with my man.

Girl, I don't want your tired, old -school boyfriend.

Don't make me bump you again.

What you doing here?

I came here for those cookies.

Them cookies was off the hook, girl.

Got any more?

I guess I can whip up a few.

How many do you need?

I take all you got. I'm going on the road tomorrow.

Oh, well, that is a rush order.

That's going to cost you extra.

No, it won't. I'll even help you take it to the car.

Three little Bow Wow tickets, four little Bow Wow tickets, five little Bow

tickets.

Damn, how could somebody so little be such a big pain?

Hey. Hey, girl.

What's the matter with you? I finally got the girl tickets to see little Bow

Wow. Good for you, Nikki.

No, bad for me. That little mutt cost me $1 ,000.

You should have bought the tickets when you had the money instead of being

greedy. I still say everything would have been fine if the professor hadn't

me out to the man.

You don't get it, do you? This is all your fault. If you hadn't reinvested,

wouldn't be in this mess.

Yeah.

Yes. I mean, uh, hey, boo.

Look, Ms. Parker, I'm...

Sorry about turning you into the big sisters.

I never meant to ruin the girls' chances of seeing little Bow Wow.

Well, you did.

Yeah, but I'd like to make it up to you.

You gonna take me to Hawaii?

What's this?

Well, I was able to get some comp tickets to the show.

Front row center.

Enjoy.

I married that man.

Free Bow Wow tickets for every bag of cookies you buy.

Free tickets for the bag of cookies?

What's the catch?

No catch.

Buy a bag of cookies, get a free ticket.

Cool. In that case, I'll take two.

That'll be $600.

Thanks. You're under arrest.

Uh -oh, 5 -0. Gotta go.

I appreciate it.