Original subtitles

What's up, Daddy?

How's that up, baby?

Hey, T.

Hey, what's up, Professor?

Listen, I'm having gallbladder surgery, and I was wondering if you could give me

a ride to the hospital.

Oh, yeah.

I get to drive your Beamer?

No, you get to drive your Hyundai.

You know, my grandpa had problems with his bladder, too, but he just uses extra

strength of pins.

No, T, not that bladder. Never mind. Listen, not a word to anyone. I don't

to take a chance. Miss Parker's showing up at the hospital.

Don't worry, Professor. I got your back.

Just count this little favor towards my grade, huh?

Wink, wink.

No, we won't. And when you drop me off, you might want to get that eye checked.

T, was that my Buddha just left?

No, that was the professor.

So, T, when are we going to get to see the music video we made? You'll see it

tonight at the viewing party.

Had to edit that bad boy right up to the FedEx deadline.

MTV should have it by today.

Mama, keep your fingers crossed.

Yeah, this could be our big break.

So, well, exactly what happens if your video wins?

Oh, it airs on MTV.

We blow up. And I move out.

like to thank everyone for coming out to see the world premiere of Freestyle

Unity's first music video.

It was written by me, directed by me,

edited by me, and of course starring me.

T, what about us? Oh yeah, they were in it too.

Let me go into a little background on the video.

It all started from a little boy who had a big dream.

See, I was just a little boy. up in the game trying to get stuff pregnant. Just

show the damn video, boy.

Roll it.

You should have seen the outtake. You know what I'm saying?

What the hell was that?

Your booty had better not have been in that video.

Believe me, Mama, I can't shake at that face.

T, T, that is not the video we shot. Yes, it is. Well, some of it. T, what

you do? And who was that hood rat grinding on the Grubhub register?

Oh, that was Candy. She's a talented little sophomore here in her fourth

I had to shoot some extra footage, you know, to spice up our original idea.

But you didn't even ask us, T. I wanted us to win.

Win what?

Our dog video of the year? Yeah, and you sent this to MTV.

This is what it takes if you want to win.

I mean, you've seen videos by Jay -Z, Mystical, and Ja Rule.

Well, if you were going to do it that way, why didn't you put any men in it?

that's just nasty.

Safe and sound and Miss Parker free.

Ain't nothing loses them quicker than a U -turn down a one -way street.

Hey, Professor, is gallbladder disease contagious?

Nurse Honey is off the hook.

Stanley Ogilvie? Yes.

That's Professor Stanley Ogilvie.

Good looking and smart.

Now I'm going to need you to take off your clothes.

Oh, me first?

to have your private area shave clean, too?

Him first.

Now put this on, and I'll be back to check your vitals. Well, I can tell you

my vitals are up and running.

I can see you're going to be a handful.

Uh,

T, aren't you late for class?

Yeah, but that's your class.

Oh.

out yeah and remember not a word to miss parker worry big dog my lips are sealed

as tight as a bank vault he's at the county general fourth floor and 432 take

the back elevator it's much faster oh no my boo needs me and i'm not through

with you why i just sang like a canary

You think I came in to enroll?

The video was bad.

We won!

We won!

I'm saying it was off the hizzle for sizzle. Especially the end where the

was like studying, wearing them bathongs and SMC fanny packs.

Bruh, that was art, man. Pure art.

CT, I told you that's what we needed for our video.

What? Yeah, you know, the fanny packs were my idea.

When do we get to be on MTV?

Next week. And when y 'all do, y 'all gonna blow up.

That's what I'm talking about. You might want to hook up with me now before

Nellie snatches me up. Uh -oh.

So I was thinking, you know, after my surgery and once my

stitches are out and swelling goes down, they remove my catheter, maybe we could

go out on a date.

Oh, you make it sound so tempting.

We'll see.

In the meantime, if you need anything, Don't hesitate to press my buzzer.

I like the sound of that.

You are so naughty.

She's right, I am naughty.

Miss Parker, it's just a little minor surgery.

Since when did a tummy tuck become minor surgery?

I am not having a tummy tuck.

Oh.

You're finally getting rid of those bags under your eyes.

No.

I have bags under my eyes.

Oh, yeah, forget it.

Not that it's any of your concern, but I'm having gallbladder surgery.

Wacko?

You don't have to be strong for me.

Where is that damn nurse?

Don't you worry, baby. Nurse Nikki is right here. Now let me make you more

comfortable. Let's see. This should help.

His wife, Mrs.

Ogilvie.

He's married?

You know, girl, sometimes I can't believe in myself. I know he can't.

And by the look of your face, you can't either.

I see. Well, if you'll excuse us, Mrs. Ogilvie, I have some prep work I have to

do on your husband.

Okay, well, tell him I'll be right back. Gotta make a quick Popeye's run.

Girl, you know they only gave me one biscuit.

for a nice, big, fat enema.

Is she gone yet?

Yep, she's gone. Good.

You have no idea what I have to put up with every day.

Oh, let's not talk about her. Let's talk about us. All right.

That's just what I was thinking.

You know, I'm also a certified massage therapist.

Ooh, if I'm dreaming, please don't wake me.

Now, why don't you just turn over? Oh, say no more.

And I'll massage away some of this pre -surgery stress.

Oh, I love a good massage!

Hey, Steve, where you been?

I was just at our president's office.

Oh, you went to D .C.? T, I'll talk to you.

Look, we are in really big trouble.

The school is pissed that we shot our video in the student union, so they're

kicking us out of school.

What? But we got permission, didn't we?

Kim.

I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about that fine doctor over there. I'll

catch up with you later.

Good luck with your tummy tuck, Professor.

Don't you worry, Professor. I'm going to be with you from the moment they hack

you open to the moment they staple you back together.

Sorry, but you can't go in with only doctors are allowed in the OR.

I've got a surgery to do.

Oh, you crazy. You can't go beat what it was. I don't know what. Oh, are those

goobers?

Oh, great.

Uh, how did Uncle D's surgery go?

I don't know. I ended up at a Mr. Johnson's operation.

But if you ever need triple bypass...

I'm your girl.

Well, it's been a couple hours now. Maybe he's in his room.

Then why don't we stand up here? Come on.

I'm feeling a little faint.

Feverish. I'm kind of weak in the knees.

Maybe you need some aspirin.

Maybe I need that doctor.

Martin, we're ready.

Ready for what?

We're the residents.

It's time for our schedule observation.

Oh, oh, okay.

I'll just go get his chart.

Isn't this his chart?

Of course it is. I was just testing.

XYZ and a BBC workup and a few doses of SUV DVD

and most importantly, a BLT.

BLT? Yeah, that's for me. I haven't had lunch today.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a colon to remove.

Aren't you going to leave the patient's chart?

All doctors had a sense of humor like her.

Go grab that BLT.

Mr.

Johnson.

Let's see what we got here.

Susie, get in here.

Mr. Johnson was scheduled for a surgery hours ago.

We got to get him down to work. Come on.

You guys notice anything?

What?

No books.

It's not funny, Kim. We got kicked out of school.

Who cares about school?

We're about to have our video on MTV.

It's gonna be Star Wars.

Maybe you're right.

We wouldn't have time for school anyway, right?

No, that's right. We're gonna be ballin'. What's up, y 'all? What's

Hey, baby. Hey, baby. What's up, baby?

What's up, tech money?

Hey, night, man.

Hey, man, when we gonna do this thing?

Tired of being unknown.

Well, first, let's get one thing straight. I want to be able to hire my

bodyguard, my own fine...

You might want to slow your roll.

I'm afraid I got some bad news for y 'all.

They don't have to be fine, but they definitely have to be cute.

The video's not going to happen.

The college is threatening to sue us if we air it. They say it presents the

school in a negative light.

Oh, with some booty?

CT, I told you those fanny packs were a bad idea.

Can they do that?

Well, SMC claims you never cleared the video.

And you did shoot on their premises.

Uh -uh. We shot it right here.

Hey, man, it's too bad. MTV had big plans for y 'all.

At least you got your education to fall back on.

Keep on doing what you're doing, player.

You offer me no comfort in my time of need.

Well, I've been busy with my doctor friend. I'm trying to get full coverage.

Mrs. Overby?

Yes, that's me.

Do you want to hear a funny story?

Well, I don't mean funny ha -ha, but funny ironic.

We almost, you're going to love this, gave your husband triple

bypass surgery.

What?

Yeah, I guess you had to be there.

Somehow his chart was switched with one of our heart patients.

Oh. Oh.

That happens all the time.

Doesn't it end up?

No.

But not to worry.

Luckily, we caught it before we had to use the rib spreader.

He's all right, isn't he?

Oh, of course. He's fine. He's just a little short on blood right now.

Two invasive procedures in one day can have that effect on you.

But as soon as we locate a blood bank with his rare blood type, he should

recover fully.

Well, I'm the same blood type.

You are?

A, B?

Well, that's great. Well, let's get you prepped right away. Okay, come on.

How did you know his blood type?

You can't get a marriage license without a blood test.

But how did you... Never mind.

Welcome back, boo.

Oh, no.

I died and I gone to hell?

You cut out your sense of humor.

Miss Parker, what are you doing here?

Oh.

During your emergency surgery, you needed a blood donor. So guess who?

Oh, no.

Oh, yes. My blood is running through your veins at this very moment.

You'll always have a part of me in you.

Miss Parker, if you have an ounce of humanity in you, you'll take this

place it over my face, and hold it there until my body lies lifeless.

Hush, boo.

That's just a medication talking.

Fine.

I'll do it myself.

Well, at least we're back in school.

Who ever thought of doing community service at a community college?

Come on, guys. It's not so bad.

We only have 132 more hours to go.

Well, Kim, I hope you've learned your lesson. Oh, I have, Mama. Don't wear

while you're busting tables.

My bunions are blazing.

Hey.

Hey. Thank you so much for getting these hardheads reinstated.

Well, consider the slate wiped clean. I paid my debt for your blood.

Now, don't ask me for anything else.

Well, we don't have to stop at sharing the same blood.

We can share the same name, same home, same bed. Ms. Parker, I don't even want

to share the same planet with you.

He must still be medicated.

You have to get a marriage license to take a blood test.

No, you don't. You know what?

My grandpa had problems with his gallbladder, too.

Take that back, because you don't know about the gallbladder.

So, uh, anyway.

Just while we're sitting out here. Come on.

Oh, Lord, honey, where you going?