Original subtitles

Mama, Halloween's this weekend.

You know what that means.

Yeah, I can finally give away that melted candy from last year.

Stop playing. You know it's my birthday. So what do you have planned for me this

year? Not much, baby, because I'm broke.

Dang, Mama, why do I have to suffer because you're poor?

Yeah.

me, would you?

Um, no.

That means yes. They're just trying to trick me.

They ought to know you're too smart for that angel toes.

We're trying to figure out how to get some money to finish our demo tape.

Well, maybe we can just raise some money. I mean, Halloween is coming up.

I don't think you can make that much money trick -or -treating.

Check this out. We can raise some money by throwing a haunted house party and

charge admission.

Oh, that'll work and I'll still act surprised.

Let's show them, Aaron.

Surprise!

This party is not for you.

Yo, after class, let's go check out this old run -down house I passed today.

Okay, cool.

Hey, y 'all. Hey. Look, I need y 'all to find out where the professor's going

for Halloween, what he's wearing, who he's going with, when he's leaving, and

what route he's taking.

I'll take care of the rest.

You didn't get that information?

For a fee.

Well, how much we talking?

How much you got?

Let's see.

Mama, don't spend my birthday money.

How about, uh, two dollars on the Milky Way?

On second thought, just make that $2.

We'll take it.

Okay. Okay, well, here it comes now.

I'm just going to hide behind the... I'll be right back.

Hey, Professor Ogilvie, are you coming to my birthday party again?

Kim, if you see me at your party, put a straight jacket on me because I've gone

mad.

I take that as an RSVP.

No, no, no, forget it. I'll be at the party I was supposed to be at last year.

And that's still going on?

Some party.

And, uh, where is this party? Yeah, and, uh, what are you wearing, who you're

going with, what time are you leaving, and what route are you taking?

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not talking to any of you about Halloween.

That way I won't have to worry about Miss Parker.

Come on, doll, you can trust me. I'm your frat brother, brother.

How much is she paying you? Two dollars.

You're pathetic.

Okay, what did y 'all find out? That you can keep your two dollars.

You really think someone lives here?

I don't know. Find out.

Somebody must be home. I just saw a light upstairs go off.

I don't want my party here.

Yeah, this place is repulsive.

Oh. But who's complaining?

Hi, I'm Evie. I mean, Steedy.

Can I help you?

Your dog is the owner of the house, then? Do I look like a dog?

Well, you do look a little bit bullish.

We're interested in possibly renting this house and maybe you for a Halloween

party.

Follow me.

Try and stop me.

Madam, you have visitors.

Why are you people in my home?

Your butler let us in.

Touch my necklace and die.

Calm down, Drama Mama.

Yeah, we just want to rent your house for a Halloween party.

Forget it. I would never rent my home.

Especially not to reckless teenagers.

Keep calling reckless. I may be a little careless with my spending. Oliver!

Show them out.

Out!

Aren't you coming?

Well, I was hoping to have a little quiet time with Oliver, so...

We want to throw this banging Halloween party. For my birthday.

Okay, Kim, for the last time, it is not for your birthday. It is for our demo

tape. You so crazy.

Look, we found this great house. Yeah, only the owner thinks we're too young

irresponsible to rent it.

They're right.

Yes, we need someone like you.

Someone old.

Dirt.

So if you could just vouch for us. Or maybe even put down a little deposit.

Or some money.

Come on, Nikki, we'll pay you right back. We're gonna make a grip.

Look, I'm so broke that if I pulled into a gas station, I'd be asking for 25

cents on pump three.

Sorry.

Forget it. Let's go ask Professor O. My friend always comes through.

Okay.

Come on, it's part demo tape.

No, and that's my final answer. Now, good luck and goodbye.

Too bad, because the owner's a single, lonely, ultra -fine honey.

My door is always open for my students.

What? A fine honey lives in this dump?

Don't let the outside fool you. The inside is tight.

Professor, I sure hope you can get it out.

Yeah, and while you're working on the owner, I'll be buttering up the butler.

He has a little thing for me.

Hello, handsome.

Okay, see, I should have told him I was bringing company.

Let me try.

My lord.

Who is it now?

My prince.

No. Professor.

Professor Stanley Ogilvie.

I am Cleopatra Khadija Sumatra Azura Mota.

Hey, Cleo!

Come in.

My prayers have been answered.

Mine, too.

Look, I know you were reluctant to rent to my friend, but... The house is yours.

For free. Professor, you're good.

We're only under one condition.

Not that good.

You must come to the party so that we can get better acquainted.

And it'll give us a chance to hang out.

Well, I don't see why I couldn't come by for a few minutes.

In that case, my house is yours.

My Egyptian prince.

As you wish, my queen.

I don't believe what I'm seeing.

Thank you.

And they're real.

No, no.

I mean your necklace.

I mean, it looks like the ancient scarab of Lexus.

I thought Lexus only made horse.

I saw it at the King Tut exhibit. It said to hold the power of eternal life.

It does.

I'm actually 4 ,000 years old.

Girl, you look good.

Well, you have a delightful sense of humor.

I look forward to seeing you at the party.

I will count the hours.

Play on, Platt.

Oliver,

it's him!

We have searched for centuries and at last we've found him.

I sure hope so.

I'm...

has been reincarnated as some goofball professor.

It matters not. He's but a mere vessel to be sacrificed.

This Halloween will truly be a great celebration.

My love, once I steal the professor's soul and give it to you, you shall live

again.

What shall we do with the others?

Sacrifice them.

Sacrifice them all.

Now you can laugh like a fool.

Halloween. Oh, too cheap to buy a costume, huh?

Oh, that's why I be shopping from your closet.

Hey, baby.

Hey. Where you been all day?

Oh, we found a place to have my surprise birthday party.

Oh. So, Wendellie, what are you getting me?

Nothing, because your party is a surprise to me.

Oh, good acting, Mama. You coaching her?

Oh, well, here's another surprise.

I don't know anything about your party, either.

And Donna and I are going to another party. Well, that's too bad because the

professor will be at my party.

Oh, well, that's the other party I was talking about.

Tonight, my love, we will be...

Egyptian tunes.

Hey, y 'all got it cracking up in here.

Hey, uh, cute skirt.

Where's a good stiff breeze when you need one, huh?

Oh, this is great. Now, I think we should have a three -gift minimum to get

Then I guess I can't come.

Where's Prince Amir?

Who? I mean Professor Ogilvie. Oh, he's on his way. We just came early to set up

the DJ equipment and decorate.

Yeah, I hope you aren't charging us for these decorations.

Of course not. It's all part of this evening's ceremony.

Oh, I want to thank you, Cleo, for making my birthday so special.

And you are?

Good one, Cleo.

This almost looks real. Don't touch him.

He's our guest of honor.

Well, I'm not sharing my gifts with him.

You guys go ahead and fit in setting up at the door. I'm going to get this music

going.

Kim's birthday party admission, $20.

For the last time, this is not your birthday party.

Oh, my God. You look real.

Real funky.

Excuse me, $20.

What are the odds of so many people showing up as mummies?

Cleo, none of these mummies paid admission.

That's because they're my guests. And they're here to share the rites of

Uh, is that attention for my birthday party?

I should have made a no mummies getting free sign.

Those friends are here. At this rate, we're not making any money.

Wow. You guys went all out this year.

Nice touch of realism.

I'm so glad you made it. This evening couldn't have happened without you.

Well, maybe we should go somewhere and talk about it.

Well, I was thinking more than talk.

Miss Parker, how did you find out what I was wearing?

Well, you transmitted your sweet love thoughts to me during your sleep.

Does that mean you broke into my apartment and went through my closet?

Yep, pretty much.

Come, my friend. The time is near.

Uh, please loosen your grip on my man before you lose your press on nails.

Cleo, I'm not her man.

Please, he always said that in public. But behind closed doors, he's an animal.

you talk that way to me.

I could have your tongue cut out.

You do that, then I'll take it and beat you silly with it.

Guess I showed that Claire Patrick wannabe.

Now, where were we, Professor?

Where did he go?

Oh, who cares?

Look at the package on that mummy. I'm gonna go see if I can unravel it.

Midnight is approaching.

Shall I prepare for the sacrifices?

Yes.

And I will go retrieve our prince.

Look, there are plenty of single mummies here. Why don't you go and wrap

yourself around one of them?

Would you like to dance?

No, you're not my type.

But you're my type.

Let's go.

Goodness, you saved me from that crazy woman.

After tonight, Phil will never be in our way again.

Oh, I like your way of thinking.

So, um, where do we go from here?

To eternity.

Oh, you know, you're a very different kind of woman.

Is your scarab glowing?

Oh, I don't know.

Why don't you look closer?

in the basement with Andell and the other partygoers, just like last year.

Ooh, you could've came up with something new.

Excuse me, but I have an Egyptian hoochie to beat down.

Ah!

Miss Parker.

What are you doing?

Stopping you from kissing him. You did?

Damn!

I got a headache.

I gotta sit down.

You fool!

I will not be denied.

Oh, I know you didn't just call me a fool.

I will sacrifice you just like the others. What others?

Oh, my God. You guys did all this for my birthday?

I should have brought a camera.

I got one.

Hi.

What's going on here? As soon as I feel the soul of Professor Ogilvie with a

kiss,

I can breathe life back into my beloved prince.

And after 4 ,000 years, we will be reunited.

Okay. She's cute, but crazy. I'm out.

Sure, we can work this out. All you want is a little kiss.

Never.

No.

That's what my man, baby.

You got the wrong one here. Let me let you know it right on.

and that I pinch myself to see if I'm awake.

Okay, is there a way we can make him disappear?

Maybe we should go to the police.

And tell them what? That the house we were in didn't exist?

I don't know about y 'all, but I'm gonna forget any of this even happened.